Movie 43 (2013)

Elizabeth Banks, along with some 40 others, were blackmailed to star in this film.

Shit and sex come together for the house bunny.

At a glance:

I'd like to think I could talk you out of this one but chances are you'd like to see for yourself, whatever you've read elsewhere about this bein the worst movie ever in general release. It's definitely a forerunner for the Razzies this year and probably in every category. Producer Peter Farrelly's criminally meaningless, unfunny and obnoxious Movie 43 (2013) deserves none of your hard earned dollars, but with an ensemble cast this juicy, you're likely to pay the nominal sucker fee, like I did. It's an R-rated comedy with the loosest of coherent narratives, gag after gag, put together by different directors. The film has 11 directors and 15 writers tied to it, each one writin and directin different segments. Highlights include; Hugh Jackman with an outrageous deformity on a blind date with Kate Winslet, a coprophilic Anna Faris forcin her poop fetish on reluctant boyfriend Chris Pratt, a home-schooled Jeremy Allen White growin up under extremist parents Liev Schreiber and Naomi Watts, and lastly a dodgy super hero speed datin session with Justin Long, Uma Thurman, Jason Sudeikis and Kristen Bell. It's a circus.

Bad news on the doorstep:

Leslie Bibb, Justin Long and Jason Sudeikis in Movie 43.
Didn't know they were all so broke.

Well, the critics are unanimous on this one. It sucks balls. Hard. That's why there was no press preview and not too many of the stars attended the LA premiere. Prosthetic cocks, pubes, piss, period stains, poop - you name it, they've got it. Why did these stars subject themselves to such vulgar humiliation? Richard Gere and Kate Winslet are in this, fuck me.

Perennial wonderment:

Funny how only adults are allowed into this but probably only 9-year-olds would find it funny.

Yes, that's actually Gerard Butler playing a leprechaun.

Reminds me of:

Trash like Date Movie (2006) and all the other Movie movies.

Most memorable line:

None I can remember but Jason Sudeikis as an annoyin Batman is one of the more tolerable moments of the movie. His is probably the only funny character and he would've held his own in Kick-Ass (2010) or Super (2010).

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

A sympathetic narrator might have saved this but the skits are simply not funny. Every now and then I tried to will myself into a giggle, to make the best of it. Total walkouts I counted? Five. Promise me you won't pay for this one.★
(p/s I can feel my IQ droppin a few points just writin this review)

"I can see Batman under the table, Robin. It's a small table."

Bonus material:

Cock tattoo for Stephen Merchant, prosthetic tits for Halle Berry. Real classy!

X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009)

At a glance:
Mr. Jackman finally comes full circle - from Aussie nobody to co-producer of his own spin-off (series?) for the feral character he has played for more than 10 years. It does appear than he's sincere about playin this role and that he has taken the character closer to his heart.
Bad news on the doorstep:
The online leak of a near-complete downloadable movie, surfaced a month or so before general release. Hugh said it was like "taking a picture of the bride before she puts on her makeup".
I can't remember if I cried:
When I saw how grossly miscast Gambit was. Maybe the actor (pic) isn't entirely to blame but a Gambit who had no wisecracks with ol' Wolvie and no women hangin off his shoulder is no cajun cavalier. They didn't even get the cardsharp bit right.
Reminds me of:
The time I made an *aluminum* claw out of Coke cans and cut this kid in school with it. There was blood. I was 11 or 12 and I thought I was Wolverine. Honest. I even thought this girl I fancied was Jean Grey and the guy who got her instead of me was Cyclops.
Watch out for:
Lynn Collins, the ethereal Arwen-type chick you might remember playin fair Portia in the 2004 version of The Merchant Of Venice. She calls Wolverine a kuih kuat sup in the movie and gets some memorable screen time. However, the most outstandin character that is fleshed out to every fanboy's approval must be Sabertooth, played by a stocky Liev Schreiber. Man even looks like a lion.
Most memorable line:
"I'm Canadian". Haha.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?A solid three. Please let someone like Christopher Nolan do another.