Ashley (2013) @ Sprawl

Nicole Fox and Nicole Buehrer negotiates the awkward morning after in Ashley.

Hey, look! Another nipple poster.

At a glance:

Domenic Migliore's snailwork of a story Ashley (2013) a.k.a. Sprawl is an exercise in teen frustration that renders itself all too well at the hands of the director, Dean Matthew Ronalds. From the attractive poster, I'd thought it might be somethin like Flashdance (1983) meets Lolita (1997), or maybe even Gia (1998) meets Crush (1993). Turns out it's an indie drama scarcely worth watchin even for 22-year-old lead Nicole Fox, the fashion model starlet best known as the winner of Cycle 13 of America's Next Top Model. She plays a sullen 17-year-old student faced with a catalogue of personal problems like self-harm, bullyin, domestic abuse, sexual abuse, buddin homosexuality and a general disenchantment with life. She lives with her alcoholic single mum (Jennifer Taylor), who blames her husband's death on her. Gosh, if she only had AIDS this would be the middle-class suburban white version of Precious (2012), wouldn't it?

Bad news on the doorstep:

"I'm a teenager!"

I think a critical flaw in this effort is the surprisin lack of any moral resolution to the proceedings, but what upsets me the most is that the movie has little, if at all, to say about the human condition. There's plenty of amateurish camerawork to pick on, too. What will probably stop you in your tracks is the overdone soundtrack which is saturated with annoyin teenybopper music, tense piano pieces and even opera tracks -- all of which hardly improve the scenes. Hell, there's no tension to the narrative and sometimes I can't even bloody hear what the characters are sayin!

Perennial wonderment:

Michael Madsen:
Most hardworking cameo actor today.

Oh there goes Michael Madsen again, makin yet another five minute cameo in any shoestring indie project that could do with better billings. Didn't I just watch him last night in Nomad (2013) mumblin and barkin at someone as usual? Somewhere in the world, it's payday for Michael Madsen. Here, he collects after tellin Ashley what veal is and then tryin to cop a feel. What a plonker.

Reminds me of:

"This is how I feel about heterosexual sex and polite conversation."

That equally meanderin melodrama About Cherry (2012) starrin Ashley Hinshaw, about how a young girl becomes a porn star. By the way, there's hardly any nudity here, save maybe for an awkward phone sex scene. Oh wait, Nicole Fox does take her bathrobe off somewhere near the end, if you actually get anywhere near that.

Nicole Fox disappears into Ashley.
[Photo credit migliorephoto.com]

I can't remember if I cried:

Once the end credits rolled. Sheesh. Remember, I watch bad movies so you don't have to. If you paid to see this, you'd be mean enough to say it ain't too far off from a voyeur cam, the footage of a girl smokin, cuttin herself, smokin again, playin on her laptop and smokin again.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

So was that endin an attempt at an emotional payoff? If I were payin enough attention, this movie actually has a very dangerous message. Me, I'm off to rewatch The Heart Is Deceitful Above All Things (2004) to forget about all this palaver.★1/2
Bonus material:
Here are some production photos and a few movie stills if you insist on watchin it. You could also go check out the official website and the Facebook fan page.

America's Next Top Model Nicole Fox gives two for the cause.

How every successful relationship begins -- online.

Small Pond (2011)

Hari Leigh plays Kirsten, a painfully mediocre young woman.

Amy Seimetz:
"Do not fuck with my portobello mushrooms!"
Copyright 2011 Tenhoursaweek, LLC.
Photo credit: Karen Johnson

At a glance:

Longtime Hollywood crewman Josh Slates has written and directed his first feature film - the overwhelmingly indie but quietly original Small Pond (2011), a movie he describes as "both a love letter to Columbia, Missouri as well as a satirical comedy about the lives of leisure that are led by its youthful inhabitants". Congratulations are in order, as they've managed to shop it. When you watch the movie, you'd understand why the movie deserves to be seen by more people. It's a coming-of-age caper about a sloppy pizzeria worker (Hari Leigh) whose annoyin aimlessness in life is strainin every relationship she has with people around her. She wants no part in job promotions, health insurance or even basic grocery shoppin because she lives her life from one week to the next. Like all decent coming-of-age movies, things are about to change for our irresponsible ne'er-do-well. It's a neat little Midwestern portrait of a college town with some rather basic components but the story is sound and the characters never overstay their welcome, resultin in an pleasantly disarmin narrative.

Bad news on the doorstep:

Susan Burke and Hari Leigh
Copyright 2011 Tenhoursaweek, LLC. Photo credit: Karen Johnson

Some complain that the female lead is not likeable enough to invest in but perhaps our mixed feelings for her are precisely what makes a good character arc. More would grow restless with the static and muted drama throughout the proceedings, though this is again, fully intended. A bigger budget would've jazzed things up a notch or two but I guess that would've made it a different movie.

Ann Magnuson
Copyright 2011 Tenhoursaweek, LLC.
Photo credit: Karen Johnson

Reminds me of:

The story draws heavily from the set location and some parts were filmed in St Louis. I had a friend there but no longer.

Watch out for:

Hari Leigh carries the movie and she's quite an enchantin character by the sounds of her blog, on which she describes herself as "an exuberant blast of indie kookiness". There's no nudity in the movie, though followers of this blog might notice the size of her bosom. Her character seems to have gone out of the way to appear totally desexed, after a suggestive introduction in the openin scene. Oh well.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Short and sincere, devoid of cheap melodrama. 76 minutes of time well spent, I'd say. Go check out the Facebook fan page and official website for updates, if only to read the delightfully-penned director's statement. Very interested to see what Josh Slates can do in a bigger pond.★★★
Bonus material:

Hari Leigh
Copyright 2011 Tenhoursaweek, LLC. Photo credit: Karen Johnson

Straight A's (2013)

Anna Paquin scores Straight A's in a spot of cock-teasing with Ryan Phillippe.

At a glance:

Wanna fall asleep like Ryan Phillippe in the movie?
Don't blame ya.

Perhaps more worthy as a grammar debate than a feature movie, the thematically loose but well-edited Straight A's (2013) is about ne'er-do-good lifelong substance abuser Scott (Ryan Phillippe) who suddenly appears on horseback at the doorstep of his brother's Shreveport house, tryin to connect with the family he turned his back on years ago. Packin nothin but a bag of pills and ganja, he's haunted by the spirit of his dead mother and struggles to redeem himself with his brother (Luke Wilson) and also his brother's wife (Anna Paquin), the latter with whom he was formerly an item. The brother is a high-flyin businessman who's out of town for a few days, so Scott sticks around the house and finds himself bondin with the kids and the help. We learn about a strained marriage, disillusioned children and broken relationships. However, the standoffish family patriarch, sick grandfather (Powers Boothe) holds the key to uncoverin some secrets that might heal the whole family.
Bad news on the doorstep:

"You fuckwit son. Whaddya think this is? The Simpsons?"

Only managed a DVD release - and for good reason. Frank Veenstra at Bobafett1138 summarises bluntly: "Nothing against this movie but sometimes I just don't get why certain movies get even made! There is truly nothing special about this movie - its story, characters or drama. To make things worse, it handles things poorly, making this a mostly shallow and bland movie experience." Indeed there's a pronounced lack of urgency to the characters and their story, despite a highly watchable cast and their committed performances. This isn't Little Miss Sunshine (2006) and an unneeded Korean soap twist to its climax further highlights a problem in tone and direction.

Perennial wonderment:

Why didn't Ryan Phillippe and Anna Paquin become bigger stars? These two are extremely commandin and seductive performers who definitely peaked too early.

Reminds me of:

Some families I know. God save them and God save us from them.

Watch out for:

Powers Boothe as the bitter father. He gets a significant supportin role here.

Seems like it was just yesterday I watched Cruel Intentions.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Trevor Anderson at Movie Mavericks writes: "As much as Straight A’s reaches for spirituality, it lands far from its goal and comes off as a trite movie that doesn’t understand the values it purports to have. The ending is also incredibly contrived and drawn out, it doesn’t fit with the rest of film. Or maybe it does, as every choice here seems to be the safe one. Nice direction and strong acting can’t save this snooze-fest of unrelenting nothingness. With characters that are drowning in self-loathing, for which no great reason is ever revealed, the title Straight A’s must be referring to the expletive rather than the grade. Although I’d never give this movie that much credit."★★

Simon And The Oaks (2011) @ Simon Och Ekarna

Swedish post-coital chess? Oughtta try it sometime.

At a glance:

Simon And The Oaks (2011) or Simon Och Ekarna in its native Swedish, is a lavish adaptation from Marianne Fredriksson's 1985 book of the same name. Running 122 minutes long, it's a WWII comin-of-age drama told chiefly through an awkward boy, Simon (Jonatan S. Wächter) who talks to trees and dreams of music, findin no support nor understandin from his pragmatic home. He goes to a fancy city school and befriends a Jewish boy called Isak (Karl Martin Eriksson). The two essentially swap fathers due to common interests and by the end credits, you'd appreciate why the Swedes thought this was a pretty powerful picture and it swept everythin at their domestic awards.

Bad news on the doorstep:

The young Simon (Jonatan S. Wächter)

This film is part of this year's lineup at GSC's European Union Film Festival so I thought I'd look it up. It wasn't their Best Foreign Language Pic submission to the Oscars and you could see why. Filmleaf's Chris Knipp summarises: "despite international success, Simon lacks anything to make it special. It feels like a rehash of many other pictures with just a touch of Swedishness pasted in; it quite lacks the magic of Jan Troell's historical sagas." Indeed I felt more moved with Troell's Maria Larsson's Everlasting Moments (2008) in the same event three years back. Blu-ray.com's Brian Orndoft notes how it's "surprising but also frustrating, especially when larger ideas on musical liberation and environmental connection are lost to the melodrama, resulting in an intermittently powerful, yet vaguely detailed film." Variety's Ronnie Schreib praises the retention of the narrative complexity of the Swedish bestseller on which it's based but decries how the WWII saga "never creates an emotional or intellectual throughline of its own". I'll sum it all up for you - it was a very uneven movie that was largely borin. 

Perennial wonderment:

I have yet to see the 2010 Swede submission that made the last eight for Best Foreign Language Pic - Simple Simon a.k.a. I Rymden Finns Inga Känslor (meanin "in space there are no feelings"). About time I did.

Reminds me of:

Katharina Schuttler obliges with a full frontal.

The older Simon is portrayed by Bill Skarsgård, son of Stellan, and he reminds me of Louis Garrel in The Dreamers (2003). That sex scene recalls the one in Angela's Ashes (1999) - would you have sex with a horny young girl stricken with the consumption?

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Problematic momentum and not enough emotional hooks to get us to root for the older Simon, who comes across rather unlikeable and difficult to comprehend. What can I say - go read the book, perhaps? An accomplished movie, nonetheless.★★1/2
Bonus material:
Here we have some important sex scenes you won't be watchin if you're gonna catch this at the upcomin European Union Film Festival in Malaysia. Simon (Bill Skarsgård) is seduced by concentration camp survivor Iza (Katharina Schuttler) but her damaged, psycho-sexual  requires a spot of S&M from him and he simply can't provide the rough lovin. Unless things have changed, it will go down to the manual cardboard censorship again.

Simon (Bill Skarsgård) is seduced by concentration camp survivor Iza (Katharina Schuttler)
but cannot provide for her damaged psycho-sexual needs.

Director Lisa Ohlin with cast Bill Skarsgård and Helen Sjöholm.

(L-R) Cast & crew: Jan Josef Liefers, Katharina Schuettler, Lisa Ohlin, Bill Skarsgard.
Photocall during a set visit to promote the new movie 3 May 2010.

Beautiful Kate (2009)

Sophie Lowe finds love in all the wrong places in Beautiful Kate (2009).

She'll remind you of Saoirse Ronan in
The Lovely Bones (2009).

At a glance:

Some family secrets are more criminal than terrible, as we reluctantly learn from actress Rachel Ward's directorial debut Beautiful Kate (2009), an accomplished Aussie mystery thriller that could've done with a more effective title. I've been lookin for similar stuff havin wet my beak with Snowtown (2011) and Animal Kingdom (2010), not to mention I've developed an interest in Ben Mendelsohn's CV since he starred as Daggett in The Dark Knight Rises (2012). This one's about a rugged writer (Mendelsohn) who returns to the family farm after some 20 years just to visit his dyin dad (Bryan Brown) but finds himself lingerin in his repressed guilt over his dead siblings. Our protagonist remembers all to well the untimely death of his twin sister (Sophie Lowe) and brother (Josh McFarlane) when they were all backwater brats. Fortunately, there's a survivin daughter, Sally (Rachel Griffiths), who remains filial to the bedbound bastard - a grumpy old man who's takin his failures and resentment to his grave but not before givin his son hell.

Bad news on the doorstep:

Ben Mendelsohn and Maeve Dermody.

I read that native viewers took exception to how the rural folks speak but I think what sapped some power out of the picture was the diminishin focus on Mendelsohn as the movie wore on. His emo downtime came up short and our connection to the character is interrupted. I'm guessin the narrative tone of the 1982 Newton Thornburg book from which it was adapted is such? More landscape, less love? Wouldda been awesome if we could just invest in the main character more.

Perennial wonderment:

Will I ever figure out the difference between yabbies, crayfish, crawfish and lobsters? I'm not even sure what I've been eatin for a tenner at the local Chinese every week.

Reminds me of:

Affliction (1997), The Lovely Bones (2009), Somersault (2004) and The Cement Garden (1993). Not the most upliftin stories, are they?

Most memorable line:

"She's an actress. She doesn't wear clothes." Our protag pokes fun at his spoilt nympho girlfriend (Maeve Dermody). She's the sort who professedly exaggerates her moans durin doggy style sex and complains that she's only a whore because she's bein fucked like one. The needy always fuck face to face, no? I recall Sergio Castellitto and Claudia Gerini's tender scene in Don't Move (2004).

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

It finishes as a dreary drama made worse by an overused, though excellent soundtrack. The epilogue also does smack of self-importance and there's a certain conceit to the way the camera lingers around the characters. Still, it's a compellin rural tale built on no small measure of effort and you'll find it very palatable for mature audiences game for some disturbia.★★★
Bonus material:

Can you have sex while staring directly at your parents' pictures?

I don't think you can see what they're up to from here.

Pleased to see me?

L-R: Ben Mendelsohn, Brian Brown, Rachel Griffiths, Maeve Dermody.

All That Matters Is Past (2012) @ Uskyld

Full frontals, baby crownings, rotting corpses and jilted lovers.
All that matters is present!

At a glance:

Well whaddya know. It's my first stab at the Toronto International Film Festival and I've picked out a shocker from the leftover schedule. Sara Johnsen's Uskyld (literal: "innocence") is a rather engrossin Norwegian crime drama that cuts close to fart house fare like Lars von Trier's Antichrist (2009) but she masterfully keeps it accessible by framin it as a dodgy love triangle set in the woods. TIFF programmer Steve Gravestock sells it as "part Cain-and-Abel story, part Rousseau-influenced meditation on innocents destroyed by a corrupted society", about childhood sweethearts William (Kristoffer Joner) and Janne (Maria Bonnevie) who are suddenly reunited as adults and inextricably thrust into an idyllic life of peculiar, self-imposed isolation. The past unravels and you can blame it all on William's damaged pervo brother, Ruud (David Dencik). This isn't the horror rehash of Bergman's Summer With Monika (1953) that I thought it was from the trailer. We're taken well into the obscenest ends of R-rated territory, so prepare to squirm in your seats as several cinephiles lacking the requisite intestinal fortitude for it have left the theatre presumably in disgust, as reported by Toronto Film Scene's Jovana Jankovic.
Bad news on the doorstep:

"Do you feel as if we've been zapped into an Ingmar Bergman movie?"

Maria Bonnevie and Kristoffer Joner
go au naturel in the name of art.

Twitchfilm's Todd Brown didn't fancy it much, decryin its "unlikeable" characters, which he insists are "given no context whatsoever". Man has a point, so it's lucky for us that cinematographer John Andreas Andersen had plenty of filler footage - the proceedings are punctuated by hypnotic visuals of wildlife and whatnot (shot on both 16mm and 35mm). They've even got a couple of special effects done with help from the folks behind Troll Hunter (2010), I think. Anyway, I think what really nibbled at the tension in such a competent and layered film is the unfortunate choice of a non-linear narrative that went back and forth one time too many. Maria Heiskanen from Maria Larsson's Everlasting Moments (2008) provides the narrative voice as a policewoman tryin to piece together the chillin aftermath of what was supposed to be a grippin fable, only that her role contributes little towards the mystery. On the whole, I'd have liked several distractin elements omitted in favour of a tighter, more conventional coming-of-age caper.

Perennial wonderment:

I'd like to know for certain if I read too much into the prominent depiction of traditionally Satan-affiliated creatures in the film - goats, maggots, ravens to name a few.

Reminds me of:

A little bit of Womb (2010) with all these closeups of sex and nature. The night previous I was also watchin a movie about terrible secrets - Beautiful Kate (2009).

I can't remember if I cried:

When I forgot that the Scotiabank Theatre doesn't do discount parkin on weekend nights and I ended up payin a score. That's more than the bleedin movie ticket!

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

I think perhaps it tried a little too hard but I won't begrudge it. I love the music score as well. Definitely diggin up Johnsen's previous works Kissed By Winter (2005) and Upperdog (2009), so here's hopin for more fun and FUBAR material from her in the near future. For a more polished and substantial review, check out ioncinema.com's Nicholas Bell. Here's to hopin this will score a distributor soon and you lot will be able to find it on a DVD shelf between The Cement Garden (1993) and Dumplings (2004), if not at the cinemas proper.★★★
Bonus material:

L-R: Director & scribe Sara Johnsen,
actor Kristoffer Joner & cinematographer John Andreas Andersen.
Toronto International Film Festival 2012.
Photo credit: Norwegian Film Institute

Sara Johnsen & John Andreas Andersen build an embarrassment of rich visuals.

A.C.A.B.: All Cops Are Bastards (2012)

In A.C.A.B. Cobra's (Pierfrancesco Favino) body is decorated with a Celtic cross
and his room wall with Mussolini paraphernalia.

Eradis Josende Oberto
plays a Cuban wife.

At a glance:

The onset of the general elections beckons in my troubled homeland Malaysia, so how better to get into the mood than with a nice spot of anti-police literature - and who better to get it from than the world's most passionate police haters - the Italians. I write from experience, so bugger off, you haters. Stefano Sollima's feature debut is an adaptation of Carlo Bonini's 2009 book, to which I haven't had the literary pleasure since it isn't translated. The film however is a slick cop drama with wide international appeal, though its stance on police vigilantism and use of excessive force is somewhat ambiguous, if not apologetic. We follow five riot police officers in Rome – white pride hardman Cobra (Pierfrancesco Favino), hothead wife-beater Negro (Filippo Nigro), string-along Carletto (Andrea Sartoretti), idealistic rookie Adriano (Domenico Diele) and their dogged leader Mazinga (Marco Giallini). A taste of authentic ultra is added no doubt by the fact that most of these actors are Roman-born.

Bad news on the doorstep:

A.C.A.B. = Roma Victor!

Shaft at Cool Awesome Movies points out that the riot scenes look a little underpopulated, possibly due to budget constraints, but this isn't fatal to the movie. If you've ever been arrested and beaten up by the cops for football hooliganism like I was, you'd know it only takes two people to make mayhem (Aha! And there you were thinkin the writer behind this blog is some middle-class fuckwit). The movie hits a few high notes, accentuated by an energetic rock soundtrack (Italian band Mokadelic) - but I think somethin more subdued would've suited some of the emotional downtime and given it a more dirty and desperate Children Of Men (2006) or Pusher (1996) feel.

Reminds me of:

All the English people I knew with those four dotted tatts on their knuckles. Half of them are just lowlifes who don't really stand for anythin, though. For the uninitiated, just give the movie title a Google and you'd learn a little about the significance of such a tattoo.

I can't remember if I cried:

The balcony scene with Filippo Nigro's anti-establishment monologue has been singled out as the film's most powerful play but I feel the most for Favino's Cobra. His body is decorated with a Celtic cross and room wall with Mussolini paraphernalia, but finds himself alone in hummin the tune that was supposed to drum up the camaraderie that once held his brethren together. This quiet scene, in a police van en route to yet another bust-up, defines the movie for me.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

"I don't really believe in anything. I'm just here for the violence". I think you'll like A.C.A.B. Check out the movie's official website (in Italian) and it's very decorated Facebook page for more details.★★★

Bonus material:

Lots of movie stills and behind-the-scenes shots for you. Photo credit Emanuela Scarpa.