Movie 43 (2013)

Elizabeth Banks, along with some 40 others, were blackmailed to star in this film.

Shit and sex come together for the house bunny.

At a glance:

I'd like to think I could talk you out of this one but chances are you'd like to see for yourself, whatever you've read elsewhere about this bein the worst movie ever in general release. It's definitely a forerunner for the Razzies this year and probably in every category. Producer Peter Farrelly's criminally meaningless, unfunny and obnoxious Movie 43 (2013) deserves none of your hard earned dollars, but with an ensemble cast this juicy, you're likely to pay the nominal sucker fee, like I did. It's an R-rated comedy with the loosest of coherent narratives, gag after gag, put together by different directors. The film has 11 directors and 15 writers tied to it, each one writin and directin different segments. Highlights include; Hugh Jackman with an outrageous deformity on a blind date with Kate Winslet, a coprophilic Anna Faris forcin her poop fetish on reluctant boyfriend Chris Pratt, a home-schooled Jeremy Allen White growin up under extremist parents Liev Schreiber and Naomi Watts, and lastly a dodgy super hero speed datin session with Justin Long, Uma Thurman, Jason Sudeikis and Kristen Bell. It's a circus.

Bad news on the doorstep:

Leslie Bibb, Justin Long and Jason Sudeikis in Movie 43.
Didn't know they were all so broke.

Well, the critics are unanimous on this one. It sucks balls. Hard. That's why there was no press preview and not too many of the stars attended the LA premiere. Prosthetic cocks, pubes, piss, period stains, poop - you name it, they've got it. Why did these stars subject themselves to such vulgar humiliation? Richard Gere and Kate Winslet are in this, fuck me.

Perennial wonderment:

Funny how only adults are allowed into this but probably only 9-year-olds would find it funny.

Yes, that's actually Gerard Butler playing a leprechaun.

Reminds me of:

Trash like Date Movie (2006) and all the other Movie movies.

Most memorable line:

None I can remember but Jason Sudeikis as an annoyin Batman is one of the more tolerable moments of the movie. His is probably the only funny character and he would've held his own in Kick-Ass (2010) or Super (2010).

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

A sympathetic narrator might have saved this but the skits are simply not funny. Every now and then I tried to will myself into a giggle, to make the best of it. Total walkouts I counted? Five. Promise me you won't pay for this one.★
(p/s I can feel my IQ droppin a few points just writin this review)

"I can see Batman under the table, Robin. It's a small table."

Bonus material:

Cock tattoo for Stephen Merchant, prosthetic tits for Halle Berry. Real classy!

Moving Day (2012) @ The Guys Who Move Furniture

Burly Curly can't get a break... still it's hard to root for him.

At a glance:

Gabrielle Miller

Moving Day (previously The Guys Who Move Furniture) is a decidedly low-key Canadian caper that is obviously a labour of love from director and scribe Mike Clattenburg (TV's Trailer Park Boys). Not much online presence for this project; can't find a website, Facebook fan page or Twitter handle and even the IMDb page isn't updated at the time I'm writin this. Billed as a workplace comedy, we follow cumbersome Clyde (Will Sasso, Curly from The Three Stooges, 2012), an overworked and underpaid employee at Redmond's Furniture. He dreams of workin as a City Council labourer, whom the filmmakers relish pointin out to be skivers who make $16 an hour. However the reality is that he's stuck in a dead end job with a dodgy boss (Victor Garbor) and colleagues who are either alcoholic womanisers (Gabriel Hogan, TV's Battlestar Galactica), rock star wannabes (Jonny Harris) or ex-convicts (Charlie Murphy, Night At The Museum, 2006). His sister (Gabrielle Miller, TVs Corner Gas) is the admin clerk of the company and tries to look out for him but Clyde realises he really needs to find his feet elsewhere.

"Why don't you go put a hickey
on the crack of a monkey's ass?"

Bad news on the doorstep:

It's inoffensive but uninspired. Thematically flimsy and rather lethargic, guys who move furniture are as borin to watch as it sounds. Too little is given to the audience to root for its protagonist, whom the focus should've pivoted on, instead of spendin too much time with the supportin actors. The ambivalent dramedy hinted in the trailer materialises; and to no good effect, leavin us with what comes off more like a lazy Sunday afternoon telemovie. Perhaps we can get somethin more compellin next time from Mike Clattenburg.

Will Sasso:
Just a man and his will to survive?

Perennial wonderment:

This must be the first time I can't find two images to put up here for a movie that I've seen. Talk about bein under the radar.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Charlie Murphy a.k.a. Charles Q. Murphy, the less illustrious older brother of Eddie, provides some comic relief and dramatic weight to an otherwise much more vacuous movie experience. The film suddenly picks up towards the end but it's a little too late.★★
Bonus material:

The worst seat and view I ever got in my life.
Don't worry, I moved.
Photo taken at Scotiabank Theatre, Hall 10, Toronto, Ontario, Canada.