Monday, 31 December 2012

Prince Of The City (2012)

"So Prince, what's the secret to your white chicken thighs in this climate?"

Revisiting Reservoir Dogs with Yank Kassim
At a glance:
Malaysian premier Najib Abdul Razak would be devastated if he ever saw the killer clown of a movie that is Julian Cheah's Prince In The City (2012). That's because unlike the 1981 Sidney Lumet classic of the same name about systemic police corruption, this Malaysian movie has absolutely no notion or mention of cops whatsoever; and the streets run riot with guns and gangsters! Presumably self-financed to the reported tune of RM 1.5 mil and with the rare audacity to make wide release at some 40 locations, this unintentional action-comedy is the kind of dime-a-dozen project that would've died a very quick but kind death in pre-production, in the hands of less resilient proponents. However, self-satisfied indulgent producer Julian Cheah and his fantastical levels of conceit and grandeur under Axis Line Entertainment ensure we see it on the big screen in technicolor glory, even if the cast and crew, I detect, seem to distance themselves from the picture out of sheer embarrassment. This 18-rated 35mm presentation will make spillover business from unsuspectin Malay cinemagoers who recognise Aaron Aziz on the poster and can't get tickets to Jackie Chan's CZ12 (2012). WBO run will be bleak, though I can report that the first two days of collections have managed not to break the RM20k floor set in September by inexplicable rock musical Leftwings as the lowest grossin Malaysian movie of 2012.
Bad news on the doorstep:
Madsen: Will work for $20
We're talkin Bad Cinema 101. Once you get past the horrible lightin, jarrin hard cuts, continuity blunders, slapstick gunfights, comic fisticuffs, out-of-sync audio and primitive sound mix, you'll arrive at the real treat - the inexplicably long and full English sentences uttered by overly theatrical actors who read first-timer Calvin Wong's script as if it's Shakespeare in KL. One of the many cardboard characters on show is Michael Madsen's and the man tries his post-prime best at damage control, even if he does sound like he's one cigarette away from needin an oxygen tank, as mused on Twitchfilm by the founder almost a year ago when its completely inept trailer was released. Whatever pays the bills, one might say. And this, on the back of that other non-movie - the senseless Eldorado (2012).
"I should shoot myself now."
Perennial wonderment:
I don't know much about Spanar Jaya veteran Roslan Hussin (his first feature film in the director's chair) but Aaron Aziz, who plays Madsen's henchman in the movie, is a true pro - you'd really have to hand him that. His is the only role that actually works, never mind the lame story. He delivers all his English lines convincingly, although like everyone else in the movie, he lights up a cigarette every two minutes (presumably out of a real need, due to the emotional stress of starrin in such a movie). Even in the modest TMO well-recorded by Linus Chung, he grit his teeth and appeared the most inclined to come forward and promote the movie. Good man.
Reminds me of:
Less-than-convincin crime capers like Juliane Block's Emperor (2008) and Kepong Gangster (2012). However, even these aren't vanity projects that can hold a candle to Prince Of The City.
I can't remember if I cried:
Sittin behind industry veteran Yusof Haslam throughout the press preview, I felt he didn't know where to hide his face. I believe his outfit Skop Productions is the distribution force behind this lamentable farce. Looks like it's the easiest money they ever made, shippin out a deformed soldier to die at war and chargin him the boat fare!
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Let's play domino thugs!
Many scenes look like they're recorded off a mobile phone. One of the least embarrassin elements of the movie is the female lead (Tara Wallace) but she gets an early bailout. The worst thing about the movie is actually Cheah himself with his smarmy smugness, instantly killin any tension and credulity the movie tries so hard to hang on to in every scene. Nonetheless I'm pleased to report that Prince Of The City (2012) isn't the worst Malaysian movie of 2012. It's a close fight but M. Jamil's equally delusional but ultimately unwatchable Momok Don't Find Trouble (2012) keeps that honour. Only just, though.
Bonus material:

[picture credit: Julian Cheah Facebook fan page]

Nasha Aziz Anzalna Nasir
Tara Wallace from New York gets some bikini time.
Aaron Aziz puts in some token moves for the token action scenes.
It's payday in some part of the world for Michael Madsen.
"Whaddya mean I can't produce, direct, write, finance and star in my own movie?!?!"
Director Roslan Hussin tries to console Yank Kassim.
Tara Wallace and Julian Cheah.

Friday, 21 December 2012

Julia X (2011)

anzalna nasir gambar seksi
Alicia Leigh Willis plays unhinged sex maniac sister Jessica in Julia X (2011)

At a glance:
rough anal sex alzalna nasir gambar
Ving Rhames takes revenge for being Marcellus Wallace.
Cheap slasher with a smidgen of black humour, strangely and unnecessarily released in 3D, starrin Kevin Sorbo as a bad guy. We follow him on an online dating rendezvous gone wrong, involvin two psychotic but sexy, bra-swappin sisters (Valerie Azlynn and Alicia Leigh Willis) and to a lesser extent, a completely unsuspectin victim (Joel David Moore) who walks blindfolded (literally) into the bloody state of affairs. Movie title is in reference to the killer's contrived m.o. of brandin his victims. The writer and director is P.J. Pettiette of Jennifer's Shadow (2004) a.k.a. Raven.
Bad news on the doorstep:
With a thin concept that gives itself away too soon, Brett Gallman writes how Julia X quickly becomes "an over-the-top, sometimes tedious farce that resembles a live action, 90 minute episode of Itchy & Scratchy as our trio of nutcases bludgeon, maim, and scream at each other". Variety's Joe Leydon, in a taut two-para review condemns Julia X as "a promising premise in search of a satisfying execution. Thanks to 3D, various objects periodically appear to jut out from the screen - but that doesn't help."
Errr... Julia X. Literally.
Perennial wonderment:
Kevin Sorbo finds work. Yay!
 Where do I find girls like these?
Reminds me of:
The title and the poster reminds me of X: Night Of Vengeance (2011). That was an equally uneventful movie.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Very unremarkable. They kept playin the Carpenter's Close To You for that dark humour effect but couldn't even give Ving Rhames a cameo with a cool line or two.★★
Bonus material:

ANZALNA NASIR seks 3gp download melayu gadis bogel bugil

Wednesday, 19 December 2012

Top Ten Best Boobage 2012

I've seen me maybe 200 movies this year and these are the best, most gloriously distracting breasts I've come across, compiled for your gawking pleasure.

If you're disappointed I've left out what you believe to me a most deserving entry, do leave me a comment!                                                                     [click to enlarge]
10. Dania Ramirez in Premium Rush (2012)
9. Lana Nordin in Chow Kit (2012)
8. Brooklyn Decker in Battleship (2012)

7. Kaitlyn Leeb in Total Recall (2012)
sexy tits breasts malay girls
6. Jo Yeo-jeong 조여정 in The Emperor's Concubine (2012)
5. Blake Lively in Savages (2012)
3. Genesis Rodriguez in Man On A Ledge (2012)
2. Bérénice Marlohe in Skyfall (2012)
1. Gemma Arterton in Byzantium (2012)
Special mention:
"Here's a panda, cover up your nipples!"
Ain't seen the movie CZ12 yet but Mainland actress Yao Xing Tong  姚星彤 has been touring the world showing off her boobs. She came to the Toronto International Film Fest earlier in the year in a sheer white dress and Jackie Chan handed her a stuffed panda to cover up her nipples but it was too late. A few days ago, she came to the KL premiere with a plunging gown that left little to the imagination.

Thursday, 6 December 2012

Clip (2012) @ Klip

CLIP 2012 sex bohsia gadis bogel main tunjuk tetek
SEXPLOITED? - Nubile nihilist Jasna (Isidora Simijonović, 14 during filming).

main atas katilAt a glance:
I missed this sex-soaked Serbian movie at TIFF 2012 so I'm glad I now got to see it, especially since the last Serb flick I watched was Srđan Dragojević's The Wounds (1988) a.k.a. Rane (Ране) so many years ago. Festival programmer Dimitri Eipides wrote how this movie was "a succès de scandale at the Rotterdam film festival... understandably ignited controversy with its unvarnished look at teenage sexuality" and how debutante director Maja Miloš is not simply a provocateur, "not simply a lament for wasted youth, but an intimate account of how sex can become the only form of communication for young people whose situation has denied them a true voice, and the difficulty and pain they face when they try to articulate their feelings with the heart." We follow nubile nihilist 16-year-old Jasna (Isidora Simijonović, 14 durin filmin but the disclaimer reassures us no underaged actors were used), as she records her hedonistic, self-loathin lifestyle with her decadent friends on her mobile phone, all the while tryin to repress her emotions about growin up in bleak Belgrade with a troubled family. It's explicit, it's even got prosthetic cocks and you get coke and cum flyin in your face. Clip a.k.a. Klip (2012) is like Kids (1995) meets Lilja 4-ever (2002) with an unapologetically incendiary approach. You get to decide if there's any merit in it.
CLIP 2012
Some of them want to use you.
Some of them want to get used by you.
Bad news on the doorstep:
Jasna phone sex
Self-loathing sex.
At least it's nothin like that artless Klip 3GP (2012) bullcrap I watched last week. Still, I think the scenes of self-degradation with the abusive pusher boyfriend Djole (Vukasin Jasnić) to establish the lack of self-worth and the desire for catharsis and numbin have unfortunately overachieved. It's simply too much, even if that's precisely the point.
Perennial wonderment:
The production design is so good because everythin the girls wear are fantastic for the purposes of the film. I have no doubt this DVD will be on every paedo's shoppin list. Ahh... the fine lines between art and porn are blurrier by the day. Just how do we regulate it?
Reminds me of:
Ahh... the secrets that we keep.
Watch out for:
Lead actress Isidora Simijonović. It's an unsympathetic role with no redemption and she nails it - but we're left wonderin what this movie will do for her in years to come.
Director Maja Miloš
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Variety's Jay Weissberg notes how it's impossible to shake off questions of exploitation - does it make it alright since Miloš is a woman? How is the gendered gaze affected by a male d.p.? I like how Philip Concannon frames it - the debasin sex scenes are simply too repetitive to retain their impact. Indeed, scenes like a last kiss are underplayed when it should be maximally milked and overhit, like the sex scenes. I believe the consensus is that Clip is invariably more show than tell.★★1/2
Bonus material:

Tuesday, 4 December 2012

Zaiton: Ceritaku (2012)

Nadia Aqilah is the best thing about Zaiton Ceritaku but it's too little, too late.

At a glance:
Me mum taught me the lyrics to Menaruh Harapan, the powerful ballad that immortalised Zaiton Sameon in that sequined red dress at Juara Lagu 1987, so as a fan I've been followin this project ever since I heard years ago that Upin Dan Ipin mastermind Burhanuddin Razdi and his wife Ainon Ariff paid the troubled songstress some RM10k for the rights to a biopic about her. It pains me to discover it might not be out of order to write that Zaiton Sameon is just plain bad luck. If the Zaiton: Ceritaku (2012) that fell short of grossin even RM 60k in its short-lived theatrical run is the end product that Burhanuddin Radzi dared to put out as his best foot forward, I wonder just how bad the earlier discarded Fauziah Nawi / Mislina Mustaffa version was?
Bad news on the doorstep:
Nadia Aqilah
This is a biopic of a fallen 80s star that everyone in the Malaysian entertainment scene knew - but that's no excuse to make a movie with only a long trackin shot in the openin moments to establish who Zaiton was. The best thing about this movie is Nadia Aqilah Bajuri (she does all the singin herself), so to open with a performance from her doin Zaiton's Kabut Serangkai Mawar is an excellent decision. However to follow that up with a long take that makes her come across as a bitchy primadonna does itself few favours. Why should we care for Zaiton if we're introduced to her as a spoiled star who goes around givin cheek sandwiches, speakin gedik English? It's an uphill battle from thereon in, tryin to connect us emotionally to Zaiton, no matter how hard Nadia cries or how messed up she looks. The direction of this movie under debutante (stand-in?) director Esma Danial is faulty but we can cut him some slack because at least he flat out admitted the movie tanked in its first week and refused to blame Skyfall (2012) for it, or that self-defecation of an unwatchable movie which opened on the same day, Budak Pailang (2012). Perhaps it's the direction of the project in the first place that is ill-conceived. One of the better reviews I've read on this movie happens to be one written by my ex-colleague and you can believe him when he tells you how bein sensitive to the subject, a livin person, has taken the life force out of the movie. The decision to wade in a shallow, soulless narrative has hurt the movie. Fuck larger than life - she appears petty and more mediocre than ever! Anyone in the payin audience who doesn't know who Zaiton Sameon was and is would ask: why does this story deserve to be told? In Zaiton: Ceritaku, instead of showin us somethin interestin like her vocal prowess or even the loss thereof, what came to be after the unfortunate events that almost claimed her life, we're given annoyin family squabbles and banal dialogue about fame and fortune, underscored by that repetitive Menaruh Harapan riff. One of the few scenes in the movie that actually had a little depth was the roundabout confession from Zaiton about wearin susuk. However, Zaiton had already lost us by then.
Perennial wonderment:
I was present at this interview with Mislina Mustaffa.
She claims she did her best and knows not why they didn't like her.
Will we ever get to see the discarded version? For what it's worth, my colleague at Tontonfilem and I both know this can be good business, not that it will ever come close to recoverin the money they spent on the whole project. Producer Burhanuddin Radzi told reporters he'll only let uni kids have a look at it for academic purposes but among the dejected responses you can read on the movie's official Facebook page, you can find one from the admin concedin it may not be out of the question to include the forgotten movie as a DVD extra. As Zaiton is currently makin its VOD run on Astro First, we'll just have to see what happens next.
Reminds me of:
Zaiton in her heydays.
Once I was havin a drink with a pub singer friend of mine and somehow I felt sorry for all the local musicians whose short shelf lives are always starin back at them from the bottom of a beer bottle. Will my friend find herself jobless some day with nobody to help her, I wonder? You can read interviews of Zaiton expressin her disappointment with some scenes in the movie depictin her as crazy, although she generally approves of the picture, concedin that she has signed the indemnity agreements and there isn't much she can do. Her mental state is all the more questionable when you watch videos of producer Burhanuddin denyin any wrongdoin and defendin himself by tellin the press she can even fail to recognise him on the premiere night, but we can give him credit for havin the tact to euphemise it as her "forgetfulness".
ZAITON SAMEON nadia Aqilah ceritaku melayu seksi penyanyi kelab malam 3gp MENARUH HARAPAN Malay girlsI can't remember if I cried:
When I saw production stills of Esma Danial muckin about with the crane on set. Wow. That was a quite a waste, wasn't it? My heart goes out to Burhanuddin Radzi and the hardworkin crew. The man has had no prior experience workin with film people bein largely an animation producer but had the money and the balls to call for a complete redo after the first failure and also to distribute the movie themselves under the banner Bruang Filem Sdn Bhd. I believe his heart was in the right place when he decided to make this movie.
Most memorable line:
None - but I do remember me dad tellin me that he once shared a beer with Zaiton durin her early days as a nightclub singer... or somethin to that effect.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
If you sat through till the epilogue where Zaiton herself makes a short statement, you'd realise this ain't no Sunset Boulevard (1950). Kak Eton, I wish more could've been done for you but this was probably the wrong time to tell your story. ★★
Bonus material:
Producer Burhanuddin Radzi at the premiere.
Nadia Aqilah and Zaiton Sameon.

Sunday, 2 December 2012

Klip 3GP (2011)

klip 3gp melayu tetek besar
Klip 3GP: Kids, make sure your mum's not in these videos.

At a glance:
nasha aziz porno
Enterprising Mat Skodeng in action.
Primeworks Studios / Grand Brilliance under Tengku Iesta Tengku Alaudin / Ahmad Puad Onah sure played up a sensational stinker with this one. Despite grossin a surprisin RM 1.14 million in its theatrical run, this unfortunate and critical lapse of judgment went to the extent of promo investments, goin downtown with events even. Why the hate, you ask? Well, I've seen me some piss poor movies in my time but while pointless self-indulgences like Momok Don't Find Trouble (2012) and Killer Clown (2010) have nary an iota of cultural or artistic merit to contribute to the industry or the country, at least they represent no real harm to society, other than to reaffirm Malaysia's general (and generally accepted) decline in cinema. The One Nation Emcees vehicle Klip 3GP (2011) is, to borrow an 80s term, a kind of video nasty; and what's worse is that nothin explicit is actually shown! 
Bad news on the doorstep:
Show me the money!
Shot with about a million ringgit, this film is a great embarrassment and insult to the Malay race. It's hated so much, they set up not one but several Facebook groups to call for a boycott - indicatin that at least some good sense and righteous anger could still arise from the masses, however ineffectual the stand was. Ploddin along a non-script barely held together by several instances of unsavoury mobile phone recordings (hence the title, in reference of the now notorious file format), Sofia J. Rhyland's story and screenplay in Klip 3GP covers everything from supernatural horror (?!) to cheap sexploitation, exposin the sniggerin, amoral characters of progressive urban decay without any credible plot resolution, unless you count a vengeful, bloodied and oversexed Mimifly (Shamimi Amalina Norhisham) goin into OTT desperation against phone porno mastermind Zahiril Adzim. "Promise you delete, promise you delete?" The smarmy histrionics are irredeemable if you actually sat through to the final act. She sure dances good, though.
Perennial wonderment:
Lead actress Mimifly of One Nation Emcees. Err... good dancing.
Lead actress Mimifly was actually one of the nominees for Most Promising Actress at the 24th Malaysian Film Festival 2011, eventually losin to Nadiya Nisaa for her role in Cun! (2011). She's got the presence but she's not really an actress is she? I oughtta stop citin this ridiculous awards show.
"You cakap you dah delete?"
Reminds me of:
The 400mb of Malay porn recordings I used to have in my harddrive. I never knew who put it in there. I was also surprised how many seemingly polite members of society asked me for them.
Most memorable line:
"Tatu tu... macam tak betul je?" Movie itself tak betul, more like.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Reminds me Darah a.k.a Macabre (2009).
I ain't one to take the moral high horse; this is an X-rated blog after all. It's just that this sanctioned hypocrisy beggars belief. A Malaysian exploitation movie won't be able to actually depict the exploitation, so what's the point? Your faith in the powers that be should stay shakier than ever if you consider that this movie was actually passed with a PG13 ratin. I guess that's the official endorsement - urgin 8-year-olds to be accompanied by their parents when goin to see a movie that teaches us how to record schoolkids givin blowjobs at staircases and peddle them to webmasters for a profit without bein caught.1/2
Bonus material:

melayu seksi kilafairy diana danielle nora danish porno klip 3gp
Ronggeng time: GSC Pavilion premiere [10 Nov 2011, Facebook credit]
This picture should win an award, really.
Proud director Aidilfitri Mohamed Yunos
I believe this was the banned TV spot.