Wednesday 22 October 2008

An Empress And The Warriors (2008) @ 江山美人

Kelly Chen: What the fuck movie have you cast me in?

Kelly Chen in nice armour
At a glance:
Have you ever seen a hot air balloon carrying a sampan? Well, in this movie, you will!
Bad news on the doorstep:
Firstly, do not be fooled by the artwork – this isn't your run-of-the-mill war epic. It isn't an expanded TVB kungfu drama either. If anythin, the clumsily titled An Empress And The Warriors a.k.a. 江山美人 is an MTV soap with Leon Lai and Kelly Chen playin mismatched lovebirds - and poor ones at that! You'd say: at least Donnie Yen kept his shirt on, sparin us the muscleman theatrics that tortured us for more than an hour in Flash Point. However, as war epics go, you wouldn't be spared the bionic, one-man-kill-all Oriental heroism that oozes out of Donnie's terracotta-type costume. Kelly Chen, on the other hand, is still poutin like a Chinese version of Emmanuelle Beart, despite having had so many opportunities since the Infernal Affairs movies to beef up her actin chops. It is peculiar to see the songstress shout at men like Maximus in Gladiator, only to manja up to Leon Lai in the next scene like a giggly schoolgirl. Together, they could hardly convince anybody that they are in Ancient China, let alone that they're in love.
Weeee... our careers suck!
Perennial wonderment:
That being said, let's not be too hasty to cast the first stone on this empress and her poor band of lost warriors. We can give consolation points for the costume settin, can't we? Although the body armour in the movie couldn't protect against mosquitoes, never mind arrows, they sure are nice to look at. This lends some credibility to the movie. Sadly, all that money still went to waste when you consider that the movie is largely forgettable due to its disengagin flow. The slow-mo action sequences may have been cool 20 years ago but we have learned to ask for more than action-wire assisted stunts through the years. Oh, the story? Princess Fei-er inherits the throne from her warlord dad in a short-lived attempt by General Mu-yong to keep this one other evil general, her cousin, out of power in the Yan hierarchy. Guess what she does with her monarchy when handsome medicine man Lan-guan comes into her life?
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By the way, I lied - Donnie couldn't resist takin his shirt off after all. You'll see. ★★

Tuesday 21 October 2008

Kaidan (2007) @ 怪談

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Hitomi Kuroki 黒木瞳 prays in Kaidan 怪談 (2007).
At a glance:
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Tae Kimura 木村多江
Kaidan a.k.a. 怪談 (Japanese literal: ghost story) denotes a genre of film (maybe like the Chinese wuxia or Western grindhouse), the sort that this reviewer understands to be ghost stories with an old-fashioned style to it. Just as charmin as the Masaki Kobayashi 1964 movie with the same name (similar elements too e.g. The Woman In The Snow), Kaidan is all about slow buildups and restrained suspense, as it should be. It's not about the sudden face in the mirror you have come to spill your popcorn over in Siamese horror films. Some may see hints of early Bergman horror here because of the number of intense facial close-ups that spook you no end. Still, it is not a character study as much as an old-fashioned ghost story with the requisite themes of vengeance and karma. Rich in colour and context, the motivations behind all the characters in are unambiguous. After a narrator's prologue, young tobacco seller Shinkichi (Kikunosuke Onoe) finds lonely, rich older woman Toyoshiga (Hitomi Kuroki, Tokyo Tower, 2005) and starts a life of mutual need. When this balance changes, we explore the scary bits of Japanese folklore through revenge, redemption and destruction. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned – that's the best teaser I can think of. However, it isn't as one dimensional as that. Kaidan explores existential fatalism and creates fear through systematic progression. One particularly interesting plot device is the infliction of cuts; it is the dread of knowin somethin will get worse before it can get better. What a delight!
Asaka Seto Kaidan 2007 Hideo Nakata 怪談 Kumiko Aso Hitomi Kuroki Tae Kimura Mao Inoue Reona Hirota Japanese sex chat young girls bukkake art film Liew Seng Tat 木村多江 sex jizz MILF せと あさか panties Malay sex slut download partner tetek besar Bukkake party
Till death do us part?
Bad news on the doorstep:
It runs a minute short of two hours if you're the sort who's only into quick spooks.
Perennial wonderment:
Why do Asian horror films always have to be about haunted objects? Forget the rings, wigs, grudges et cetera. Kaidan works on many levels, offerin a variety of rewards for every type of viewer. It's perhaps best described as an excellent introduction to classical Japanese period horror for those in this generation of cinema who only know the post-modern era made commercially viable by success stories like Ringu (1998) and such.
Asaka Seto Kaidan 2007 Hideo Nakata 怪談 Kumiko Aso Hitomi Kuroki Tae Kimura Mao Inoue Reona Hirota Japanese sex chat young girls bukkake art film Liew Seng Tat 木村多江 sex jizz MILF せと あさか panties Malay sex slut download partner tetek besar Bukkake party
Kumiko Aso
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Like most Japanese movies, the more familiar you are with ritualistic details from that land, the more satisfaction you will derive from absorbing the whole movie experience. The story traps you in its old world intrigue and unleashes all its fury in the last half hour, succeedin where many horrors fail in terms of endurance. It recaptures an audience right after creatin the openings to risk losin it. What great pacin! Since yakuza actioners will never make it here, this is your best bet for some samurai action.★★★1/2
Bonus material:

Here are some stills from the movie plus a couple of neat photos from the set.

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You must watch this movie.

Monday 20 October 2008

CJ7 (2008) @ 长江七号

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"What do you mean it's voodoo, Miss? It's just a green alien!"
At a glance:
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Odyssey Stephen Chow Journey to the West redux Shu Qi Zhang Yu Qi CJ7 green alien toy annoying girls big tits tetek cina download percuma free naked girlsMost brand it as essential Chinese New Year viewin. Expectations for Stephen Chow Sing Chi’s CJ7 (2008) are high, not only because it’s been some time since Kung Fu Hustle (2004) but because the marketin strategy drivin the movie has been aggressive. The Hong Kong funnyman has gone from strength to strength since bein introduced to Western audiences. The resultin concern for fans of Chow is that he is now under undue pressure to deliver to those markets. Notice how Shaolin Soccer (2001) marked a departure into less dialogue-heavy filmmakin and Kung Fu Hustle was more style over substance. Older fans of Stephen Chow would know that this is certainly not his forte. It is his exaggerated absurdist humour and precise comic timin that make the man. In CJ7, Chow’s direction is no longer in doubt – he has abandoned the idiosyncratic Canto-specific comedy that brought down houses in movies like Justice, My Foot! (1992) and Flirting Scholar (1993). Look at that stupid green dog alien thing. Stephen Chow is now officially Hollywood savvy.
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No money, again.
Bad news on the doorstep:
Reportedly made on a US$20 million budget that probably went mostly to the CG, the concept behind CJ7 is cut from the same cloth as movies such as E.T. (1982) and Free Willy (1993), while Chow still finds time to combine his trademark elements of cruel humiliation and impossible surprises. However, the celebrated exaggeration and deadpan expressions we have come to love about Chow are now very much gone. This is where the older generation of Chow’s fans will be severely disappointed. Special effects aside, the responsibility to carry CJ7 seems to rest purely on the small shoulders of the young girl actress (Xu Jiao, who plays Chow’s son) and the alien elements of the movie. She does an admirable job but sadly, her talent just about makes the highlight of the film. Other peripheral characters like Kitty Zhang's school teacher and that fat guy in Kung Fu Hustle hardly do anythin. Chow himself isn’t prominent in the film.
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One day, I'll laugh again.
Reminds me of:
The time I brought me mates to TGV CapSquare, the only cinema in the Klang Valley that had tickets for it.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Seein Chow as the disciplinarian coolie father who puts his son in the best school while starvin on the construction site is interestin. However, the story is too short for any real message other than the bite-sized morality lectures. It comes off like a well-designed kiddie movie meant to appeal to as many people as possible across the world. So we’re left to make the best out of the experience. CJ7 will undeniably push Chow’s name on more foreign fronts. The rest of us, especially the older ones, will be left to rue the good old days when Stephen Chow and Ng Man Tat were still talkin to each other. ★★