Precious: Based On The Novel "Push" By Sapphire (2012)

Not the most motivational of movie stills, I reckon.

At a glance:

I had just seen Gabourey Sidibe's brief role in Seven Psychopaths (2012) and I thought I'd rehash this old review, on account of renewin my seethin dislike for the movie upon the very sight of her. Precious: Based On The Novel 'Push' by Sapphire (2009) is quite a mouthful for a movie title, so it's a small relief that this decorated Oscar fave does have somethin substantial to say. However, like the makers conceded and thanked production ally Oprah Winfrey at the 2009 Awards ("because you touched it, so everyone saw it"), we really have to wonder if this greatly divisive film isn't just another well-marketed product of white guilt internalisation.

Bad news on the doorstep:

Paula Patton lends her well-to-do looks for contrast.

Yes, the artistic merit of this drama does come into question, as the eponymous main character Claireece Precious Jones (Gabourey Sidibe) is an overweight, illiterate, impoverished and abused teenager who just happens to be surrounded by some of the nastiest people and also go through some of the worst experiences one possibly can growing up in black Harlem. It's the kind of character arc that invites empathy at first but then descends into a credibility problem. Not that we're contendin the nature of a grossly underprivileged life in the late 80s, but there is a difference between tellin a story about the black underclass and tellin a story about how the black underclass view themselves. This Lee Daniels picture is a clear case of the latter but instead of offerin any insight into the psyche of any one person who comes from such a background, it is evident by the final reels that Precious is an unreflective sob story that strives for some redeeming value that it cannot attain.

Perennial wonderment:

Mo'Nique, the monster of a mum. Figuratively and physically.

For a movie that has been called "con job of the year" to one that goes to the extent of "demeaning the idea of black American life", emotions run strong, especially since we can't call the filmmakers racist because they're black. Perhaps it's an instance of reverse racism that the horrendous story of Precious becomes such a celebrated film that has picked up close to 100 awards across film festivals and such. In any case, there is no denying that Mo'Nique's performance as an criminally-abusive mother is a powerful turn that deserves every award it gets, includin the most prized one - Best Supporting at the 82nd Academy Awards. The movie as whole features some compelling actin (Gabriel Sidibe, Paula Patton, Sherri Shepherd and even Mariah Carey), and that lends urgency and strength to the proceedings whatever you might feel about the story.

Reminds me of:

Don't know. Can't relate to much in this movie.

I can't remember if I cried:

When I saw the frazzled Mariah Carey role. It's a suitable role for her, admittedly. It's just that this isn't the woman I remember from the Christmas music videos and that depresses me, as if the story isn't movin along bad enough.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Emotionally manipulative in a way I don't care for. As a movie experience, you will have to watch Precious - but only if you want to discuss it with your friends, and not because you look forward to enjoying it. ★★

Solomon Kane (2009)

Tattoos are for pussies. Branding is the real deal.
James Purefoy is Solomon Kane, hit man for God.

At a glance:

This 2009 Michael Bassett movie scored VOD last month and sees a limited release today in a handful of locations across the U.S. so I thought I'd rehash my old review for those of you who didn't manage to catch it the first time around. To audiences vaguely familiar with this comic character, the first question is: what superpowers does Robert E. Howard’s character have in this Solomon Kane film adaptation? A cynical answer would be cheesy lines, the ability to kill CGI demons and a pretty cool-lookin slouch hat. I watched this in a March 2010 release by Grand Brilliance in Malaysia and even then the cinema bosses joked that they fancied makin a little from just the openin weekend only, considerin the box office-friendly key visual. Me, I'm just happy the director got his North America release and that the movie is at least better than that drivel that was Jonah Hex (2010).

Bad news on the doorstep:

Rachel Evan-Wood.

Yes, for one we’re fortunate that the we get a movie out of a decent character created more than 30 years ago by the man who spawned Conan The Barbarian. However, while this Michael Bassett (Deathwatch) imaginin manages to retain Captain Solomon Kane as a brutally efficient 16th century killin machine armed with his signature pistols, cutlass and rapier (so says the production notes from the U.S.), the picture as a whole is monotonous, unrewardin and also marked by a distinct lack of humour.

Perennial wonderment:
How do the actors feel about their involvement in this movie today? James Purefoy (HBO’s Rome) didn’t do a bad job at all as a Puritan with ‘fallen priest’ sentiments during those feudal times. His muscular performance is consistent throughout the show, right down to his transition in values, where he’s called to take arms again havin renounced violence to save his soul due a past encounter with a badass Skeletor-lookalike called The Devil’s Reaper. The man’s soul might be damned but he sure is joined by some very decent allies such as an ex-priest (the late Pete Postlethwaite, The Town) and his innocent daughter Meredith (Rachel Hurd-Wood, Perfume). In fact, the entire cast is faultless as they are great drama actors, includin a small role from Swede cinema legend Max von Sydow (whose illustrious career incidentally includes a role in 1982’s Conan).

I ride. I kill. I have a slouch hat. Do you?

Reminds me of:

Van Helsing (2004) and Conan The Barbarian (2011).

Most memorable line:

God's hitman has a string of iffy lines to say, all soundin like a corny, fallen feudal superhero steeped in existential illusions of self-grandeur after years of abusin cheap ale. They include: "I was never more at home than I was at battle.", "If I kill you, I am bound for hell. It is a price I shall gladly pay.", "There are many paths to redemption, not all of them peaceful.", "I'm a man of peace now.", "I am not yet ready for Hell." and "Only devil here is me". Don't these remind you of somethin Christopher Lambert would say in a Highlander movie? Well whaddya know. Apparently in 2001 it was announced that Lambert was offered the role of Kane and was seriously "considering it as it's a very compelling part". Although the film rights were granted in 1997, it took another 11 years before filmin began.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

The problem is that our dogged hero just isn’t interestin enough here despite all the excellent period detail. He doesn’t get too many show-off scenes and he takes himself too seriously under this direction. Although drama and action are struck with a fair balance (sometimes you may feel like you’re watchin Gladiator), the good captain’s adventures are predictable, dour and ultimately told poorly with disengagin focal points and unimaginative dialogue. The final nail on the coffin is hammered home when the ultimate baddie demon makes his CGI appearance, emerging like an inferior Decepticon that dropped out of Sunday school in heaven. Better luck next time, Master Kane.★★1/2

Bonus material:

Director Michael J. Bassett.

The day the music died:

R.I.P. Pete Postlethwaite 
7 February 1946 – 2 January 2011

Beautiful Kate (2009)

Sophie Lowe finds love in all the wrong places in Beautiful Kate (2009).

She'll remind you of Saoirse Ronan in
The Lovely Bones (2009).

At a glance:

Some family secrets are more criminal than terrible, as we reluctantly learn from actress Rachel Ward's directorial debut Beautiful Kate (2009), an accomplished Aussie mystery thriller that could've done with a more effective title. I've been lookin for similar stuff havin wet my beak with Snowtown (2011) and Animal Kingdom (2010), not to mention I've developed an interest in Ben Mendelsohn's CV since he starred as Daggett in The Dark Knight Rises (2012). This one's about a rugged writer (Mendelsohn) who returns to the family farm after some 20 years just to visit his dyin dad (Bryan Brown) but finds himself lingerin in his repressed guilt over his dead siblings. Our protagonist remembers all to well the untimely death of his twin sister (Sophie Lowe) and brother (Josh McFarlane) when they were all backwater brats. Fortunately, there's a survivin daughter, Sally (Rachel Griffiths), who remains filial to the bedbound bastard - a grumpy old man who's takin his failures and resentment to his grave but not before givin his son hell.

Bad news on the doorstep:

Ben Mendelsohn and Maeve Dermody.

I read that native viewers took exception to how the rural folks speak but I think what sapped some power out of the picture was the diminishin focus on Mendelsohn as the movie wore on. His emo downtime came up short and our connection to the character is interrupted. I'm guessin the narrative tone of the 1982 Newton Thornburg book from which it was adapted is such? More landscape, less love? Wouldda been awesome if we could just invest in the main character more.

Perennial wonderment:

Will I ever figure out the difference between yabbies, crayfish, crawfish and lobsters? I'm not even sure what I've been eatin for a tenner at the local Chinese every week.

Reminds me of:

Affliction (1997), The Lovely Bones (2009), Somersault (2004) and The Cement Garden (1993). Not the most upliftin stories, are they?

Most memorable line:

"She's an actress. She doesn't wear clothes." Our protag pokes fun at his spoilt nympho girlfriend (Maeve Dermody). She's the sort who professedly exaggerates her moans durin doggy style sex and complains that she's only a whore because she's bein fucked like one. The needy always fuck face to face, no? I recall Sergio Castellitto and Claudia Gerini's tender scene in Don't Move (2004).

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

It finishes as a dreary drama made worse by an overused, though excellent soundtrack. The epilogue also does smack of self-importance and there's a certain conceit to the way the camera lingers around the characters. Still, it's a compellin rural tale built on no small measure of effort and you'll find it very palatable for mature audiences game for some disturbia.★★★
Bonus material:

Can you have sex while staring directly at your parents' pictures?

I don't think you can see what they're up to from here.

Pleased to see me?

L-R: Ben Mendelsohn, Brian Brown, Rachel Griffiths, Maeve Dermody.

Dead Hooker In A Trunk (2009)

"Boo."

At a glance:

Vancouver-set grindhouse fare by Soska twins Jennifer and Sylvia, two Canadian sisters who like violent horror movies. Dead Hooker In A Trunk (2009) tries to be as exploitative as it sounds, the conception of which is said to be inspired by the filmin of microbudget success El Mariachi (1992). In fact, they got Carlos Gallardo to do a cameo and Eli Roth to endorse it. Backed by IFC, the story is merely a premise - a group of people drive around tryin to figure out what to do with a whore that appeared in the trunk of their car.

Bad news on the doorstep:

Sexy Soska twins

Some camerawork choices don't help the story and detracts from the thriller mystery mood. I understand the music is supplied by a number of Vancouver acts. It sounds really good but I'm not sure it always goes. Also, the plot digresses far enough from the corpse that we forget all about it.

Reminds me of:

The girls remind me of Fiona Horsey in Wolfgang Büld exploitation movies. Don't get your hopes up though. There's no nudity here, so that's a big drawback if you were under the impression this was an over-the-top exploitation flick.

I can't remember if I cried:

Some of the pointless, poorly-filmed violence and gore in here are comical.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Show some love for a debut effort. They have a movie slated for this year - American Mary (2012). I guess things can only get better for Twisted Twins Productions. Check out the Dead Hooker In A Trunk official website for more info.★★
Bonus material:

"There's a dead hooker in the trunk and that is a big fucking deal."

Cornered! (2009)

Doughnut Donny wants to screw Jess but all he could do is pretend not to be
starin at her cleavage, just like the rest of the audience. Wotta dead script.

At a glance:

CGI rcockoaches.
They're in the movie, too.

James Duval tried.

"Not the panties, Clyde!"

Essentially, Cornered! is an indie horror feature expanded from a one-sentence premise with a token twist, just in case you forget you're watchin a micro-budgeted C-movie. During their nightly poker game, a group of lowlifes are terrorised in their own convenience store by a masked killer. We have deliveryman Morty (Steve Guttenberg, Cocoon, 1985), sweaty Latino proprietor Steve (Eduardo Garcia), his useless addict nephew (James Duval from the Gregg Araki movies), zaftig sex chat part-timer Mona (Ellia English, Aunt Helen from The Jamie Foxx Show), fat nobody Doughnut Donny (Peter Story) and the kindly prostitute Jess (Elizabeth Nicole) that he so desperately wants to boink but cannot, on account of his colossal fuckup loser of a personality.

Elizabeth Nicole gives her cleavage to the cause.

Bad news on the doorstep:

None of these characters have anythin goin for them. Who wants to watch a bunch of losers for 87 minutes? Shouldn't there be at least one interestin, sympathetic protagonist to root for? Shouldn't there be at least some cheap nudity since it's rated R? James Duval and Ellia English have a good go at it but this amateurish script is the sort that just fell out of some film student's bag pack. Sadly, a C-grade survival horror that nobody will miss.

Reminds me of:

Night At The Golden Eagle (2001).

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Torturous runaround but you can at least be consoled by the fact that it was at least coherent. Can't believe it cost more than US $3 million to make. Well, you can go over the remains of this project at the official Cornered! movie website that still runs today.★1/2

Bonus material:

Poor fellas.

Dear Doctor (2009) @ ディア・ドクター

"I'm not with Amway, I swear."

At a glance:

Bogus medicine and Japan’s ageing population gets Miwa Nishikawa’s tender touch in translatin this wonderful drama to a big screen feature that has been heavily decorated with awards since its 2009 release. The screenwriter and director, emerges from her 2006 courtroom melodrama Yureru ("Sway") with a convincin character study. It’s no real spoiler to disclose that Dr. Osamu Ino (Tsurube Shofukutei) is in fact, no doctor at all. However, in the quiet village where he operates, it doesn’t look like he needs to be one. Young med school grad Dr. Soma (Eita), veteran nurse Akemi Ohtake (Kimiko Yo from Departures, 2009) and opportunist drug salesman Masayoshi Saimon (Teruyuki Kagawa from Twentieth Century Boys, 2008) are all trapped between ignorance and ignorin – some just don’t know, while others simply don’t want to. Why should they do somethin, when the villagers prize the attention and care from the man over any real medical help he actually gives? The charade advances to its final stage when young widow Kazuko's (Kaoru Yachigusa) mysterious stomach pains worsen and her city doctor daughter (Haruka Igawa from Tokyo Sonata, 2008) threatens to visit.

"Come on, you nitwit.
Every first year medical student knows that."

Bad news on the doorstep:

May be overlong (2 hours 7 minutes) and excessively elaborate but culminates in a satisfyin, fable-like endin that is hugely rewardin for anyone who ever knew anythin about the human condition.

Perennial wonderment:

I hate Amway and all affiliated MLM fraudsters, how about you?

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

The wry humour that underpins Dear Doctor a.k.a. ディア・ドクター provides great contrast to the danger at hand. It’s a flowin movie that asks, at every juncture, how easily we disregard the failure of the system and the medical monsters it creates. With its superbly conflicted characters anchored by the demonstrable depth of their portrayals, you can look forward to an entertainin moral epic suitable for mature audiences. Highly recommended.★★★★

The Skeptic (2009) @ The Haunting of Bryan Becket

At a glance:

"Is it so wrong to believe that
the Malaysian PM is innocent?"

You have every reason to doubt this telemovie that didn't quite make the big waves TV commercial director Tennison Bardwell wanted it to, despite first spawnin the idea as early as in the 80s. The Skeptic another haunted house exercise but with a decidedly strong focus on the titular lead, upon which the movie's credibility rests. Unfeelin workaholic lawyer Bryan Becket (Tim Daly) is a doubtin Thomas who moves into his late aunt's reputedly haunted Victorian mansion after her death, much to the displeasure of his wife (Andrea Roth) and his partner (Tom Arnold). Naturally, the spookfest begins and ghostbusters are consulted - a scientist (Bruce Altman), a psychiatrist (Edward Herrmann), a priest (Robert Prosky) and even a young psychic (Zoe Saldana). The psychic points out to Bryan that it has somethin to do with his childhood memories.

Bad news on the doorstep:

"You heard whispering sounds,
and presuming that they must be human,
your brain strove to put speech to them.
It's called psycho-acoustics."

With hardly any special effects, the burden of suspense rests squarely on Tim Daly's exasperated character; and the actor does give it all. However, the Sceptic vs Believer elements are a little overstated by the filmmaker, as if tryin too hard to make a ghost movie for adults. This strangely brings about an air of unintended humour to the proceedings but to no good effect. Slant Magazine's Fernando F. Croce points out that Bryan's scenes with his partner (Tom Arnold) and priest (Robert Prosky) have comic and poignant energy, but for the most part the film awkwardly suggests Poltergeist (1982) as a 12-step self-help programme.

Perennial wonderment:

"I see dead careers."

I find movies with such titles irresistible. Here are some if you care for more: The Possession Of Gail Bowers (2006), The Disappearance of Alice Creed (2009), The Haunting Of Molly Hartley (2008), The Possession Of Emma Evans (2010), The Possession Of David O'Reilly (2010).

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Some interestin moments and a committed though not particularly compellin performance from the cast. You will finish the film, at least. Popmatter's Cynthia Fuchs put it best: "Inane as any other insight offered up in The Skeptic, at least it acknowledges the fundamental metaphor of every haunted house movie ever made. And now, we can all go home."  ★★ 1/2

Bonus material:

"So father, did you manage to find my career in here somewhere?"

Penance (2009) @ The Devil's Dungeon

"I'm sexy and I know it."

At a glance:

Penance (retitled from The Devil's Dungeon) is a Saw-type "found footage" sexploitation flick, where mumsy loser Amelia (Marieh Delfino, Auto Focus) moonlights as a stripper to earn some extra cash, while recordin her efforts as an audition video for a reality TV show. As luck would have it, she accepts a last-minute job when her stripper friend falls sick (Eve Mauro, The Chaos Experiment) and lands herself in a Gestapo-type institution where nutjob ex-gynae (Graham McTavish, Rambo) has been God's sinners with his own special brand of purifyin punishment.

Bad news on the doorstep:

Eve Mauro & Marieh Delfino

How come everyone has a video camera? Various shots proved fatal to movie logic, ruinin all credibility and mood. That aside, take a pick - uninspired actin, lousy lines and predictable outcomes. Even the strippers could've been used better.

Perennial wonderment:

What's the ratio of "found footage" films that did work to those that didn't? One out of 10, maybe.

Reminds me of:

The WIP (women in prison) movies of Jess Franco - but at least those always featured a new level of explicitness.

Most memorable line:

"I'm goin to remove your fun bits." Yes, we do have a nice spot of FGM here but it wasn't memorable.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

A most unsatisfyin modern addition to the WIP genre. The DVD has loads of extras, though. ★ 1/2
Trailer for the curious:

Bonus material:
Here's a strippin sequence that works as a home tutorial for you bored housewives. Other random scenes from the movie follow.

"Are you mockin my Scottish accent?"

"Aha! Here's proof that you starred in this crap movie!"

"I said, NO WEDGIES!"

"I am a sinner... I must cut off my cock and my balls."

I like to preserve things.

Post-stripper blues?

Eve Mauro takes her kit off in every movie I've seen her in.

It's true.

Stripper audition