Solomon Kane (2009)

Tattoos are for pussies. Branding is the real deal.
James Purefoy is Solomon Kane, hit man for God.

At a glance:

This 2009 Michael Bassett movie scored VOD last month and sees a limited release today in a handful of locations across the U.S. so I thought I'd rehash my old review for those of you who didn't manage to catch it the first time around. To audiences vaguely familiar with this comic character, the first question is: what superpowers does Robert E. Howard’s character have in this Solomon Kane film adaptation? A cynical answer would be cheesy lines, the ability to kill CGI demons and a pretty cool-lookin slouch hat. I watched this in a March 2010 release by Grand Brilliance in Malaysia and even then the cinema bosses joked that they fancied makin a little from just the openin weekend only, considerin the box office-friendly key visual. Me, I'm just happy the director got his North America release and that the movie is at least better than that drivel that was Jonah Hex (2010).

Bad news on the doorstep:

Rachel Evan-Wood.

Yes, for one we’re fortunate that the we get a movie out of a decent character created more than 30 years ago by the man who spawned Conan The Barbarian. However, while this Michael Bassett (Deathwatch) imaginin manages to retain Captain Solomon Kane as a brutally efficient 16th century killin machine armed with his signature pistols, cutlass and rapier (so says the production notes from the U.S.), the picture as a whole is monotonous, unrewardin and also marked by a distinct lack of humour.

Perennial wonderment:
How do the actors feel about their involvement in this movie today? James Purefoy (HBO’s Rome) didn’t do a bad job at all as a Puritan with ‘fallen priest’ sentiments during those feudal times. His muscular performance is consistent throughout the show, right down to his transition in values, where he’s called to take arms again havin renounced violence to save his soul due a past encounter with a badass Skeletor-lookalike called The Devil’s Reaper. The man’s soul might be damned but he sure is joined by some very decent allies such as an ex-priest (the late Pete Postlethwaite, The Town) and his innocent daughter Meredith (Rachel Hurd-Wood, Perfume). In fact, the entire cast is faultless as they are great drama actors, includin a small role from Swede cinema legend Max von Sydow (whose illustrious career incidentally includes a role in 1982’s Conan).

I ride. I kill. I have a slouch hat. Do you?

Reminds me of:

Van Helsing (2004) and Conan The Barbarian (2011).

Most memorable line:

God's hitman has a string of iffy lines to say, all soundin like a corny, fallen feudal superhero steeped in existential illusions of self-grandeur after years of abusin cheap ale. They include: "I was never more at home than I was at battle.", "If I kill you, I am bound for hell. It is a price I shall gladly pay.", "There are many paths to redemption, not all of them peaceful.", "I'm a man of peace now.", "I am not yet ready for Hell." and "Only devil here is me". Don't these remind you of somethin Christopher Lambert would say in a Highlander movie? Well whaddya know. Apparently in 2001 it was announced that Lambert was offered the role of Kane and was seriously "considering it as it's a very compelling part". Although the film rights were granted in 1997, it took another 11 years before filmin began.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

The problem is that our dogged hero just isn’t interestin enough here despite all the excellent period detail. He doesn’t get too many show-off scenes and he takes himself too seriously under this direction. Although drama and action are struck with a fair balance (sometimes you may feel like you’re watchin Gladiator), the good captain’s adventures are predictable, dour and ultimately told poorly with disengagin focal points and unimaginative dialogue. The final nail on the coffin is hammered home when the ultimate baddie demon makes his CGI appearance, emerging like an inferior Decepticon that dropped out of Sunday school in heaven. Better luck next time, Master Kane.★★1/2

Bonus material:

Director Michael J. Bassett.

The day the music died:

R.I.P. Pete Postlethwaite 
7 February 1946 – 2 January 2011

All That Matters Is Past (2012) @ Uskyld

Full frontals, baby crownings, rotting corpses and jilted lovers.
All that matters is present!

At a glance:

Well whaddya know. It's my first stab at the Toronto International Film Festival and I've picked out a shocker from the leftover schedule. Sara Johnsen's Uskyld (literal: "innocence") is a rather engrossin Norwegian crime drama that cuts close to fart house fare like Lars von Trier's Antichrist (2009) but she masterfully keeps it accessible by framin it as a dodgy love triangle set in the woods. TIFF programmer Steve Gravestock sells it as "part Cain-and-Abel story, part Rousseau-influenced meditation on innocents destroyed by a corrupted society", about childhood sweethearts William (Kristoffer Joner) and Janne (Maria Bonnevie) who are suddenly reunited as adults and inextricably thrust into an idyllic life of peculiar, self-imposed isolation. The past unravels and you can blame it all on William's damaged pervo brother, Ruud (David Dencik). This isn't the horror rehash of Bergman's Summer With Monika (1953) that I thought it was from the trailer. We're taken well into the obscenest ends of R-rated territory, so prepare to squirm in your seats as several cinephiles lacking the requisite intestinal fortitude for it have left the theatre presumably in disgust, as reported by Toronto Film Scene's Jovana Jankovic.
Bad news on the doorstep:

"Do you feel as if we've been zapped into an Ingmar Bergman movie?"

Maria Bonnevie and Kristoffer Joner
go au naturel in the name of art.

Twitchfilm's Todd Brown didn't fancy it much, decryin its "unlikeable" characters, which he insists are "given no context whatsoever". Man has a point, so it's lucky for us that cinematographer John Andreas Andersen had plenty of filler footage - the proceedings are punctuated by hypnotic visuals of wildlife and whatnot (shot on both 16mm and 35mm). They've even got a couple of special effects done with help from the folks behind Troll Hunter (2010), I think. Anyway, I think what really nibbled at the tension in such a competent and layered film is the unfortunate choice of a non-linear narrative that went back and forth one time too many. Maria Heiskanen from Maria Larsson's Everlasting Moments (2008) provides the narrative voice as a policewoman tryin to piece together the chillin aftermath of what was supposed to be a grippin fable, only that her role contributes little towards the mystery. On the whole, I'd have liked several distractin elements omitted in favour of a tighter, more conventional coming-of-age caper.

Perennial wonderment:

I'd like to know for certain if I read too much into the prominent depiction of traditionally Satan-affiliated creatures in the film - goats, maggots, ravens to name a few.

Reminds me of:

A little bit of Womb (2010) with all these closeups of sex and nature. The night previous I was also watchin a movie about terrible secrets - Beautiful Kate (2009).

I can't remember if I cried:

When I forgot that the Scotiabank Theatre doesn't do discount parkin on weekend nights and I ended up payin a score. That's more than the bleedin movie ticket!

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

I think perhaps it tried a little too hard but I won't begrudge it. I love the music score as well. Definitely diggin up Johnsen's previous works Kissed By Winter (2005) and Upperdog (2009), so here's hopin for more fun and FUBAR material from her in the near future. For a more polished and substantial review, check out ioncinema.com's Nicholas Bell. Here's to hopin this will score a distributor soon and you lot will be able to find it on a DVD shelf between The Cement Garden (1993) and Dumplings (2004), if not at the cinemas proper.★★★
Bonus material:

L-R: Director & scribe Sara Johnsen,
actor Kristoffer Joner & cinematographer John Andreas Andersen.
Toronto International Film Festival 2012.
Photo credit: Norwegian Film Institute

Sara Johnsen & John Andreas Andersen build an embarrassment of rich visuals.

Hit And Run (2012)

Bradley Cooper and henchman walk in on a party of swinging septuagenarians.

At a glance:

In love on and offscreen:
Dax Shepard and Kristen Bell
at the L.A. premiere.
(Eric Charbonneau/WireImage)

Hit and Run, to risk an obvious pun, is all hit-and-miss. Apparently impressively made under 10 weeks and under US $2 million, this road movie is a labour of love from Dax Shepard (The Freebie, 2010), who wrote, directed and even got his fiancée Kristen Bell (You Again, 2010) to play opposite him in it. I think she might have been producer, too. Their sweet pillow talk starts us off on an overwritten script, as we follow the couple on the road to L.A. in a custom '67 Lincoln Continental for a job interview, while bein chased by an assortment of maladjusted characters on both sides of the law. I'll leave you to discover them yourselves.

Bad news on the doorstep:

It's easy to blame the crowded cameos and fleetin characters but I suspect they would've been just perfect if only the romance between the lead pair was a wee bit more substantial. The winsome couple draw well from their real life chemistry but without a stronger reason to root for them, the heart of the story is absent and their elaborate dialogue tend to turn petty. Hit And Run is funny only in spurts and I reckon a more traditional storytellin dynamic would've turned this into a top act instead just shiftin gears for mild giggles in between.

Perennial wonderment:

A GPS-powered app to find gay dates in your area. Really? Yep. In real life, it's somethin called Grindr. Funny how much you might be missin out on just by bein on the straight and narrow, eh? On a related note, the movie is full of references to derogatory terms and I'm not entirely sure if I was alright with one or two gags that might actually be genuinely offensive to me. Hit And Run is clearly made to appeal to a certain portion of middle America and if I watched this a second time I might really think it was out of order.

Reminds me of:

Underwhelmin crime capers like Cat Run (2011). Shame. It had a few things goin for it but the end credit feelings are reminiscent of Larry Crown (2011) - cute and likeable but with a hole for a heart.

I can't remember if I cried:

When the crew walk in on some butt-naked septuagenarians about to get busy with their swing party. Wow. I ain't seen such graphic inelasticity since Les Textiles (2004).

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi? 
Maybe I had higher expectations for this because I was a little pumped up from watchin Mel Gibson's excellent Get The Gringo (2012) the previous night. Anyway, show some love to Dax Shepard for puttin his best foot forward. Hope he'll work on gettin a stronger story if he decides to do somethin wacky like this again. Man the guy can really drive!★★1/2
Bonus material:

Dax Shepard and the custom 1967 Lincoln Continental used in the movie.

A.C.A.B.: All Cops Are Bastards (2012)

In A.C.A.B. Cobra's (Pierfrancesco Favino) body is decorated with a Celtic cross
and his room wall with Mussolini paraphernalia.

Eradis Josende Oberto
plays a Cuban wife.

At a glance:

The onset of the general elections beckons in my troubled homeland Malaysia, so how better to get into the mood than with a nice spot of anti-police literature - and who better to get it from than the world's most passionate police haters - the Italians. I write from experience, so bugger off, you haters. Stefano Sollima's feature debut is an adaptation of Carlo Bonini's 2009 book, to which I haven't had the literary pleasure since it isn't translated. The film however is a slick cop drama with wide international appeal, though its stance on police vigilantism and use of excessive force is somewhat ambiguous, if not apologetic. We follow five riot police officers in Rome – white pride hardman Cobra (Pierfrancesco Favino), hothead wife-beater Negro (Filippo Nigro), string-along Carletto (Andrea Sartoretti), idealistic rookie Adriano (Domenico Diele) and their dogged leader Mazinga (Marco Giallini). A taste of authentic ultra is added no doubt by the fact that most of these actors are Roman-born.

Bad news on the doorstep:

A.C.A.B. = Roma Victor!

Shaft at Cool Awesome Movies points out that the riot scenes look a little underpopulated, possibly due to budget constraints, but this isn't fatal to the movie. If you've ever been arrested and beaten up by the cops for football hooliganism like I was, you'd know it only takes two people to make mayhem (Aha! And there you were thinkin the writer behind this blog is some middle-class fuckwit). The movie hits a few high notes, accentuated by an energetic rock soundtrack (Italian band Mokadelic) - but I think somethin more subdued would've suited some of the emotional downtime and given it a more dirty and desperate Children Of Men (2006) or Pusher (1996) feel.

Reminds me of:

All the English people I knew with those four dotted tatts on their knuckles. Half of them are just lowlifes who don't really stand for anythin, though. For the uninitiated, just give the movie title a Google and you'd learn a little about the significance of such a tattoo.

I can't remember if I cried:

The balcony scene with Filippo Nigro's anti-establishment monologue has been singled out as the film's most powerful play but I feel the most for Favino's Cobra. His body is decorated with a Celtic cross and room wall with Mussolini paraphernalia, but finds himself alone in hummin the tune that was supposed to drum up the camaraderie that once held his brethren together. This quiet scene, in a police van en route to yet another bust-up, defines the movie for me.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

"I don't really believe in anything. I'm just here for the violence". I think you'll like A.C.A.B. Check out the movie's official website (in Italian) and it's very decorated Facebook page for more details.★★★

Bonus material:

Lots of movie stills and behind-the-scenes shots for you. Photo credit Emanuela Scarpa.

Killer Joe (2012)

Fried chicken fellatio. Trailer trash strippers. Bloodthirsty biker bailiffs.
Killer Joe has got 'em all.

At a glance:

The last time playwright Tracy Letts and director William Friedkin got together, it was for the schizo sci-fi Bug (1996). More accessible than that genre-bender is Killer Joe (2012), a slick little shocker that goes OTT with some dark humour, havin been described as Larry Clark doin a Red Rock West (1993) to Coen brothers crime caper with a Pulp Fiction (1994) gloss-over. Having failed the NC-17 appeal, the peculiar trailer they cut hints little towards the violent hicksploitation this is; and the movie may have proved even harder to market without its comfortable star draw. We follow the titular Joe Cooper (Matthew McConaughey), a bent NYPD cop who accepts a contract to kill the estranged, good-for-nothin mother of the dysfunctional Smith family comprisin of deadbeat son Chris (Emile Hirsch), sexpot stepmum Sharla (Gina Gershon), halfwit redneck dad Ansel (Thomas Haden Church) and daughter Dottie (Juno Temple) - the nubile virgin who ends up bein the collateral when the deal goes awry. Everyone is at some point or another either naked, half-naked or bathed in blood. Fire up the chicken and let the good times roll.

Bad news on the doorstep:

Juno Temple takes it all off for Killer Joe.

While it's easier to dismiss the complaints that are based on mismatched genre expectations, I seem to have shaken off the post-screenin euphoria to discover that this is ultimately a pointless, though entertainin film. It's also easy to echo At A Theater Near You's Chris Pandolfi in havin to recognise the film's technical merits and strong performances but Variety's Justin Chang hammered it home by questionin its raison d'etre to arrive at the lingerin feelin that this is some kind of inside joke - "a mostly well-done adaptation that never quite convinces you it was worth doing well in the first place". Somehow Clarence Carter's vulgar 1977 hit Strokin', a theme in the movie, makes us all feel a little played indeed.
Perennial wonderment:

It's only been six years but Juno Temple is certainly on the up and up; and it seemed so long ago since she first appeared as Cate Blanchett's annoyin teen daughter in Notes On A Scandal (2006). She might have landed the job here only because not many actresses agree to full frontals (ditto Gina Gershon, albeit with beaver wig), but her intercontinental brand of slightly sexual ferocity has seen her held her own in The Dark Knight Rises (2012), Kaboom (2010), The Other Boleyn Girl (2008), The Three Musketeers (2011), Wild Child (2008) and Dirty Girl (2010). Here in Killer Joe, she's 10 years older than the 13-year-old jailbait she's supposed to be for McConaughey's paedo cop but the young lady does command some screen presence, whether she's doin a standup doggie for him or aimin a gun to his head. Too bad Chloë Grace Moretz is still only 15, you can hear the paedos concur. Will look forward to seein her The Brass Teapot (2012) next.
Reminds me of:
Sidney Lumet's Before The Devil Knows You're Dead (2007) and the Coens' Blood Simple (1984). Killer Joe is only the most recent in Friedkin's very varied 16-film oeuvre, which includes films like The Exorcist (1973) and Cruising (1980).

I can't remember if I cried:

The fried chicken fellatio. Killer Joe will forever be best remembered for an act of sadistic misogyny so degradin even Gina seen-all done-all Gershon looks genuinely humiliated. Very nice. Charmin McConaughey, the quintessential Texan talent, never acted better accordin to many, but it's also funny to read to that director Billy Friedkin says the man didn't even get it when he first read the script!

Most memorable line:

Thomas Haden Church: "I've never had a thousand dollars all my life."

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Thanks to Rue Morgue for the Scotiabank Theatre screenin in Toronto but now I feel guilty that the film's Twitter handle had retweeted my earlier one-sentence review praisin this as "vulgar, pulpy, pointless and chicken-sucking good". It's much closer to the chicken poutine I had prior to the show - a mess of instant, in-your-face, gratifyin gravy that you'd live to reconsider the mornin after.★★1/2
Bonus material:
"Totally twisted, deep-fried, Texas redneck, Billy Friedkin-directed, NC-17-rated, trailer park murder story masterpiece" as marketed on its Facebook page. Go check it out - they do have some funny photo mash-ups there.

Los Bastardos (2008)

Jesus Moises Rodriguez in a spot of sexual servitude for White America.

All in a day's work.

At a glance:

Variety's eloquent Todd McCarthy has called this is a "nihilistic high-art film marked by fashionable static takes, banal minimalist dialogue, glacial pacing and ultra-violence", consistin of "long stretches of dreary quotidian activity shrouded in dread due to something very bad you know is coming, all in the interests of presenting a rigorously reductive slice of earthly hell." So perish all thoughts of this bein an artsier A Better Life (2011). Mexican helmer Amat Escalante sees fit to put us through 98 minutes of said elements, a slow and curious examination into the taken-for-granted comforts of American life. We have hard hombre Jesus (Jesus Moises Rodriguez) and the younger, angrier Fausto (Rubén Sosa) waitin by the road to be picked up for illegal day labour by shortchangin gringos. Up until this point, you'd think this was an immigrant documentary. Then it turns into an R-rated home invasion thriller, involvin a single mother (Nina Zavarin) and her son (Trevor Glen Campbell). It has been described as a movie that builds up to just one moment of very realistic violence.

Bad news on the doorstep:

I'm actually doin my best to make it palatable. The Bastards squeezes into the narrow space that separates pretentious narcissism and high art, always leavin us to wonder just what the intentions of the filmmakers are. Just because a movie is very slow, it doesn't make it deep or meaningful. A decision is required on your part if you succeed in lastin it.

Perennial wonderment:

Why does someone in a position of power choose to engage in a spot of sexual servitude? Is this depravity a critique on middle-class American consumerism, as I read? It's disenchanted sex any road. The two lead antagonists are non-pros as well. Wish I could figure it out. There's somethin quite sad to it.

Reminds me of:

Baise-Moi (2000) and Funny Games (1997).

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Like a fable, but a narrative only for the patient. Don't be fooled by the crime drama packagin from the DVD cover. Somethin very primal about these characters compliments the minimalist technique we see in Michael Haneke and Lars von Trier movies. White America's worst stereotypes about Hispanics fulfilled. Unsettlin, to say the least - but with a stab at redemption near the end.★★1/2
Bonus material:

Construction work. Cunninglingus. Reheatable TV dinners. Skinny-dipping. 
Los Bastardos has it all.