Wednesday, 21 August 2013

Milf (2010)

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Wild things: Jack Cullison samples Amy Lindsay's MILF mounds.

At a glance:
Welcome to the motherload and the world of overripe melons, brought to you by the director of Sharkalanche (2013), Scott Wheeler, and the mockbuster producers behind Sharknado (2013), The Asylum. After failing romantically with girls their own age, a group of nerdy male college students discover the excitement of hookin up with sexy older women, often referred to as MILFs. Lifelong best friends Brandon (Jack Cullison) and Anthony (Philip Marlatt) as well as their geek/gamer friends Nate (Joseph Booton) and Ross (Ramon Camacho) succeed beyond their wildest dreams as they boink mature lady after mature lady. However, when Brandon gets slightly too attached to Anthony’s sexually active mother (Amy Lindsay), their whole scheme begins to fall apart.
Bad news on the doorstep:
Amy Lindsay and Molinee Green in Milf (2010).
Peppered with boob shots throughout all 88 minutes, the proceedings are more banal than the last overmilked American Pie addition, the unbearable American Reunion (2012). In fact, there's one scene that does seems inspired from the popular degenerate series and it's probably the highlight of this otherwise pedestrian effort. Simply not enough entertainment value here to make you stick to the screen, so your best bet is to leave this on the telly while other things happen in the room.
After school homework.
Perennial wonderment:
Is it true that the Korean-American actor John Cho made popular the word MILF through the American Pie movies? So before the 1999 release of the first flick, the Moro Islamic Liberation Front must've been a badass Muslim rebel group that couldn't sell any t-shirts.
Reminds me of:
Cougars Inc. (2011) and Cougar Hunting (2011). Yes, I watched them. I must hate myself. However, what I hate more than myself is the annoyin English bloke in this movie who seems to be modelled after Seann William Scott's Stifler in the American Pie movies, with none of the watchable charm.
"Hey Johnny, I'm doing something you did when you were just a baby!"
I can't remember if I cried:
The co-ed love interest (Jamie Bernadette) looks older than all the MILFs. How does that work?
Most memorable line:
"What? We're in college now. I'm now officially one year older than she was when she birthed you." and "Hey man, if anybody was gonna be sleepin' with my mum, I'm glad it was you." That's the level of writin you can in sex comedies of this generation, I reckon.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
"Hurrah! We finished watching the movie!"
The MILFs aren't even stunners. Jog on, fellas. Go watch Revenge Of The Nerds (1984) instead.
Bonus material:
Here are some tits, so you can skip the movie.
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Porn star Molinee Green drops her towel.
Peep show!
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"You're doin' great, son."
Never tried this food with sex business. Is it any fun?
Upskirt within the first five minutes. Enjoying yourself?