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Luscious Jytte-Merle Böhrnsen goes batshit occult as The Forbidden Girl (2013).
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At a glance:
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They even managed a nipple on the poster!
You lucky little nipple you! |
Marketed as "a supernatural 3D mystery thriller in the vein of Dracula and The Others", European Motion Pictures / Shoreline Entertainment's ambitious German product The Forbidden Girl (2013) is a dissonant mess that I suspect hardly got shopped, since they didn't even bother to complete buildin the official website. They did manage a DVD release though, so we do get to see it. It's a low-budget horror-fantasy in English and with a nipple or two thrown in, just like those old Italian flicks that have become a cult classic. The convoluted story centres on a young fella named Toby (Peter Gadiot) who is released from a nuthouse after several years and lands himself a job at an old castle, tutorin a nubile nympho named Laura (Jytte-Merle Böhrnsen in the titular role) who just happens to look exactly like the ex-girlfriend he lost to some mysterious werewolf creature ages ago. There's also an old lady (Jeanette Hain) in the house who gets younger by the day and her creepy loyal butler Mortimer (Klaus Tange) who likes to eat bugs and wield axes. Apparently Till Hastreiter, a TVC director who teaches low budget filmmakin in Third World countries for the cultural body Goethe, got the SFX guys from Martin Scorsese's Hugo (2012) to do this over three years in a self-built studio in a
Berlin backyard.
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| Roger Tebb: "All love is forbidden from now until the day you die." |
Bad news on the doorstep:
Beautifully photographed but sorely lackin an emotional centre, not to mention some jarrin elements that simply don't sit well together e.g. characters that seem to belong to different times and different cultures! The leadin lady Jytte-Merle Louisa Böhrnsen treats us to her topless delights every now and then but the movie is neither sexy nor sensual -- just a lot of meticulous framin and colour correction!
Perennial wonderment:
Is it true that there simply aren't enough 3D movies to fill all the word's 3D screens? A statement from the distributor insists that
"even a moderate budget production
has a very high chance of going theatrical in the U.S and the rest of
the world now" when it comes to the lucrative new format and that's why they gambled on the movie. Hmm... that would explain why this movie scantly had a need to be in 3D !
Reminds me of:
That other 3D horror dud, Dario Argento's
Dracula (2013) reupdate. The story unfolds just as slow as that Nightwing movie
Imaginaerum (2012).
I can't remember if I cried:
When I realised I had to rewind this from time to time because I keep zonin out of the conversations. There goes the night, havin watched yet another B-movie to torture myself.
Most memorable line:
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| "By your powers combined... I am Forbidden Girl!" |
There are lines in this movie like
"It's cool to try new things, right?" and
"She does look like me -- only the hair sucks." Talk about turn-offs!
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Theatrical, talky and too much of an effort. The more interestin the visuals got, the further away from the story we drifted. Should be cut up and despatched as multiple
Marilyn Manson music videos. However, I wouldn't go so far as to say it's unwatchable. Special mention goes to
makeup artist Emilia Seifert.★★
Bonus material:
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| The gorgeous Jeanette Hain as Lady Wallace. |
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| Flying witch tits! Watch out! |
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| Reminds you of Mumbra in He-Man cartoons, don't it? |
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"Wow. I'm beat. When do I get paid for this shyte?"
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| And that's the man who's responsible for it all - Till Hastreiter. |
Beautifully photographed but sorely lackin an emotional centre, not to mention some jarrin elements that simply don't sit well together e.g. characters that seem to belong to different times and different cultures! The leadin lady Jytte-Merle Louisa Böhrnsen treats us to her topless delights every now and then but the movie is neither sexy nor sensual -- just a lot of meticulous framin and colour correction!
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