Movie 43 (2013)

Elizabeth Banks, along with some 40 others, were blackmailed to star in this film.

Shit and sex come together for the house bunny.

At a glance:

I'd like to think I could talk you out of this one but chances are you'd like to see for yourself, whatever you've read elsewhere about this bein the worst movie ever in general release. It's definitely a forerunner for the Razzies this year and probably in every category. Producer Peter Farrelly's criminally meaningless, unfunny and obnoxious Movie 43 (2013) deserves none of your hard earned dollars, but with an ensemble cast this juicy, you're likely to pay the nominal sucker fee, like I did. It's an R-rated comedy with the loosest of coherent narratives, gag after gag, put together by different directors. The film has 11 directors and 15 writers tied to it, each one writin and directin different segments. Highlights include; Hugh Jackman with an outrageous deformity on a blind date with Kate Winslet, a coprophilic Anna Faris forcin her poop fetish on reluctant boyfriend Chris Pratt, a home-schooled Jeremy Allen White growin up under extremist parents Liev Schreiber and Naomi Watts, and lastly a dodgy super hero speed datin session with Justin Long, Uma Thurman, Jason Sudeikis and Kristen Bell. It's a circus.

Bad news on the doorstep:

Leslie Bibb, Justin Long and Jason Sudeikis in Movie 43.
Didn't know they were all so broke.

Well, the critics are unanimous on this one. It sucks balls. Hard. That's why there was no press preview and not too many of the stars attended the LA premiere. Prosthetic cocks, pubes, piss, period stains, poop - you name it, they've got it. Why did these stars subject themselves to such vulgar humiliation? Richard Gere and Kate Winslet are in this, fuck me.

Perennial wonderment:

Funny how only adults are allowed into this but probably only 9-year-olds would find it funny.

Yes, that's actually Gerard Butler playing a leprechaun.

Reminds me of:

Trash like Date Movie (2006) and all the other Movie movies.

Most memorable line:

None I can remember but Jason Sudeikis as an annoyin Batman is one of the more tolerable moments of the movie. His is probably the only funny character and he would've held his own in Kick-Ass (2010) or Super (2010).

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

A sympathetic narrator might have saved this but the skits are simply not funny. Every now and then I tried to will myself into a giggle, to make the best of it. Total walkouts I counted? Five. Promise me you won't pay for this one.★
(p/s I can feel my IQ droppin a few points just writin this review)

"I can see Batman under the table, Robin. It's a small table."

Bonus material:

Cock tattoo for Stephen Merchant, prosthetic tits for Halle Berry. Real classy!

Let Me In (2010)

At a glance:

Great news for anyone who has ever seen the fabulously seductive revisionist vampire flick Let The Right One In a.k.a. Låt Den Rätte Komma In (2008) – this is ONE Hollywood remake that we CAN approve of! Let Me In is in many ways the thinkin man’s R-rated vampire movie, dealin with the more desperate and tragic aspects of the folklore. As one famous reviewer wrote: “It’s not all fun, games and Team Edward”. Here, there’s a winsome combination of romance, drama and horror. It is what many would who have seen the Swedish original would call a tender, appropriate and most acceptable remake.
Bad news on the doorstep:
Can't think of any.

Perennial wonderment:

Why is it so hard to come across acceptable Hollywood remakes? In what must be a labour of love for writer-director Matt Reeves, Let Me In follows the Swedish modern classic closely in terms of texture and direction. All the important scenes are skillfully retained and we have two very able child actors in Kodi Smit-McPhee (Viggo Mortensen’s kid in 2009’s The Road and Eric Bana’s kid in 2007’s Romulus, My Father) and Chloë Grace Moretz (the foul-mouthed Hit-Girl from 2010’s Kick-Ass). Smit-McPhee looks very comfortable playin the frail, bullied boy who finds an unlikely friend in Moretz’ completely conflicted vampire character. There are intentionally restrained roles by Richard Jenkins as the vampire girl’s guardian and also Elias Koteas as a stern cop with many murder cases to solve.

Reminds me of:

Near Dark (1987).

Most memorable line:

"I don't really get cold."

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Polished and wonderfully scored, Let Me In is much more than just a spookfest and you’ll find rich themes of friendship, sacrifice and redemption – even sexual frustration and family dysfunction. Avoid readin more details about the movie from anywhere else. This definitely cut it as one of the most rewardin watches from 2010.