Sorority Party Massacre (2013)

Leslie Easterbrook and seven sexy skinny birds can't save this movie.

At a glance:

Eve Mauro
was the only reason I watched this.

Talk about a movie that just passes you by. Described by the producers as a cross between Scream and Scary Movie in a castin call, the impotent and hapless Sorority Party Massacre (2013) is brought to you by the team behind Paranormal Incident (2011), boastin several known B-movie staples such as Kevin Sorbo (Julia X), Leslie Easterbrook (The Afflicted) and especially the delectable Eve Mauro (Penance, The Chaos Experiment), who had me sold, even if this was gonna be fast-forward fare. The synopsis reads: In danger of losing his badge, a big city detective agrees to aid a small town sheriff in a routine missing persons investigation only to discover that at least one girl has gone missing in the sheriff’s sleepy fishing town of Grizzly Cove each year for the last two decades. When a body finally emerges on the lake and suspects literally crawl out of the hills, the two lawmen realize they’re being toyed with, and to make things worse, the killer seems to have set his eyes on a group of sorority girls who are not only isolated by the lake but have their own nefarious plans in mind. Outnumbered and out of time, the two lawmen must solve the mystery of the missing girls or suffer the same fate.

Kevin Sorbo lets you know he's still around.

Bad news on the doorstep:

Forget about the synopsis. Borin start, middle and end. Despite the availability of so many fine young things at their disposal, the proceedings are so underwhelmin and muted, with no credible tension nor mystery. You will have to look long and hard for any reason to invest in any of these cardboard characters. I've yet to read one positive review about this movie.

Marisa Skell gets top billing.

Perennial wonderment:

Why am I writin this review and why are you readin it?
Reminds me of:
So many other indie flicks of the same ilk that just forgot how to have fun. One thing that was up to mark in the movie however - the SFX makeup by Tara Lang. Too bad it's a lost cause.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Was it ever shopped? Or did it die without a meaningful release, before landin on the torrent sites as sleazy scrap? Hate to see so much effort go down the drain. Go show them some love on Facebook, anyway. They look like they need it.★
Bonus material:

Don't even ask.

The Afflicted (2010)

J.D Hart as Cowboy Profit, a fraudulent evangelical who loves fake boobies.

At a glance:

Probably as ugly as this movie:
The real Theresa Knorr.

So I guess Afflicted Picturehouse was a one-time company set up just to make this time-waster? The Afflicted (2010) a.k.a. Another American Crime is written and directed by Jason Stoddard based on the true story of Theresa Jimmie Knorr, a deranged Californian woman now in prison where she will be eligible for parole in 2027. A committed Leslie Easterbrook (the Police Academy movies, The Devils Rejects) is a first-time producer and also stars as Mother Maggie, an drunken piece of white trash dumped by her husband (Kane "Jason Voorhees" Hodder in a brief role) and takes to abusin her daughters while bein consumed by evangelical perversions.

Bad news on the doorstep:

What an irredeemable bore. Bizarre character decisions, ham-fisted performances and repeated, derivative elements throughout. Gimme a break! You hold out in hopes of the infinitesimal payoff at the end of this harrowin viewin experience.

Perennial wonderment:

"Can you feel the fire the Lord has gone and put in my loins, Father?"

Leslie Easterbrook's mad matriarch role lacks innovation but at least it gave me a reason to look up the real perp. Funny how they had such a rich source to draw from and all they could come up with is this pedestrian effort.

Reminds me of:

The Girl Next Door (2007) but that was superior.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Visit its official website for more info. It's still up so I believe they're still shoppin! ★1/2
Bonus material: