KL Gangster 2 (2013)

Rosyam Nor goes for Sheera Iskandar's extra virgin goodness in KL Gangster 2.

"Pat pat siku lipat, siapa download aku sunat!"

At a glance:

Unceremoniously leaked online more than a full month ahead of its theatrical run this 3 October, filmmaker Syamsul Yusof's dreams (and Daddy's dough) must've gone up in flames last night, as KL Gangster 2 (2013) will now be forever known as Skop Production's RM 4.5 mil prequel that goes into the game with no hope of nibblin anythin near the record RM 11.74 mil the original posted late in 2011. Poor thing. I dragged all my middle class friends to the cinema and paid cash money to watch the first movie twice, just to make sure they had the funds to make this one. Things were still very upbeat three weeks ago when its excitin YouTube trailer was released to more than a million views.

Bad news on the doorstep:

KL Gangster 2: Tauke or taugeh?

The package is generally overlong at almost two hours, with Zizan's wannabe gangsta funnyman role, so celebrated in the first instalment, ostensibly overstayin his welcome, along with all that overdone Canto and Hokkien palaver you get from everyone else. Adam Corrie repeatedly sayin one line in Cantonese only to follow it with the correspondin Malay translation is a fatal example of how it all goes pear-shaped on this occasion. You just can't do that! When KL Gangster first hit the screens in 2011, it played along the fine lines between the lame and the laughable, while deliverin Malaysia's answer to Hong Kong's popular 90s series Young And Dangerous (Syamsul actually outright name drops Chan Ho Nam this time) in a surprisingly refreshin and fun way. This 2013 prequel boasts a "dream team" cast addition in veteran villain Rosyam Nor but while the man acquits himself well, all that trash talk throughout has worn too thin and there is seriously very little poison left in Soffi Jikan's Bangladeshi sting. Even Syamsul Yusof's unpolished stab at the Chinese dialects are exposed this time as he attempts longer lines. The first product was an enjoyable and successful hit-and-run. This one sorely needed a stronger script and newer elements.

"Who uploaded my movie?! Who?!"

Perennial wonderment:
How did the movie fall in the wrong hands? What an unfortunate development. As Soffi Jikan quips in the movie: O.O.O. -- Out of order.

Reminds me of:

How Hugh Jackman was completely heartbroken when an unfinished copy of his labour of love X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009) was uploaded a month before it was released in cinemas. The perp, a New York movie fan by the name of Gilberto Sanchez, 49, pleaded guilty and got a year behind bars. Will they get to the bottom of this one? Do me a favour, fellas. Go watch this one in the cinema because whatever its flaws, it deserves to be seen on the big screen, especially for the ambitious action sequences near the end.

Most memorable line:

"Ini malam manyak sui laa. Pukul tiga pagi lagi mau kacau orang ka? Sejuk sejuk ini macam ah, baik lu balik peluk bini bikin anak maa." Love the new mullet, Syamsul! Oh, Rosyam Nor has a good one too. "Eh barua, gua mau kasi ingat sama lu ah, duduk sini lu punya tempat diam-diam, lu jaga sama lu punya anjing-anjing hitam. Jangan nanti hari Deepavali, orang pecah kelapa, lu pecah kepala." Not gonna make many MIC friends any time soon.
Watch out for:

Babi-cue punya perempuan:
The deliciously milfy Angeline Tan Yoke Yeah.

The incredibly and deliciously milfy Angeline Tan Yoke Yeah (of Pi Mai Pi Mai Tang Tu fame, who seems to be enjoyin a new lease of big screen life lately, starrin in films like Cinta Beruang and Hantu Air). She actually gets quite a lot of screen time but cannot turn the movie around. By the way, Sheera Iskandar's err... "heavy" return as the once-pious disco sister is a complete letdown, contributin little to the proceedings.

From hati kering to poket kering?

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

As a staunch supporter of this franchise, I wanted it to be good so badly -- and more importantly, I wanted it to make money. What are the chances now for KL Gangster 3? My heart goes out to Syamsul Yusof, who has apparently lodged a police report this mornin over the matter. "Sorry ah, lengcai. Lu punya ending tarak chantek maa." ★★1/2
Bonus material:

Prince Of The City (2012)

"So Prince, what's the secret to your white chicken thighs in this climate?"

Revisiting Reservoir Dogs with Yank Kassim

At a glance:

Malaysian premier Najib Abdul Razak would be devastated if he ever saw the killer clown of a movie that is Julian Cheah's Prince In The City (2012). That's because unlike the 1981 Sidney Lumet classic of the same name about systemic police corruption, this Malaysian movie has absolutely no notion or mention of cops whatsoever; and the streets run riot with guns and gangsters! Presumably self-financed to the reported tune of RM 1.5 mil and with the rare audacity to make wide release at some 40 locations, this unintentional action-comedy is the kind of dime-a-dozen project that would've died a very quick but kind death in pre-production, in the hands of less resilient proponents. However, self-satisfied indulgent producer Julian Cheah and his fantastical levels of conceit and grandeur under Axis Line Entertainment ensure we see it on the big screen in technicolor glory, even if the cast and crew, I detect, seem to distance themselves from the picture out of sheer embarrassment. This 18-rated 35mm presentation will make spillover business from unsuspectin Malay cinemagoers who recognise Aaron Aziz on the poster and can't get tickets to Jackie Chan's CZ12 (2012). WBO run will be bleak, though I can report that the first two days of collections have managed not to break the RM20k floor set in September by inexplicable rock musical Leftwings as the lowest grossin Malaysian movie of 2012.

Bad news on the doorstep:

Madsen: Will work for $20

We're talkin Bad Cinema 101. Once you get past the horrible lightin, jarrin hard cuts, continuity blunders, slapstick gunfights, comic fisticuffs, out-of-sync audio and primitive sound mix, you'll arrive at the real treat - the inexplicably long and full English sentences uttered by overly theatrical actors who read first-timer Calvin Wong's script as if it's Shakespeare in KL. One of the many cardboard characters on show is Michael Madsen's and the man tries his post-prime best at damage control, even if he does sound like he's one cigarette away from needin an oxygen tank, as mused on Twitchfilm by the founder almost a year ago when its completely inept trailer was released. Whatever pays the bills, one might say. And this, on the back of that other non-movie - the senseless Eldorado (2012).

"I should shoot myself now."

Perennial wonderment:

I don't know much about Spanar Jaya veteran Roslan Hussin (his first feature film in the director's chair) but Aaron Aziz, who plays Madsen's henchman in the movie, is a true pro - you'd really have to hand him that. His is the only role that actually works, never mind the lame story. He delivers all his English lines convincingly, although like everyone else in the movie, he lights up a cigarette every two minutes (presumably out of a real need, due to the emotional stress of starrin in such a movie). Even in the modest TMO well-recorded by Linus Chung, he grit his teeth and appeared the most inclined to come forward and promote the movie. Good man.

Reminds me of:

Less-than-convincin crime capers like Juliane Block's Emperor (2008) and Kepong Gangster (2012). However, even these aren't vanity projects that can hold a candle to Prince Of The City.

I can't remember if I cried:

Sittin behind industry veteran Yusof Haslam throughout the press preview, I felt he didn't know where to hide his face. I believe his outfit Skop Productions is the distribution force behind this lamentable farce. Looks like it's the easiest money they ever made, shippin out a deformed soldier to die at war and chargin him the boat fare!

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Let's play domino thugs!

Many scenes look like they're recorded off a mobile phone. One of the least embarrassin elements of the movie is the female lead (Tara Wallace) but she gets an early bailout. The worst thing about the movie is actually Cheah himself with his smarmy smugness, instantly killin any tension and credulity the movie tries so hard to hang on to in every scene. Nonetheless I'm pleased to report that Prince Of The City (2012) isn't the worst Malaysian movie of 2012. It's a close fight but M. Jamil's equally delusional but ultimately unwatchable Momok Don't Find Trouble (2012) keeps that honour. Only just, though.★
Bonus material:
[picture credit: Julian Cheah Facebook fan page]

Tara Wallace from New York gets some bikini time.

Aaron Aziz puts in some token moves for the token action scenes.

It's payday in some part of the world for Michael Madsen.

"Whaddya mean I can't produce, direct, write, finance and star in my own movie?!?!"

Director Roslan Hussin tries to console Yank Kassim.

Tara Wallace and Julian Cheah.

Datin Ghairah (2011)

"Yes, you balik as soon as possible dan jangan lupa belikan collagen, ya."

At a glance:

I know this is a shyte film by all accounts but I thought I'd watch it and post a review anyway, since I love watchin rubbish films. I've been puttin this into the computer by my bed every night and fallin asleep to it, so I keep havin to restart the next night.

Bad news on the doorstep:

That was more than two weeks ago.

Perennial wonderment:

It is a national travesty how that De Baron company can keep producin and releasin movies under some self-sanctioned Langkawi tourism initiative. This is a TV movie that belongs to the cheapest slot on the cheapest channel, not a theatrical release across more than 40 screens. Why are we asked to take it seriously? Give me a break!

Reminds me of:

Well, the perfectly cast Maria Farida is of course a real actress with real actin pedigree unlike Yasmin Khanif - but all the memories of Jalang (2009) did come back. To be fair, Datin Ghairah is a decidedly campy effort that knows what it is (especially with such a title), so we should have a heart.

I can't remember if I cried:

I didn't cry, I slept. The elements in this movie are from 40 years ago. A tough guy talkin with a cartoon voice is the kind of comedy you can expect 40 years ago. That's why it's a RM 1.2 million movie starrin the country's No.1 male lead and yet posted just RM 350,000, accordin to the FINAS jokers at least.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Well at least it was a coherent story and some actin was actually involved. Plus, the Projek Pistol theme Wanita Seluruh Dunia is actually not bad.★1/2


Trailer for the curious:

Transverse (2010) @ 2 Alam

At a glance:

Should anyone be thinkin of givin this a go, based on the incredible hype that surrounded its producer, Kedahan MLM con job entrepreneur Che Rozmey Che Din, the simplest recommendation this writer could offer would be to just buy the soundtrack. Why? It’s essentially an 86-minute music video of two songs by Amy Search and Ramli Sarip! The tracks are actually quite decent but the movie proper is such an outrageous insult to Malaysian cinema that the more we talk about it, the more embarrassin this review gets. Roundly rubbished by the Malaysian press at the 23rd Malaysian Film Festival at e@Curve where it first premiered, 2 Alam is a pointless attempt at didactic moral values in a pseudo-horror drama, plagued with poor production values together with a story and script that can be written (or commissioned to be written) only by that man Imran Ismail, the clown behind the ridiculous 2009 catastrophe Jalang (2009).

"Beli laaa, bang. Beli laaa..."

Bad news on the doorstep:
It's ALL bad news.

Perennial wonderment:

2 Alam probably shot itself in the foot when its producer boasted a target gross of RM 40 million at the Malaysian box office through self-paid ads in the papers, and then engaged in a futile standoff with the unforgivin Malaysian pressmen. With such substandard content, it is truly a wonder how this movie about the mysterious problems in burying a transsexual could even attempt such a feat through proper means. Bad actin, intrusive music and very poor lines are the first things one would notice about the film 15 minutes in. Truly a black mark on the actin CVs of Faizal Hussein, Aaron Aziz and even veteran Kuswadinata, 2 Alam is a regrettable effort that fails to showcase a credible, entertainin story at every front.

I can't remember if I cried:

When the bloody soundtrack started to loop. Also, when I read about how lead actor Aaron Aziz actually tried defendin the movie to the local press.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

The less said about this movie, the better. Not even ★

KL Gangster (2011)

"Lu cakap macam orang sudah mau bosan dengan hidop, tau?"

At a glance:

Malaysia's top grossin film of all time at RM 11.74 mil accordin to the FINAS jokers (that's almost US$ 4 mil) is a gangster flick that won't make much sense outside the multi-ethnic Southeast Asian nation - but to the jaded locals, this was a refreshin mainstream action movie that immediately spared us the perennial tedium of predictable and pedestrian scriptin, deservin all the box office success it achieved, especially since it doesn't even have a female lead. Probably conceived after director and scribe Shamsul Yusof chanced upon some of HK's Young And Dangerous movies from the 90s, the highest sellin point for this ### is the undeniably original and inspired dialogue - a mixaphorical street market dialect punctuated by rude and unnatural Cantonese retorts by Malay characters. This drew non-Malay audiences even, a most rare occurrence in the country.

Bad news on the doorstep:

"Lu mau gua dudok diam? Lu kasi wa mati dulu la baru wa diam."

Some glarin continuity goofs and a few poor performances blight an otherwise solid tour-de-fist of over-the-top Kuala Lumpur gangland warfare. For those unfamiliar with the territory - no, we don't get tattooed Malay hoods runnin through Chinatown with two pistols and a suitcase in midday. Velvet blazers for that quintessential nouveau rich look are a tropical no-no as well.

Perennial wonderment:

Adiputra's muscular turn as the enigmatic gangster Jai (with unlit cigarette, below) takes the top prize for best actin but I'm quite concerned as to how the man is doin right now. In an appearance at a Malaysian shoppin mall not too long ago with co-stars Aaron Aziz and Adam Corrie to promote the flick, he lost a lot of weight and looked rather jaundiced. Sure hope he'll be in more movies. 

Reminds me of:

I can't remember if I cried:

"Lawan gua bukan dua orang
tapi dua lori."

When Zizan Raja Lawak, the movie's singular point of comic relief, says: "Gua mau beli banglo besar kat depan tu, tapi takde budget pasal gua dah beli TV plasma ni dengan tali pinggang ni." (literally "I want to buy that big house over there but I'm quiet broke because I already bought this plasma TV and this belt."). There are plenty of memorable one-liners in this movie and the people at Skop Productions can be credited for an interestin marketin approach on Facebook which had them settin up multiple fan pages just for these lines.

Watch out for:
Anythin Zizan Raja Lawak says or does is absolutely original and hilarious. He won't top this performance for a very long time.
Most memorable line:

Too many to pick from.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

This movie gets my four stars and I paid cash money to watch it at a cinema twice to make sure Yusof Haslam's pockets are properly lined to shoot KL Gangster 2.★★★★

Trailer for the curious:

 Bonus material:

1996 Hong Kong material gets a 2011 Malay reupdate to the tune of RM 11.74 million. Why bother changin a winnin formula, eh?