I Spit On Your Grave 2 (2013)

Jemma Dallender in a spot of rape & revenge for I Spit On Your Grave.

At a glance:

"I shit on your grave!! I do!!"

Director Steven R. Monroe follows up on his R & R hit (rape and revenge) I Spit On Your Grave (2010) with the inevitable I Spit On Your Grave 2 (2013) -- this time with a slightly prettier lead in Kristin Kreuk lookalike Londoner Jemma Dallender (a bit like Hanna Mangan Lawrence too, innit?) and with better, more memorable villains, although they are typically East European again, as Hollywood's preferred criminal profilin will have it. The beloved critic Roger Ebert, who famously rubbished the 1978 original and its 2010 remake, is probably turnin in his grave right know, knowin that this franchise has managed to outlive him. For what it's worth, the product is a more polished, technically accomplished concept sequel with improved realistic torture for you gore hounds out there. This reboot features Katie, a wannabe model who gets more than she bargained for, after agreein to a free photo shoot with some dodgy blokes. Highlights include an extended rape scene on the floor and several good kills involvin a shitty toilet bowl (literally), a cement mixer and an electric prod, not to mention an excellent nipple removal scene reminiscent of Grotesque (2009), plus the best, most graphic castration scene I've ever seen on film.

Bad news on the doorstep:

We gotta nip it in the bud, I say.

I think it's a story of two halves, in more than one sense. The rape bit is nasty, steady stuff. However the revenge bit, which I believe to be central to makin these kind of movies work, is only partially present. Jemma Dallender actually commands a stronger screen presence than her predecessors Camille Keaton and Sarah Butler but the narrative robs us of any sort of meaningful reflection on the part of the aggrieved character that would have made retribution sweeter. The downtime I'm talkin about involves only a subway pigeon roast and a few half-arsed conversations with a sympathetic priest in a church. Notwithstandin some logistical concerns that plague the story and requires frequent suspensions of disbelief, Katie's unlikely escape and rebirth as the hellbent avenger is hard to relate to because she goes from desperate, helpless victim to a calculated, punchline-hurlin badass too quickly. She seems to have forgotten about the anguish that drove her so far in the first place, while we have been invested to see her keep it, especially for the decisive moments in which she is to exact her revenge. Huntin down her captors become an exercise in car-crash curiosity and the payoff we ask for is reduced to a series of shock violence and human depravity.

Jemma Dallender is a little tied up at the moment.

"Nice shoes. Wanna fuck?"

Perennial wonderment:

How should we do I Spit On Your Grave 3 ? I say, have a male lead this time, a pizza guy maybe, who gets raped and tortured by some old maids. Any better ideas? Drop me a line below.

Reminds me of:

I Spit on Your Grave / Day Of The Woman (1978) and Thriller - A Cruel Picture (1974). It's rare but I do find that this movie has actually provided a reasonably more entertainin modern times reupdate on those rape and revenge movies, although it broke no new ground.
I can't remember if I cried:
The nipple removal scene!

"Hmm... I wonder what this does..."

Most memorable line:

None.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Starburst Magazine's Paul Risker framed it well: "For all the controversy of Straw Dogs' notorious rape scene, the film remains a reflection of the ideologies of its director Sam Peckinpah. It explores the individual’s relationship to violence and the necessity of violence for survival. Whilst this reflection is embedded in the film’s subtext, I Spit on Your Grave 2 asks you to attempt to find a reason to celebrate it by projecting meaning and metaphor onto it where none exists." The movie could have been 15-20 minutes shorter, to achieve what it did. By the way, I saw a 107-minute version, so don't get shortchanged because I read that there are some festival cuts around.★★1/2
Bonus material:
I have loads of photos for you below but I don't suggest you click through unless you don't intend to watch the movie. Enjoy!

Joe Absolom gives it up for the best castration scene in cinema history.

The Victim (2011)

The incredibly tempting but titless scream queen Danielle Harris.

Real life lovers Michael Biehn and Jennifer Blanc.

At a glance:

The tagline asks: "Who is the victim?" Well, you mostly likely are, if you sat through this, like I did. The Victim (2011) is written and directed by Hollywood veteran Michael Biehn who couldn't resist also starrin in the damned thing, while castin his buxom wife Jennifer Blanc opposite him. Well actually, they started their own production house and this is the first of three pictures they shopped, I think. It's an R-rated effort about two sluts (Blanc and the equally trashy Danielle Harris) who are fixin to get it on with two police officers (Ryan Honey, Denny Kirkwood) in the woods but their tryst is compromised and Blanc's character escapes to a cabin inhabited by a mysterious loner (Biehn). Title refers to the guessin game we have to play, as we try to figure out their competin stories on just who is bein fucked over here.

Bad news on the doorstep:

Ryan Honey takes forever to come with Danielle Harris in The Victim (2011).

Jennifer Blanc-Biehn and Danielle Harris.

Reportedly shot over 12 days for US $800k, mostly in Topanga Canyon, close to Malibu, California, and marketed as grindhouse fare, helmer Michael Biehn apologetically said he "got the sex in, because I didn’t have money for special effects makeup, I didn’t have money for visual effects. I didn’t have money for crowd scenes of car chases, nothing like that and so I just went with the sex, dirty cops, drugs, a little bit of torture, and enough to do a little bit of action, and I threw in a serial killer." Well, that's all well and good but The Victim largely suffers from a structural issues i.e. unhelpful flashbacks and music that are well sourced but don't work. The onscreen sex between the husband and wife team is so sudden, it's hilarious. Biehn will always have his fans but I think Mrs. Biehn's actin and delivery still has some way to go. She's pushin 40 but she's got a voluptuous body, though.

Perennial wonderment:

What's the next level for Danielle Harris, I wonder? She's famous now after doin the Halloween and Hatchet movies, and I seem to always end up watchin her less illustrious appearances as well, such as Stake Land (2010), Cyrus (2010), ChromeSkull: Laid To Rest 2 (2011) and most recently Fatal Call before this favour to Michael Biehn.

Reminds me of:

Jennifer Blanc pleasures Denny Kirkwood in The Victim (2011).

Primal sex in the woods with betattooed women of loose morals... or was that all a dream sequence? Oh noooooooo ...
I can't remember if I cried:
What kind of girl would offer to give head in exchange for "living a little longer and doing something I've always enjoyed"? The kind of girl in a B-grade sexploitation flick, I guess. Oh, and what kind of guy would allow a girl to? An incredibly stupid one, that's for sure.

Most memorable line:

Some weak lines throughout but please do check out Michael Biehn's bizarre monologue on sociopaths in the closin scene, about "touching the face of God".

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Biehn at work.

Alan Cerny of Ain't It Cool News acquits The Victim as "a fun sleazy grindhouse film", in which Biehn was lauded for both givin a good performance and gettin good performances out of his actors. I can't say I can be as excited for it, but watchin the end credits reel does make me feel more forgivin towards the people behind it, who must've put in a lot of effort. I guess if I were Michael Biehn, this would definitely be somethin I'd proud to start out with. Good luck for your next try, sir. ★★1/2
Bonus material:

Danielle Harris. Not my kind of body type but she got heat, alright.

Dead Hooker In A Trunk (2009)

"Boo."

At a glance:

Vancouver-set grindhouse fare by Soska twins Jennifer and Sylvia, two Canadian sisters who like violent horror movies. Dead Hooker In A Trunk (2009) tries to be as exploitative as it sounds, the conception of which is said to be inspired by the filmin of microbudget success El Mariachi (1992). In fact, they got Carlos Gallardo to do a cameo and Eli Roth to endorse it. Backed by IFC, the story is merely a premise - a group of people drive around tryin to figure out what to do with a whore that appeared in the trunk of their car.

Bad news on the doorstep:

Sexy Soska twins

Some camerawork choices don't help the story and detracts from the thriller mystery mood. I understand the music is supplied by a number of Vancouver acts. It sounds really good but I'm not sure it always goes. Also, the plot digresses far enough from the corpse that we forget all about it.

Reminds me of:

The girls remind me of Fiona Horsey in Wolfgang Büld exploitation movies. Don't get your hopes up though. There's no nudity here, so that's a big drawback if you were under the impression this was an over-the-top exploitation flick.

I can't remember if I cried:

Some of the pointless, poorly-filmed violence and gore in here are comical.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Show some love for a debut effort. They have a movie slated for this year - American Mary (2012). I guess things can only get better for Twisted Twins Productions. Check out the Dead Hooker In A Trunk official website for more info.★★
Bonus material:

"There's a dead hooker in the trunk and that is a big fucking deal."

Cherry Bomb (2011)

Julin Jean: Cherry bombed, unfortunately.

At a glance:

Julin Jean, Grayce Benesh & Denise Williamson.

Not to be confused with the 2009 Irish film of the same name, Cherry Bomb (2011) is Garrett Hargrove's All-Texan rehash of rape & revenge movies, starrin foxy lead Julin Jean as the titular stripper. Well, they might not have managed a theatrical release but I should think they've made a few bucks since the Blu-Ray is already out. The product has good online presence - a Facebook fan page since Valentine's Day in 2009 and an official website with links to an in-depth production blog with lots of interviews and photos. Hell they even used the Facebook page to do a shoutout when the lead actress got her car stolen! All in all, it looked like a well-planned project and everyone seemed to have enjoyed themselves.

Bad news on the doorstep:

"What time do you get off work?"
- Because everyone has tried it at least once.

Hey you know I always show love to stripper-themed movies, even the very bad ones. However the audience simply isn't given enough to care for Cherry from the get-go. Julin Jean's portrayal is static and one-dimensional despite havin done some 600 movies, so that's quite unfortunate, although I will keep a lookout for her CV (Retractable / Puncture, Renfeld The Undead, The Toy Box) from now on. The rest of the strippers and peripheral women don't feature much (Grayce Benesh, Denise Williamson, Mysteria Black, Caitlyn Hutson, Sabrina Jones, AJ Bailey, Thea Marie, Brandy Lee, Johanna Jackson, Amanda Arnold etc) and the bad guy (Allen Hackney) is just a silent Jules Verne from Pulp Fiction (1994) but with a bigger afro. 

Perennial wonderment:

I'm singlin out John Gabriel (Cherry's reluctant brother and partner-in-crime) here for a performance that belongs to a far more superior movie.

Reminds me of:

I Spit on Your Grave / Day Of The Woman (1978), Run! Bitch Run! (2009) and the Kill Bill movies. Actually, Julin Jean's role reminds me of Rose McGowan's one-legged stripper role in Planet Terror (2007). That stripper was also called Cherry but she was drawn out much better and had much more goin for her.

Watch out for:

Porn actor Nick Manning's role. Man can't act to save his life - should've kept him mute.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Instead of goin down as the very accomplished and enjoyable B-movie it could've easily been, Cherry Bomb committed the story sin of havin an unlikeable lead nobody really wants to root for. The fact that it was set in 1984 wasn't convincin and didn't help the story none. ★★
Trailer for the curious:

Bonus material:

Amanda Arnold

Caitlyn Hutson and Sabrina Jones.

Long Arm Of The Law (1984) @ 省港旗兵

Lam Wai 林威 stars in Long Arm Of The Law (1984) 省港旗兵

At a glance:

An obviously dated but important Chinese film that predates all the John Woo gun movies from Hong Kong that we celebrate. Director Johnny Mak Tong Hung 麥當雄 gets some cold-blooded actin out of exploitation flick staple Lam Wai 林威 (pic) in a movie where everyone's a bad guy. It's about how a bunch of Mainland ex-soldiers travel to Hong Kong hopin to pull off some heists and make the kind of money that they can never make in 100 years workin in China (referenced in the film). Hooray for Capitalism. Hooray for exploitation cinema.

Bad news on the doorstep:

Might be difficult to find this film in its entirety (not those episodic YouTube uploads). Might be more difficult to find out why it's good cinema if you're just a regular movie buff. This was one of the earliest films for villain staples like Chan Ging and Shum Wai.

Watch out for:

A climactic gunfight through the mazy, squalid squatters in what was once the lawless Kowloon Walled City. Fuicho. Some really OTT executions, too.

Most memorable line:

"I am a Mainland boy. I don't know my ABCDs. I do things without any love or interest. Don't try to be funny with me. What are you, whore? You're a rotten tomato. You're a chicken biscuit. Now, strip!"

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Eye-openin crime flick about how it used to be durin the days of givin your brother a Dupont lighter to show him how you've made it big. Long Arm Of The Law (1984) was ranked #6 on the list of Best 100 Chinese Motion Pictures durin the 24th Hong Kong Film Awards ceremony on 27 March 2005.★★★
Trailer for the curious:

Inside (2007) @ À l'Intérieur

Béatrice Dalle sticks it in.

At a glance:

Inside (2007) or its native French À l'Intérieur is definitely not for the faint-hearted, especially those expectin a baby. It's like an all-out mother of all horrors, designed to resuscitate the numbest, most jaded fans of the genre who had resorted to watchin the Twilight movies in their boredom. Without givin anythin away, it's a movie about a mysterious intruder (Béatrice Dalle, pic) who terrorises an expectant mum (Alysson Paradis) in her home, with some pretty graphic violence thrown in for good measure.

Bad news on the doorstep:

Scarier than a Malaysian public toilet, for once.

While the traditional FX are surprisingly top-notch (the blood oozes off from the screen with gratuitous confidence), I do feel it did go overboard towards the end, where it started to get a bit silly and comical. I'm not sure it's a rewardin watch either. I just know it's a horror movie that is shot with the express intention to make you squirm. I even believe they went through 50 different pairs of scissors just to decide on the instrument that will project the most fear by sheer sight.

Perennial wonderment:

What is the best formula to make blood for shootin movies? How come some movies have horribly laughable diluted sirap while other similarly budgeted movies have better stuff?

"You complete me."

Reminds me of:

That other movie with Béatrice Dalle, Trouble Every Day (2001). I can't remember a damned thing about it now except that pervo Vincent Gallo is in it too. I also recall Darah (2009), that Indonesian bloodbath where the set is perpetually soaked in blood, pretty much like Inside.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Well, it did make me anticipate the next sick scene just as soon as one is over. ★★

Barbed Wire Dolls (1975) @ Frauengefängnis

At a glance:
The less is said about these old exploitation films, the better. However as a Women In Prison (WIP) product, apparently there is a historical importance in movies like these. They're made because floggin and other types of torture were outlawed in commercial porno but people still had to get their S&M fix somehow, innit? In this Jess Franco flick, his real life playthin Lina Romay is a girl who accidentally kills her dad (Franco himself) as she was defendin herself from incestuous rape. In jail, she meets a loony dominatrix wardress (Monica Swinn in hotpants with a monocle) and various other oversexed lesbians or in-house psychos, as she learns about the corrupt, self-subsistin penitentiary.
Bad news on the doorstep:
Maybe this would be wonderful viewin in those days but the shock value here isn't really felt. I can't believe how many reviews they are out there discussin this movie's merits. Borin bollocks. Prefer those Pam Grier movies.
Reminds me of:
Thriller: A Cruel Picture but at least that was interestin.
Watch out for:
Ridiculous slo-mo rape chase scene. Wtf. Instead of shootin it in slo-mo, they actually did everythin slowly.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Schlockmeister supreme Jesus Franco is one man who can make nudity borin. In a movie with scenes of cigarette-aided masturbation and nude electrocution, I can't believe it's so difficult to finish watchin this movie.

Black Devil Doll (2007)

At a glance:
Remember Child's Play (1988)? Blaxploitation lives but this really ought to have been better. Story? A negro version of Chucky fucks and kills busty sluts. Made by Lewis brothers Shawn and Jonathan, two cats who did manage to get the DVD some heavy online presence. Check out their website.
Bad news on the doorstep:
Intentionally bad. Incoherent. Degenerate. Lazy. Empty. It's artistic goal is to offend people and get all the publicity it can.
Reminds me of:
The best blaxploitation movie ever made - Superfly (1972).
Watch out for:
Mayonnaise sex, cheap fake blood, wet t-shirt car wash etc.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?One star. They couldda made it more fun but at least the muppets left us with a good list of evil doll movies on their MySpace. Dead Of Night (1945), (1962), The Twilight Zone: The DummyThe Twilight Zone: Living Doll (1963), The Twilight Zone: Caesar And Me (1964), Devil Doll (1964), Trilogy Of Terror (1975), Let My Puppets Come (1976), Magic (1978), Black Devil Doll From Hell (1984), Attack Of The Beast Creatures (1985), Dolls (1988), Puppet Master (1989), Meet The Feebles (1989), (1991), Demonic ToysDolly Dearest (1992), Dollman vs Demonic Toys (1993), Tales From The Hood (1995), Pinocchio’s Revenge (1996), Blood Dolls (1999), Rag Doll (1999), Team America (2004), Dead Silence (2007). You could watch this one on fast forward, I guess.
Trailer for the curious:

Macabre (2009) @ Darah @ Rumah Dara

Macabre: Shareefa Daanish goes after Julie Estelle, Patrick Bateman-style.

At a glance:
Some people like Mo Bros Timo Tjajanto and Kimo Stamboel take the term bloodbath very, very literally. They directed this Indon slasher with a script so soaked in blood, you'll have to check your clothes for stains when exitin the cinema. Macabre a.k.a. Rumah Dara a.k.a. Darah is an intriguin expansion of a 2007 short by the same duo, also starrin Shareefa Daanish as Ibu Dara, a hollow-eyed, kebaya-clad immortal fiend whose preferred method of execution is by electric chainsaw, American Psycho style. This unusual image is the most marketable aspect of the indie flick and it's no wonder she picked up some award for it, despite the performance being laughably one-dimensional. She even upstages Julie Estelle by appearin solo in the poster for Singapore's release. Story? A party of six decide to drop off a troubled young lady at her home, en route to Jakarta. Turns out they're lured into a spooky colonial home with a family who keeps a terrible secret and our lucky lot just walked right into the jackpot.

London-born Indonesian actress Shareefa Daanish.

Bad news on the doorstep:
Clunky dialogue, pacin issues, uneven camerawork.
Perennial wonderment:
Why don't Indon horrors go for the jugular like this one did? Darah rated M18 by the MDA, differs from films of the same ilk because it intentionally takes only token care of character development. It also boasts a remarkable prolonged climax, reminiscent of exploitation flicks of yesteryear where overkill is the way to go. In terms of actin, Kuntilanak girls Julie Estelle and Imelda Therinne show nothing special while the rest of the cast get killed off just in time before they started gettin real irritatin. A wet t-shirt or two couldn't have hurt in a horror movie like this, but since we didn't get that, their uneventful, generic performances are particularly glarin. The paedophilic-lookin, bespectacled killer (Ruly Lubis) and the Edward Cullen wannabe (Arifin Putra) are extra minions who have spin-off potential.
Reminds me of:
Jap classic Odishon, Robert Rodriguez' From Dusk To Dawn, that senseless gorefest Feast and the most recent blood-soaked movie I watched, Eden Lake.
Watch out for:
Battle Of The Bitches finale, see pic above.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
So outrageously OTT, they banned it in Malaysia apparently. You can read online that Darah is the first pic from Gorylah Pictures, a new genre label by Eric Khoo of Zhao Wei Films and Mike Wiluan of Infinite Frameworks, focusin on South East Asian horror stories. Decent start for a low budget flick. Hope they're on their way to make many more.★★★

Taxi Hunter (1993) @ 的士判官

At a glance:
Decent CAT II Herman Yau exploitation flick about mild-mannered office guy (played by his favourite actor Anthony Wong, pic) whose pregnant wife dies due to a bastard taxi driver. He turns into a nutjob and goes all out to eliminate all shortchangin, overchargin, non-complyin taximen. Apparently inspired by a real taxi strike in Hong Kong.
Perennial wonderment:
How the beautiful (well maybe not so much pre-ops) Athena Chu and the Ambassador of Ugly Mr. Ng Man Tat can play father and daughter in a movie. Rank.
Reminds me of:
The highly effective Michael Douglas-starrer Falling Down, also about a troubled anti-hero who goes off the handle. Just look at the poster. Released in the same year even. Also, the other Herman Yau-Anthony Wong classic Ebola Syndrome, an exceedingly exploitative and enjoyable CAT III feature usin the same stressed-good-guy-goes-nuts formula.
Watch out for:
The pregnant wife freak accident scene. Gilababi.
Most memorable line:
You are also a good whore.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?The second layer to this story is how the deranged cabbie killer remains a nice guy in every other way thoughout the movie. Give Herman ★★★1/2 for such an entertainin watch despite it not bein a CAT III. Wotta man.

Crank: High Voltage (2009)

At a glance:Faster, sexier and crazier than the 2006 first, the cartoonish Jason Statham (pic) in this modern day exploitation flick sure is remininscent of the crazed goalkeeper he played in Mean Machine with Vinnie Jones. He does all manner of bizarre things to get himself excited, includin fuckin in the dirt on a horse racetrack and wearin an electric dog collar. He beats up people and gets beaten up just as often. He spends the whole movie escapin a loony whore (an unmistakably trashy Bai Ling) and rescuin his stripper girlfriend (Amy Smart from The Butterfly Effect). What's there not to like about this movie? There's even that guy (Efren Ramirez) with a condition called Full Body Tourette's Syndrome!
Bad news on the doorstep:
Some racial stereotypin will anger a few minorities but everythin is forgivable when you know it's an exploitation movie from the outset.
Perennial wonderment:
Can Amy Smart (pic) act? I can't be sure.
Reminds me of:Stone Island jackets. I wish the climate permitted.
Watch out for:
Pornstars Ron Jeremy, Jenna Haze and Lexington Steele. You can also catch a cameo by the late David Carradine, in case the unreleased movies he completed before he died earlier this year don't make it into distribution.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?I'll go for three and half stars. How many movies have an official website that makes you type a cuss word before it lets you in?

Day Of The Woman (1978) @ I Spit On Your Grave

At a glance:
A few versions out there but any is equally and completely FUBAR extreme cinema, if you asked me. Rape and revenge are the celebrated themes in this controversial movie about a female New York writer who gets gangbanged by some small town hicks and subsequently goes on a pretty graphic trail of vengeance (pic). Yet another one of those shock movies where you question the artistic merit over its seemingly exploitative content. What tipped the scale for me was the retard rapist character, whom I thought confirmed this as a legit story about the subject of rape.
Bad news on the doorstep:
Still banned in some form or another in many countries today. However the good news is that Variety has reported a remake last year. Wonder if it ever got made.
Reminds me of:
Thriller - A Cruel Picture, which was even more artistic and fuct.
Watch out for:
The scrawny white ass of one Camille Keaton (pic, related to Buster), who musta been pretty damn brave to agree to a movie like this, what with the extended scenes of sodomy and cryin.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?I can't decide.

Cannibal Holocaust (1980)

At a glance:
Shock torture porn, semi-docu style, but not without some critical importance. Pic seems to work because there is a real and substantial mockery of civilised society here, interlaced with plenty of explicit imagery of bizarre sexual acts, tribal rituals and graphic animal slaughter, which are all pretty darn interestin if you ask a sick fuck like me. Much talked about by those who're into extreme cinema.
Bad news on the doorstep:
Banned in its native Italy and a few others upon release, the movie is still controversial today. Some countries have since lifted the ban, some won't. No surprise there when you read that they dropped murder charges against director Ruggero Deodato only after he explained the SFX behind how the girl was impaled in one scene (pic). This was because the actors signed contracts agreein they'd disappear and keep low profiles so that people might really believe they died while makin a documentary in the jungle, which is part of the story. You might find many versions to download. Watched mine on an original R3 Thai disc.
Reminds me of:
Anthony Wong in Ebola Syndrome. Haha. On another note, director was reportedly pissed off at similar movies like Blair Witch Project and The Last Broadcast, which didn't cite enough referential credit to his movie.
Watch out for:
The celebrated scene that teaches you how to process a turtle for dinner. Sure makes you think twice about terrapin soup from now on, doesn't it?
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Four stars. I was quite entertained, especially with Riz Ortolani's amazin score. Even that culture goldfish numbnuts Johan remembers the music. Man also scored Mondo Cane.
Trailer for the curious: