Kepong Gangster (2012) 甲洞

"Whaddya mean you don't stock Schwarzkopf's extra strong hold gel?!?!"

At a glance:

Really organised crime:
Agreeing beforehand us pipes, you sticks.

As Jordan Chan learned in The Wall (2002), just because you smoke hard, doesn't mean you look hard. The tired Malaysian gangster genre unfortunately continues with a most unrealistic, though earnest addition - Mahu Pictures / Ram Entertainment's RM 2.09 million-grossin Cantonese cringer Kepong Gangster (2012) a.k.a 甲洞. Betrayin a title card prologue that hints towards a gangland epic with real provenance (e.g. Johnnie To's much celebrated Election a.k.a. 黑社会 duology), it doesn't take long before the highlight-finned prettyboys come out to play, brandishin their suspect Cantonese accents, rented watermelon knives and temporary tribal tattoos, to strike fear into the hearts of mostly one another, since there's probably insufficient funds to include elements like - oh I don't know - the police? This laughable knock-off draws obvious parallels from Hong Kong's popular Young And Dangerous series but is difficult to enjoy due to the painfully derivative story and screenplay, not to mention some iffy humour at the start and protracted melodrama at the end.

Bad news on the doorstep:

The irony in its successful LPF appeal (overturnin the dreaded 18 ratin for a more box office-friendly PG13) is that you'd probably do need to be a 13-year-old to believe the events in the movie. While there are some useful instances (e.g. triad hand signal greetings), the already sore, low note of credibility cannot be redeemed by the fashionista five. Melvin Sia (any relation to Mers Sia from Chow Kit or are they one and the same?), Henley Hii (big Eagles fan perhaps), Hero Tai, Billy Ng and Rayz Lim come across as unblemished, homogenous hairdressers from Jinjang, all waitin to break into song. We can cut debutant director Teng Bee some slack for he's a music producer by trainin, but the commendable conviction here from both cast and crew is sadly lost to the characterisation. A solid story is needed to allow us to overlook the same MTV boyband stylings of Mark Chao and Ethan Juan in Doze Niu's highly effective Taiwanese tale, Monga (2010). Either that, or take heart from Louis Koo, who went against image consultants with his yellow-toothed street bum role in Protégé (2007).

Reminds me of:

Jovi Theng delivers.

The mid-tier boss played by pop group lead Jovi Theng is similar to Adam Corrie in Malay gangster movies. Surprisingly, he's the only one in the movie you'd buy. That is to say, he's the only who might actually pass as the bookie or pusher on the other line and not the nancy who's tryin to get you in on the Chinese New Year hair rebondin offer. Well done.

Perennial wonderment:

Who backs these projects? I saw a Dato's name in the openin credits. I hope they get better scripts next time.
Watch out for:

All we got to see of Linda Liao was a black bra strap. Cis! 

Taiwanese singer, MTV Mandarin VJ and bit-part actress Linda Liao Pei Ling 廖佩伶 aka 廖語晴. She plays the gangster's moll and provides for the movie's less embarrassin dramatic moments. Too bad, every time the movie starts to get a little steamy, it fades to black. Potong stim.

Most memorable line:

I'm not sure the context is correct but in the end there's an allusion to Bruce Lee's famous "be water" advice, when we are told that a tree will tumble durin a storm but not the grass, thus the latter bein the stronger.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Ain't seen Michael Chuah's critically-panned Fist Of Dragon (2011) a.k.a. 龍拳 but one sincerely hopes Kepong Gangster can be the launchpad of many careers, lest we endured it in vain. As for me, I'd sooner fancy a rerun of Budak Kelantan (2008) any day.★★

Bonus material:

Indeed.

Kepong gangsters or Kepong hairdressers?

I rest my case.

Stool Pigeon (2010) @ 线人

Liu Kai Chi, the ex-stool pigeon with a lousy retirement package.

At a glance:

It’s Beast Stalker Part II as one-genre man Dante Lam Chiu Yin’s latest Hua Yi Brothers-backed US$4 million crime drama goes down as his best so far, lookin like it’s been explicitly made with Golden Horse intentions, especially with the role reversal between Nick Cheung and Nicholas Tse, who now play a cop and an informant respectively. Since his unfocused Sniper (2009) was somewhat a one-dimensional letdown, it was great that Fire Of Conscience (2010) burned brighter and now we can attest to Stool Pigeon 线人 being a superior product that benefits from the exceptional pairin and also a particularly restrained but intense screenplay by Jack Ng Wai Lun, save for some jarrin extended downtime. The titular informant here is habitual offender Ghost Jr (Tse), son of a renowned underground racer and is now doin time but Inspector Don (Cheung) picks him out to be the best positioned informant to infiltrate a gang who specialises in jewellery heists. Since his sister has been pimped out due to his father’s debts, the money proves too good for him to refuse and Ghost Jr gets dragged through an epic struggle of blood, sweat and tears. We have good character development throughout, startin with Liu Kai Chi’s ex-stoolie character and even Kwai Lun Mei who apparently holds a gun for the first time in a movie, playin a feisty gangster’s moll. Mainlander Lu Yi gets a comfortable part as heist mastermind Barbarian while Miao Pu gets to play Nick Cheung’s wife again (Beast Stalker) in a twisted sideplot.

First time shooter: Kwai Lun Mei.

Bad news on the doorstep:

The mole scenario is a HK cinema overkill but Stool Pigeon offers two fresh aspects that are uncommon. One is the often darkly humourous dialogues about informant procedure and even pricing structure. We’re shown how to “treat your stoolie like your girlfriend” and also how cash rewards commensurate with task objectives in a most organised way. Next, we have a more textured presentation, as Lam chose despairing Kowloon streets for most scenes and there are plenty of location-specific references that enrich the movie.

Your informant is like your girfriend.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

The picture comes off stylish, thematically-grippin and substantial, balancin drama and action will aplomb, unlike the many uneasy blow-em-‘up HK titles we have had to settle for every now and then.The director has edited a scalpin scene with Cheung, so you can expect the movie to be averagely violent, with plenty of realistically dirty blood-soaked scuffles (check out Tse getting beaten to a pulp on the kerb) instead of clean chops and martial arts. Watch it as this year’s best Hong Kong crime drama so far.★★★★

City Under Siege (2010) @ 全城戒备

Superslut and superhero.

At a glance:

American X-Men are crossed with Chinese Future X-Cops in uneasy yet fairly entertainin Hong Kong actioner that certainly contains more drama than what poster or title might suggest. In a modification of the usual themes we find in movies about post-war Nazi experiments, this Benny Chan picture uses the prologue of fictional Japanese experiments in Malaysia durin WWII occupation and spins a mutant story with heroes and villains, mostly in fat suits, clown suits or any other futuristic-lookin PVC apparel, as long as they look more advanced than Streetfighter characters. In City Under Siege (2010), we follow a bumblin simpleton named Sunny (Aaron Kwok) who goes from circus clown to national hero in a bizarre turn of events that we’ll omit as spoilers. Colin Chou (Forbidden Kingdom) plays the arch nemesis, while Shu Qi (Gorgeous) gets a decent role as a beautiful TV news anchor. Meanwhile there are also Mr and Mrs Smith super agent roles for Zhang Jing Chu (Aftershock) and Wu Jing (SPL).

"Wow, I can see his ego from here."

Bad news on the doorstep:

The balance between CGI and traditional FX isn’t very comfortable, especially comin from such an established filmmaker who gave us the Police Story movies with Jackie Chan. As mentioned earlier, it’s rather unusual that the movie does have a useful healthy dose of emotional downtime and humorous interjections (Aaron Kwok’s obsession with bein “slim”) - this helps lift the mood for the otherwise very overdone plot. More importantly, it’s possible that many of the understated action scenes in this movie are actually quite explosive but can’t find a comfortable place to engage the audience who are bein visually bamboozled with various CGI oddities.

Aaron Kwok shouldn't have had that last murtabak.

Perennial wonderment:

We must however single out Aaron Kwok as being a much improved, very competent and professional actor despite the flak he gets all these years. In related observations, Shu Qi’s Cantonese has improved fivefold since the Sex And Zen years while Mainlanders Zhang Jing Chu and Wu Jing need better projects if they’re gonna break out of the B-movie mould.
I can't remember if I cried:
This movie had Malaysian indie distributor NEF havin a go at organisin a big event with the HK stars in town. It was a circus.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Feels more Ultraman than Rumble In The Bronx but you're likely not to feel shortchanged if you’re looking for an action movie with Chinese stars. ★★1/2

The Storm Warriors (2009) @ 风云II

At a glance:
Storm Warriors has a lot of fans. We have the type who read the 1989 source material and saw the first movie. Then we have the electronic type that are brought in by the producers in large numbers to blow at Aaron Kwok and Ekin Cheng's hair. More graphic novel movie than martial arts epic, this sequel to 1998's HK cinema milestone Storm Riders is the greatest incarnation of Ma Wing Shing's celebrated Fung Wan comic and nothin short of box office blitz is expected when entrusted in the able hands of directors Danny and Oxide Pang. However, when the brothers themselves tell you that no decent movie critic can avoid comparin this wuxia reupdate to that Spartan SFX feast 300 because it uses the same software (!) that's when you know you have a novelty movie in your hands. Indeed it's special effects before story as we're swirled and twirled into the windy world of Nip Fung (Ekin Cheng) and Bou Keng Wan (Aaron Kwok) as the two heroes (and their emo hair) return to the silver screen after so long to battle evil once more. The story starts off coherently with some reference to the first movie and we are soon made to understand that this will be a two-hour battle with Wind, Cloud and Nameless (Kenny Ho, pic) against evil Lord Godless (Simon Yam) and his equally evil son Heart (Nicholas Tse). Layabout Piggy King (Lam Suet) joins the story later on, together with Lord Wicked (Kenny Wong Tak Bun), Second Dream (Charlene Choi) and Chu Chu (Tang Yan).
Bad news on the doorstep:
However, this synopsis is too simple - or frankly, unnecessary. In a CGI-heavy project such as this, too much have gone into dazzle and the story predictably suffers. Borin, really. Aside from Aaron Kwok who sustained some over-reported injuries, the supportin cast have little to do. That's why you won't mind soft porn actor Kenny Wong as an armless sifu or cute newcomer Tang Yan, who replaces Shu Qi as Cloud's romantic interest Chu Chu to no useful effect.
Perennial wonderment:
Ekin Cheng and Aaron Kwok never age.
Watch out for:
Incredibly bad actin by Ekin Cheng near the end. Very poor.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
I slept through this movie TWICE. Let the next one be better, since we know Ekin and Aaron will still look young enough to do it. ★★

Rebellion (2009) @ 同門

At a glance:
Delayed HK release, from last year. If you take away lead pair Shawn Yue and Chapton To, the flick is pretty consistent example of a low-cost but effective Herman Yau piece, like his The First 7th Night earlier this year. Told like a one-night-only gangland epic, Shawn Yue plays fighting ace Po, the unwillin temporary triad boss of the five-gang strong East District. Chaos is the order of the day due to a hit on the big boss and Po must hold the fort until First Lady / Big Sister Cheong Wah (special appearance by TVB's Ada Choi) returns from abroad with further instructions. However, a guessin game takes place within the organisation and everyone from gang leaders to restaurant waitresses joins the chase to protect or destroy the person who did the hit. Chapman To's character, Blackie, wants an all-out war anyway but the cops want in on the game as well.
Bad news on the doorstep:
Only two complaints from me - one is the terribly simple climax and the other is the lazy movie poster. Still, if the money saved on that somehow goes into Yau's pocket, good on you.
Perennial wonderment:
Has Herman Yau gone soft? If anyone thinks his tame Laughing Gor: Turning Point is indeed a turnin point of some sort for a director who is best known for CAT III classics Ebola Virus and Untold Story, they might not be wrong. However, despite a CAT III ratin, Rebellion is actually a story-driven movie which landed the label not because of gore or sex but rather its government's stand on depiction of gangland affairs, if anythin.
Reminds me of:
The time some coppers camped outside my hotel in Causeway Bay because this drunk guy was havin a go at another drunk guy durin a weddin. Nope, Ekin Cheng didn't show up.
Watch out for:
This Jun Kung Shek Leung, who plays a particularly charismatic mob head named Brother Sand. All this actions and words seem totally improvised, as even a Canto-retard friend of mine can point out. Completely entertainin. Turns out he's Portuguese-Chinese and his birth name is Joventino Couto Remotigue Jr. Reminiscent of Anthony Wong as Tai Fei in the Young And Dangerous days, I guess.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Well they could've thrown in some Ada Choi skin, since Elanne Kwong is just too borin as the tag-along chick. Who doesn't want some of that Miss HK '91 skin, crowfeet eyes or not? Shawn Yue's turn is standard while Chapman To's scene-stealin prowess gets another showcase. All characters seem necessary enough. Solid three-star movie for me.

On His Majesty's Secret Service (2009) @ 大內密探靈靈狗

"So... where's that tattoo of yours, Barbie?"

At a glance:
This ain't Seeding Of A Ghost or Picture Of A Nymph but there shouldn't be a single HK cinema fan who ain't goin to have a good time watchin this new Wong Jing comedy. Set in the days of lavish brothels and palace politics, the James Bond here is not a suave British spy like the movie's 1969 Ian Fleming namesake On Her Majesty's Secret Service but good ol' Louis Koo (pic) in a comedic role as a bumblin scientist-cum-emperor guardsman 009 (Zero Zero Dog in Cantonese) who knows more about inventin strange impractical devices than practical kickass kungfu.
Perennial wonderment:
For this outin, Wong Jing doesn't indulge in his usual multiple-siren lineup to drive the humour, like he did in Beauty & The Seven Beasts or The Vampire Who Admires Me. That's because if a movie is going to star the brash and bewitchin Sandra Ng, you're best off lettin her steal the screen!
I can't remember if I cried:
Riddle: With what part of a man's body should he use to feed his baby son when the toddler wakes up hungry and cryin in the middle of the night? You'll be devastatingly tickled by the answer.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Enjoyable nonsensical story about a royal coup d'etat, benefits from havin an old school storytellin format and some credible performances from its cast, not to mention some token fight sequences. Even the cutesy beauty Barbie Hsu (who plays Louis Koo's disgruntled love interest, pic) pulls her own weight beyond just smilin stupidly. Faux lesbianism and overdone eunuch jokes aside, this is one of the funniest Hong Kong movies so far this year. It's also a real Cantonese movie so forget it if you have to read the mistranslated subtitles. However if you're in on the lingo, it's time to go update yourself with some top-shelf Canto banter.★★★

Kung Fu Cyborg (2009) @ 机器侠 Metallic Attraction

Alex Fong Lik Sun 方力申 and Hu Jun 胡军 in Kung Fu Cyborg (2009).

At a glance:
Slap on the generic Chinese tag 'kung fu' to themes like mahjong, hip-hop, basketball, tootsie, cookin or even pandas - and you'll get a marketable movie title one way or another, the plot for which also never falls too far from the moniker. Don't be fooled by Kung Fu Cyborg: Metallic Attraction though. It really ain't HK's answer to Transformers no matter what you read. That trailer you watched and that poster you saw are red herrings as well. The Kung Fu Hustle director has reportedly said that the robot-human dynamics in this movie is more like Wall-E. Turns out the deceptively titled flick is actually a sci-fi rom-com with lead actor Alex Fong Lik Sun lookin like a cross between Astroboy, Andy Lau and Elvis. The Little Flying Fish, as he is dubbed in the Chinese-speakin entertainment world, plays a one-man Autobot named K-1 who's assigned under a kampung cop chief (Hu Jun) while actually servin undercover for a high-rankin government agent (Eric Tsang) to track down a kungfu-powered Decepticon named K-88 (Jacky Wu Jing). Meanwhile, the cop's sister (Sun Li) falls for Fonzie-wannabe K-1 and a resident nerd (Ronald Cheng) tries to ruins things.
Bad news on the doorstep:
Before Michael Bay could arrive on set to praise director Jeff Lau for makin an modestly entertainin CGI-heavy movie with reportedly just US$ 14 million (Revenge Of The Fallen has a US$200 million budget), the lot of them take us on a spectrum of genres and themes, from slapstick comedy and rural melodrama to extended robot animation and motion capture footages. There are some unexpected elements like redemption and sacrifice. However, it still feels like a hotpot of robot fun with insufficient thought put in on how to make a better movie.
Perennial wonderment:
How movie posters are such an important aspect of whether a movie makes it.

Reminds me of:
Suria Perkasa Hitam. Gaban. Voltron. What else?
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
If you're more inclined towards sittin at home to watch Ronald Cheng and Alex Fong on TVB's comedy cook show Beautiful Cooking, then that's alright too. Otherwise, give the flimsy but outrageous Kung Fu Cyborg a try, if only because the English subtitles are excellent and you want to watch a movie that doesn't take itself too seriously.★★1/2
Bonus material:

Taxi Hunter (1993) @ 的士判官

At a glance:
Decent CAT II Herman Yau exploitation flick about mild-mannered office guy (played by his favourite actor Anthony Wong, pic) whose pregnant wife dies due to a bastard taxi driver. He turns into a nutjob and goes all out to eliminate all shortchangin, overchargin, non-complyin taximen. Apparently inspired by a real taxi strike in Hong Kong.
Perennial wonderment:
How the beautiful (well maybe not so much pre-ops) Athena Chu and the Ambassador of Ugly Mr. Ng Man Tat can play father and daughter in a movie. Rank.
Reminds me of:
The highly effective Michael Douglas-starrer Falling Down, also about a troubled anti-hero who goes off the handle. Just look at the poster. Released in the same year even. Also, the other Herman Yau-Anthony Wong classic Ebola Syndrome, an exceedingly exploitative and enjoyable CAT III feature usin the same stressed-good-guy-goes-nuts formula.
Watch out for:
The pregnant wife freak accident scene. Gilababi.
Most memorable line:
You are also a good whore.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?The second layer to this story is how the deranged cabbie killer remains a nice guy in every other way thoughout the movie. Give Herman ★★★1/2 for such an entertainin watch despite it not bein a CAT III. Wotta man.

I Corrupt All Cops (2009) @ 金錢帝國

"I give, you take. Everybody happy."

At a glance:

Best nyer. Ada duit.

Seasonal sex farce rubbishman Wong Jing stretches semi-serious in this messy, unfocused and overcrowded crime drama loosely centred around how the Independent Commission Against Corruption (ICAC) in HK came to be, told mostly through the eyes of Eason Chan's morally ambiguous bent cop character. Movie benefits from a stellar cast with solid turns from everyone - Anthony Wong (pic) has fun bein a lowlife cop and Tony Leung is effortlessly glorious as the underhanded police chief (can't dribble a football to save his life, though). Even the fattie filmmaker Wong Jing himself is very watchable as a bent middleman. Some sporadic cheesiness but the stars make it worthwhile.
Bad news on the doorstep:
A lot of Anthony Wong's cutterblade Canto-cussin is omitted if you're watchin this in a Malaysian cinema. Wonder if there were tits.
Perennial wonderment:
Tony fuckin Leung, the ugly (and more talented) one. He and Sun Hong Lei are the nastiest-lookin chinamen bastards onscreen ever, I'd say. At least I've seen Roy Cheung play a good guy in a movie before but these two have facial bones, muscular twitches and psycho countenance that spell taiko trouble like nobody can.
Watch out for:
Busty broad Natalie Meng Yao, the Wong Jing-favourited milk factory (to borrow Anthony Wong's words) who has been, err... industrious since Beauty And The Seven Beasts, My Wife Is A Gambling Maestro and The Vampire Who Admires Me.
Most memorable line:
I caused him to lose face? Here, take this money. Ask him to make a new face with this money.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Three and a half. Greatly flawed but nevertheless entertainin.

Bonus material:
I have loads of movie stills for you. Enjoy.

Natalie Meng. Yum!

"Ok man. You win. I won't make another stupid movie ever again."