Jug Face (2013)

Jungle jism: Lauren Ashley Carter loves incestuous in-and-outs in Jug Face.

At a glance:

Jug Face (2013) is about face jugs.

Backwater bad religion and sibling sex come together swimmingly in the impressive indie Jug Face (2013). By all accounts, debutant writer-director Chad Crawford Kinkle is gonna have a great career ahead of him. That's if the gods of hillbilly horrors and the supernatural slasher genre will stick around to preside over a few generations more of Southern Gothic inbred killers and the horror DVDs they sell. Here, we closely follow an isolated community from the animated opening credits through to a grim, deterministic end. It's a tight little village story about young Ada (Lauren Ashley Carter), who's supposed to be a nubile virgin about to marry straight-laced Bodey (Mathieu Whitman) but she hides a bun in the oven, an unspeakably incestuous one co-baked with her brother Jessaby (Daniel Manche) at that. Running parallel to this story is another village secret. There's a magic pit in the woods that sends its sacrificial wishlist by way of visions to a seer named Dawai (Sean Bridgers) who happens to be the village halfwit. Every season, this reluctant potter will fashion a clay jug bearing the face of the next intended and the villagers will offer up a blood sacrifice via slow-drip. Wotta fresh spin! Bring on the mystery and the moonshine, fellas.

Bad news on the doorstep:

"The pit wants what the pit wants."

Not a big issue but some didn't like the CG aspects, however little, for they do remind us how cheaply the movie was put together. Make-up FX veteran Bob Kurtzman is attached to this, so I wonder if there were better ways to film the more demanding apparitions we see. Others note the underpopulated village as another down point that took us out of the experience. Also, the somewhat muted ending seems to wanna hold itself back unnecessarily. I'd have fancied a stronger finish.

Perennial wonderment:

"Please, sir. Can we have a sequel?"

If you're wondering where you've seen big-eyed brunette Lauren Ashley Carter before, she's the younger sister in The Woman (2010). Lass sure has blossomed nicely, eh? Birds like these do so swell in horrors playing the dishevelled innocent.

Reminds me of:

A refreshing evil blend of Terribly Happy (2008), The Breed (2008), The Shrine (2010) and M. Night Shyamalan's The Village (2004).

Most memorable line:

"The pit wants what the pit wants."

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Confident piece of storytelling. Even the music is good and adds value to the package. Definitely several cuts above the usual crap lately. Check out the official website and the Facebook fan page for more info.★★★1/2

"Open further and lemme see that smelly snatch, you ungrateful whore!"

Precious: Based On The Novel "Push" By Sapphire (2012)

Not the most motivational of movie stills, I reckon.

At a glance:

I had just seen Gabourey Sidibe's brief role in Seven Psychopaths (2012) and I thought I'd rehash this old review, on account of renewin my seethin dislike for the movie upon the very sight of her. Precious: Based On The Novel 'Push' by Sapphire (2009) is quite a mouthful for a movie title, so it's a small relief that this decorated Oscar fave does have somethin substantial to say. However, like the makers conceded and thanked production ally Oprah Winfrey at the 2009 Awards ("because you touched it, so everyone saw it"), we really have to wonder if this greatly divisive film isn't just another well-marketed product of white guilt internalisation.

Bad news on the doorstep:

Paula Patton lends her well-to-do looks for contrast.

Yes, the artistic merit of this drama does come into question, as the eponymous main character Claireece Precious Jones (Gabourey Sidibe) is an overweight, illiterate, impoverished and abused teenager who just happens to be surrounded by some of the nastiest people and also go through some of the worst experiences one possibly can growing up in black Harlem. It's the kind of character arc that invites empathy at first but then descends into a credibility problem. Not that we're contendin the nature of a grossly underprivileged life in the late 80s, but there is a difference between tellin a story about the black underclass and tellin a story about how the black underclass view themselves. This Lee Daniels picture is a clear case of the latter but instead of offerin any insight into the psyche of any one person who comes from such a background, it is evident by the final reels that Precious is an unreflective sob story that strives for some redeeming value that it cannot attain.

Perennial wonderment:

Mo'Nique, the monster of a mum. Figuratively and physically.

For a movie that has been called "con job of the year" to one that goes to the extent of "demeaning the idea of black American life", emotions run strong, especially since we can't call the filmmakers racist because they're black. Perhaps it's an instance of reverse racism that the horrendous story of Precious becomes such a celebrated film that has picked up close to 100 awards across film festivals and such. In any case, there is no denying that Mo'Nique's performance as an criminally-abusive mother is a powerful turn that deserves every award it gets, includin the most prized one - Best Supporting at the 82nd Academy Awards. The movie as whole features some compelling actin (Gabriel Sidibe, Paula Patton, Sherri Shepherd and even Mariah Carey), and that lends urgency and strength to the proceedings whatever you might feel about the story.

Reminds me of:

Don't know. Can't relate to much in this movie.

I can't remember if I cried:

When I saw the frazzled Mariah Carey role. It's a suitable role for her, admittedly. It's just that this isn't the woman I remember from the Christmas music videos and that depresses me, as if the story isn't movin along bad enough.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Emotionally manipulative in a way I don't care for. As a movie experience, you will have to watch Precious - but only if you want to discuss it with your friends, and not because you look forward to enjoying it. ★★

Beautiful Kate (2009)

Sophie Lowe finds love in all the wrong places in Beautiful Kate (2009).

She'll remind you of Saoirse Ronan in
The Lovely Bones (2009).

At a glance:

Some family secrets are more criminal than terrible, as we reluctantly learn from actress Rachel Ward's directorial debut Beautiful Kate (2009), an accomplished Aussie mystery thriller that could've done with a more effective title. I've been lookin for similar stuff havin wet my beak with Snowtown (2011) and Animal Kingdom (2010), not to mention I've developed an interest in Ben Mendelsohn's CV since he starred as Daggett in The Dark Knight Rises (2012). This one's about a rugged writer (Mendelsohn) who returns to the family farm after some 20 years just to visit his dyin dad (Bryan Brown) but finds himself lingerin in his repressed guilt over his dead siblings. Our protagonist remembers all to well the untimely death of his twin sister (Sophie Lowe) and brother (Josh McFarlane) when they were all backwater brats. Fortunately, there's a survivin daughter, Sally (Rachel Griffiths), who remains filial to the bedbound bastard - a grumpy old man who's takin his failures and resentment to his grave but not before givin his son hell.

Bad news on the doorstep:

Ben Mendelsohn and Maeve Dermody.

I read that native viewers took exception to how the rural folks speak but I think what sapped some power out of the picture was the diminishin focus on Mendelsohn as the movie wore on. His emo downtime came up short and our connection to the character is interrupted. I'm guessin the narrative tone of the 1982 Newton Thornburg book from which it was adapted is such? More landscape, less love? Wouldda been awesome if we could just invest in the main character more.

Perennial wonderment:

Will I ever figure out the difference between yabbies, crayfish, crawfish and lobsters? I'm not even sure what I've been eatin for a tenner at the local Chinese every week.

Reminds me of:

Affliction (1997), The Lovely Bones (2009), Somersault (2004) and The Cement Garden (1993). Not the most upliftin stories, are they?

Most memorable line:

"She's an actress. She doesn't wear clothes." Our protag pokes fun at his spoilt nympho girlfriend (Maeve Dermody). She's the sort who professedly exaggerates her moans durin doggy style sex and complains that she's only a whore because she's bein fucked like one. The needy always fuck face to face, no? I recall Sergio Castellitto and Claudia Gerini's tender scene in Don't Move (2004).

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

It finishes as a dreary drama made worse by an overused, though excellent soundtrack. The epilogue also does smack of self-importance and there's a certain conceit to the way the camera lingers around the characters. Still, it's a compellin rural tale built on no small measure of effort and you'll find it very palatable for mature audiences game for some disturbia.★★★
Bonus material:

Can you have sex while staring directly at your parents' pictures?

I don't think you can see what they're up to from here.

Pleased to see me?

L-R: Ben Mendelsohn, Brian Brown, Rachel Griffiths, Maeve Dermody.

People Like Us (2012)

"You're all wonderin whether I fuck my brother in this movie, right?"

At a glance:

Dreamworks together with longtime producer Alex Kurtzman on his directorial debut have come up with a fairly refreshin model of PG-13 rom-com in the winsome, LA-set People Like Us (previously titled Welcome To People), so it's a bit of a bum note if you, like me, suffered a generous, over-informative trailer. We know it's apparently loosely based on his life but did we have to get that much of a look-in? One should only know, walkin into this movie, that it's about a motor-mouthed strugglin salesman named Sam (Chris Pine, Star Trek, 2009), who learns that his estranged music producer dad has died and must now decide whether to fulfill his late father's wishes of passin $150,000 to his hitherto unknown sister Frankie (Elizabeth Banks, Man On A Ledge, 2012), an alkie mum with a troublemakin young son (Michael Hall D'Addario). Worry not - any chance of veerin into incestuous territory was snuffed out in about two seconds, much to the relief of the excitable zaftig woman a few rows in front of me who was heard shoutin "No, don't!"

Yep, I would.

Bad news on the doorstep:

Hmm... maybe another round of editin could've picked up the pace a little near the end. Also, Chris Pine is guilty of over-actin in patches.

Perennial wonderment:

Elizabeth Banks is doin super these days, isn't she? It feels like only yesterday she was in Zack And Miri Make A Porno (2008) with Seth Rogen. Reminds me of a younger Maria Bello. I believe she's the kind of actress Kristen Stewart can learn to be. Anyway, there's a notable turn in here from Michelle Pfeiffer who's still in the game, as it seems, playin the embittered mum. What a national treasure, she is. She had a small role in Dark Shadows recently, didn't she? I dislike Anne Hathaway for Catwoman in The Dark Knight Rises so much, I'd rather Michelle whip out that old black latex and show her how it's done right. 

Michelle Pfeiffer, dignified as ever.

Reminds me of:

Well this is nothin like it - but the last time I saw any movie with improper brother-sister conduct was Charlotte Gainsbourg in The Cement Garden (1993). That was an infinitely more unsettlin movie.

I can't remember if I cried:

No I didn't cry but the endin is a winner. Satisfyin stuff, elevatin this from decent counter-programmin filler to memorable date movie.

Most memorable line:

"Don't steal from a record store. That's like kicking a dead man." But it's the kid who's the scene stealer, though. His gems include "But it's like milk and vegetables!" when asked to defend eatin cheese and onion crisps before dinner.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Quite a personal family drama, with nuggets of lovely detail. Likeable, sharp dialogue. More than adequately scored by Bollywood maestro A.R. Rahman. ★★★ 1/2
Bonus material:
Here are photos that were mountin an incestuous relationship that never was. Phew!

The Samaritan (2012)

"So whaddya say, baby? Shall I put on some Marvin Gaye?"

At a glance:

All Samuel L. Jackson movies are at least half watchable and this offbeat pulp fiction drops ever so neatly into that category - it jolts, it teases and then at the end credits you're left decidin whether this movie axiom remains true. The veteran anti-hero relishes the tag of bein one of Hollywood's most charismatic actors, a son of a gun who gets paid to shout at people, picture after picture. So when he's not in an eye-patch assemblin mutants to fight aliens, he's in The Samaritan (2012) playin an embattled ex-con (convict AND conman) who had just done a 25-year stretch, only to come out to a strange world populated by characters like Ethan (Luke Kirby), the son of the partner he murdered, and Iris (Ruth Negga) the enigmatic addict nympho who's got the hots for him. The hoverin crime boss Xavier (Tom Wilkinson) provides further intrigue.

Bad news on the doorstep:

Err... how do I say this? The Samaritan changes genre midway and there's a twist in the middle that beggars belief. Worse, it's been done before, so if I tell you which famous movie it's from, it will utterly spoil it for you. This twist is so pivotal and monolithic that entire scripts can be built around it, so it doesn't quite sit in with the rest of the various noir elements in the movie. Perhaps a hint of this iffy approach could be seen in Samuel L Jackson himself, who appears rather bored most of the time, despite also co-producin the movie. He's the master of persuasion and always makes his characters count but in this heist flick gone wrong, we really have to wonder why this story needed to be told. The film is shot by director David Weaver entirely in Toronto and that ain't exactly one of the first cities that come to mind when you're sellin a noir or heist.

Ruth Negga

"You're old enough to be my father...
and that's how dirty I like it."

Perennial wonderment:

Why can't Ruth Negga get more roles outside of TV? She's the delectable Irish-Ethiopian beauty we saw in Breakfast On Pluto (2005) and that crazy cow horror Isolation (2005). Very Thandie Newton, perhaps with a more ethnic edge. Her looks here directly lent some credibility to movie logic and kept the movie from fallin apart. While we're talkin about looks, there's a small role here for Deborah Kara Unger. Don't know if her placid, botoxed look is part of the character but she sure don't look like the spring chicken she was back when she was gettin her kit off for Michael Douglas in The Game (1997).

Reminds me of:

You know I can't spoil it for you.

Watch out for:

When the big twist is given away. People were laughin out loud in my hall.

Most memorable line:

"If you keep on doing what you've always done, you keep on being what you've always been."

"You could always get a job at McDonald's or Walmart, honey."

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Two and a half, I'd say. Rushed endin drew disaffected faces at an advanced screenin I attended at AMC Yonge. On a partin note, the term "Samaritan" is a reference to a type of con, by which it succeeds when con artists get one person to pose as a helpful friend to the mark to gain his trust. Watch the video below for Samuel L Jackson's explanation.

Bonus material:

The Samuel L Jackson Venn Diagram.
[click to enlarge]
Kudos to the guy who thought of it.

In Samuel L Jackson's own words:
Why is it called the Samaritan?

Eugénie (1975, or is it 1970?)

At a glance:
There seems to be an awful lot of movies out there titled Eugénie and they all seem to be classic erotica. Even this title had two or three variants and all by that artsy sicko Jess Franco, whose oeuvre of sex movies makes him very important in world cinema (for the uninitiated). Wotta guy! The movie I'm tellin you about here is adapted from a dirty book by Marquis de Sade and it revolves around a pretty (and pretty fragile) girl who begins a sadistic, incestuous affair with her writer stepfather. Together they go on a series of graphic and elaborate thrill kills (one of the victims is future Franco starlet Alice Arno in her first role for him, I read). The conflict comes when Eugénie falls in love with the next intended victim, a musician bloke. Themes are sadomasochism, disenfranchisement and jealousy.
Bad news on the doorstep:
If you're lookin for Tinto Brass nudity, then obviously this isn't it. Franco's works often depress. I feel like I'm lost in a wonderful garden and it's gettin late. Love the colours in this film, though.
Watch out for:
Soledad Miranda (born Soledad Rendón Bueno in Seville to Portuguese parents of Roman ancestry), better known by her stage names Soledad Miranda, Susann Korda and credited here as Susan Korday, pic, brunette), often said to be Franco's greatest discovery. He put her in some cult classics such as Count Dracula and Vampyros Lesbos. In this movie, you can see her exquisite nymph of a body (if you're into that sort of thing) when she's not busy huggin her knees all the time. Fragile beauty, she. A DVD box describes her as The beguiling beauty Soledad Miranda. Phwoar. Died in car accident with her husband at the wheel 1970, aged 27. In three more weeks I'm goin to outlive her. That is if zombies don't kill me in my sleep.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
I prefer somethin more immediate. ★★1/2
The day the music died:

Soledad Rendón Bueno a.k.a. Soledad Miranda
(9 July 1943 – 18 August 1970)

Barbed Wire Dolls (1975) @ Frauengefängnis

At a glance:
The less is said about these old exploitation films, the better. However as a Women In Prison (WIP) product, apparently there is a historical importance in movies like these. They're made because floggin and other types of torture were outlawed in commercial porno but people still had to get their S&M fix somehow, innit? In this Jess Franco flick, his real life playthin Lina Romay is a girl who accidentally kills her dad (Franco himself) as she was defendin herself from incestuous rape. In jail, she meets a loony dominatrix wardress (Monica Swinn in hotpants with a monocle) and various other oversexed lesbians or in-house psychos, as she learns about the corrupt, self-subsistin penitentiary.
Bad news on the doorstep:
Maybe this would be wonderful viewin in those days but the shock value here isn't really felt. I can't believe how many reviews they are out there discussin this movie's merits. Borin bollocks. Prefer those Pam Grier movies.
Reminds me of:
Thriller: A Cruel Picture but at least that was interestin.
Watch out for:
Ridiculous slo-mo rape chase scene. Wtf. Instead of shootin it in slo-mo, they actually did everythin slowly.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Schlockmeister supreme Jesus Franco is one man who can make nudity borin. In a movie with scenes of cigarette-aided masturbation and nude electrocution, I can't believe it's so difficult to finish watchin this movie.