Datin Ghairah (2011)

"Yes, you balik as soon as possible dan jangan lupa belikan collagen, ya."

At a glance:

I know this is a shyte film by all accounts but I thought I'd watch it and post a review anyway, since I love watchin rubbish films. I've been puttin this into the computer by my bed every night and fallin asleep to it, so I keep havin to restart the next night.

Bad news on the doorstep:

That was more than two weeks ago.

Perennial wonderment:

It is a national travesty how that De Baron company can keep producin and releasin movies under some self-sanctioned Langkawi tourism initiative. This is a TV movie that belongs to the cheapest slot on the cheapest channel, not a theatrical release across more than 40 screens. Why are we asked to take it seriously? Give me a break!

Reminds me of:

Well, the perfectly cast Maria Farida is of course a real actress with real actin pedigree unlike Yasmin Khanif - but all the memories of Jalang (2009) did come back. To be fair, Datin Ghairah is a decidedly campy effort that knows what it is (especially with such a title), so we should have a heart.

I can't remember if I cried:

I didn't cry, I slept. The elements in this movie are from 40 years ago. A tough guy talkin with a cartoon voice is the kind of comedy you can expect 40 years ago. That's why it's a RM 1.2 million movie starrin the country's No.1 male lead and yet posted just RM 350,000, accordin to the FINAS jokers at least.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Well at least it was a coherent story and some actin was actually involved. Plus, the Projek Pistol theme Wanita Seluruh Dunia is actually not bad.★1/2


Trailer for the curious:

Transverse (2010) @ 2 Alam

At a glance:

Should anyone be thinkin of givin this a go, based on the incredible hype that surrounded its producer, Kedahan MLM con job entrepreneur Che Rozmey Che Din, the simplest recommendation this writer could offer would be to just buy the soundtrack. Why? It’s essentially an 86-minute music video of two songs by Amy Search and Ramli Sarip! The tracks are actually quite decent but the movie proper is such an outrageous insult to Malaysian cinema that the more we talk about it, the more embarrassin this review gets. Roundly rubbished by the Malaysian press at the 23rd Malaysian Film Festival at e@Curve where it first premiered, 2 Alam is a pointless attempt at didactic moral values in a pseudo-horror drama, plagued with poor production values together with a story and script that can be written (or commissioned to be written) only by that man Imran Ismail, the clown behind the ridiculous 2009 catastrophe Jalang (2009).

"Beli laaa, bang. Beli laaa..."

Bad news on the doorstep:
It's ALL bad news.

Perennial wonderment:

2 Alam probably shot itself in the foot when its producer boasted a target gross of RM 40 million at the Malaysian box office through self-paid ads in the papers, and then engaged in a futile standoff with the unforgivin Malaysian pressmen. With such substandard content, it is truly a wonder how this movie about the mysterious problems in burying a transsexual could even attempt such a feat through proper means. Bad actin, intrusive music and very poor lines are the first things one would notice about the film 15 minutes in. Truly a black mark on the actin CVs of Faizal Hussein, Aaron Aziz and even veteran Kuswadinata, 2 Alam is a regrettable effort that fails to showcase a credible, entertainin story at every front.

I can't remember if I cried:

When the bloody soundtrack started to loop. Also, when I read about how lead actor Aaron Aziz actually tried defendin the movie to the local press.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

The less said about this movie, the better. Not even ★

Jalang (2009)

"Hi. I'm a slut. I fuck Datuks to close business deals."

At a glance:
What a disaster! Are there nostalgic apologists out there among our Malaysian filmmakers who thought this movie would be a good idea to reinstate the word that was dropped more than 15 years ago in U-Wei's Perempuan, Isteri Dan... ? If you bravely open a movie with a Koranic verse as part of the title card i.e. Surah Al-Isra Verse 32 ("And come not near to the unlawful sexual intercourse. Verily, it is a great sin and an evil way"), then you really ought to make that movie somethin really substantial and far-reachin. Unfortunately, not only is the final product lackin in any academic credentials, it's also a hollow attempt at didactic values. Its original fierce title Taubat Jalang: Neraca Dunia sounds like an epic moral struggle but the movie ain't much more than a Langkawi adventure about a young corporate woman who likes fuckin Datuks to close business deals.
Bad news on the doorstep:

Yasmin Khanif badly miscast.

What's truly shockin about Jalang is that the 21-year-old lead actress entrusted with this titular burden is neither proverbially nor physically capable at executin it. Yasmin Khanif's Arabic-Malay-Pakistani pedigree gives her somethin towards gettin the looks down but this maiden role is heavily blighted by laughable over-actin, under-actin and well, basically actin - she's all to obvious as someone who just walked onto the set. We can be kinder to someone who's new to the industry. What we can't accept is how a substantial project like Jalang gets greenlit with an unrealistic theatre script that anybody who has ever been to a cinema can point out to be a bad TV movie? O the shame. Not only do we get an ineffective script, we waste a cast that can be formidable if given the right treatment. Hairie Othman's (Leftenan Adnan, 2000) return to the limelight surely disappoints anybody who knows his calibre. In Jalang, he plays Ben Adam, the whore's best friend who offers a way out. Too bad his effort ain't matched by Yasmin Khanif. Another old hand, Faizal Hussein (XX Ray, 1992) gets wasted in a five-minute fight as a drug pusher. However, the fact that he was so memorable in this five minutes ("Hei, kamu ingat saya jual baja taik ayam ke, hah?") goes to show how grossly uneven this movie is and that director Nazir Jamaluddin could've been more creative with his resources. Thankfully, some actors like Yank Kassim (woman-hatin PI with a score to settle) was brave enough to go OTT with a strangely entertainin performance as villain Ali Topan.
Watch out for:
Yasmin Khanif's horrible actin. The makers could've at least played up some sex. Then again, stretch marks on her breasts were visible, so what's there to sell, eh?

Most memorable line:
"Maria, kenapa ni? Kenapa malu-malu? After all, ini bukannya first time.."
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
This ain't the end of the road. New production house De Baron have many more projects to come, the most eye-catchin bein Datin Ghairah, a movie that follows Jalang at least in terms of shock value movie-titlin. Yasmin Khanif will also have a second chance to improve her act with Blues Untuk Aku, another upcomin title. As for Jalang, it deserves somethin for Ali Topan, I guess.★
Bonus material:

Close enough to where it belongs.