Wednesday, 7 August 2013

The Bates Haunting (2012)

The Bates Haunting: Dawn Sobolewski gives a tit or two for the cause.

At a glance:
Byron Turk's feature debut The Bates Haunting (2012) was released yesterday on VOD, retitled from Welcome To The Bates Motel but ridin ever so shamelessly hard on the famed Hitchcock thriller. It's a low-brow slasher about moody small town girl Agnes Rickover (Jean Louise O'Sullivan), who witnesses her girlfriend's freak accident death at a local haunted amusement park, only to end up workin part-time at the very same attraction months later. As usual, people start dyin and Agnes is right at the heart of the mystery.
Bad news on the doorstep:
To be fair, there are some pretty committed SFX in here, not to mention some lines that almost transcends its decided mediocrity e.g. when Ryan Dunn (yes, the departed Jackass, God rest his soul) waits 40 minutes for a pizza, he complains it's "a shit-covered Frisbee and that the pepperoni look like Samoan nipples". The problem lies in the sound design and execution -- there's virtually no tension. Amateur performances plague the proceedings and the story simply doesn't have enough goin for it.
BATES HAUNTING lana nordin rambut seks pubic hair fucking pull
Jean Louise O'Sullivan plays sexy lead Agnes Rickover.
Perennial wonderment:
I thought that every slasher needs at least one good kill sequence?
Reminds me of:
Every other limp and lame horror I've been endurin this past month.
I can't remember if I cried:
When I read the movie's tagline -- Some things are best left alone. I also can't believe the poster depicts a silhouette of a person with a knife behind some creepy house window. Was any of this in the movie? Should Anthony Perkins get a cut? Ha!
Most memorable line:
"Yeah, I'm pretty far from Norman Bates. You can call me ...normal Bates?"
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Not scary, not funny, not worth it. However, they did package it well with a con job poster and title, so I'm glad they got their movie out there.★★
The day the music died:
 R.I.P. Ryan Matthew Dunn (11 June 1977 - 20 June 2011)
Bonus material:
Here are some movie stills taken from the Bates Haunting official website. Also, check out the official Facebook fan page if you're still readin.
Byron Turk and Jean Louise O'Sullivan
Director Byron Turk
Jean-Louise O'Sullivan and Cosimo Mariano De Rita.
Jean-Louise O'Sullivan.
Jean-Louise O'Sullivan and Cosimo Mariano De Rita.