Eldorado (2012)

Michael Madsen takes any job he can find.
Up next, Julian Cheah's Prince In The City. *Gulp*

Not the real Daryl Hannah but a pornstar
who assumed the moniker due to her likeness.

At a glance:

First ever British movie to be shot in 3D? David Carradine's last movie appearance? If you've read the heavyweight cast list, you'll never understand how such a paceless, plotless and meanderin dud ever came into existence, especially if you agree with me it's more like what Tenacious D would have shot with some over-aged fans for a film school project, after havin OD'ed on cheap skunk and bad pizza. In Eldorado (probably the very worst among every movie ever so titled), we follow a Blues Brothers tribute band called The Jews Brothers, whose manager mistakenly to a Neo-Nazi fundraiser instead of a stripper. Peter O'Toole sits on a chair and narrates intermittently, tongue-in-cheek. Daryl Hannah recites the titular Edgar Allen Poe poem to mislead us into a possibly related or coherent story. Everyone else also looks as if they can't wait for it to be over. Did someone call in every favour to get this done? It's a senseless parody and you're gonna recognise elements from Sweeney Todd, Little Shop of Horrors, The Blues Brothers, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Reservoir Dogs, Heaven Can Wait, Kung Fu, Blazing Saddles and even some O Brother, Where Art Thou - but even the song scenes are far from excitin and I find it hard to believe anyone can finish this two hour-movie without hittin the fast-forward.

"Are you okay to go topless for a Richard Driscoll movie?"

Bad news on the doorstep:

As we near the end of 2012, I'll be roundin out my own records e.g. Most Pretentious (Savages vs Cloud Atlas), Most Frustrating (The Devil Inside vs Lizzie), Worst Malaysian Movie (Gerimis Mengundang vs Momok Don't Find Trouble). I'm sure Richard Driscoll's Eldorado (2012) will come out tops in somethin. This guy, not to be confused with the other British actor on TV's Eastenders, is known to some as Britain's Ed Wood and many struggle to explain his amazin ability to keep producin awful films throughout the ages.

Daryl Hannah. Why?

Perennial wonderment:

David Carradine. Guess they buried it with him, huh? Bad way to go. R.I.P. Kwai Chang Caine. On the other hand, this guy Peter O'Toole seems to have been around forever. Is he immortal?

Reminds me of:

A bad dream, with songs.

Most memorable line:

Fat chance you'll find any.

No idea.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Do yourself a favour and stay far, far away from this. Apparently next, the makers have lined up the 3D Gothic tale Back2Hell, and other listed projects include two more 3D flicks, Wolfman 3D and Watchmen Of Hellgate. Let us pray those are better. ★

The day the music died:

R.I.P. David Carradine
8 December 1936 – 3 June 2009

Rock Of Ages (2012)

At a glance:

Never seen the Broadway act but in the hands of the very gay Hairspray director Adam Shankman, Rock Of Ages became a full-on camp musical, sorta like New Line Cinema's feature-length Glee for homosexual, hair metal has-beens. Must've been watchin all the wrong trailers because I thought it was Rock Star (2001) with just a smatterin of Burlesque (2010). The chosen material is actually not so much glam as it is rock ballad staples like Poison, Foreigner, Journey and Def Leppard. I'm such a sellout. I enjoyed it. The story? Well, the year is 1987 and we follow starry-eyed Sherrie (Julianne Hough, Footloose, 2011), who arrives in Hollywood and meets rock wannabe Drew (lead role upstart Diego Boneta) in the Bourbon Room, a monumental community center for sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll.

"Hey do you mind if I join a boy band?"

Bad news on the doorstep:

The two leads have a shaky start but wore less clothes, got more comfortable and generally got better as the show progressed, although this might remind you of the Piper Perabo-Adam Garcia romance in Coyote Ugly (2000) a little too much. Don't quite care for Russell Brand, who was too conscious of himself but even he got better. Not happy with Mary J. Blige in a token black presence but this was included, as well as a lot of unconvincin emotional downtime.

Perennial wonderment:

Tom Cruise may well be a seriously weird guy in real life with that Scientology shyte but he's really got presence when it comes to movies. Here, he seems to be truly enjoyin himself as the spectacle that is the incoherent, sex-dripped rock god Stacee Jaxx, modelled after Keith Richards, Axl Rose and Jim Morrison, says the director. Caked in makeup like one of the unholy reincarnations from his Lestat character in Interview With The Vampire (1994), his signature move involves placin one hand on a woman's bosom and talkin about risin phoenixes (?) as he stares them down into helpless submission, not that I imagine we can use this trick today in some downtown bar. Co-star Malin Åkerman (Watchmen, 2009) gets quite a romp with him as his reluctant love interest Constance Sack (what a name!) and you can read in interviews how she only has pure adulation for him. Cruise reportedly sang his own songs (all the cast members did too, it seems) but I'm not part of the consensus that says he aced it. The unforgivably clean, poster boy rendition of Bon Jovi's cowboy classic Wanted Dead Or Alive had my eyes rollin - but damn did it look good in the trailer!

Most memorable number:

My favourite item!

Catherine Zeta-Jones rendition of Pat Benatar's 1979 gem Hit Me With Your Best Shot does it for me. All that high-kickin, shoulder-turnin action really got me goin. Additionally, I read that there's a strip dance to the Scorpions' Rock You Like A Hurricane in a scene between Stacee and Sherrie that was left on the cuttin room floor but will feature in the DVD.

Malin Akerman

Watch out for:
Cameos by Extreme's Nuno Bettencourt, REO Speedwago's Kevin Cronin, Skid Row's Sebastian Bach and even 80s darlin Debbie Gibson, though I can't bloody spot her. Also, this movie also contains the most FUBAR gay kiss in recent times. Watch it to find out who and who. By the way, here's Warner's official website for Rock Of Ages if you wanna check it out.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Clockin some 122 minutes, Rock Of Ages still felt terribly fluffy and fleetin to me. Reviewer Peter Howell notes that as he demonstrated with the early 1960s homage Hairspray, Shankman is really only interested in how his films look, sound and feel, not whether they actually say anythin - his mantra is the three Cs: colourful, cute and campy. However, it is a movie that knows what it is and it'll always be hard to hate. What can you do but rock on? ★★★
Bonus material:

For my video on how to disgust Joan Jett, check this out.
Photo taken 18 May 2012, AMC Yonge & Dundas, Toronto.

3 Idiots (2009)

At a glance:
Finally, a movie that no reviewer can be faulted for pinnin five glowing stars to - Rajkumar Hirani's winsome 3 Idiots. Reunitin Rang De Basanti stars Aamir Khan (pic, centre), Sharman Joshi (pic, left) and Madhavan (pic, right), the Munnabhai maestro delivers an endearin crowd-pleaser that's substantial and more importantly, resoundingly entertainin. Backed by producer Vidhu Vinod Chopra and built on a refreshin source material in Cheetan Bhagat's 2004 novel Five Point Someone (a bestsellin English novel in India about three strugglin students at the Indian Institute of Technology in Delhi), looks like Bollywood saved the best for last in 2009's curtain frame. This is a triumphant picture in every sense of the word. Chroniclin varsity days never looked more fun than when a 44-year-old Aamir Khan plays Rancho, an avant-garde ME student at India's leadin university who knows the difference between gettin a degree and gettin an education. Told in flashbacks, we follow Raju (Sharman Joshi) and Farhan (Madhavan) as they track him down, years after he disappeared from uni mysteriously. Thrown in the mix are a colourful set of characters - the draconian, by-the-book Don King dean Viru Sahastrabudhhe (Boman Irani) they not-so-fondly dub Virus, his disillusioned daughter Pia (Kareena Kapoor) and also the unrelentin sore loser Chatur "Silencer" Ramalingam (Omi Vaidya) who insists that academic distinction is achieved solely by acin exams.
Reminds me of:
Uni days. The heart of the story is about missin out on fun and the true meanin of learnin, as most students in India (and obviously elsewhere) chase their parents dreams in pressure pots called universities. However, while this screen treatment can be preachy and overly simplistic at times, it's delightful narrative keeps the movie at a zoobi doobi pace, allowin the audience to overlook some of the more contrived and predictable sequences. There are only five music tracks (Aal Izz Well, Zoobi Doobi, Behti Hawa Sa Tha Woh, Give Me Some Sunshine and Jaane Nahin Denge) but they serve ever so well to keep the momentum of the adventure.
Most memorable line:
Rancho: "Chase excellence and success will follow you, pants-down."
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
It's truly a wonder how 3 Idiots can be successfully driven by three male leads with relatively little screen time for the only female lead played by Kareena Kapoor. End product is a memorable knockout picture that surely sits well with the handful of Hindi films in every 10 years or so that we concede as both commercially and critically acclaimed. Although the movie will be available for download on YouTube three months after its theatrical release (a move to fight piracy), this isn't a movie you would want to miss at the cinemas.

London Dreams (2009)

At a glance:
Namastey London director Vipul Amrutlal Shah continues his fascination with the English capital and trades his favourite actor Akshay Kumar for two able leadin men in Salman Khan and Ajay Devgan with London Dreams, an aptly-titled musical caper that reunites the duo some ten years after Straight From The Heart. Pic opened head-to-head with another Deepavali release Aladin and if BO figures and critic reviews are anythin to go by, is the superior of the two. London Dreams are shared by Arjun (what's with this name and Vipul?) and Mannu, two childhood friends who find fame and fortune after a bit of Punjab village backstory. However, their bond is severely tested when the determined one is not the more talented one, while Chennai dancer Priya (Asin Thottumkal) introduces a love triangle.
Bad news on the doorstep:

Can't get much cheesier than this, can it?

Lead actress Asin is the sorest point of the movie. She ain't improved from Ghajini and delivers an unconvincin, stutterin performance when flanked by two established stars. Underutilised supportin characters include bandmates Zoheb (Rannvijay Singh) and Wasim (Aditya Roy Kapoor), while veteran Om Puri gets a cameo as a disapprovin uncle. Addin to the mediocrity is a lacklustre score by Shankar-Ehasan-Loy (would it have been a different movie if A.R. Rahman didn't fall out of the project?) which is found wantin especially in the buildup to the climaxin showdown at Wembley, itself an almost farcical drama overkill, complete with water bottle shower. Music lacks a certain energy to it; Barson Yaaron, Yaari Bina and Tapkey Masti just pass us by while Khanabadosh and Man Ko Ati Bhavey manages to be slightly more sprightly.
Watch out for:
Devgan (successfully breakin out from the action hero mould), who puts in a heartfelt performance of angst and aggression; and Khan, more than comfortable playin a lackadaisical but hilarious, simpleton womaniser who is blessed with talent but not the ambition to use it.
Most memorable line:
Mannu: "Every year, a Manjit or two get married here."
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?Three stars. London Dreams is best remembered for a strong chemistry between the two leads and for providin a second revivalist injection to Salman Khan's star appeal after Wanted earlier this year. Asin though, can go back to Kerala.

Michael Jackson's This Is It (2009)

At a glance:
Is this it? Seems like it is. Supported by his estate and a few technically accomplished industry players, The Concert That Never Was gets the big screen treatment in a rush job project that squeezes the dying dimes out of Michael Jackson's stutterin legend. Sincere or not, we're more interested in whether this was an entertainin experience. Michael Jackson's This Is It went through the careful process of sensitive marketin, to ensure fans will see it as a definitive must-watch. A press release which quoted movie and tour director Kenny Ortega as sayin "This film is Michael's gift to his fans" was recalled and replaced with "This film is a gift to Michael's fans." Sony will hit big returns for the US$ 60 million paid to concert promoter AEG Entertainment for the 100 hours of rehearsal footage and distribution rights.
Bad news on the doorstep:
We all know this movie was not meant to be a movie anyway. The title card reads that MJ passed on just eight days before heading out to the original concert location with his entourage. This assembled movie is almost two hours long but it feels like we haven't seen enough of Michael, like the many unanswered questions we are left with about the star. We leave the cinema hall thinking we were merely snatchin at Michael's shadow. Do you think he'd have wanted us to see this?
Perennial wonderment:
How the man really died. Some suggested readin here.
I can't remember if I cried:
When I saw the Earth Song sequence - thank goodness this will be the last time. Always hated that shyte. Bollocks.
Watch out for:
We've all seen concerts but This Is It contains some very interestin stuff that were meant only for MJ's reference library, such as an apparently unstaged exchange with keyboardist Michael Bearden over a timin aspect while rehearsin The Way You Make Me Feel, one that only musicians could probably appreciate. We also get to see Kenny Ortega teachin the backup dancers how to use the fancy moving stage apparatus and what's the difference between throwin them up in the air "toaster speed" or "elevator speed". See the demised star engage in some confrontational exchanges with his colleagues, but the cut leads us to believe it's a master genius at work, a sort of perfectionist ace showman tryin to get everyone on the same page as him, instead of diva-like tantrums thrown by MJ. For this, some measure of belief can be accorded to the notion that this movie is really for his fans.
Most memorable line:
Michael Jackson: "Play it like you're dragging yourself out of bed."
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Variety has noted that "rather than a bittersweet farewell, the film will merely serve as the opening salvo to a flood of posthumous releases and merchandising that will make Tupac Shakur's estate seem a paragon of restraint." Michael Jackson is commonly referred to as the most recognised person in the world - yet this concert movie comes off as carefully executed but inescapably inadequate attempt to freeze-capture the star one last time for the watchin world. Yet, sometimes this is the best anyone could do. ★★ 1/2
The day the music died:

Michael Joseph Jackson
(29 August 1958 – 25 June 2009)

Paris 36 (2008) @ Faubourg 36

At a glance:
The titular 36 refers to the year in which this delightful little pre-WWII musical was set, when a rundown theatre hall takes centrestage as love stories and political games play themselves out to complete audience satisfaction. If you thought director Christophe Barratier's Les Choristes (The Chorus) in 2004 was great, then this followup is no short of absolutely grand. Garnerin fair attention at the Cesars this year, Paris 36 is whimsical as much as musical. It's one of those full-package movies like La Vita E Bella, the sort that takes you through a spectrum of emotions and leave you hangin onto the cinema curtains when the end credits roll. We follow stage manager Pigoil (Gerard Jugnot), a dejected man with a cheatin wife, who loses his son Jojo (Maxence Perrin) to the family affairs authorities after the fascist, kingpin landlord Galapiat (Bernard-Pierre Donnadieu) shuts down his beloved Chansonia. Not about to throw in the towel, he tries to revive the establishment with bumblin sound impersonator Jacky (Kad Merad) and rabble-rousin firebrand Milou (Clovis Cornillac) as they go against all odds to make somethin out of their lives. Enterin into all their lives unannounced is a bright, beautiful aspirin singer named Douce (Nora Arnezeder) and we get a glorious costume story in epic proportions.
Bad news on the doorstep:
Not an important movie that must be made, like say Édith Piaf biopic La Môme @ La Vie En Rose but it sure is a tidy effort that celebrates cinema, entertainment and the performin arts.
Perennial wonderment:
If Picturehouse at Damansara's Cathay Cineplex will be revived to bring in titles like this for the 0.01% of appreciative Malaysians who don't get to watch it, unlike neighbourin Singapore.
Watch out for:
Nora Arnezeder (pic) was Meilleur Espoir Feminin and La Revelation Feminine (that's Most Promising Young Actress and Best Female Newcomer to you and I) at the Lumiere and Étoiles d'Or in France this year. Simply dazzlin as the ideals-laden ingenue who dreams of the moon on a stick, sashayin back and forth in the movie like an object that's always out of your reach.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Critic Roger Ebert has said that this is a movie that he would absolutely adore if he watched it before he was born, notin that the movie lacks "a certain energy". Well, he may not be too far off the mark but as far as musicals are concerned, we have French cinema to thank for givin us some accordian music every now and then. Me, I'm just happy to let a little joy in.★★★★

O Brother, Where Art Thou? (2000)

At a glance:
One of my favourite movies of all time - a swashbucklin, rollickin old-timey Southern adventure starrin George Clooney, John Turturro and Tim Blake Nelson. Never tire of watchin this one, must be the Coens' best. Clooney's greasy motormouth character Everett busts out of prison with two quirky inmates and together they set off on a mission that can best be described as musically whacked. Family-friendly fun for everyone.
Perennial wonderment:
How they never made a follow-up to this - but the bangin soundtrack (which is commonly said to be a hell lot more successful than the movie ever was) got a sequel. Not surprisingly, the soundtrack is also one of my favourite albums of all time.
Reminds me of:
My departed brother, who recommended this movie to me. He's probably at the big rock candy mountain now, paddlin around a lake of whiskey and stew, God bless him.
Watch out for:
The best track from the movie, Man Of Constant Sorrow. Comes on twice. All the other songs are excellent but this one is catchiest.
Most memorable line:
There are plenty but I particularly like Everett's rant about women to Delmar and also another retort containin the phrase unconstant succubus. Known too many in my time.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?Five stars, what else. Movies like this one don't come by too often.

Mendadak Dangdut (2007)

At a glance:
All you need to make a movie is a gun and a girl - that's what Godard said. Mendadak Dangdut is embarrassingly rudimentary and yet resoundingly satisfyin. While it's guilty of every boo-boo common in those under-financed indie productions, it's amazin to discover that a good story, a handheld camera and some decent actors are all you need to make a movie really.
Watch out for:
My favourite contemporary Indon actress Titi Kamal (pic) and her sidekick Kinaryosih completely ownin the screen in this disarmin little adventure about a spoilt MTV pop-rock starlet and her overworked PR manager sister who get arrested for a crime they didn't commit. On the run, Petris (Titi) disguises herself as a lowly dangdut singer to make some quick money and Yulia (Kinaryosih) helps her through the ordeal. Takin on the stage name Is Maduma (masuk, duduk, mabuk! ) given by the organ player who takes them in (Dwi Sasono), Petris learns the hard way what friendship and family is all about - but not before shakin some good dangdut ass and takin the village by storm.
Most memorable line:
Dwi Sasono said somethin funny about cuttin off knobs.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Four stars, defyin all ratin logic! Hell the Jablai song alone is worth the ticket price. Read that it was the most downloaded ringtone in Indon at some point.

Soul Men (2008)

At a glance:
Not your average black movie, with some genuinely funny moments although the gags are common. Two feudin one-time greats travel to the Apollo to perform a tribute when their foundin trio member dies. Lots of great tunes but loses steam somewhere near the last third. Composed itself for a stronger finish.
Bad news on the doorstep:
Long time comedian Bernie Mac and true soul man Isaac Hayes got their wintermelon beancurd (Canto expression, go ask a mate) before the world premiere. Film was apparently edited to appear more sensitive to this unfortunate development - but still came out as crude and brash as ever. Movie did poorly at the box office, you can read.
Perennial wonderment:
Samuel L Jackson, who plays Samuel L Jackson in every movie.
Watch out for:
Feature song Puppet - "I'll do funny things if you want me to, I'm your puppet..." Brother Ons was apparently quite taken with this tune.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Three ought to do it.
The day the music died:

R.I.P Bernie Mac (1957-2008).

Oh Baby (2008)

"Hmm... she could use a good shave."

At a glance:
Teen fluff, full-on vehicle for Indon starlet Cinta Laura Kiehl. Badly needs a shave though. Watching Oh Baby is like a throwback to the Sunday mornings when Saved By The Bell was on Malaysian TV - only that instead of eyein the pleated skirts of Elizabeth Berkley, our attention this time is focused on those of Cinta Laura Kiehl, the 15-year-old Indonesian starlet. Good thing her actin wasn't too shabby then. The hirsute honey is flanked by Ridwan Ghany and Randy Pangalila, who both play her love interests to some level of competence. Of course, a story like this is entirely derivative from any Hollywood highschool shitcom.

The hirsute honey that is Cinta Laura Kiehl

Bad news on the doorstep:
Really forced. Nampak sangat dia saje nak buat cerita promo Cinta Laura kao-kao. Dancin was only token. Story painfully predictable.
Perennial wonderment:
Why is it so hard to get hold of young, not-there-yet semi-celebs? Can't believe I actually called Jakarta to get her agent mum to arrange an interview. But glad I had to chance to say selamat siang - always wanted to use that.
Reminds me of:
Honey (2003) but the titless Cinta Laura is no Jessica Alba. She is also well-known for often sayin the most mind-bogglin things to the Indonesian media on record. Perhaps that's why it works! Cinta Laura Kiehl is completely refreshin to watch, although her dancin here is not as good as we would have thought. Granted she's not Alba but honey, move them hips more! The girl bluffed her way through 90 odd minutes of clever editin without really needin to show much groove. Shame!

"Hit me baby one more time!"

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Dua, cukup? Soundtrack above average though dancin rubbish. Well, it's called Oh Baby so let's not ask for too much. Director Cassandra Massardi must be so thankful for the music score - it's absolutely fantastic. Never mind the teenybopper fare, it keeps the movie movin. For that, much of the movie's flaws can be tolerated. Cinta herself sings pretty good too. Consider it strong on soundtrack. As for the movie, I guess you could watch it as the debut feature of a Britney-wannabe who just might make it. There are many cameos by various Indonesian artistes in this movie, so if Cinta doesn't cut it for you, perhaps they would. For me, I'm wonderin if we'll see more from her on the big screen soon.
Bonus material:

"Oh no. My movie bombed."

Bugsy Malone (1976)

"I made a lot of friends in exotic places,
I don't remember names but I remember faces."

At a glance:

"I like my men at my feet."

An enjoyable and memorable musical with an all-kid lineup, includin a prepubescent Jodie Foster (pic), who musta been 10 or somethin when she shot this. Movie is a light-hearted reimaginin of Prohibition Chicago, where Italian gangsters and their molls die if they get hit by splurge guns that shoot custard. Many include this as one of the greatest musicals of all time. Some say one of the greatest movies even. Songs all very memorable and it ain't embarrassin to concede I know some by heart.
Somethin touched me deep inside:

Jail bait Jodie.

Every time I watch that after hours scene with the black kid sweepin up - Tomorrow / tomorrow's far away / tomorrow / as they say / is reserved for dreams / tomorrow / tomorrow's looking grey / a playground always locked / trains no winning team
Reminds me of:
My brother who recommended it. Sure miss the bastard.
Watch out for:
Jodie Foster as Tallulah the ho, of course. You can see her immense talent even at this age. This was around the same time as her young whore role in the Scorsese gem Taxi Driver (1976) with Deniro.
Most memorable line:

Fat Sam: "Someone once said it was rainin brains, Roxy Robinson wouldn't even get wet. Roxy had spent his whole life makin two and two into five, but he could smell trouble like other people could smell gas. But believe youse me, he should've never taken that blind alley by the side of Parido's Bakery. Whatever game it was everybody was playin, sure as eggs is eggs, Roxy the Weasel had been scrambled."
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Love the production design, love the songs. Sure don't make 'em like they used to.★★★★