Infected (2013)

We're gathered here today to mark the demise of Michael Madsen's career...

Annie Worden obliges with a little tease in Infected.
She's kinda cute.

At a glance:

Michael Madsen is really on a roll, huh? Last year alone, we've seen him in extremely dodgy flicks like Prince Of The City and Eldorado. Now I stumble upon Infected (2013), the latest on his self-effacin CV. It's a messy little indie zombie flick, written and directed by Glenn Ciano. The synopsis reads: As they’ve been doing for years, Louis and his son arrive at a hunting lodge for their yearly vacation with family and friends. They hunt, drink, and share stories by the fire, enjoying the relaxing, familiar countryside.  But when the caretaker’s mother falls ill, it is quickly apparent that she is not sick from an ordinary virus. When she disappears into the woods, the fear begins to spread. Reports of an outbreak of a mutated form of lyme disease begin popping up all over New England and soon, all over the country.  The disease is causing people to become inexplicably violent, committing horrific acts of murder and cannibalism. Normally sane men and women, young and old, become infected with an insatiable desire to eat human flesh. Broadcasts declare that, “Humanity is sick.” These unfortunate souls are not the undead walking the Earth; they are alive and understand the atrocious acts they cannot help themselves from. As the infection spreads and the diseased monsters find their way to the hunting lodge, what starts out as an innocent camping trip, turns into the ultimate fight for survival of the human race. You still here?

Bad news on the doorstep:

William Forsythe

It's a completely unnecessary genre exercise, narrated with the most numbin basic shots and the worst, most puzzlin background music a film director could allow. It's not out of order to say that I've seen more competent film school projects. Character exposition is flimsy and the story is long lost through its limp execution.What a shame for such an elaborate setup.

Perennial wonderment:

Why does it exist?

Reminds me of:

Zombieland (2009) and Feast (2005)... but these were very decent movies that allowed us to have some measure of fun. 

Watch out for:

William Forsythe. He actually followed through and gave a good account of himself.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Christy Carlson Romano

Trust me - you won't miss this one.★

Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo (1999)

Just once in my life, I would like to try this.

At a glance:
Honestly, this Rob Schneider fella (pic) ain't funny but if he ever starred in a movie that was, it would be this. Titular character is a loser of a fish expert turned unlikely gigolo, findin himself reluctantly renderin his so-called services to various women of ill-nature. Tasteless comedy, really - but it did teach me what it means when someone asks "have you ever thrown a toothpick into a volcano?"

Bad news on the doorstep:
Not sure if this is bad news but Schneider said in an interview that there will be no more additions to this box office wonder and that he was kinda relieved the European Gigolo (2005) sequel bombed because that means he'd never have to do it again. He admits hatin to be the character.
Reminds me of:
This bird I used to know, who oddly thought this movie was funny, too.

Most memorable line:
Deuce: "Kate, you have a smile that could melt an iceberg. Your lips are as sweet as honey. You may only have one leg, but it's the most beautiful leg in the world."
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
10 years on, I still remember most of the scenes and their correspondin lines vividly. Ah the good ol' days. A guilty pleasure.★★★