Jug Face (2013)

Jungle jism: Lauren Ashley Carter loves incestuous in-and-outs in Jug Face.

At a glance:

Jug Face (2013) is about face jugs.

Backwater bad religion and sibling sex come together swimmingly in the impressive indie Jug Face (2013). By all accounts, debutant writer-director Chad Crawford Kinkle is gonna have a great career ahead of him. That's if the gods of hillbilly horrors and the supernatural slasher genre will stick around to preside over a few generations more of Southern Gothic inbred killers and the horror DVDs they sell. Here, we closely follow an isolated community from the animated opening credits through to a grim, deterministic end. It's a tight little village story about young Ada (Lauren Ashley Carter), who's supposed to be a nubile virgin about to marry straight-laced Bodey (Mathieu Whitman) but she hides a bun in the oven, an unspeakably incestuous one co-baked with her brother Jessaby (Daniel Manche) at that. Running parallel to this story is another village secret. There's a magic pit in the woods that sends its sacrificial wishlist by way of visions to a seer named Dawai (Sean Bridgers) who happens to be the village halfwit. Every season, this reluctant potter will fashion a clay jug bearing the face of the next intended and the villagers will offer up a blood sacrifice via slow-drip. Wotta fresh spin! Bring on the mystery and the moonshine, fellas.

Bad news on the doorstep:

"The pit wants what the pit wants."

Not a big issue but some didn't like the CG aspects, however little, for they do remind us how cheaply the movie was put together. Make-up FX veteran Bob Kurtzman is attached to this, so I wonder if there were better ways to film the more demanding apparitions we see. Others note the underpopulated village as another down point that took us out of the experience. Also, the somewhat muted ending seems to wanna hold itself back unnecessarily. I'd have fancied a stronger finish.

Perennial wonderment:

"Please, sir. Can we have a sequel?"

If you're wondering where you've seen big-eyed brunette Lauren Ashley Carter before, she's the younger sister in The Woman (2010). Lass sure has blossomed nicely, eh? Birds like these do so swell in horrors playing the dishevelled innocent.

Reminds me of:

A refreshing evil blend of Terribly Happy (2008), The Breed (2008), The Shrine (2010) and M. Night Shyamalan's The Village (2004).

Most memorable line:

"The pit wants what the pit wants."

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Confident piece of storytelling. Even the music is good and adds value to the package. Definitely several cuts above the usual crap lately. Check out the official website and the Facebook fan page for more info.★★★1/2

"Open further and lemme see that smelly snatch, you ungrateful whore!"

Julia X (2011)

Alicia Leigh Willis plays unhinged sex maniac sister Jessica in Julia X (2011)

At a glance:

Ving Rhames takes revenge for being Marcellus Wallace.

Cheap slasher with a smidgen of black humour, strangely and unnecessarily released in 3D, starrin Kevin Sorbo as a bad guy. We follow him on an online dating rendezvous gone wrong, involvin two psychotic but sexy, bra-swappin sisters (Valerie Azlynn and Alicia Leigh Willis) and to a lesser extent, a completely unsuspectin victim (Joel David Moore) who walks blindfolded (literally) into the bloody state of affairs. Movie title is in reference to the killer's contrived m.o. of brandin his victims. The writer and director is P.J. Pettiette of Jennifer's Shadow (2004) a.k.a. Raven.
Bad news on the doorstep:
With a thin concept that gives itself away too soon, Brett Gallman writes how Julia X quickly becomes "an over-the-top, sometimes tedious farce that resembles a live action, 90 minute episode of Itchy & Scratchy as our trio of nutcases bludgeon, maim, and scream at each other". Variety's Joe Leydon, in a taut two-para review condemns Julia X as "a promising premise in search of a satisfying execution. Thanks to 3D, various objects periodically appear to jut out from the screen - but that doesn't help."

Errr... Julia X. Literally.

Perennial wonderment:

Kevin Sorbo finds work. Yay!

 Where do I find girls like these?

Reminds me of:

The title and the poster reminds me of X: Night Of Vengeance (2011). That was an equally uneventful movie.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Very unremarkable. They kept playin the Carpenter's Close To You for that dark humour effect but couldn't even give Ving Rhames a cameo with a cool line or two.★★
Bonus material:

Klip 3GP (2011)

Klip 3GP: Kids, make sure your mum's not in these videos.

At a glance:

Enterprising Mat Skodeng in action.

Primeworks Studios / Grand Brilliance under Tengku Iesta Tengku Alaudin / Ahmad Puad Onah sure played up a sensational stinker with this one. Despite grossin a surprisin RM 1.14 million in its theatrical run, this unfortunate and critical lapse of judgment went to the extent of promo investments, goin downtown with events even. Why the hate, you ask? Well, I've seen me some piss poor movies in my time but while pointless self-indulgences like Momok Don't Find Trouble (2012) and Killer Clown (2010) have nary an iota of cultural or artistic merit to contribute to the industry or the country, at least they represent no real harm to society, other than to reaffirm Malaysia's general (and generally accepted) decline in cinema. The One Nation Emcees vehicle Klip 3GP (2011) is, to borrow an 80s term, a kind of video nasty; and what's worse is that nothin explicit is actually shown! 

Bad news on the doorstep:

Show me the money!

Shot with about a million ringgit, this film is a great embarrassment and insult to the Malay race. It's hated so much, they set up not one but several Facebook groups to call for a boycott - indicatin that at least some good sense and righteous anger could still arise from the masses, however ineffectual the stand was. Ploddin along a non-script barely held together by several instances of unsavoury mobile phone recordings (hence the title, in reference of the now notorious file format), Sofia J. Rhyland's story and screenplay in Klip 3GP covers everything from supernatural horror (?!) to cheap sexploitation, exposin the sniggerin, amoral characters of progressive urban decay without any credible plot resolution, unless you count a vengeful, bloodied and oversexed Mimifly (Shamimi Amalina Norhisham) goin into OTT desperation against phone porno mastermind Zahiril Adzim. "Promise you delete, promise you delete?" The smarmy histrionics are irredeemable if you actually sat through to the final act. She sure dances good, though.

Perennial wonderment:

Lead actress Mimifly of One Nation Emcees. Err... good dancing.

Lead actress Mimifly was actually one of the nominees for Most Promising Actress at the 24th Malaysian Film Festival 2011, eventually losin to Nadiya Nisaa for her role in Cun! (2011). She's got the presence but she's not really an actress is she? I oughtta stop citin this ridiculous awards show.

"You cakap you dah delete?"

Reminds me of:

The 400mb of Malay porn recordings I used to have in my harddrive. I never knew who put it in there. I was also surprised how many seemingly polite members of society asked me for them.

Most memorable line:

"Tatu tu... macam tak betul je?" Movie itself tak betul, more like.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Reminds me Darah a.k.a Macabre (2009).

I ain't one to take the moral high horse; this is an X-rated blog after all. It's just that this sanctioned hypocrisy beggars belief. A Malaysian exploitation movie won't be able to actually depict the exploitation, so what's the point? Your faith in the powers that be should stay shakier than ever if you consider that this movie was actually passed with a PG13 ratin. I guess that's the official endorsement - urgin 8-year-olds to be accompanied by their parents when goin to see a movie that teaches us how to record schoolkids givin blowjobs at staircases and peddle them to webmasters for a profit without bein caught.★1/2
Bonus material:

Ronggeng time: GSC Pavilion premiere [10 Nov 2011, Facebook credit]

This picture should win an award, really.

Proud director Aidilfitri Mohamed Yunos

I believe this was the banned TV spot.

Prowl (2010)

"Hi. My friend over here would like the exfoliation package."

At a glance:

After Dark Films' horror project Prowl (2010) recalls contemporaries like 30 Days Of Night (2007) in terms of how the vampires all have black irises and have the ability to pounce from great distances. Courtney Hope (pic, right) plays a small town loser desperately tryin to move out to Chicago but stumbles upon some supernatural company together with her loser friends when they decide to travel with some unidentified goods at the back of a truck. 

Bad news on the doorstep:

"I thought you said this movie was goin to be a hit?!?!"

The movie gives us some semblance of a reason to invest in the protagonist through some backstory but otherwise offers nothin new other than a flimsy twist for a climax. Courtney Hope, despite lookin a little like now-retired pornstar Courtney Simpson, disappointingly keeps her kit on the entire show. She gives her all but the movie collapses anyway.

Perennial wonderment:

If vampires can orgasm.

Reminds me of:

28 Days Later (2002) and 30 Days Of Night (2007).

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Two stars, thanks to a decent music score. Very little goin for it. Should've expanded on the vampire matriarch played by Saxon Trainor (pic).
Trailer for the curious:

Bonus material:

Prowl (2010) stars actors I've never heard of like Perdita Weeks, Courtney Hope, Ruta Gedmintas, Joshua Bowman and Jamie Blackley.

Macabre (2009) @ Darah @ Rumah Dara

Macabre: Shareefa Daanish goes after Julie Estelle, Patrick Bateman-style.

At a glance:
Some people like Mo Bros Timo Tjajanto and Kimo Stamboel take the term bloodbath very, very literally. They directed this Indon slasher with a script so soaked in blood, you'll have to check your clothes for stains when exitin the cinema. Macabre a.k.a. Rumah Dara a.k.a. Darah is an intriguin expansion of a 2007 short by the same duo, also starrin Shareefa Daanish as Ibu Dara, a hollow-eyed, kebaya-clad immortal fiend whose preferred method of execution is by electric chainsaw, American Psycho style. This unusual image is the most marketable aspect of the indie flick and it's no wonder she picked up some award for it, despite the performance being laughably one-dimensional. She even upstages Julie Estelle by appearin solo in the poster for Singapore's release. Story? A party of six decide to drop off a troubled young lady at her home, en route to Jakarta. Turns out they're lured into a spooky colonial home with a family who keeps a terrible secret and our lucky lot just walked right into the jackpot.

London-born Indonesian actress Shareefa Daanish.

Bad news on the doorstep:
Clunky dialogue, pacin issues, uneven camerawork.
Perennial wonderment:
Why don't Indon horrors go for the jugular like this one did? Darah rated M18 by the MDA, differs from films of the same ilk because it intentionally takes only token care of character development. It also boasts a remarkable prolonged climax, reminiscent of exploitation flicks of yesteryear where overkill is the way to go. In terms of actin, Kuntilanak girls Julie Estelle and Imelda Therinne show nothing special while the rest of the cast get killed off just in time before they started gettin real irritatin. A wet t-shirt or two couldn't have hurt in a horror movie like this, but since we didn't get that, their uneventful, generic performances are particularly glarin. The paedophilic-lookin, bespectacled killer (Ruly Lubis) and the Edward Cullen wannabe (Arifin Putra) are extra minions who have spin-off potential.
Reminds me of:
Jap classic Odishon, Robert Rodriguez' From Dusk To Dawn, that senseless gorefest Feast and the most recent blood-soaked movie I watched, Eden Lake.
Watch out for:
Battle Of The Bitches finale, see pic above.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
So outrageously OTT, they banned it in Malaysia apparently. You can read online that Darah is the first pic from Gorylah Pictures, a new genre label by Eric Khoo of Zhao Wei Films and Mike Wiluan of Infinite Frameworks, focusin on South East Asian horror stories. Decent start for a low budget flick. Hope they're on their way to make many more.★★★