Paper Moon (2013) @ 紙月亮

In Paper Moon, the DOP fashioned a wau from Chrissie Chau's bikini.
Okay, I lied, but they might as well have done that, seeing how bizarre it was.

At a glance:

"Whaddya mean I can't wear this in Kelantan?"

Earnest but every bit as flimsy as its title, Double Vision / Astro Shaw's Paper Moon (2013) a.k.a. 紙月亮 is a peculiar PG-13 / CAT IIB botched time-lapse romance and I wonder how many of its shortcomings the wayfarin TVB director Stanley Law Tak Ming 羅德明 of Ice Kacang Puppy Love fame would admit to himself. Budget-backpedallin to the tune of RM 2.37m only to see an embarrassing collection of just RM 170k over its theatrical run back in January, it's actually a gorgeously shot picture with an luscious production design and several notable Hong Kong stars in its fold. Stars they indeed are, unless you're as disgusted as Anthony Wong when it comes to leggy leng mos like Chrissie Chau Sau Na 周秀娜. We'll come to that later. This cinema release is like an origins story based on the ntv7 teleseries The Iron Lady, starrin the wonderful Yeo Yann Yann as a ball-breakin matriarch of some sort in period times. I'd hate to giveaway the connection, seein that it's also a spoiler but if you've read the vastly differin synopses out there for this movie, you'd realise that the package is suspect from the off.

Bad news on the doorstep:

"Seriously man, when are they gonna call a lunch break?"

Several structural surprises short of goin great guns gonzo, Paper Moon is guilty of makin token references to everythin, includin its eventual connection to the TV series. After you have forgiven the jarringly staged flashbacks, and the intrusive score and sound mix (so often the bane of sappy Sino sentimentality and all forms of Oriental melodrama), we arrive at several most unfortunate chemistry no-go's, the most fatal bein -- who the hell is gonna buy a Lam Ka Tung and Chrissie Chau romance? Worst than havin no affinity with each other, ol' Gordon looks like he genuinely couldn't bear bein in the same room as her. The skinny? It's a convoluted caper about a poor and bitter kitemaker in Kelantan who comes across a sexy tourist one fine day. However, the deluge of sudden info in the final act will befuddle you no end. There's a lot of shoutin and cryin but nobody is touched.

Sucking eggs always leads to sex.

Perennial wonderment:

How Chrissie Chau maintains her Kim Kardashian career is beyond me. Forget the little known Best Actress awards and the name brand of Chrissie Chau for a minute to consider her performance at face value. Is she pullin off the crossover? She tries very hard but sadly, these dramatic roles are beyond her depth. Maybe in 10 years she can be the new Shu Qi but now that they've had a go with her and seen the results, maybe we oughtta keep her in the negligee catalogues with Angelababy for now.

Reminds me of:

Talkative ex-girlfriends (not mine) who send long text messages and cry all the time. Annoyin!

"Hmm... will Nik Aziz approve of us?"

I can't remember if I cried:

When Gordon Lam spoke some token Malay. That sums it up, really. Too much token and too little thought bein placed on tidyin up these disastrous character arcs.

Watch out for:

Some sex scenes on the DVD that didn't make the big screen. They were nothin much but at least singer Tedd Chan 曾国珲 got a go at Chrissie, eh? Good on ya, son.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

At least Tedd Chan got a go at Chrissie, eh?
Good on ya, son.

Two or three rewrites were sorely needed to save this epic wannabe and wannabe epic. Wau, this movie has really brought out the worst puns in me. Bin my keyboard and shoot me already.★★

72 Tenants Of Prosperity (2010) @ 72 家租客

At a glance:
Referencing the Shaw Bros 1973 classic The House Of 72 Tenants, the decidedly crowded 72 Tenants Of Prosperity is a colourful (though not necessarily nutritious) addition to the Chinese New Year movie calendar which will invariably draw laughs among all followers of Hong Kong TV and cinema, especially those with a history of TVB fandom. There's like 180 known actors in it! In this 2010 reupdate, the paedophile politicians and brothel owners are missin and they've been replaced by fish ball noodle hawkers and manga sellers. We get intermittent flashbacks to 70s HK where the events of Sai Yeung Choi Street originally took place: 72 tenants who battled greedy landlords, with a love triangle that gave rise to a family feud. In the present day, the feud continues with the same triangle still festering but now it's a full-on Romeo and Juliet adventure as the next generation start to commit inter-family relationships of their own.
I can't remember if I cried:

When I read this cast list: Jacky Cheung, Eric Tsang, Anita Yuen, Lam Ka Tung, Charmaine Sheh, Fala Chen, Michael Tse, Bosco Wong, Linda Chung, Stephy Tang, Wong Cho Lam, Joyce Cheng, Lawrence Ng, Ron Ng, Kevin Cheng, Kenneth Ma, Kate Tsui. Kelly Chen, Sunny Chan, Joe Ma, Ben Wong, Natalie Tong, Leung Ka Ki, Timmy Hung, Joel Chan, Carina Lau, Alan Tam, Natalis Chan, Chin Siu Ho, Wayne Lai, Nancy Sit, Tony Leung Ka Fai, Sammy Leung, Dicky Cheung, Andy Hui, Tin Kai Man, Sam Lee, Ella Koon, Bernice Liu, Kayi Cheung, William So, Wu Fung, Louis Yuen, Raymond Lam, Justin Lo and Myolie Wu.
Watch out for:
Unlike similar projects with jarrin cameos, this one goes at it casual with a most light-hearted and non-committal approach. Story is funny in a giggly way and a truly inspired highlight is when Jacky Cheung and Wong Cho Lam do a play of Jackie's hit number.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Decent family fun. The film must also be credited with one of the most original and inoffensive way to execute the obligatory product placements. They un-apologetically sang our all the sponsor names to the tune of a traditional New Year tune while holding out title cards and liftin household appliances! Do tell the kids not to copy all the swearin. ★★★

Vengeance (2009) @ 復仇

At a glance:
Johnnies Hallyday and To combine as French rockstar meet HK art film auteur, with mixed results. It's a revenge story (to risk overstatin the obvious) washed in Western themes, about a French ex-hitman arrivin in Macau to avenge his daughter. Milkyway's fave cast Simon Yam, Lam Suet, Lam Ka Tung and Maggie Siu are all also here but like all of To's flicks, they only need to be, never mind act. That goes for Monsieur Rockstar (pic) as well, who apparently landed the role after producers Michèle and Laurent Pétin failed to sign the even more iconic Alain Delon. I've only seen him in L'Homme Du Train (The Man On The Train) to be honest but he does cut a great figure to simply sit down and watch, especially in noirs. He looks like a demonic, unnaturally blue-eyed beast, really. New Moon could use him.
Bad news on the doorstep:
Obviously I'm not happy Maggie Siu didn't do much here but perhaps the greatest lament is that of Triangle - a lot of glossy gunfire but very skint on some meaningful cinematic glute. There's even that umbrella motif again that To already referenced in Sparrow, in tribute to the '64 Les Parapluies De Cherbourg (The Umbrellas Of Cherbourg). The Guy Pearce-Memento bit doesn't look necessary either, especially when the academic discussion on a revenge-seeker's 'forget v remember' dilemma is brief.
Perennial wonderment:
Waheyyy - can I go a day without talkin about Anthony Wong? Here he's the leader of the assassins that befriend Hallyday's dogged character. You can read that life does imitate art because Hallyday told in interviews that Tone's the only guy who spoke English so they both naturally talked more on set and they felt comfortable with each other throughout the shoot.
Reminds me of:
Taken, Election and No Country For Old Men - but told in a decidedly style-over-substance manner.
Watch out for:
The outdoor stairway chase. That's organisation for you.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?Johnnie To gets my three and a half stars and remains the international choice for a HK director to watch, despite every other movie from him seemin like a playthin. It's captivatin cinema you can't dismiss as hollow. That Lo Ta Yu music (who scored To's Election and All About Ah Long as well) didn't hurt one bit either and looks like they flew in the Frenchman to town for a good reason after all.