Movie 43 (2013)

Elizabeth Banks, along with some 40 others, were blackmailed to star in this film.

Shit and sex come together for the house bunny.

At a glance:

I'd like to think I could talk you out of this one but chances are you'd like to see for yourself, whatever you've read elsewhere about this bein the worst movie ever in general release. It's definitely a forerunner for the Razzies this year and probably in every category. Producer Peter Farrelly's criminally meaningless, unfunny and obnoxious Movie 43 (2013) deserves none of your hard earned dollars, but with an ensemble cast this juicy, you're likely to pay the nominal sucker fee, like I did. It's an R-rated comedy with the loosest of coherent narratives, gag after gag, put together by different directors. The film has 11 directors and 15 writers tied to it, each one writin and directin different segments. Highlights include; Hugh Jackman with an outrageous deformity on a blind date with Kate Winslet, a coprophilic Anna Faris forcin her poop fetish on reluctant boyfriend Chris Pratt, a home-schooled Jeremy Allen White growin up under extremist parents Liev Schreiber and Naomi Watts, and lastly a dodgy super hero speed datin session with Justin Long, Uma Thurman, Jason Sudeikis and Kristen Bell. It's a circus.

Bad news on the doorstep:

Leslie Bibb, Justin Long and Jason Sudeikis in Movie 43.
Didn't know they were all so broke.

Well, the critics are unanimous on this one. It sucks balls. Hard. That's why there was no press preview and not too many of the stars attended the LA premiere. Prosthetic cocks, pubes, piss, period stains, poop - you name it, they've got it. Why did these stars subject themselves to such vulgar humiliation? Richard Gere and Kate Winslet are in this, fuck me.

Perennial wonderment:

Funny how only adults are allowed into this but probably only 9-year-olds would find it funny.

Yes, that's actually Gerard Butler playing a leprechaun.

Reminds me of:

Trash like Date Movie (2006) and all the other Movie movies.

Most memorable line:

None I can remember but Jason Sudeikis as an annoyin Batman is one of the more tolerable moments of the movie. His is probably the only funny character and he would've held his own in Kick-Ass (2010) or Super (2010).

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

A sympathetic narrator might have saved this but the skits are simply not funny. Every now and then I tried to will myself into a giggle, to make the best of it. Total walkouts I counted? Five. Promise me you won't pay for this one.★
(p/s I can feel my IQ droppin a few points just writin this review)

"I can see Batman under the table, Robin. It's a small table."

Bonus material:

Cock tattoo for Stephen Merchant, prosthetic tits for Halle Berry. Real classy!

For A Good Time, Call... (2012)

Ari Graynor: "Did you know that every time you masturbate, a pony dies?"

Boops!

At a glance:

Although this review site jumps at the chance of coverin sex-dripped movies, I had to think twice about puttin this up. It's an unapologetic gay director's first feature film and I had the discomfort of havin sat through the Toronto premiere in a hall full of fags (looks like I won't be learnin not to use this word, as advised in Dax Shepard's Hit And Run last night). If anythin, watchin this movie, served as wake-up call for this homophobic writer that my professional days in this line are well and truly over, especially in this neck of the woods where I'm the odd one out. Still, like any conservative bigot strugglin to improve, I'll write this review on the artistic merits of the film, which I'll concede as a pretty solid indie comedy about two desperate frenemies embarkin on a phone sex operator business together.

Bad news on the doorstep:

Bridesmaids (2011) taught us box office sensibilities about how the boys shouldn't have all the fun (e.g. The Hangover, 2009) and this movie drives home that point, whether I like it or not. For A Good Time, Call... (2012) celebrates hedonism, feminism and self-empowerment with unabashed aplomb, with a bouncy script drawn from real life experiences, co-written by Lauren Miller (also one of the two leadin ladies) and Katie Anne Naylon. The filmmakers even saw fit to take a swipe at their lifestyle detractors by includin a Christian fanatic character in the movie (Sugar Lyn Beard) only to be demonised for her deeds, "like some fucking Jesus of Nazareth". At this point I wanted to walk out of the screenin. I could take a joke but this line was loaded and the context was vindictive.

Lauren Miller learns the timeless art of phone-fucking from Ari Graynor.

Perennial wonderment:

Some observers note that Seth Rogen's screenwriter wife Lauren Miller is about as credible and significant an actress as Judd Apatow's wife Leslie Mann. Is this true? I haven't seen enough but her role here as a sullen yuppie is rather watchable. Her easy chemistry with Ari Graynor's spritely toilet-mouth tramp provides the sellin point of the movie and while the obviously more talented Graynor commands genuine star appeal, it should be interestin to see Mrs. Rogen's upcomin roles.

Justin Long, gay again.

Watch out for:
Justin Long, playin an effeminate version of his gay character in Zack And Miri Make A Porno (2008), has a memorable supportin role and a particularly inspired, laugh-out-loud Lion King (1994) gag.

Most memorable line:

I'm too lost in the density of dirty jokes to remember any.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi? 
84 R-rated minutes of well-crafted camp, punctuated by smutty laughs. More intelligent than those in-your-face Happy Madison material, though. Giggle at your soul's expense.★★1/2

Because high fives aren't enough.

Bonus material:

Photo taken at Scotiabank Theatre, Toronto. 23 August 2012.

L-R: Local critic Richard Crouse interviews the cast and crew.
Photo taken at Scotiabank Theatre, Toronto. 23 August 2012.

L-R: Scriptwriter Katie Anne Naylon, director Jamie Travis, leads Lauren Miller and Ari Graynor.
Ms Graynor certainly lost some weight since the movie was filmed.
Photo taken at Scotiabank Theatre, Toronto. 23 August 2012.

Free sticker. Err... thanks.

Hit And Run (2012)

Bradley Cooper and henchman walk in on a party of swinging septuagenarians.

At a glance:

In love on and offscreen:
Dax Shepard and Kristen Bell
at the L.A. premiere.
(Eric Charbonneau/WireImage)

Hit and Run, to risk an obvious pun, is all hit-and-miss. Apparently impressively made under 10 weeks and under US $2 million, this road movie is a labour of love from Dax Shepard (The Freebie, 2010), who wrote, directed and even got his fiancée Kristen Bell (You Again, 2010) to play opposite him in it. I think she might have been producer, too. Their sweet pillow talk starts us off on an overwritten script, as we follow the couple on the road to L.A. in a custom '67 Lincoln Continental for a job interview, while bein chased by an assortment of maladjusted characters on both sides of the law. I'll leave you to discover them yourselves.

Bad news on the doorstep:

It's easy to blame the crowded cameos and fleetin characters but I suspect they would've been just perfect if only the romance between the lead pair was a wee bit more substantial. The winsome couple draw well from their real life chemistry but without a stronger reason to root for them, the heart of the story is absent and their elaborate dialogue tend to turn petty. Hit And Run is funny only in spurts and I reckon a more traditional storytellin dynamic would've turned this into a top act instead just shiftin gears for mild giggles in between.

Perennial wonderment:

A GPS-powered app to find gay dates in your area. Really? Yep. In real life, it's somethin called Grindr. Funny how much you might be missin out on just by bein on the straight and narrow, eh? On a related note, the movie is full of references to derogatory terms and I'm not entirely sure if I was alright with one or two gags that might actually be genuinely offensive to me. Hit And Run is clearly made to appeal to a certain portion of middle America and if I watched this a second time I might really think it was out of order.

Reminds me of:

Underwhelmin crime capers like Cat Run (2011). Shame. It had a few things goin for it but the end credit feelings are reminiscent of Larry Crown (2011) - cute and likeable but with a hole for a heart.

I can't remember if I cried:

When the crew walk in on some butt-naked septuagenarians about to get busy with their swing party. Wow. I ain't seen such graphic inelasticity since Les Textiles (2004).

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi? 
Maybe I had higher expectations for this because I was a little pumped up from watchin Mel Gibson's excellent Get The Gringo (2012) the previous night. Anyway, show some love to Dax Shepard for puttin his best foot forward. Hope he'll work on gettin a stronger story if he decides to do somethin wacky like this again. Man the guy can really drive!★★1/2
Bonus material:

Dax Shepard and the custom 1967 Lincoln Continental used in the movie.

Killer Joe (2012)

Fried chicken fellatio. Trailer trash strippers. Bloodthirsty biker bailiffs.
Killer Joe has got 'em all.

At a glance:

The last time playwright Tracy Letts and director William Friedkin got together, it was for the schizo sci-fi Bug (1996). More accessible than that genre-bender is Killer Joe (2012), a slick little shocker that goes OTT with some dark humour, havin been described as Larry Clark doin a Red Rock West (1993) to Coen brothers crime caper with a Pulp Fiction (1994) gloss-over. Having failed the NC-17 appeal, the peculiar trailer they cut hints little towards the violent hicksploitation this is; and the movie may have proved even harder to market without its comfortable star draw. We follow the titular Joe Cooper (Matthew McConaughey), a bent NYPD cop who accepts a contract to kill the estranged, good-for-nothin mother of the dysfunctional Smith family comprisin of deadbeat son Chris (Emile Hirsch), sexpot stepmum Sharla (Gina Gershon), halfwit redneck dad Ansel (Thomas Haden Church) and daughter Dottie (Juno Temple) - the nubile virgin who ends up bein the collateral when the deal goes awry. Everyone is at some point or another either naked, half-naked or bathed in blood. Fire up the chicken and let the good times roll.

Bad news on the doorstep:

Juno Temple takes it all off for Killer Joe.

While it's easier to dismiss the complaints that are based on mismatched genre expectations, I seem to have shaken off the post-screenin euphoria to discover that this is ultimately a pointless, though entertainin film. It's also easy to echo At A Theater Near You's Chris Pandolfi in havin to recognise the film's technical merits and strong performances but Variety's Justin Chang hammered it home by questionin its raison d'etre to arrive at the lingerin feelin that this is some kind of inside joke - "a mostly well-done adaptation that never quite convinces you it was worth doing well in the first place". Somehow Clarence Carter's vulgar 1977 hit Strokin', a theme in the movie, makes us all feel a little played indeed.
Perennial wonderment:

It's only been six years but Juno Temple is certainly on the up and up; and it seemed so long ago since she first appeared as Cate Blanchett's annoyin teen daughter in Notes On A Scandal (2006). She might have landed the job here only because not many actresses agree to full frontals (ditto Gina Gershon, albeit with beaver wig), but her intercontinental brand of slightly sexual ferocity has seen her held her own in The Dark Knight Rises (2012), Kaboom (2010), The Other Boleyn Girl (2008), The Three Musketeers (2011), Wild Child (2008) and Dirty Girl (2010). Here in Killer Joe, she's 10 years older than the 13-year-old jailbait she's supposed to be for McConaughey's paedo cop but the young lady does command some screen presence, whether she's doin a standup doggie for him or aimin a gun to his head. Too bad Chloë Grace Moretz is still only 15, you can hear the paedos concur. Will look forward to seein her The Brass Teapot (2012) next.
Reminds me of:
Sidney Lumet's Before The Devil Knows You're Dead (2007) and the Coens' Blood Simple (1984). Killer Joe is only the most recent in Friedkin's very varied 16-film oeuvre, which includes films like The Exorcist (1973) and Cruising (1980).

I can't remember if I cried:

The fried chicken fellatio. Killer Joe will forever be best remembered for an act of sadistic misogyny so degradin even Gina seen-all done-all Gershon looks genuinely humiliated. Very nice. Charmin McConaughey, the quintessential Texan talent, never acted better accordin to many, but it's also funny to read to that director Billy Friedkin says the man didn't even get it when he first read the script!

Most memorable line:

Thomas Haden Church: "I've never had a thousand dollars all my life."

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Thanks to Rue Morgue for the Scotiabank Theatre screenin in Toronto but now I feel guilty that the film's Twitter handle had retweeted my earlier one-sentence review praisin this as "vulgar, pulpy, pointless and chicken-sucking good". It's much closer to the chicken poutine I had prior to the show - a mess of instant, in-your-face, gratifyin gravy that you'd live to reconsider the mornin after.★★1/2
Bonus material:
"Totally twisted, deep-fried, Texas redneck, Billy Friedkin-directed, NC-17-rated, trailer park murder story masterpiece" as marketed on its Facebook page. Go check it out - they do have some funny photo mash-ups there.

Moving Day (2012) @ The Guys Who Move Furniture

Burly Curly can't get a break... still it's hard to root for him.

At a glance:

Gabrielle Miller

Moving Day (previously The Guys Who Move Furniture) is a decidedly low-key Canadian caper that is obviously a labour of love from director and scribe Mike Clattenburg (TV's Trailer Park Boys). Not much online presence for this project; can't find a website, Facebook fan page or Twitter handle and even the IMDb page isn't updated at the time I'm writin this. Billed as a workplace comedy, we follow cumbersome Clyde (Will Sasso, Curly from The Three Stooges, 2012), an overworked and underpaid employee at Redmond's Furniture. He dreams of workin as a City Council labourer, whom the filmmakers relish pointin out to be skivers who make $16 an hour. However the reality is that he's stuck in a dead end job with a dodgy boss (Victor Garbor) and colleagues who are either alcoholic womanisers (Gabriel Hogan, TV's Battlestar Galactica), rock star wannabes (Jonny Harris) or ex-convicts (Charlie Murphy, Night At The Museum, 2006). His sister (Gabrielle Miller, TVs Corner Gas) is the admin clerk of the company and tries to look out for him but Clyde realises he really needs to find his feet elsewhere.

"Why don't you go put a hickey
on the crack of a monkey's ass?"

Bad news on the doorstep:

It's inoffensive but uninspired. Thematically flimsy and rather lethargic, guys who move furniture are as borin to watch as it sounds. Too little is given to the audience to root for its protagonist, whom the focus should've pivoted on, instead of spendin too much time with the supportin actors. The ambivalent dramedy hinted in the trailer materialises; and to no good effect, leavin us with what comes off more like a lazy Sunday afternoon telemovie. Perhaps we can get somethin more compellin next time from Mike Clattenburg.

Will Sasso:
Just a man and his will to survive?

Perennial wonderment:

This must be the first time I can't find two images to put up here for a movie that I've seen. Talk about bein under the radar.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Charlie Murphy a.k.a. Charles Q. Murphy, the less illustrious older brother of Eddie, provides some comic relief and dramatic weight to an otherwise much more vacuous movie experience. The film suddenly picks up towards the end but it's a little too late.★★
Bonus material:

The worst seat and view I ever got in my life.
Don't worry, I moved.
Photo taken at Scotiabank Theatre, Hall 10, Toronto, Ontario, Canada.

Mael Lambong (2012)

"Kau ni muka saja cantik tau. Kerana bala kau ni, habis aku punya rezeki!"

At a glance:

Little Miss "So White" Juliana Evans

Ostensibly enjoyin independence from the MIG regime for some time now, director Ahmad Idham's Excellent Pictures has a straight-forward shot in tryin to emulate the RM 8.53 million Malaysian box office success (accordin to the FINAS jokers) that is Hantu Bonceng (2011), its best foot forward to date. The repeat bet is top funnyman Zizan Razak's pairin with the beautiful little miss "So White", Juliana Evans. Story is an expansion from a character Zizan did on TV's Maharaja Lawak. The titular Mael Lambong (or his less illustrious birth name Ismail bin Haji Embung) is a self-aggrandisin, seasoned car repo man who chances upon the mysterious Maria (Evans) durin one of his many RO sheet-servin exploits. Somehow his car driftin skills bring him back to his Terengganu hometown where he's forced to confront the ignominy of his almost-bride Rozie (newcomer Shenthy Feliziana), now betrothed to the ridiculous village brute Abang Tiger (Taiyudin Bakar, who used to go by Sallehuddin Abu Bakar in a memorable non-pro appearance back in Azharr Rudin's This Longing a.k.a. Punggok Rindukan Bulan, 2008). Shot around Kemaman in Terengganu, the set is boosted by the East Coast backdrop and makes good use of cultural add-ons like a native dance at the beach. Check out the official Facebook fan page for more info.

Bad news on the doorstep:

Shenthy Feliziana

Startin on a very strong note with plenty of action scenes punctuated by trademark Zizan lines, Mael Lambong surprisingly fizzles out midway and breaks down into the kind of farcical tedium we saw in Kapoww!! (2010). The smaller roles (Shuib Sepah, Sabree Yunus, Azwan Annuar) help little while both female leads (Evans and Shenthy Feliziana) are terribly pedestrian despite bein onscreen opposites. Meanin, you couldda put Lisa Surihani in a double role there and she'll just pout herself through
(à la Kirsten Stewart) to the finish, no problemo. The sound mix is excessively varied, too.

"Kereta memang laju, tapi bayaran bulanan yang
tak berapa nak laju tu, pasal apa?"

Perennial wonderment:

Juliana Evans or Diana Danielle? The former is two years younger and seems to be turnin "whiter" as she ages, as if to live up to her name. This is her most prominent feature role since her debut in Kami The Movie (2008). Definitely one of the few Malaysian talents with actual talent, although yet to establish her forte, havin grown up doin everythin from TV hostin to bit-part emcee work.

I can't remember if I cried:

The special effects department need to buck up because that plaster-like scar on Zizan's face is piss poor. Even the youngest upstart reviewers can single out this scar to be unfortunate distraction.

Most memorable line:

"I can get you in. No cover charge."

The funniest moment in the whole film for me was hearin Zizan's on-the-fly syok sendiri lyrics to Santana and The Product G&B's 2000 hit Maria, Maria. However, the most important scene would probably be the sexually suggestive fight scene between Zizan and Evans.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Really should've just stuck to the repo man main story. Anyway, Mael Lambong's box office take will stop somewhere short of RM 6 million, I reckon. If you like the film enough, go bid for the red Toyota Soarer E MZ II that Zizan uses in the film. It's bein auctioned off with a RM 5,000 start! ★★1/2
Bonus material:

I wonder, you know. I really do.

Datin Ghairah (2011)

"Yes, you balik as soon as possible dan jangan lupa belikan collagen, ya."

At a glance:

I know this is a shyte film by all accounts but I thought I'd watch it and post a review anyway, since I love watchin rubbish films. I've been puttin this into the computer by my bed every night and fallin asleep to it, so I keep havin to restart the next night.

Bad news on the doorstep:

That was more than two weeks ago.

Perennial wonderment:

It is a national travesty how that De Baron company can keep producin and releasin movies under some self-sanctioned Langkawi tourism initiative. This is a TV movie that belongs to the cheapest slot on the cheapest channel, not a theatrical release across more than 40 screens. Why are we asked to take it seriously? Give me a break!

Reminds me of:

Well, the perfectly cast Maria Farida is of course a real actress with real actin pedigree unlike Yasmin Khanif - but all the memories of Jalang (2009) did come back. To be fair, Datin Ghairah is a decidedly campy effort that knows what it is (especially with such a title), so we should have a heart.

I can't remember if I cried:

I didn't cry, I slept. The elements in this movie are from 40 years ago. A tough guy talkin with a cartoon voice is the kind of comedy you can expect 40 years ago. That's why it's a RM 1.2 million movie starrin the country's No.1 male lead and yet posted just RM 350,000, accordin to the FINAS jokers at least.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Well at least it was a coherent story and some actin was actually involved. Plus, the Projek Pistol theme Wanita Seluruh Dunia is actually not bad.★1/2


Trailer for the curious:

Barbi3 (2008)

At a glance:
Ngapain sih lu? Nggak ngapa-ngapain kok. Just watchin a stupid movie every now and then to keep it real. Didn't know I'd really hit it though. This is Monty Tiwa's idea of an Indon answer to Mean Girls, where Titi Kamal (centre), Poppy Sovia (left) and Francine Roosenda (right) play the most irritatin wannabe American highschool girls ever.
Bad news on the doorstep:
Titi O Titi, you ain't got much time left. Wonder how her restaurant's doin. Borin, overdone teen plot. Fluff.
Watch out for:
Cathy Sharon as Helen. Like Liv Tyler took Teri Hatcher's lips and turned Indon.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Some decent music, the Melly Goeslaw title track sang by Rossa especially. Unexpected depth in dialogue every now and then. If you buy the VCD, there's a 15-minute featurette at the end to console you. ★★