Sorority Party Massacre (2013)

Leslie Easterbrook and seven sexy skinny birds can't save this movie.

At a glance:

Eve Mauro
was the only reason I watched this.

Talk about a movie that just passes you by. Described by the producers as a cross between Scream and Scary Movie in a castin call, the impotent and hapless Sorority Party Massacre (2013) is brought to you by the team behind Paranormal Incident (2011), boastin several known B-movie staples such as Kevin Sorbo (Julia X), Leslie Easterbrook (The Afflicted) and especially the delectable Eve Mauro (Penance, The Chaos Experiment), who had me sold, even if this was gonna be fast-forward fare. The synopsis reads: In danger of losing his badge, a big city detective agrees to aid a small town sheriff in a routine missing persons investigation only to discover that at least one girl has gone missing in the sheriff’s sleepy fishing town of Grizzly Cove each year for the last two decades. When a body finally emerges on the lake and suspects literally crawl out of the hills, the two lawmen realize they’re being toyed with, and to make things worse, the killer seems to have set his eyes on a group of sorority girls who are not only isolated by the lake but have their own nefarious plans in mind. Outnumbered and out of time, the two lawmen must solve the mystery of the missing girls or suffer the same fate.

Kevin Sorbo lets you know he's still around.

Bad news on the doorstep:

Forget about the synopsis. Borin start, middle and end. Despite the availability of so many fine young things at their disposal, the proceedings are so underwhelmin and muted, with no credible tension nor mystery. You will have to look long and hard for any reason to invest in any of these cardboard characters. I've yet to read one positive review about this movie.

Marisa Skell gets top billing.

Perennial wonderment:

Why am I writin this review and why are you readin it?
Reminds me of:
So many other indie flicks of the same ilk that just forgot how to have fun. One thing that was up to mark in the movie however - the SFX makeup by Tara Lang. Too bad it's a lost cause.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Was it ever shopped? Or did it die without a meaningful release, before landin on the torrent sites as sleazy scrap? Hate to see so much effort go down the drain. Go show them some love on Facebook, anyway. They look like they need it.★
Bonus material:

Don't even ask.

Penance (2009) @ The Devil's Dungeon

"I'm sexy and I know it."

At a glance:

Penance (retitled from The Devil's Dungeon) is a Saw-type "found footage" sexploitation flick, where mumsy loser Amelia (Marieh Delfino, Auto Focus) moonlights as a stripper to earn some extra cash, while recordin her efforts as an audition video for a reality TV show. As luck would have it, she accepts a last-minute job when her stripper friend falls sick (Eve Mauro, The Chaos Experiment) and lands herself in a Gestapo-type institution where nutjob ex-gynae (Graham McTavish, Rambo) has been God's sinners with his own special brand of purifyin punishment.

Bad news on the doorstep:

Eve Mauro & Marieh Delfino

How come everyone has a video camera? Various shots proved fatal to movie logic, ruinin all credibility and mood. That aside, take a pick - uninspired actin, lousy lines and predictable outcomes. Even the strippers could've been used better.

Perennial wonderment:

What's the ratio of "found footage" films that did work to those that didn't? One out of 10, maybe.

Reminds me of:

The WIP (women in prison) movies of Jess Franco - but at least those always featured a new level of explicitness.

Most memorable line:

"I'm goin to remove your fun bits." Yes, we do have a nice spot of FGM here but it wasn't memorable.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

A most unsatisfyin modern addition to the WIP genre. The DVD has loads of extras, though. ★ 1/2
Trailer for the curious:

Bonus material:
Here's a strippin sequence that works as a home tutorial for you bored housewives. Other random scenes from the movie follow.

"Are you mockin my Scottish accent?"

"Aha! Here's proof that you starred in this crap movie!"

"I said, NO WEDGIES!"

"I am a sinner... I must cut off my cock and my balls."

I like to preserve things.

Post-stripper blues?

Eve Mauro takes her kit off in every movie I've seen her in.

It's true.

Stripper audition

The Chaos Experiment (2009)

At a glance:
Uneventful scuffed project, starrin Val Kilmer (pic) and Eric Roberts among others. So scuffed was it that they didn't even dare release it in too many cinemas, despite a reported budget of US$ 7 million. Story? It's about a deranged scientist who locks six people in a Turkish steam bath and threatens to turn up the heat if the local paper doesn't publish his story about global warmin. Also known as The Steam Experiment. Whatever.

Chaos babes Cordelia Reynolds, Megan Brown & Eva Mauro.

Bad news on the doorstep:
To put it plainly, very unrewardin. Yep, there's a customary twist, of course. Avoid.
Perennial wonderment:
If I could ever learn to talk like Armand Assante, who plays a cop in this movie. You know, the Stallone-lip Italian mumble.
Reminds me of:
Cookin myself in the sauna as a pimply kid at Tropicana Golf Club.
Watch out for:
Eve Mauro (pic) takin off her top and walkin around the steam room askin to be raped like a whore on three weeks unpaid back rent. This is just about the only scene in the whole show that's worth any interest. I'm now curious to watch what I suspect to be her other nude roles in films such as Miss March (2009), The Grind (2009) and Wicked Lake (2008).
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
On account of Eve Mauro's tits - ★★
Trailer for the curious:

Bonus material: