Klip 3GP (2011)

Klip 3GP: Kids, make sure your mum's not in these videos.

At a glance:

Enterprising Mat Skodeng in action.

Primeworks Studios / Grand Brilliance under Tengku Iesta Tengku Alaudin / Ahmad Puad Onah sure played up a sensational stinker with this one. Despite grossin a surprisin RM 1.14 million in its theatrical run, this unfortunate and critical lapse of judgment went to the extent of promo investments, goin downtown with events even. Why the hate, you ask? Well, I've seen me some piss poor movies in my time but while pointless self-indulgences like Momok Don't Find Trouble (2012) and Killer Clown (2010) have nary an iota of cultural or artistic merit to contribute to the industry or the country, at least they represent no real harm to society, other than to reaffirm Malaysia's general (and generally accepted) decline in cinema. The One Nation Emcees vehicle Klip 3GP (2011) is, to borrow an 80s term, a kind of video nasty; and what's worse is that nothin explicit is actually shown! 

Bad news on the doorstep:

Show me the money!

Shot with about a million ringgit, this film is a great embarrassment and insult to the Malay race. It's hated so much, they set up not one but several Facebook groups to call for a boycott - indicatin that at least some good sense and righteous anger could still arise from the masses, however ineffectual the stand was. Ploddin along a non-script barely held together by several instances of unsavoury mobile phone recordings (hence the title, in reference of the now notorious file format), Sofia J. Rhyland's story and screenplay in Klip 3GP covers everything from supernatural horror (?!) to cheap sexploitation, exposin the sniggerin, amoral characters of progressive urban decay without any credible plot resolution, unless you count a vengeful, bloodied and oversexed Mimifly (Shamimi Amalina Norhisham) goin into OTT desperation against phone porno mastermind Zahiril Adzim. "Promise you delete, promise you delete?" The smarmy histrionics are irredeemable if you actually sat through to the final act. She sure dances good, though.

Perennial wonderment:

Lead actress Mimifly of One Nation Emcees. Err... good dancing.

Lead actress Mimifly was actually one of the nominees for Most Promising Actress at the 24th Malaysian Film Festival 2011, eventually losin to Nadiya Nisaa for her role in Cun! (2011). She's got the presence but she's not really an actress is she? I oughtta stop citin this ridiculous awards show.

"You cakap you dah delete?"

Reminds me of:

The 400mb of Malay porn recordings I used to have in my harddrive. I never knew who put it in there. I was also surprised how many seemingly polite members of society asked me for them.

Most memorable line:

"Tatu tu... macam tak betul je?" Movie itself tak betul, more like.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Reminds me Darah a.k.a Macabre (2009).

I ain't one to take the moral high horse; this is an X-rated blog after all. It's just that this sanctioned hypocrisy beggars belief. A Malaysian exploitation movie won't be able to actually depict the exploitation, so what's the point? Your faith in the powers that be should stay shakier than ever if you consider that this movie was actually passed with a PG13 ratin. I guess that's the official endorsement - urgin 8-year-olds to be accompanied by their parents when goin to see a movie that teaches us how to record schoolkids givin blowjobs at staircases and peddle them to webmasters for a profit without bein caught.★1/2
Bonus material:

Ronggeng time: GSC Pavilion premiere [10 Nov 2011, Facebook credit]

This picture should win an award, really.

Proud director Aidilfitri Mohamed Yunos

I believe this was the banned TV spot.

Songlap (2011)

At a glance:

At once, Songlap (corrupted Chinese-Malay origin, meanin "to steal" but more like "sweet to wallop/go all out/take everythin") is a stubbornly non-commercial but wonderfully accessible urban yarn, brought to you by Kami The Movie (2008) husband-wife team of Effendee Mazlan and Fariza Azlina Isahak. Continuin in the vein of broken adolescence, this gritty crime drama doesn't go to the in-universe extremes of neo-realism like Budak Kelantan (2008) but what it does do is serve up a refreshin and thoughtful morality struggle between embattled characters who are involved in an aspect of flesh trade particularly endemic to Asia - the sale of human babies. I've been eyein its official website for almost two years now and I feel thoroughly satisfied with its release. As our friend Fadli says over at Tontonfilem, this is what Anak Halal (2008) really should have been. This is the crisp but subtle narrative our friend Ajami has been cravin for all these years in a Malay movie. This is, in fact, the first and only Malay movie in 30 years that has engaged me to the point of tears!

Sara Ali at a promotion event for Songlap.

Bad news on the doorstep:

True to the wajib tayang paradox in Malaysia (a Malay movie granted this government-sanctioned status must be played at the largest hall of any cinema for two weeks with full shows every day, by law), I paid cash money and watched Songlap at GSC 1 Utama in a 326-seater hall with the total combined audience of only myself and two couples makin out behind me (possibly a pet dog too), as the rest of the cinemagoin population must be either busy buyin tickets to watch Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol for the third time (which sucks big balls, by the way) or at home waitin for some rempit to leak the download for KL Gangster 2. This is the price we pay for a society who knows only immediate gratification and no other depths of pleasure.

Perennial wonderment:

The true meaning of MILF.

Everyone knows Shaheizy Sam can act - but what will he do next? He's the only Malaysian actor in recent memory who can reinvent himself adequately for new roles, even if they are for banana peel MIG titles. One wonders what can the industry do for actors of his calibre. In Songlap, he plays a dodgy wheeler dealer with a gamblin habit and is always on the run, although he feels very responsible for his younger brother. This movie features decent turns from the other two leads - a suitably sweaty Syafie Naswip (Mukhsin, 2006) and a frightened Sara Ali (Klip 3GP, 2011). The rest of the cast include Berg Lee (boy this fella sure beefed up since appearin as that fishin village punk in The Elephant And The Sea!), Omar Abdullah, Rozie Rashid, Normah Damanhuri, Hasnul Rahmat, Fauzi Nawawi, Rashidi Ishak, Lisdawati, Eizlan Yusof, Eliza Wong and Nasir Jani.

Reminds me of:

My old office in Kelana Jaya, where a lot of the scenes were shot, since the production house Red Films is based there. There's even a scene in the now disused Saji mamak, a restaurant we used to haunt durin many a Friday long lunch.

I can't remember if I cried:

Fauzi Nawawi sexy time.

There's an emotional showdown between all three leads under the LRT tracks, a scene that the actors have themselves described as one of the biggest and most important. This scene, although not particularly powerhouse stuff by Shaheizy or Syafie, actually made my eyes tear. I don't think I've ever grown so attached to Malaysian characters within the frame of a film but one does end up rootin for them, wishin for their redemption, their escape at least. Geez I must have gone soft from rewatchin All About Ah Long (1989) the other day.

Most memorable line:

"Kalau menari boleh dapat 50 ribu, dah lama Dr. Rozmey belajar laa."

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Grippin, highly entertainin narrative. Keep your eyes and ears open. Many hints are dropped and subplots are told obliquely. Do watch this now before it goes offscreen.★★★★