Poker King (2009) @ 撲克王

At a glance:
The La Lingerie team of Chan Hing Ka and Janet Chun co-direct this kononnya gamblin movie.
Bad news on the doorstep:
Watch the first and last 10 minutes of Poker King but not the long 100 in between. That's because the lavish Macau-set project boasts such high production values and yet can't put a decent story to a movie that could've at least pretended to be similar to the standard Wong Jing gamblin fare. We get a completely unconvincin hodgepodge of a plot with bizarre character development, startin off with Louis Koo (pic) as a math genius who goes through a compendium of personalities, rangin from geeky and gay to rude and suave - all within the same movie. He's pitched against a gamin kingpin named Uno (Lau Ching Wan) who is unbelievably and unnecessarily stuck in a tug-of-war for the casino conglomerate with the math genius. More ridiculous storytellin comes by way of inconsequential romantic interludes involvin an unlucky drifter named Smiley (an ineffective Stephy Tang), a low-life biscuit maker (pathetic boyband actor Wong Yau Nam), a sexy female bodyguard (an underutilised Jolene Kuk) and a poker player turned secretary (a pointless Cherrie Ying). Let's not forget Josie Ho's bafflin role either, as a rival gamin boss who sleeps with Uno for no ascertainable reason whatsoever.
Perennial wonderment:
Is it very really so difficult to get a decent script?
I can't remember if I cried:
When I heard the joke about the Josie Ho's black bra and wintermelon. CE nak mampus.
Reminds me of:
Look For A Star, that other fluff that was shot in Macau. That one was better though.
Watch out for:
Cherrie Ying (pic). She got heat. She needs to go move back to America and star in some flesh-barin indie roles to make it big, instead of loiterin about for another 10 years in HK with roles like this.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
So jarrin is this adventure that it won't be surprisin if you were told this movie was written by 30 people, each contributin a different page for the screenplay. By the time we have the customary poker match finale, it's a little too late for us to care. Whatever aces Poker King was holdin before its general release, it's not unfair to say that the only straight flush we're lookin at is one at the cinema toilet. There goes a stinker.

Murderer (2009) @ 殺人犯

Aaron Kwok 郭富城 must've hurt his head pretty bad to think Murderer was a good idea.

Chang Chun-Ning 张钧宁

At a glance:
In Murderer (2009) a.k.a. 殺人犯, preserved prettyboy Aaron Kwok (pic) had a go at some method actin and didn't sleep for days just to get into the role of Inspector Ling, the starrin role in this police action-thriller with a trailer to kill for. A cop wakes up from head trauma and finds himself suspect to the very crime he's investigatin. People are dyin because of a bloodlettin bastard with a power drill who loves to puncture human bodies in the design of a bunny rabbit. Feels a bit Seven, eh? How o how did it all go pear-shaped?
Bad news on the doorstep:
Fuck me four times and call me Susan. You're not serious about that endin, are you? First timer director Roy Chow Hin Yeung 周显扬 - can we blame him? Aaron Kwok has acted his heart out in a movie that's uncontrolled and preposterous, frayin at the seams by the third act. When you leave the cinema, consider how a less rigid execution might have saved the story but how you've just spent two hours on a thoroughly unrewardin experience. Supportin cast Eddie Cheung Siu Fai, Chin Kar Lok and the lifeless Chang Chun-Ning 张钧宁 as Ling's missus Hazel, all fail to add meaningful depth to the movie, except for maybe Josie Ho 何超仪 playing Ling's sister Minnie, who's always a little interestin to watch.
Perennial wonderment:
My friend Anrie says Aaron's ace in Divergence. The man did win two Golden Horses. Some critics say that you gotta respect his choice in projects, if anythin. It's supposed to build his credentials as a serious actor. I met the man once at HK studio - he had a clear undercurrent of a possibly genuine desires for human connection about him. I ain't no fan but that face skin does warrant some NASA studies when you consider he's 43.
Reminds me of:

What a disaster!

Guy Pearce in Memento and that Jap dude Koji Yakusho in Retribution.
Watch out for:
The mind-bendin twist, of course.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Okay, look away now if you don't wanna read a spoiler that I just have to write. I feel that it's my civic duty to let you lot know that I think the writers for Orphan and this Murderer ate a bad pizza after watchin Benjamin Button last year and came up with the script overnight. At least Orphan executed the twist convincingly. I think I'll go try the other Aaron Kwok cop thriller, C+ Detective. I read that it didn't take itself so seriously, unlike this craptacular effort.★★

Bonus material:
I have loads of hi-res movie stills for you.

Director Roy Chow Hing-Yeung 周显扬

Director Roy Chow Hing-Yeung 周显扬

Street Fighter: The Legend Of Chun-Li (2009)

Kristin Kreuk as Chun-Li vs Josie Ho as Cantana... in the toilet.

At a glance:

Black Eyes Peas' Taboo as Vega

Smallville's small Kristin Kreuk (in blue, pic) jarringly stars as ladder-legged Oriental martial artist Chun-Li in one of the worst console-to-cinema projects ever, in terms of bastardisin source material. They call it Street Fighter: The Legend Of Chun-Li (2009).
Bad news on the doorstep:
It's fuckin horrible, yapyapyapyapyap. No press previews in America - they knew it sucked. Very convoluted useless plot built around titular heroine, so-so SFX, bad lines by underdeveloped characters and poor character decisions. The 1994 Van Damme version with Kylie Minogue as Tammy is better. Heck even Wong Jing's 1993 HK party piece with Andy Lau as Balrog and Jacky Cheung as Guile is better.
I can't remember if I cried:
When Vega (played by the freaky guy from Black Eyed Peas), one of the most agile and notorious characters in the game, died like a fly after a short token buildup. Bleugh.
Watch out for:

Somehow, all my sexy Moon Bloodgood pix went missing.

Robin Shou, who played Liu Kang in Mortal Kombat (1995). He plays Gen, a sifu who teaches Kreuk how to master her Qigong Palm super move while pretendin not to be starin at her crotch when she does them high kicks. Chun-Li does oblige with the Spinnin Bird Kick near the end. Also, there are many small roles for notable actors like Michael Duncan Clarke, Neal McDonough and wuxia veterean Cheng Pei-Pei. What a waste.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Let's put it down for ★1/2 - the bonus half is for Moon Bloodgood givin half ball. She plays a Thai cop who runs around the police department in sexy outfits. Read she's in the upcomin Terminator Salvation. Hope she gets more exposure in more than just one way.
Bonus material:
I have hundreds of hi-res production stills for you. Take a look at them and skip the movie!

Kristin Kreuk plays Chun-Li.

Chris Klein as Charlie Nash and Moon Bloodgood as Maya Sunee

I think Michael Clarke Duncan was Balrog.