Sunday, 26 April 2009

Notorious (2009)

At a glance:
How do you best tell the story of Christopher George Latore Wallace, better known as The Notorious B.I.G. in 123mins? Gangsta rapper, lyrical genius, crack dealer, father, son, husband, hooligan and hustler. Remember a duel with Pac when he says "If I fart on a record, trust me nigger that shit's gonna sound good" ? Movie sadly sidesteps the need to address the man, deliverin a start-stop account of the slain artiste with no real opinion or angle. You would've thought someone who died at 24 deserved a better movie, especially when Biggie's mum and P. Diddy (or whatever he calls himself nowadays) are co-producin.
Bad news on the doorstep:
Many biopics seize the posthumous opportunity to apologise for the deceased but this slips into the comfort zone with its pedestrian script, highlightin key events in Biggie's short life with the least controversy. With the exception that the movie follows Biggie's 'wasn't me' stand with regards to Pac's shootin, everythin else is MTV fluff. Lotsa lights and champagne but East Side shouldn't be celebratin.
I can't remember if I cried:
When the negro who plays Pac appears. An embarrassment in castin logic, considerin the man not only looks nothin like him but he makes himself look fuckin dumb for someone who's hip-hop royalty. Angela Bassett as Biggie's mum looks like she could have easily done him in. In fact, any of the women in this movie could've pistol-whipped him, together with the actor who played Lil' Cease, who looked about 10 years old.
Watch out for:
Naturi Naughton-Jamal Woolard sex scene. Nobody's gonna believe the fat man's short cock could be dug out far enough from the folds of fat to enable the chick to ride it in such a manner. Hear that, Bob?
Most memorable line:
No self-respectin fan would buy any of the lame self-narration from Gravy. Biggie Smalls would never say those pussy ass lines.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Mediocre . The bastard deserved better.