The Intouchables (2011) @ Intouchables

Magic negro + marijuana + slutty Asian masseuses = A happy quadriplegic?

At a glance:

Havin reportedly come in second recently for most attended French movie of all time in France, this neat little drama about a rich white invalid and his poor black help has made the Weinstein Company so very happy that they've put dibs on a Hollywood remake as well. So before you see obvious replacements Dustin Hoffman and Will Smith goofin around a wheelchair next summer, why not see the original first? There's 112 minutes of  a jobless Senegalese man called Driss (Omar Sy) who goes to a job interview dressed like a gangbanger and unexpectedly ends up in a remarkable friendship with hoity-toity Philippe (Francois Cluzet) as they make fun of class and culture.

The wonderful freckled French beaut
that is Audrey Fleurot.
- 37th Cesar Film Awards
at Theatre du Chatelet, Paris.
24 Feb 2012

Bad news on the doorstep:

Intouchables has an all too obvious example of a magical negro at work, so it's no wonder that some American reviewers, like Jay Weissberg at Variety, called it offensive and "may seduce unthinking auds with an infectious breeziness". I guess there's no real defence to that because it's actually true - but I also believe that perhaps one ought to pay the devil his due when a movie so offends but one isn't embarrassed to enjoy it. Driss makes fun of Vivaldi, Faberge eggs, opera performances and even Philippe's disability in the most insensitive ways but the poor man laughs along as because - hey, let's face it - it's actually funny. That's the kind of winsome chemistry at work here. Intouchables has formulaic feel-good frivolity drippin off its movie poster, shamelessly executin one cheap laugh after another but by golly me do you like how these two characters play off each other. Nevermind that the real-life character of Driss was an Algerian - the idea works.

Perennial wonderment:

You can do further readin on the actual persons from which this movie was inspired. Quite an amazin story.

Reminds me of:

Philippe's admin assistant Magalie is played by Audrey Fleurot, a buxom babe that reminds me of Gemma Arterton's Strawberry Fields character who helped James Bond locate his, er, missin stationery in Quantum Of Solace (2008). Wish there were more Hollywood exposure for her.

"Are you seriously gonna pay €30,000 for this nosebleed?"

I can't remember if I cried:

In the final scenes, Philippe is predictably given a wonderful surprise by his magic negro. The look on the old man's face is priceless and this is definitely teardrop territory. I saw this at an advanced screenin with the French consulate at Cineplex Odeon Varsity and filmmakers Olivier Nakache and Éric Toledano were at hand to elaborate: "When we went to see the real Philippe, he said okay we can have his story but we must make it a comedy. He didn't want people to cry. Still, you all cried."

Watch out for:

Omar Sy's muscular dance floor antiques while Earth, Wind & Fire's 'Boogie Wonderland' plays. White guys can't dance, it's true. For the record, Omar Sy took Best Actor at the 37th César Awards against Jean Dujardin in The Artist, so that should pique your interest.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Good date movie for anyone seekin to impress their date with somethin foreign yet accessible. ★★★ 1/2

Trailer for the curious:

Bonus material:

This young lady stood around admirin posters instead of queuin up
and so paid the price of gettin lousy seats.
- Cineplex Odeon Varsity, Toronto. Photo taken 15 May 2012.

Olivier Nakache and Éric Toledano being interviewed by local critic Richard Crouse as the end credits rolled.

These two were comedians!

- Cineplex Odeon Varsity, Toronto. Photo taken 15 May 2012.

Free Men (2011) @ Les Hommes Libres

Tahar Rahim plays Younes, a cigarette-smuggler in Nazi Paris
turned Moslem saviour of Jewish kids.

At a glance:

A staff favourite accordin to the Twitter handle for the 20th Toronto Jewish Film Festival where I watched this, French-Moroccan director and scribe Ismaël Ferroukhi's Free Men @ Les Hommes Libres (2011) is a spy drama apparently inspired by true events in WWII Paris where an Algerian immigrant found himself drawn to a local mosque that was secretly passin off Jews as Moslems in an attempt to save them from bein rounded up by the Nazis.

Bad news on the doorstep:

Now you can hit me on the head with a menorah but I don't think you need to be a expert on North African Jewish and Moslem fraternity to know that any movie about Moslems savin Jews will come across rather off. A review on Guamdiary has it that the director's "conceit has become controversial; his theme is based on oral history, anecdotes and some written testimony" and that Algerian-born Jewish historian Benjamin Stora has acted as an advisor. However, let's leave the divisive elements out of it for a minute and concentrate on its artistic merits. For this, one has to concede that while Free Men is technically sound, its humourless narrative gives it away as a laborious, politically-motivated assertion that isn't goin to win too many fans.

Perennial wonderment:

When will the Arab-Israeli war end? Bein a Malaysian (pro-Palestine government, no diplomatic ties with Israel), I jumped at the chance of attendin somethin like the Toronto Jewish Film Festival which is bein held at a cinema just a stone throw's from where I live. Better yet, bein a Chinese-Malaysian, no Jew here would think I'm an Arab suicide bomber, right? However the experience was strange for an entirely different reason - I was the only person among some 300 whose average age must be 105 years old. Everyone had white hair and those who don't, didn't have any. One in five walks with a cane. Where are all the young people hidin?

The enemy of my enemy is my friend.

Watch out for:
Tahar Rahim's masterful nuances. Great restraint every time, never needin to be wordy. Un Prophète (2009) must have been an industry benchmark in how to appear uneducated, hungry and likeable - all at the same time. 

Most memorable line:

One of the Arabic songs sang by a disguised Jew had the English line "everywhere you go, OK OK, come on, bye-bye". I guess a take on the Americanisation of the world. 

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

This doesn't have the class or the tenacity of somethin like Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy (2011). Plenty of promise in several scenes but the tension keeps bein underplayed. Michael Nordine writes that: "For much of its runtime, the film is simply there, decent for the most part, but at no point immersive." Still, Tahar Rahim's strong screen presence makes it an excitin enough watch for me. Three stars.

Trailer for the curious:

Bonus material:

This nice lady is a TJFF volunteer. 
She must have thought I was a lost tourist.

Inside (2007) @ À l'Intérieur

Béatrice Dalle sticks it in.

At a glance:

Inside (2007) or its native French À l'Intérieur is definitely not for the faint-hearted, especially those expectin a baby. It's like an all-out mother of all horrors, designed to resuscitate the numbest, most jaded fans of the genre who had resorted to watchin the Twilight movies in their boredom. Without givin anythin away, it's a movie about a mysterious intruder (Béatrice Dalle, pic) who terrorises an expectant mum (Alysson Paradis) in her home, with some pretty graphic violence thrown in for good measure.

Bad news on the doorstep:

Scarier than a Malaysian public toilet, for once.

While the traditional FX are surprisingly top-notch (the blood oozes off from the screen with gratuitous confidence), I do feel it did go overboard towards the end, where it started to get a bit silly and comical. I'm not sure it's a rewardin watch either. I just know it's a horror movie that is shot with the express intention to make you squirm. I even believe they went through 50 different pairs of scissors just to decide on the instrument that will project the most fear by sheer sight.

Perennial wonderment:

What is the best formula to make blood for shootin movies? How come some movies have horribly laughable diluted sirap while other similarly budgeted movies have better stuff?

"You complete me."

Reminds me of:

That other movie with Béatrice Dalle, Trouble Every Day (2001). I can't remember a damned thing about it now except that pervo Vincent Gallo is in it too. I also recall Darah (2009), that Indonesian bloodbath where the set is perpetually soaked in blood, pretty much like Inside.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Well, it did make me anticipate the next sick scene just as soon as one is over. ★★

Barbed Wire Dolls (1975) @ Frauengefängnis

At a glance:
The less is said about these old exploitation films, the better. However as a Women In Prison (WIP) product, apparently there is a historical importance in movies like these. They're made because floggin and other types of torture were outlawed in commercial porno but people still had to get their S&M fix somehow, innit? In this Jess Franco flick, his real life playthin Lina Romay is a girl who accidentally kills her dad (Franco himself) as she was defendin herself from incestuous rape. In jail, she meets a loony dominatrix wardress (Monica Swinn in hotpants with a monocle) and various other oversexed lesbians or in-house psychos, as she learns about the corrupt, self-subsistin penitentiary.
Bad news on the doorstep:
Maybe this would be wonderful viewin in those days but the shock value here isn't really felt. I can't believe how many reviews they are out there discussin this movie's merits. Borin bollocks. Prefer those Pam Grier movies.
Reminds me of:
Thriller: A Cruel Picture but at least that was interestin.
Watch out for:
Ridiculous slo-mo rape chase scene. Wtf. Instead of shootin it in slo-mo, they actually did everythin slowly.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Schlockmeister supreme Jesus Franco is one man who can make nudity borin. In a movie with scenes of cigarette-aided masturbation and nude electrocution, I can't believe it's so difficult to finish watchin this movie.

La Môme (2007) @ La Vie En Rose

At a glance:
Some years ago I discovered a CD left lyin on top of a pile of garbage outside a charity shop in Crookes, Sheffield. I fell in love with the music ever since and today find myself reviewin this film, a grand biopic of the talent and the tragedy that was, and forever is, Édith Piaf - widely regarded as the greatest singer ever in French history and someone that nobody ought to be embarrassed for gushin over. But this review isn't about me. It's about Édith. Therein lies the dilemma - how do I proceed to tell you about a film that presumes knowledge on the part of the audience about her? Do I give you a history lesson (by most accounts, at least) on little Édith bein an abandoned child who was raised by whores in a brothel? Or do I tell you about the blindness, murders, lovers, circus shows and drugs that lent character to the peerless voice that delivered La Vie En Rose? The film brings you all this inside 140 minutes of sorrow and song, which will feel either too long or too short dependin on your attention span for somethin so vast such as the lifetime of a person, and not just any person, but a damaged soul who was also physically ill. We see Édith (Marion Cotillard) survive an impossibly difficult childhood to grow into the monumental talent that she was, from sidewalk shows and cabaret gigs to bein the headliner at the Paris Olympia concert hall. Among the people colourin her life were her father (Jean-Paul Rouve), her caretaker (Emmanuelle Seigner), her discoverer, (Gérard Depardieu), her manager, (Pascal Greggory), her lover Marcel (Jean-Pierre Martins) and her best friend (Sylvie Testud) - but the greatest hue here imbued lay within the indomitable Piaf herself, who defiantly asks "What’s the point of being Édith Piaf if I can't do what I want?"
Bad news on the doorstep:
Complaints for La Môme could be on points on length, but biopics are about someone’s lifetime after all. The better problem would be of rhythm because some may be quite unsettled by the jumpin back and forth between young Édith and old Édith.
Reminds me of:
Frida, Queen Margot, What’s Love Got To Do With It?
Watch out for:
In Marion Cotillard we see the best female lead performance since Nicole Kidman in The Hours. She embodied Piaf to a maddenin perfection, actin everyone out of sight, Depardieu included, and you wouldn’t recognise her from the perky-titted temptress in the Taxi film series. Her joltin mimes were exceedingly convincin but wouldn’t you be interested to know that Édith Piaf’s real voice was used whenever possible because it was simply so inimitable! For this performance, Cotillard took a BAFTA, a César Award and a Golden Globe, not to mention she became the first actress to win an Oscar for a French language performance.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Do I dare disclose that the endin took two teardrops out of me? La Môme stretches and in many scenes, even reaches, but is disadvantaged by havin too great a subject to truly capture, let alone cover. In that respect, strangely, you could even say the film is exactly like Édith, that it had a voice which will forever be greater than the body carryin it. However, it was always a film that needed to be made. Non, je ne regrette rien.

Paris 36 (2008) @ Faubourg 36

At a glance:
The titular 36 refers to the year in which this delightful little pre-WWII musical was set, when a rundown theatre hall takes centrestage as love stories and political games play themselves out to complete audience satisfaction. If you thought director Christophe Barratier's Les Choristes (The Chorus) in 2004 was great, then this followup is no short of absolutely grand. Garnerin fair attention at the Cesars this year, Paris 36 is whimsical as much as musical. It's one of those full-package movies like La Vita E Bella, the sort that takes you through a spectrum of emotions and leave you hangin onto the cinema curtains when the end credits roll. We follow stage manager Pigoil (Gerard Jugnot), a dejected man with a cheatin wife, who loses his son Jojo (Maxence Perrin) to the family affairs authorities after the fascist, kingpin landlord Galapiat (Bernard-Pierre Donnadieu) shuts down his beloved Chansonia. Not about to throw in the towel, he tries to revive the establishment with bumblin sound impersonator Jacky (Kad Merad) and rabble-rousin firebrand Milou (Clovis Cornillac) as they go against all odds to make somethin out of their lives. Enterin into all their lives unannounced is a bright, beautiful aspirin singer named Douce (Nora Arnezeder) and we get a glorious costume story in epic proportions.
Bad news on the doorstep:
Not an important movie that must be made, like say Édith Piaf biopic La Môme @ La Vie En Rose but it sure is a tidy effort that celebrates cinema, entertainment and the performin arts.
Perennial wonderment:
If Picturehouse at Damansara's Cathay Cineplex will be revived to bring in titles like this for the 0.01% of appreciative Malaysians who don't get to watch it, unlike neighbourin Singapore.
Watch out for:
Nora Arnezeder (pic) was Meilleur Espoir Feminin and La Revelation Feminine (that's Most Promising Young Actress and Best Female Newcomer to you and I) at the Lumiere and Étoiles d'Or in France this year. Simply dazzlin as the ideals-laden ingenue who dreams of the moon on a stick, sashayin back and forth in the movie like an object that's always out of your reach.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Critic Roger Ebert has said that this is a movie that he would absolutely adore if he watched it before he was born, notin that the movie lacks "a certain energy". Well, he may not be too far off the mark but as far as musicals are concerned, we have French cinema to thank for givin us some accordian music every now and then. Me, I'm just happy to let a little joy in.★★★★

Dan In Real Life (2007)

Any reason will do, just to watch Juliette Binoche.

At a glance:
Dan In Real Life (2007) is a soft holiday rom-com set in Rhode Island, starrin the questionable talent that is Steve Carell (pic, do we really need this guy?) and the unquestionable talent that is Juliette Binoche, both who form a believable, sensitive couple obviously drawn to each other after a chance meet but are held back by the latter's current relationship with an overcompensatin prick of a man, played by Dane Cook, whom I unfortunately remember from that chore of a movie My Best Friend's Girl.
Perennial wonderment:
If Juliette Binoche could star in another unforgettable French movie that somehow finds its way to the French Film Festival in Malaysia sometime before I expire?
Reminds me of:
Some place cold but cosy... like a holiday home I never had.
Watch out for:
Juliette Binoche's character doin some acrobatic gymnast stretchin against the body of Dane Cook's character durin a workout, as Steve Carell's character goes green with envy. O my days, is she really 45?
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
It's a straightforward 98-minute movie about how a widower finds out that the woman he falls for is his brother's girlfriend. It doesn't pretend to be better or bigger than it is; and it introduced me to eclectic Norwegian singer-songwriter Sondre Lerche, who provides all the tunes that make the movie. That critic guy Ebert says the songs are his only complaint about the film. I find them cheery. ★★★1/2

Read My Lips (2001) @ Sur Mes Lèvres

At a glance:
Vince Cassel (pic) can't put a foot wrong since La Haine (1995) and doesn't seem to be turnin on his trademark villainous roles anytime soon. As he walks into the first scene with his prison scars and dishevelled hair, all the old movie charm of Parisian disenfranchisement comes crashin in, like waves of twisted energy he so often ebbs. Story follows that deaf social retard finds roguish convalescent ex-con. They meet, they talk and they have every reason to fall in love but never really do. Pretty well contained flick with careful cinematography and an excellent score to boot. Sexiest advantage lies in the reluctant yet real chemistry between its two stars, adversaries and friends in equal measures.
Bad news on the doorstep:
Could get slow for some but take consolation that this is a more universal type of French flick.
Perennial wonderment:
In perhaps 20 odd films I've seen Cassel in (count not the Hollywood by-products like Ocean's Thirteen) this movie is one of the few rare ones in which his female co-star actually matches his talent. As the uncomfortable secretary of a property development firm, Emmanuelle Devos (pic, you might remember her if you've seen The Beat That My Heart Skipped in 2005 who was directed by the same man) is at once urban ugly and yet awkwardly beautiful - the sort of uncomfortable character that drives a mystery-thriller like this to another level of entertainment. She won a Best Actress César for this performance.
Reminds me of:
The 1994 Captives situation where bad boy prisoner Tim Roth romanced nerdy dentist Julia Ormond on the toilet floor. Read My Lips explains why things will never be the same for people who cross paths this way.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Happy to give four stars for the stark and sometimes sensual. There's dirty love on decadent Parisian streets and escape for the two characters remain a romantic possibility for the entire duration of the film. In Read My Lips, the soundlessness of sex is louder than ever.

The Hairdresser's Husband (1990) @ Le Mari De La Coiffeuse

At a glance:

Anna Galiena obliges.

One of the more enjoyable (and accessible) Patrice Leconte films, about a kid who fantasises over a fat hairdresser and her tits, so he gets a haircut every bloody week. Kid grows up to be a peculiar fiftysomethin man (the evergreen Jean Rochefort) and meets a hot hairdresser (a gorgeous Anna Galiena) so thus begins a FUBAR relationship of which the climactic end will surely piss you off if you're not used to watchin French movies.
Perennial wonderment:
Why can't I find more movies with Anna Galiena, whose tits you might last remember from Jamón, Jamón (1992) or more recently in Tinto Brass' Black Angel (2002).
Reminds me of:
I'm not sayin!
Watch out for:
Rochefort dancin crudely to Arabian-soundin music.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Four stars for a tender, tragic movie, with all its French aloofness.
Bonus material:

The best afternoon a man can have.

La Haine (1995)

At a glance:
Among the top ten finest films ever made - if you disagree, you have no business here readin this blog. Reportedly shown by the French PM to his Cabinet, to let them know the state of affairs the nation was faced with. Gritty, existentialist tale of three friends - each of whom represent a response class in the socio-political anarchy that is the youth of France. Give them a policeman's handgun and watch the movie eat you up.
Perennial wonderment:
Vince Cassel, the French fucker who married Monica Bellucci. He's a badass character actor that only similar bastards (like me) can appreciate. Spent his whole career playing psychotic bad guys and in this movie he's got the role of a teenager who could have been the younger version of all the Vince Cassel bad guys you ever watched.
Reminds me of:
My best mate Lanky B, who is just about the toppest top geezer who ever left South London. It's his favourite film and he introduced it to me.
Watch out for:
The climax.
Most memorable line:
Well it's not the most memorable line but there's a 1-min monologue about a guy who took a shit in the bushes and couldn't get back on the train because he's always pullin his trousers up.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?Five fuckin stars.