Ashlynn Yennie: From human centipede to meth-head stripper.
Curtis Smith as retard Archie Crider, the worst performance in the movie.
At a glance:
American Maniacs (originally titled Fetch) is described by the producers as a Kansas-set horror flick involvin sadistic ex-cons, corrupt cops, meth-addicted strippers and psychotic
killers who keep flesh-eatin dogs. Please don't bother with the synopsis you may find on sites like IMDb because they're all misleadin marketin speak that makes the movie out to be a thriller of a horror. It has no such urgency! Anyway, when I read that it's written by Trent Haaga (Deadgirl) and stars Ashlynn Yennie (the most disadvantageous midsection of The Human Centipede) as a meth-head stripper teasingly named Starlene Arbuckle, I was kinda hopin it'll at least serve up some trashy R-rated fun.
Bad news on the doorstep:
Shawn G. Smith as Punch. Should've developed this villain.
Lousy screenplay, lousier script. No reward, no tension, no real reason to follow these characters at all, never mind their actin. Although the story is for the most part coherent, there are severely distractin flaws at every turn.
Perennial wonderment:
Can't understand why Trent Haaga movies like Deadgirl (2008), Jessicka Rabid (2010),Someone's Knocking At The Door (2009) and Chop (2011) never feature a sympathetic character we can at least identify with, if not root for. To forgo one, you'd really have to make up for it with somethin wildly original.
I can't remember if I cried:
"Suck or I'll shoot!"
When I read the rant of a disgruntled extra on IMDb. Apparently, he drove a great distance to volunteer to stand in the snow until midnight but got told that the hot food is only for paid actors only. How petty can you get!
Watch out for:
John Redmond plays Sheriff Marcus Lewis, a dirty old man who likes to get sucked off by whores while his wheelchair-bound wife watches and gives pointers. For better or worse, this character also provides the sickest and only memorable moment of the film. It's a bizarre, life-endin act of sexual perversion that I can't wait to be repeated in a more competent movie.
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Fetch was changed to the much more marketable American Maniac.
Awful timewaster but do give a listen to New Life by Gemma Ray. It plays at the end of the movie and turned out to be the only thing I'm takin away from this messy movie.★1/2 Bonus material:
Slim siren Ashlynn Yennie rocking the barely legal, titless look.
Not to be confused with the 2009 Irish film of the same name, Cherry Bomb (2011) is Garrett Hargrove's All-Texan rehash of rape & revenge movies, starrin foxy lead Julin Jean as the titular stripper. Well, they might not have managed a theatrical release but I should think they've made a few bucks since the Blu-Ray is already out. The product has good online presence - a Facebook fan page since Valentine's Day in 2009 and an official website with links to an in-depth production blog with lots of interviews and photos. Hell they even used the Facebook page to do a shoutout when the lead actress got her car stolen! All in all, it looked like a well-planned project and everyone seemed to have enjoyed themselves.
Bad news on the doorstep:
"What time do you get off work?" - Because everyone has tried it at least once.
Hey you know I always show love to stripper-themed movies, even the very bad ones. However the audience simply isn't given enough to care for Cherry from the get-go. Julin Jean's portrayal is static and one-dimensional despite havin done some 600 movies, so that's quite unfortunate, although I will keep a lookout for her CV (Retractable / Puncture, Renfeld The Undead, The Toy Box) from now on. The rest of the strippers and peripheral women don't feature much (Grayce Benesh, Denise Williamson, Mysteria Black, Caitlyn Hutson, Sabrina Jones, AJ Bailey, Thea Marie, Brandy Lee, Johanna Jackson, Amanda Arnold etc) and the bad guy (Allen Hackney) is just a silent Jules Verne from Pulp Fiction (1994) but with a bigger afro.
Perennial wonderment:
I'm singlin out John Gabriel (Cherry's reluctant brother and partner-in-crime) here for a performance that belongs to a far more superior movie.
Reminds me of:
I Spit on Your Grave / Day Of The Woman (1978), Run! Bitch Run!(2009) and the Kill Bill movies. Actually, Julin Jean's role reminds me of Rose McGowan's one-legged stripper role in Planet Terror (2007). That stripper was also called Cherry but she was drawn out much better and had much more goin for her.
Watch out for:
Porn actor Nick Manning's role. Man can't act to save his life - should've kept him mute.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Instead of goin down as the very accomplished and enjoyable B-movie it could've easily been, Cherry Bomb committed the story sin of havin an unlikeable lead nobody really wants to root for. The fact that it was set in 1984 wasn't convincin and didn't help the story none. ★★ Trailer for the curious:
Penance (retitled from The Devil's Dungeon) is a Saw-type "found footage" sexploitation flick, where mumsy loser Amelia (Marieh Delfino, Auto Focus) moonlights as a stripper to earn some extra cash, while recordin her efforts as an audition video for a reality TV show. As luck would have it, she accepts a last-minute job when her stripper friend falls sick (Eve Mauro, The Chaos Experiment) and lands herself in a Gestapo-type institution where nutjob ex-gynae (Graham McTavish, Rambo) has been God's sinners with his own special brand of purifyin punishment.
Bad news on the doorstep:
Eve Mauro & Marieh Delfino
How come everyone has a video camera? Various shots proved fatal to movie logic, ruinin all credibility and mood. That aside, take a pick - uninspired actin, lousy lines and predictable outcomes. Even the strippers could've been used better.
Perennial wonderment:
What's the ratio of "found footage" films that did work to those that didn't? One out of 10, maybe.
Reminds me of:
The WIP (women in prison) movies of Jess Franco - but at least those always featured a new level of explicitness.
Most memorable line:
"I'm goin to remove your fun bits." Yes, we do have a nice spot of FGM here but it wasn't memorable.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
A most unsatisfyin modern addition to the WIP genre. The DVD has loads of extras, though. ★ 1/2 Trailer for the curious:
Bonus material:
Here's a strippin sequence that works as a home tutorial for you bored housewives. Other random scenes from the movie follow.
"Are you mockin my Scottish accent?"
"Aha! Here's proof that you starred in this crap movie!"
"I said, NO WEDGIES!"
"I am a sinner... I must cut off my cock and my balls."
I like to preserve things.
Post-stripper blues?
Eve Mauro takes her kit off in every movie I've seen her in.
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WHAT'S THIS BLOG ABOUT?
I'm dying - but then again, I've been dying for some 30 years now. Before I meet my Maker, I hope to put up 7,777 movie reviews here for the unhealthy number of films I've watched in my lifetime. I probably won't be an Internet hero but it's a great way to stay in touch, especially when I'm gone. - Zee Movieman a.k.a. The Joker
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