Man On A Ledge (2012)

"Hi. I'm Genesis Rodriguez. This movie is so rubbish, they're gonna market it by findin a suitable scene to display by pinkest bits to you."

At a glance:

Self-explanatory heist thriller that unconvincingly stretches its four-word premise into 102 minutes of celluloid, written by the ghostwriter behind O.J. Simpson's book. Sam Worthington is the uncomfortable male lead, playin the titular role with a really lousy accent.

Bad news on the doorstep:

You might wanna jump off that ledge havin sat through the movie. Dodgy character arcs, weak dialogue, uninspired miscast actors and a story riddled with preposterous plot-holes left, right, centre. The romantic subplot between Jamie Bell (Adventures Of Tintin, 2011) and Genesis Rodriguez (TV's Entourage) is annoyingly unhelpful and in the case of the latter, particularly distractin to the proceedings, as she prances about with the best angle of her cleavage in full view all the time. Anthony Mackie and Edward Burns are in the wrong movie. The movie starts collapsin as soon as the premise is set and surprisingly makes no apologies endin on an over-simplistic note, devoid of credible resolution and even token emotional payoff. Lazy storytellin!

"Shit. Looks like a parking ticket."

Perennial wonderment:

How come Sam Worthlesston continues to be in big movies, one after another. He's very uneventful and doesn't have the charisma to do strong and silent like say, Jason Statham. The Aussie plays the same stoic fuck in every movie - Clash Of The Titans (2010), Avatar (2009) and Terminator Salvation (2009. The only time I saw him do slightly better was in Texas Killing Fields (2011) - a horrible mess of a movie, and an Australian movie called Somersault (2004).

Reminds me of:

Phone Booth (2002) and The Negotiator (1998) but those were good movies.

I can't remember if I cried:

When Ed Harris appears. He plays an unscrupulous businessman in the movie but really looks haggard. He actually looks worse than he did in character as a patient dyin from AIDS in The Hours (2002).

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Two stars, one each for Genesis Rodriguez' breasts - the most memorable aspect of this completely unnecessary movie. Avoid.

Trailer for the curious:

Bonus material:
Jamie Bell and Genesis Rodriguez bein interviewed. How insubstantial can these two get?

Terminator Salvation (2009)

At a glance:
What can I say - it's the latest Terminator movie and I ain't ever watched me any. I can't be bothered, I'm sorry. I'm interested to watch only BAD Arnie movies like Conan The Destroyer and not somethin that could actually be good. I watched this purely because I like Christian Bale and I wanted to see what kind of movie required the sort of intensity which made him go off on that famous rant. I also want to see more of Moon Bloodgood's victorious tits after I recently saw her in Street Fighter: The Legend Of Chun-Li. Oh yes, that and it's also part of my job. Not as fun as it sounds, trust me.
Bad news on the doorstep:
It's a market-friendly PG13 and not R, unlike all its predecessors.
Perennial wonderment:
If Christian Bale would quit the superhero stuff and go back to playin villains like the whoremongerin mad fuck in American Psycho. Much more intruiguin, I'd say. In a semi-related thought, the mad fuck in this movie turns out to be Sam Worthington, whom I remember appeared as an equally mad fuck in that croc-movie Rogue opposite Radha Michell. He plays half-human-half-robot Marcus Wright, who reminds me of that other mad fuck who has no neck, Wayne Rooney.
Reminds me of:
One of the few sci-fi movies that amused me - Total Recall.
Watch out for:
The chase scene on the bridge. It's like Fast And Furious meets Transformers.
My hands were clenched in fists of rage:
When Moon Bloodgood gave quarter ball ...at most. I blame the kiddie ratin. They really ought to have gone all out for a R adventure. Even the violence just flutters by.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi? for an average movie seen by a curious, first-time Terminator newbie. I won't ask for a call to terminate the franchise but I do wish it were a more adult-orientated film. Trust the Malaysian censors to have let it through with a tame U.