Top Ten Best Boobage 2012

I've seen me maybe 200 movies this year and these are the best, most gloriously distracting breasts I've come across, compiled for your gawking pleasure.

If you're disappointed I've left out what you believe to me a most deserving entry, do leave me a comment!                                                                     [click to enlarge]

10. Dania Ramirez in Premium Rush (2012)

9. Lana Nordin in Chow Kit (2012)

8. Brooklyn Decker in Battleship (2012)

7. Kaitlyn Leeb in Total Recall (2012)

6. Jo Yeo-jeong 조여정 in The Emperor's Concubine (2012)

5. Blake Lively in Savages (2012)

3. Genesis Rodriguez in Man On A Ledge (2012)

2. Bérénice Marlohe in Skyfall (2012)

1. Gemma Arterton in Byzantium (2012)

Special mention:

"Here's a panda, cover up your nipples!"

Ain't seen the movie CZ12 yet but Mainland actress Yao Xing Tong  姚星彤 has been touring the world showing off her boobs. She came to the Toronto International Film Fest earlier in the year in a sheer white dress and Jackie Chan handed her a stuffed panda to cover up her nipples but it was too late. A few days ago, she came to the KL premiere with a plunging gown that left little to the imagination.

Savages (2012)

"This is the best cannabis in the world."

At a glance:

Savages (2012) is Oliver Stone's bizarrely convoluted and crowded crime caper, starrin an embarrassment of stars who display no sign of embarrassment of havin fronted what is ultimately a pretentious and unnecessary film. We have the unapologetic ménage à trois of Ben (Aaron Johnson) and Chon (Taylor Kitsch) sharin the wanton Ophelia (Blake Lively), as they get proper deep in with a fearsome Mexican drug cartel, headed by shriekin matriarch Elena (Salma Hayek), who is flanked by calculated henchmen Alex (Demián Bichi) and Lado (Benicio del Toro). Also joinin the fun are bent DEA officer Dennis (John Travolta) and Elena's hedonistic daughter Magda (Sandra Echeverría). Assault rifles, copious amounts of ganja, humid sex - that sort of thing.

Bad news on the doorstep:

You can always count on Blake Lively to liven things up.

An ineffectual, stop-start narrative from an inebriated Blake Lively takes us through the proceedings, so that's already a bad sign from the off. The performances are actually adequate, so it's a pity the story is just an epic charade with no real insight or class. Sudden violence often punctuates the misadventure, as we're taken through unconvincin characters arcs, glossed over by token THC science, double-agent psychobabble and even NTFS partition tech-talk, just so we know that everythin must be authentic criminal methodology.

Blake Lively: A dirty blonde
in more ways than one.

Perennial wonderment:

Will Blake Lively ever be a genuine leadin lady? Up until now we see her mostly in supportin roles, usually as the extremely available nympho with abandonment issues, like The Town (2010) or The Private Lives Of Pippa Lee (2009), in which I remember her best for her sex scenes. That beauty mole must be landin her all these lusty parts, not that she isn't absolutely convincin in the throes of passion whenever she does engage. I mean, even in Savages, her character's name Ophelia is shortened to O, as if to emphasise on the orifices on offer. Hollywood needs to get more range from this actress, before she ends up unceremoniously retired like Bridget Fonda one day.

Reminds me of:

Benicio del Toro
needs to be subtitled.

Ubiquitous character actor Benicio del Toro is up to his old tricks again - mumblin! I remember watchin a DVD extra of The Usual Suspects (1995) in which several of his co-stars were complainin they couldn't understand what the hell he was sayin in all his scenes, but the man insisted it's good for the character. Balls. Here, he does make a difference playin the unhinged Latino lackey and anchors some gravitas towards the outcome but man this is one guy who needs to be subtitled!

Salma Hayek in an afterthought of a role.

Most memorable line:

John Travolta had some funny lines but I can't remember them.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Clockin in at more than two hours, this could've been done and dusted in 90 minutes, especially if we're signed up for a multiple endin meta-film. It disintegrates into Eat, Pray, Love (2010) with the final sequences and I couldn't wait to leave the hall. Check out the slick official Savages website for more details. Watch this on DVD, if you must.★★
Bonus material:

"They must love each other more than you, otherwise how could they share you?"

Update:
Found on director Oliver Stone's new Facebook page, in defence of his movie. (13 July 2012)

The Private Lives Of Pippa Lee (2009)

"Yo. Sup."

At a glance:

How many movies do you know of which the author of the book is also the director? Just like the crème brûlee she heats up so effortlessly with a butane torch in the movie, titular heroine Pippa Lee (played by a faultless but helpless Robin Wright Penn) is sweet but burnt all the same by a source material that is either too quirky and personal for commercial big screen interests or plain unlikeable, despite havin an embarrassment of stars to drive it. This drama ain't even secured distribution stateside and instead got itself washed up on Malaysian shores first! Helmer Rebecca Miller (Ballad Of Jack And Rose) has said in interviews how the recession has caused box office players to be wary of quirky dramas - but is the movie so hard to sell or is the story too hard to buy?
Bad news on the doorstep:

Rebecca Miller

Faultless yet hopeless:
Robin Wright Penn

Beautiful Robin Wright Penn may still have that sex factor since her Jenny Curran last placed a moron's hands on her tits in Forrest Gump (1994) but here she's asked to play a character so schizophrenic and uneaxamined that it turns fatal to the flick. She's a fiftysomethin housewife movin into a retiree community with her much older, ailin, publisher husband (a wonderful Alan Arkin, Little Miss Sunshine) who once had a psycho ex-wife played by Monica Bellucci. Flashes from her past inform us that she was a troubled 16-year-old emo goth (impressive turn by Gossip Girl Blake Lively) who had colourful family in a speed-addicted mum (Mario Bello), a lesbian aunt (Robin Weigert, TV's Deadwood) and her wild lover (Julianne Moore). There's also room for Wynona Ryder as a cry-baby of a young wife. Crowded lineup, I feel.
Reminds me of:
Bell-ringers. Sheffield knows why.
Watch out for:
Keanu Reeves as a sensitive but odd Christian with a giant Jesus tattoo on his chest. Hey, some people like to mutilate their bodies with Jesus and big crosses, while others like inkin themselves over five hours with the image of monkey gods, innit Bangkok Bob? That me best mate, who did a Hanuman in Thailand. Can't imagine anyone makin love to someone with such a visually intrusive tattoo.

Monica Bellucci

Most memorable line:
"Writers are vampires. I'm waiting for the right girl to come along and make me a human being."
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
This R rated movie has peculiar pacin, uneven dialogue and also a messy visual style. More importantly, it doesn't cut it as a mainstream crowd-pleaser or a critically-directed arthouse piece either. How did they manage to get such a heavy duty ensemble to lend their names to this project? Even if somethin bizarre about this film turns it into a sleeper hit on DVD, this reviewer insists that Pippa Lee's lives, whatever the fuck they're about, are best kept private. ★★
Bonus material:
I have about 200 sexy hi-res photos below for you to enjoy. Lookin at them just makes me more depressed, knowin how beautifully it was shot.

Blake Lively and Alan Arkin get it on. I'm so jealous.