King Of The Ants (2003)

Spot the head.

At a glance:
Charlie Higson takes his own 1992 novel of the same name and writes a screenplay for Stuart Gordon (Re-Animator, 1985) to direct. It's a grim crime fable that has its moments but I'll be the first to admit that I watched it just because it was listed under Kari Wührer's CV. She plays the sultry widow of a businessman murdered by a clumsy drifter (Chris McKenna, pic) but things go from bad to worse in a strange case of unattainable redemption.
Bad news on the doorstep:
It's not very happenin. Like a telemovie.
Perennial wonderment:
This was one of Kari Wührer's first few movies after havin her breast implants removed due to her body rejectin the silicones (I think they call it encapsulation). Why do women go under the knife with such real odds of fuckup is beyond me.
Reminds me of:
The time I first laid eyes on Kari Wührer in Poison: Thy Neighbor's Wife (2001). Also, this Daniel Baldwin really looks too much like his brother Alec in The Cooler (2003). Same voice, same mole, same sadistic character, even.
I can't remember if I cried:
When our drifter gets tortured by a gold club for days in a bid to turn him into a vegetable. Thugs cut up some carpet and wrap his head with it to cushion the blows so as not to kill him.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
I'll give it a solid three stars due to the grotesque humour to the proceedings.
Trailer for the curious:

Bonus material:

This is how Kari looks like after she had her monster tits removed.
[click to enlarge] This is a dream sequence from the movie.

Scary Movie 3 (2003)

At a glance:
Spoofin horror movies never got a better billin than the Scary Movie franchise. Among the parodied are Signs, Gothika, 8 Mile, The Matrix and The Ring it seems.
Bad news on the doorstep:
Hate this mind-numbin bollocks. Watched the openin scene to ogle at Jenny McCarthy and Pammy Anderson in their see-through shirts - my fantasy blondes as a pimply teen. The rest of the show can go in the bin.
Perennial wonderment:
If the Movie movies will ever stop. By the way, there's a Scary Movie 5 bein reported on IMDb.
Reminds me of:
The VCD era in Malaysia. Ain't worth the polycarbonate its burned on.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

The Brown Bunny (2003)

Vincent Gallo and Chloë Sevigny.

Bad news on the doorstep:
Wow this movie is seriously slow. I think there's this bit where he drives around Vegas for 15 minutes lookin for whores in his pickup truck. You get to see him turn left, turn right, turn left...
Perennial wonderment:
The enigmatic Vincent Gallo, multi-hyphenate madman and avid wanker (he's known to expound his mastubatory habits in length).
I can't remember if I cried:
When I read about how this completely indulgent movie ended up being profitable for everyone after all. The dust settled, they got it out on DVD and somewhere in Malaysia this idiot picked it up. Thank goodness I'm not alone - I saw this on Mike's shelf too.
Watch out for:
Totally unnecessary UNSIMULATED fellatio scene with Chloë Sevigny. This movie (or one of its versions) caused a fiasco at the Cannes premiere, apparently bringin her to tears when people booed it big time. Roger Ebert was reported to have called the worst movie ever to have played in the history of the film fest.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
★