Brave (2012) @ The Bear And The Bow

"I'm Pixar's first princess and I'm goin ta skelp ye wee behind!"

At a glance:

Here is where we meet and discuss how we were seduced by that awesome trailer. Did you know its previous title was The Bear And The Bow? Anyway, it's Pixar's first female protag and Disney's first redhead heroine since Ariel in The Little Mermaid (1989). She's not an annoyin Princess Nobody like in Tangled (2010) either. She's spunky, she's Scottish and she can shoot the moustache off an ant. The stage is all set for Princess Merida (Kelly MacDonald) to light this story on fire and give us even more of the kind of feudal fun we had with contemporaries like How To Train Your Dragon (2010).

Bad news on the doorstep:

"Dinnae ye ken, our movie kinda sucks
so don't be a wee clipe!"

It starts like a Scottish Mulan (1998), then careens off into some kinda magic bear Shrek story. Watchin Brave (2012) is like watchin two movies waitin to happen; and both never does. Perhaps the mixed proceedings had somethin to do with there bein two directors to finish off the movie. In any case, Hollywood Reporter's Todd McCarthy was spot on, that the film "diminishes into a rather wee thing as it chugs along, with climactic drama that is both too conveniently wrapped up and hinges on magical elements that are somewhat confusing to boot." It was an awkward journey because the heart of the story goes missin midway and the audience is left unsure what to do with the emotional downtime that is spread all over the place. Pixar's 13th will go down with poor Princess Merida as a failed fairy tale.
Perennial wonderment:

"Yes, Scotttish girls shave. Next question, please."

What were the creative disagreements that caused this movie to have two directors? Pixar's first female helmer Brenda Chapman (The Prince Of Egypt, 1998) was replaced by Mark Andrews; and along with it some 80% of scenes in the snow, I understand. 

Reminds me of:

Every time I hear Kelly MacDonald's voice, it takes me back to Trainspotting (1996), the time she gives Ewan McGregor so much lip outside the club, before gettin into the taxi and goin home with him to indulge in a spot of statutory rape.

I can't remember if I cried:

This is the first film to be released with the so-called Dolby Atmos sound format, developed by Dolby to reproduce more "natural and lifelike" sounds. Unless that means it's bloody difficult to hear a damned thing in the woods, then I have no clue what it is. I watched this at an advance screenin in Hall 7 of Famous Players Coliseum, Mississauga, where they really need to upgrade the system!

Should've been more on the will-o'-the-wisp / jack-o-lantern.
Reminds me of The Secret Of Kells (2009).

Most memorable line:

None.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Well this certainly isn't WALL·E (2008). Didn't need to be in 3D either. Wasted all that good Celtic music in an underwhelmin product. I'm not sure what the end credit bonus scene was but I don't think I'm missin much. Console yourself instead with the fact that you watched Enrico Casarosa's neat little short La Luna (2011) in the beginnin. As Variety's Peter Debruge points out, it added seven minutes to the runnin time of Pixar's shortest feature since Monsters, Inc (2001). Verily, it covered too much about too many, in too little time. ★★ 1/2
Bonus material:

Check out the Brave Facebook fan page today.

Sleeping Beauty (2011)

At a glance:

Remember that very watchable little girl in Lemony Snicket's A Series Of Unfortunate Events (2004)? Well Emily Browning (pic) grew up and became the pale beauty that is Babydoll in Sucker Punch (2011). Now she appears as the titular muse in Sleeping Beauty (2011), a polished but very confusin WTF debut from Aussie writer-director Julia Leigh, though it seems to be fiercely endorsed by The Piano (1993) veteran Jane Campion who calls it everythin from sensuous, complex and unafraid to a fascinating piece of contemporary existential cinema. The story is about uni student Lucy, who looks like she's twelve but spends half the film in her glorious, pinkest bits in full view despite workin five jobs, gettin sucked into a perverse world of dirty old men entertainment under the pretext of waitressin e.g. havin to match her lipstick colour to her labia. I know. WTF, right?

Bad news on the doorstep:

Yes, WTF must indeed be the commonest acronym to exclaim just a third into the film, wherever you may be watchin it. There's a lot of fairytale references planted about but seriously, it's a rather tiresome piece of static craphouse cinema if you asked me.

Perennial wonderment:

Does Emily Browning herself understand what the film is all about or is it all a load of bollocks printed on the production notes? Apparently she was made to study Charlotte Gainsbourg's performance in Lars von Trier's Antichrist (2009) for this performance, so I'm even more convinced that it's farthouse fare just like that one.

Reminds me of:

Gradiva (2006) and Eyes Wide Shut (1999).

My hands were clenched in fists of rage:

When the end credits rolled and I realised I really should've resisted lookin this up after a Disney employee I know rubbished it on Facebook. The visuals are too strong and I gave in.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

★ for high production values. Wannabe European schmaltz at its finest. Might I suggest you watch Tokyo Decadence (1992) instead, for a movie that has somethin to say.
Trailer for the curious:

Mulan (2009) @ 花木兰

At a glance:
Disney days like these, it's hard to get a good adaptation that satisfies the senses and still educates the young. Good thing then that the oft-told legend of ancient woman warrior Fa Mu Lan is in many ways, a wonderful fairy tale. The subject matter (a girl who goes to war disguised as a man to keep her enlisted father safe at home) has produced some wonderful films; Shaw Brother's 1964 huangmei classic Lady General Hua Mulan and also the American animation treatment ten years ago, Mulan come to mind. For this Jingle Ma Hong Kong addition, we're very lucky to have the talented Vicki Zhao a.k.a. Zhao Wei (the Red Cliff movies) leadin the lineup in more ways than one. It was always goin to be a battle to tell a story as tough as Mu Lan's.

Russian singer Vitas has a token gweilo role.
He also provided the song Beneath the Glory for the score.

Bad news on the doorstep:
Took the easy way out by focusin on romantic aspects. Whole project seems like a rush job (note remarkably uneventful openin sequence) with uneven focus and excessive emo downtime (intrusive violin score). Mulan is epic only in costume and settin, but little else, especially if you're lookin for a memorable sword-and-sandal adventure. While Vicki (pic, R) may win over enough feminist sympathisers with this performance, the movie does her no justice by skippin past the powerful turns in the movie, investin in teary scenes when the audience have yet to be convincingly let in on the magnitude of her sacrifice, or war, or love for that matter. Her pairin with Chen Kun (pic, L, I think he was in Painted Skin) is flat because the romance between Mu Lan and fellow soldier Wen Tai is brief and underdeveloped. As for the rest of the cast, Jaycee Chan (Invisible Target) gets to play a blunderin footman in yet another likeable loser role, while Hu Jun (Everlasting Regret) is the one who ends up havin a meatier turn as the villainous general. The prominently announced part of CJ7 tomboy Xu Jiao as the young Mu Lan is only a brief, token show while the bizarre appearance of a Caucasian character (A Russian singer called Vitas) is also questionable.
Perennial wonderment:
If next year's Chow Yun Fatt biopic Confucius can return the great epics to Hong Kong cinema credentials. This one sure didn't do nothin for me.
Watch out for:
Vicki Zhao. The 33-year-old China-born actress knows how to put on a show. Blessed with big, bright eyes and a soft demeanour but ever-willin to do some bruisin ass-kickin in recent films, her rise to stardom is probably just as spectacular as her titular character if you go cross-century. However, her screen appeal is the singular drivin force behind this effort.

"You're not my father!"

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
This 2009 Mulan reupdate isn't an essential watch, though it does have a few Joan Of Arc moments. Best remembered as a good vehicle for Vicki Zhao's risin star. Watch out for her in the upcomin 14 Blades opposite Donnie Yen. Two stars from me for now.
Bonus material:
Here's a goldmine of 50 behind-the-scenes stills that I've got for you. Enjoy.

Chen Kun & Vicki Zhao on the set