Gamer (2009)

Amber Valetta and Gerard Butler.

At a glance:
Death Race meets Gladiator with hints of Run Lola Run fun, as Gerard Butler bulldozes and bamboozles us through more than two hours of explosions and dirty debris in a story about societal breakdown via technological advancement. Set in a not-too-distant future where people can control other people on a empire-like gamin environment, we follow how unwillin action hero John Tillman is a death row inmate given a shot at escape by winnin an live action online game called Slayers in which he is known as Kabel. However, other forces like evil media mogul and gamemaster Ken Castle (Michael C. Hall), ratings-obsessed talk show host Gina Parker Smith (Kyra Sedgwick) and a rebel group leader (Ludacris) come into play to force a clashin of sorts.
Bad news on the doorstep:
Not even 300 more Gerard Butlers could save this movie from being a mildly amusin, below average shoot-em-up pinned down by fast visuals with low engagement.
Perennial wonderment:
If I could beat Gerard Butler in a game of House Of The Dead. I probably could.
Watch out for:
Highlight performance by TV's Dexter, Michael C. Hall, as the maniacal villain who did somethin screenworthy with his enourmous presence and a crazy musical sequence (I've Got You Under My Skin) reminiscent of Alex and A Clockwork Orange. Also, small roles for Milo Ventimiglia (Pathology), Alison Lohman (Drag Me To Hell) and John Leguizamo (Ice Age 3), not to mention a prominent paradin of freckled beauty Amber Valletta, who plays Tillman's wife in funky, plastic sex suits. She sure reminds us of Peta Wilson in TV's La Femme Nikita. Rap star Ludacris also lives up to his name by providin a completely unbelievable and cliched turn as a rebel leader.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?Somewhere within Gamer is a good story but unfortunately the dour actioner just comes off as a PC game gone wrong and got projected onto a theatre screen instead. One recent film that critics like to compare it to is the 2007 actioner The Condemned, starrin wrestler Steve Austin and footballer Vinnie Jones. Critical reception to that movie was overwhelmingly negative and reviews for this one has been shapin up the same way. Oh well, at least we get a glimpse of Kyra Sedgwick on the big screen once every two years, eh? ★★

The Midnight Meat Train (2008)

Bad news on the doorstep:
Apparently Lionsgate hated this film so much they dumped it at dollar theatres just to cukupkan quota. Can't see why - it's not the worst movie in the world - though it did feel more like a DVD-only release. It's about a photographer who's obsessed with takin photos of a suspected serial killer. With a title like Midnight Meat Train, you'd half expected this to be a bluey, didn't you? Wanker.
Perennial wonderment:
The bruisin talents of Vinnie Jones, whom I enjoyed a long distance telephone interview with, for the purposes of promotin this dodgy horror flick. Man's now livin the high life in LA and told me he knows "nuffink" about Malaysia, before agreein that they could have chosen the movie title a bit better. Somehow I wish he were still the Crazy Gang, BNP-supportin ol' Vinnie instead of this accomodatin, polite version I spoke to. I swear to God I was secretly hopin he'd call me a chinky cunt and slam the phone down, so that I could call my brother Bob and say "Hey guess what - Vinnie Jones just called me a chinky cunt. I'm hard. Yeah."
Reminds me of:
Somethin cold and remote like Isolation (2005), somethin excessively nocturnal like Night At The Golden Eagle and somethin well-contained like Jodie Foster's The Brave One.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Three, just for you Vinnie - but honestly, it's reasonably entertainin.