Lovelace (2013)

Peter Sarsgaard tickles Amanda Seyfried's tonsils in Lovelace (2013).

At a glance:

The real Linda Lovelace.

How far does a girl have to go to untangle her tingle, asks the poster for Deep Throat (1972), the purported most profitable indie flick of all time at some $600m (not accordin to the mob who funded it), out of which tragic starlet Linda Lovelace received none of the US$1250 owed to her. I wish I were livin in those pre-Internet days to experience fuck flicks at standalone cinema wankathons, at least once in my life. If I did, I wish I got to know Linda Susan Boreman, the unassumin Florida schoolgirl turned world famous porn star, often credited as bringing adult entertainment into the forefront of mainstream attention. This very sympathetic and one-sided Andy Bellin / W. Merritt Johnson treatment is a biopic based on Eric Danville's 2001 book The Complete Linda Lovelace, focusin on how the lass escapes her religious mother (Sharon Stone) to meet and marry the charismatic hustler Chuck Traynor (Peter Sarsgaard) who would end up bein her papa pimp and punisher. Who would've thought that Linda's impressive capacity for fellatio would send her up the dizzyin heights of international superstardom and then down so far to the lowest levels of human depravity? Lovelace (2013) is a movie I was excited to read about and I wanted to like.

Bad news on the doorstep:

Juno Temple would've been my top choice for Linda.

Dirty beauties Juno Temple and Chloe Sevigny both have small roles in this and I wish either of them had landed the leadin part instead. Was Amanda Seyfried cast because of her freckles and her 60s style, upside-down heart-shaped tits? I read that Kate Hudson was first choice! What a disaster that would've been. Far more critical than that, of course, is how easily the picture goes down, when contrasted against the cultural significance of its characters. I'm talkin about how it "reduces an immensely disturbing, politically byzantine tale to a series of cartoonish vignettes" and how "this celeb-studded biopic squanders a gutsy performance by Amanda Seyfried while making '70s porn look scarcely more sleazy than a movie-of-the-week melodrama from the period", accordin to Rob Nelson for Variety. Sarsgaard and Adam Brody especially give some layered, highly watchable performances but the way all the characters enter and exit the proceedings, e.g. Playboy legend Hugh Hefner played by James Franco, simply devalues the explosive subject matter. Not only is the camerawork rather static, the characterisation makes caricatures out of everyone and many potentially powerful scenes lose their emotional gravitas, e.g. Dad (Robert Patrick) talkin to his little girl on the phone about how he had to walk out of the cinema, and Linda survivin a beatin in the streets only to be rescued by cops who were more interested in gettin her autograph.

Well, at least the retro typeset and production design was spot on.

James Franco's pipe-wielding Hugh Hefner!

Perennial wonderment:

Will we ever find out how much the movie actually made? Did Hugh Hefner really get a blowjob from Linda and was he really a sympathetic figure who wanted her to be a legitimate movie star? Was Linda actually a pathological liar and used everyone, just as much as they used her? It would've been nice to at least cover the other angle about how she felt the anti-porno movement also manipulated her durin her last days.

Reminds me of:

The wonderfully depressin biopics Auto Focus (2002) about Bob Crane and What's Love Got To Do With It (1993) about Tina Turner - both of which are vastly more resonant and wholly entertainin than this one.

I can't remember if I cried:

When it stopped at 92 minutes. What kind of self-respectin biopic has such a short runtime? No wonder everythin seems rushed!

Most memorable line:

Chuck says: "No, Linda, it's Shakespeare. I told them you do a great English accent, particularly with a cock down your throat."

Innit sad that a movie so big gave so little to Linda?

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Total Film's Kate Sables notes that for a movie obsessed with truth-tellin, Lovelace "ignores the competing accounts of its heroine’s porno past, privileging only her own version". Another online comment dismisses Lovelace as "nothing more than a by-the-numbers, woman empowerment, Lifetime channel Movie Of The Week…with nudity". I do feel it's not very tender and disappointingly mediocre. For a more academic view on the topic, check out the 2005 documentary Inside Deep Throat. By the way, does anyone know what happened to that other Linda Lovelace story that was supposed to be out this year, Inferno: A Linda Lovelace Story (2013), starrin Malin Akerman and Sasha Grey? I read that Lindsay Lohan was supposed to be the lead. Oh well, meanwhile I'll have to check out Paul Schrader's The Canyons to see how LiLo is doin. ★★1/2
The day the music died:

R.I.P. Linda "Lovelace" Boreman (26 Jan 1949 - 22 Apr 2002)
and Charles Everett "Chuck" Traynor (21 Aug 1937 - 22 July 2002)

Bonus material:

Some of them like to use you, some of them like to be of use.

American Psycho (2000)

Patrick Bateman.
Single-handedly decimating prostitute populations
since the turn of the millenium.

At a glance:
Never read the '91 book from which it's adapted but this sure makes some compellin viewin. On the surface, a story about a sick fuck narcissistic investment banker named Patrick Bateman who kills people, for example, a colleague with a better business card than his because it has a watermark. Historically, it has gone down as an important psychological thriller that attracts academic interest due to its surrealist presentation of white collar rat race socio-dynamics. Long monologues on fine food and beauty products by lead actor Christian Bale (pic) expound a complex story with plenty of rewards, cerebral as much as visual.
Perennial wonderment:
Batman or Bateman, this Christian Bale couldda easily played Heath Ledger's Joker in The Dark Knight (2008) with equal aplomb, if you examine the emotional breakdown in the telephone scenes.
Reminds me of:
Myself, of course. You're a fucking ugly bitch. I want to stab you to death, and then play around with your blood. I want you to clean your vagina. I like to dissect girls. Did you know I'm utterly insane?
Watch out for:
All the pop culture commentary by Bateman are actually great reviews on the subject. You just find it hard to capture it all because he's sayin it while he's choppin some guy or whore up. With an axe. Shiny one, even.
Most memorable line:
"Don't just stare at it. Eat it."
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Cara Seymour & Krista Sutton in a butt-eatin competion

Pin this one down at four full stars for intellectual entertainment that lives on today due to its unusual delivery. Check out this excerpt I got for you from a Universal Studios site - The characters are captive to 1987 fashion, which costume designer Isis Mussenden describes as "much bigger than now - shoulders with lots of pads, big glasses, big earrings and necklaces, and clothes that used large quantities of fabric. It's a general rule of thumb that when times are affluent, the clothing becomes voluminous." Mussenden's challenge was threefold. "As a costume designer, my first job is to interpret the script and build characters off the clothes," she says. "Clothing not only conveys character and mood visually, it also tells the story. When Bateman is feeling powerful, he wears a red tie, a shirt with bold stripes. But in weaker moments he appears in a lighter suit and a less flattering yellow tie.

The Brown Bunny (2003)

Vincent Gallo and Chloë Sevigny.

Bad news on the doorstep:
Wow this movie is seriously slow. I think there's this bit where he drives around Vegas for 15 minutes lookin for whores in his pickup truck. You get to see him turn left, turn right, turn left...
Perennial wonderment:
The enigmatic Vincent Gallo, multi-hyphenate madman and avid wanker (he's known to expound his mastubatory habits in length).
I can't remember if I cried:
When I read about how this completely indulgent movie ended up being profitable for everyone after all. The dust settled, they got it out on DVD and somewhere in Malaysia this idiot picked it up. Thank goodness I'm not alone - I saw this on Mike's shelf too.
Watch out for:
Totally unnecessary UNSIMULATED fellatio scene with Chloë Sevigny. This movie (or one of its versions) caused a fiasco at the Cannes premiere, apparently bringin her to tears when people booed it big time. Roger Ebert was reported to have called the worst movie ever to have played in the history of the film fest.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
★