Movie 43 (2013)

Elizabeth Banks, along with some 40 others, were blackmailed to star in this film.

Shit and sex come together for the house bunny.

At a glance:

I'd like to think I could talk you out of this one but chances are you'd like to see for yourself, whatever you've read elsewhere about this bein the worst movie ever in general release. It's definitely a forerunner for the Razzies this year and probably in every category. Producer Peter Farrelly's criminally meaningless, unfunny and obnoxious Movie 43 (2013) deserves none of your hard earned dollars, but with an ensemble cast this juicy, you're likely to pay the nominal sucker fee, like I did. It's an R-rated comedy with the loosest of coherent narratives, gag after gag, put together by different directors. The film has 11 directors and 15 writers tied to it, each one writin and directin different segments. Highlights include; Hugh Jackman with an outrageous deformity on a blind date with Kate Winslet, a coprophilic Anna Faris forcin her poop fetish on reluctant boyfriend Chris Pratt, a home-schooled Jeremy Allen White growin up under extremist parents Liev Schreiber and Naomi Watts, and lastly a dodgy super hero speed datin session with Justin Long, Uma Thurman, Jason Sudeikis and Kristen Bell. It's a circus.

Bad news on the doorstep:

Leslie Bibb, Justin Long and Jason Sudeikis in Movie 43.
Didn't know they were all so broke.

Well, the critics are unanimous on this one. It sucks balls. Hard. That's why there was no press preview and not too many of the stars attended the LA premiere. Prosthetic cocks, pubes, piss, period stains, poop - you name it, they've got it. Why did these stars subject themselves to such vulgar humiliation? Richard Gere and Kate Winslet are in this, fuck me.

Perennial wonderment:

Funny how only adults are allowed into this but probably only 9-year-olds would find it funny.

Yes, that's actually Gerard Butler playing a leprechaun.

Reminds me of:

Trash like Date Movie (2006) and all the other Movie movies.

Most memorable line:

None I can remember but Jason Sudeikis as an annoyin Batman is one of the more tolerable moments of the movie. His is probably the only funny character and he would've held his own in Kick-Ass (2010) or Super (2010).

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

A sympathetic narrator might have saved this but the skits are simply not funny. Every now and then I tried to will myself into a giggle, to make the best of it. Total walkouts I counted? Five. Promise me you won't pay for this one.★
(p/s I can feel my IQ droppin a few points just writin this review)

"I can see Batman under the table, Robin. It's a small table."

Bonus material:

Cock tattoo for Stephen Merchant, prosthetic tits for Halle Berry. Real classy!

Gamer (2009)

Amber Valetta and Gerard Butler.

At a glance:
Death Race meets Gladiator with hints of Run Lola Run fun, as Gerard Butler bulldozes and bamboozles us through more than two hours of explosions and dirty debris in a story about societal breakdown via technological advancement. Set in a not-too-distant future where people can control other people on a empire-like gamin environment, we follow how unwillin action hero John Tillman is a death row inmate given a shot at escape by winnin an live action online game called Slayers in which he is known as Kabel. However, other forces like evil media mogul and gamemaster Ken Castle (Michael C. Hall), ratings-obsessed talk show host Gina Parker Smith (Kyra Sedgwick) and a rebel group leader (Ludacris) come into play to force a clashin of sorts.
Bad news on the doorstep:
Not even 300 more Gerard Butlers could save this movie from being a mildly amusin, below average shoot-em-up pinned down by fast visuals with low engagement.
Perennial wonderment:
If I could beat Gerard Butler in a game of House Of The Dead. I probably could.
Watch out for:
Highlight performance by TV's Dexter, Michael C. Hall, as the maniacal villain who did somethin screenworthy with his enourmous presence and a crazy musical sequence (I've Got You Under My Skin) reminiscent of Alex and A Clockwork Orange. Also, small roles for Milo Ventimiglia (Pathology), Alison Lohman (Drag Me To Hell) and John Leguizamo (Ice Age 3), not to mention a prominent paradin of freckled beauty Amber Valletta, who plays Tillman's wife in funky, plastic sex suits. She sure reminds us of Peta Wilson in TV's La Femme Nikita. Rap star Ludacris also lives up to his name by providin a completely unbelievable and cliched turn as a rebel leader.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?Somewhere within Gamer is a good story but unfortunately the dour actioner just comes off as a PC game gone wrong and got projected onto a theatre screen instead. One recent film that critics like to compare it to is the 2007 actioner The Condemned, starrin wrestler Steve Austin and footballer Vinnie Jones. Critical reception to that movie was overwhelmingly negative and reviews for this one has been shapin up the same way. Oh well, at least we get a glimpse of Kyra Sedgwick on the big screen once every two years, eh? ★★