Movie 43 (2013)

Elizabeth Banks, along with some 40 others, were blackmailed to star in this film.

Shit and sex come together for the house bunny.

At a glance:

I'd like to think I could talk you out of this one but chances are you'd like to see for yourself, whatever you've read elsewhere about this bein the worst movie ever in general release. It's definitely a forerunner for the Razzies this year and probably in every category. Producer Peter Farrelly's criminally meaningless, unfunny and obnoxious Movie 43 (2013) deserves none of your hard earned dollars, but with an ensemble cast this juicy, you're likely to pay the nominal sucker fee, like I did. It's an R-rated comedy with the loosest of coherent narratives, gag after gag, put together by different directors. The film has 11 directors and 15 writers tied to it, each one writin and directin different segments. Highlights include; Hugh Jackman with an outrageous deformity on a blind date with Kate Winslet, a coprophilic Anna Faris forcin her poop fetish on reluctant boyfriend Chris Pratt, a home-schooled Jeremy Allen White growin up under extremist parents Liev Schreiber and Naomi Watts, and lastly a dodgy super hero speed datin session with Justin Long, Uma Thurman, Jason Sudeikis and Kristen Bell. It's a circus.

Bad news on the doorstep:

Leslie Bibb, Justin Long and Jason Sudeikis in Movie 43.
Didn't know they were all so broke.

Well, the critics are unanimous on this one. It sucks balls. Hard. That's why there was no press preview and not too many of the stars attended the LA premiere. Prosthetic cocks, pubes, piss, period stains, poop - you name it, they've got it. Why did these stars subject themselves to such vulgar humiliation? Richard Gere and Kate Winslet are in this, fuck me.

Perennial wonderment:

Funny how only adults are allowed into this but probably only 9-year-olds would find it funny.

Yes, that's actually Gerard Butler playing a leprechaun.

Reminds me of:

Trash like Date Movie (2006) and all the other Movie movies.

Most memorable line:

None I can remember but Jason Sudeikis as an annoyin Batman is one of the more tolerable moments of the movie. His is probably the only funny character and he would've held his own in Kick-Ass (2010) or Super (2010).

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

A sympathetic narrator might have saved this but the skits are simply not funny. Every now and then I tried to will myself into a giggle, to make the best of it. Total walkouts I counted? Five. Promise me you won't pay for this one.★
(p/s I can feel my IQ droppin a few points just writin this review)

"I can see Batman under the table, Robin. It's a small table."

Bonus material:

Cock tattoo for Stephen Merchant, prosthetic tits for Halle Berry. Real classy!

For A Good Time, Call... (2012)

Ari Graynor: "Did you know that every time you masturbate, a pony dies?"

Boops!

At a glance:

Although this review site jumps at the chance of coverin sex-dripped movies, I had to think twice about puttin this up. It's an unapologetic gay director's first feature film and I had the discomfort of havin sat through the Toronto premiere in a hall full of fags (looks like I won't be learnin not to use this word, as advised in Dax Shepard's Hit And Run last night). If anythin, watchin this movie, served as wake-up call for this homophobic writer that my professional days in this line are well and truly over, especially in this neck of the woods where I'm the odd one out. Still, like any conservative bigot strugglin to improve, I'll write this review on the artistic merits of the film, which I'll concede as a pretty solid indie comedy about two desperate frenemies embarkin on a phone sex operator business together.

Bad news on the doorstep:

Bridesmaids (2011) taught us box office sensibilities about how the boys shouldn't have all the fun (e.g. The Hangover, 2009) and this movie drives home that point, whether I like it or not. For A Good Time, Call... (2012) celebrates hedonism, feminism and self-empowerment with unabashed aplomb, with a bouncy script drawn from real life experiences, co-written by Lauren Miller (also one of the two leadin ladies) and Katie Anne Naylon. The filmmakers even saw fit to take a swipe at their lifestyle detractors by includin a Christian fanatic character in the movie (Sugar Lyn Beard) only to be demonised for her deeds, "like some fucking Jesus of Nazareth". At this point I wanted to walk out of the screenin. I could take a joke but this line was loaded and the context was vindictive.

Lauren Miller learns the timeless art of phone-fucking from Ari Graynor.

Perennial wonderment:

Some observers note that Seth Rogen's screenwriter wife Lauren Miller is about as credible and significant an actress as Judd Apatow's wife Leslie Mann. Is this true? I haven't seen enough but her role here as a sullen yuppie is rather watchable. Her easy chemistry with Ari Graynor's spritely toilet-mouth tramp provides the sellin point of the movie and while the obviously more talented Graynor commands genuine star appeal, it should be interestin to see Mrs. Rogen's upcomin roles.

Justin Long, gay again.

Watch out for:
Justin Long, playin an effeminate version of his gay character in Zack And Miri Make A Porno (2008), has a memorable supportin role and a particularly inspired, laugh-out-loud Lion King (1994) gag.

Most memorable line:

I'm too lost in the density of dirty jokes to remember any.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi? 
84 R-rated minutes of well-crafted camp, punctuated by smutty laughs. More intelligent than those in-your-face Happy Madison material, though. Giggle at your soul's expense.★★1/2

Because high fives aren't enough.

Bonus material:

Photo taken at Scotiabank Theatre, Toronto. 23 August 2012.

L-R: Local critic Richard Crouse interviews the cast and crew.
Photo taken at Scotiabank Theatre, Toronto. 23 August 2012.

L-R: Scriptwriter Katie Anne Naylon, director Jamie Travis, leads Lauren Miller and Ari Graynor.
Ms Graynor certainly lost some weight since the movie was filmed.
Photo taken at Scotiabank Theatre, Toronto. 23 August 2012.

Free sticker. Err... thanks.

Drag Me To Hell (2009)

Alison Lohman gives her all in one of the funnest horror movies in recent times.

At a glance:
This must be the most intense supernatural horror I've seen in a Malaysian cinema since that seat creepily fell on me at GSC 1Borneo's openin in KK last year. Forget Marsha Wathanapitch and her Thai tits in Alone (2007). The closest thing to this level of intensity in recent memory must be that Brit slasher Eden Lake (2008). Story centres on a bank loan officer who refuses an old Romanian gypsy hag an extension, then fallin prey to her choice demon, a goat-like apparition called the Lamia, who takes turns with the old lady to chase her around for the whole show. It's a straightforward story, tinged with peculiar humour. Well done Sam Raimi! This is gonna give me mum at least a week of sleepless nights!

Bad news on the doorstep:
Although Alison Lohman (pic) does alright for this role, I don't think she's matured into the actress I'd fancy since I last saw her prepubescent tits in Matchstick Men (2003). Still, they hardly come any whiter. Hmm... wonder what happened to Jodhi May.
Watch out for:
The brilliant catfight scene in the car park. The outrageous coffin sequence at the wake is also memorable. CGI can be funny in spurts but most of the time effective. By the way, does anyone know the hot actress who plays the old lady's granddaughter?
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Despite the lack of any R-rated delights (unless you count the wet t-shirt in the rainy grave), this is wholesome adult entertainment you can unabashedly enjoy. Put this in the hands of the folks who made Creep Show. Wouldda been a blast. ★★★★
Bonus material:

Lorna Raver in excellent form for Drag Me To Hell (2009).