Sorority Party Massacre (2013)

Leslie Easterbrook and seven sexy skinny birds can't save this movie.

At a glance:

Eve Mauro
was the only reason I watched this.

Talk about a movie that just passes you by. Described by the producers as a cross between Scream and Scary Movie in a castin call, the impotent and hapless Sorority Party Massacre (2013) is brought to you by the team behind Paranormal Incident (2011), boastin several known B-movie staples such as Kevin Sorbo (Julia X), Leslie Easterbrook (The Afflicted) and especially the delectable Eve Mauro (Penance, The Chaos Experiment), who had me sold, even if this was gonna be fast-forward fare. The synopsis reads: In danger of losing his badge, a big city detective agrees to aid a small town sheriff in a routine missing persons investigation only to discover that at least one girl has gone missing in the sheriff’s sleepy fishing town of Grizzly Cove each year for the last two decades. When a body finally emerges on the lake and suspects literally crawl out of the hills, the two lawmen realize they’re being toyed with, and to make things worse, the killer seems to have set his eyes on a group of sorority girls who are not only isolated by the lake but have their own nefarious plans in mind. Outnumbered and out of time, the two lawmen must solve the mystery of the missing girls or suffer the same fate.

Kevin Sorbo lets you know he's still around.

Bad news on the doorstep:

Forget about the synopsis. Borin start, middle and end. Despite the availability of so many fine young things at their disposal, the proceedings are so underwhelmin and muted, with no credible tension nor mystery. You will have to look long and hard for any reason to invest in any of these cardboard characters. I've yet to read one positive review about this movie.

Marisa Skell gets top billing.

Perennial wonderment:

Why am I writin this review and why are you readin it?
Reminds me of:
So many other indie flicks of the same ilk that just forgot how to have fun. One thing that was up to mark in the movie however - the SFX makeup by Tara Lang. Too bad it's a lost cause.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Was it ever shopped? Or did it die without a meaningful release, before landin on the torrent sites as sleazy scrap? Hate to see so much effort go down the drain. Go show them some love on Facebook, anyway. They look like they need it.★
Bonus material:

Don't even ask.

Julia X (2011)

Alicia Leigh Willis plays unhinged sex maniac sister Jessica in Julia X (2011)

At a glance:

Ving Rhames takes revenge for being Marcellus Wallace.

Cheap slasher with a smidgen of black humour, strangely and unnecessarily released in 3D, starrin Kevin Sorbo as a bad guy. We follow him on an online dating rendezvous gone wrong, involvin two psychotic but sexy, bra-swappin sisters (Valerie Azlynn and Alicia Leigh Willis) and to a lesser extent, a completely unsuspectin victim (Joel David Moore) who walks blindfolded (literally) into the bloody state of affairs. Movie title is in reference to the killer's contrived m.o. of brandin his victims. The writer and director is P.J. Pettiette of Jennifer's Shadow (2004) a.k.a. Raven.
Bad news on the doorstep:
With a thin concept that gives itself away too soon, Brett Gallman writes how Julia X quickly becomes "an over-the-top, sometimes tedious farce that resembles a live action, 90 minute episode of Itchy & Scratchy as our trio of nutcases bludgeon, maim, and scream at each other". Variety's Joe Leydon, in a taut two-para review condemns Julia X as "a promising premise in search of a satisfying execution. Thanks to 3D, various objects periodically appear to jut out from the screen - but that doesn't help."

Errr... Julia X. Literally.

Perennial wonderment:

Kevin Sorbo finds work. Yay!

 Where do I find girls like these?

Reminds me of:

The title and the poster reminds me of X: Night Of Vengeance (2011). That was an equally uneventful movie.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Very unremarkable. They kept playin the Carpenter's Close To You for that dark humour effect but couldn't even give Ving Rhames a cameo with a cool line or two.★★
Bonus material: