Datin Ghairah (2011)

"Yes, you balik as soon as possible dan jangan lupa belikan collagen, ya."

At a glance:

I know this is a shyte film by all accounts but I thought I'd watch it and post a review anyway, since I love watchin rubbish films. I've been puttin this into the computer by my bed every night and fallin asleep to it, so I keep havin to restart the next night.

Bad news on the doorstep:

That was more than two weeks ago.

Perennial wonderment:

It is a national travesty how that De Baron company can keep producin and releasin movies under some self-sanctioned Langkawi tourism initiative. This is a TV movie that belongs to the cheapest slot on the cheapest channel, not a theatrical release across more than 40 screens. Why are we asked to take it seriously? Give me a break!

Reminds me of:

Well, the perfectly cast Maria Farida is of course a real actress with real actin pedigree unlike Yasmin Khanif - but all the memories of Jalang (2009) did come back. To be fair, Datin Ghairah is a decidedly campy effort that knows what it is (especially with such a title), so we should have a heart.

I can't remember if I cried:

I didn't cry, I slept. The elements in this movie are from 40 years ago. A tough guy talkin with a cartoon voice is the kind of comedy you can expect 40 years ago. That's why it's a RM 1.2 million movie starrin the country's No.1 male lead and yet posted just RM 350,000, accordin to the FINAS jokers at least.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Well at least it was a coherent story and some actin was actually involved. Plus, the Projek Pistol theme Wanita Seluruh Dunia is actually not bad.★1/2


Trailer for the curious:

Chow Kit (2012)

Lana Nordin: "Kemaruk dengan tetek aku ni ada lah..."
Airis Yasmin: "Susah cakap dengan perempuan macam kamu ni lah."

What about the rest of the cast?

At a glance:

Remember Chloë Sevigny bein HIV-fucked on a livin room couch in Larry Clark's seminal Kids (1995)? A lot of dispute as to the creative origins behind this piecemeal Primeworks film, so you'd think this was a movie to really boast about. Immediately recallin the urban grime from the awesome Songlap (2011), I thought Chow Kit (2012) would be a respectable addition to the canon of new crime films from Malaysia - you know, those featurin cash-strapped anti-heroes who are poised to die sad, unpopular endings. On that count, Chow Kit succeeds twice - it's actually two flimsily related stories, bridged only by a disconnected token character or two. The first half, a second directorial run-out for Hooperz (2010) helmer Rosihan Zain a.k.a Dhojee, is about a group of Malay kids whose parents are either drug addicts or prostitutes. The second half, by Brando Lee, is about a strugglin Chinese ex-con whose newfound girlfriend's virginity is about to be auctioned off to the highest bidder by her uneducated ex-whore mum.

Bad news on the doorstep:

Malaysia's answer to Larry Clark's Kids (1995)?

Remember Sudirman's Chow Kit Road lyrics:
"Ada yang cuti mata..."

The concept's coherence really is superficial and the two-part idea comes off more like a desperate damage control manouevre, written in to save both movies rather than a layered crime drama that was intentionally halved. Although this isn't the case, the final product is dodgy at best. Nevertheless, the Malay first half had more goin for it than the Chinese second, simply because the children were easier to root for, despite both halves havin their fair share of bad actors with lousy lines, not to mention puzzlin character arcs. Truth be told, besides the erroneous approach in coachin them, the kids are unfortunately poor actors, even pack leader Izzam Syafiq who tried the hardest. Superfluous roles in Chow Kit include Yasmin Hani as a seller of krim pengetat faraj and various cure-all batin medicine, Beto Qusyairy as a pointless sidekick gangster, Hairie Othman as an unexplained, pencil-pushin welfare officer and Dira Abu Zahar as a sympathetic retired whore far too removed from the main story. Too many loose ends, too little real emotion. There were plenty of chances in the movie to make a strong connection between the characters and the interestin, nasty, slummy things they do but none were taken. Perhaps, only Namron, playin a druggie dad who gets his kids to steal shoes from the mosque, made a difference with his role. For the Chinese story, it's simply too generic to be memorable, although lead actor Mers Sia managed some presence.

Chen Puie Heng & Dira Abu Zahar

Perennial wonderment:

How many Malaysians today actually know that Chow Kit - Kuala Lumpur's seediest spot in bygone days - is named after the tin miner and municipality councillor Loke Chow Kit? T'was a stampin ground where the characters played by Razib Salimin and Chen Puie Heng (the only credible ones next to Namron) could believably call home.

Lana Nordin downblouse. Thank you, Sarawak.

Reminds me of:

When I see aimless Malay kids who aren't the menacin type, I always think of the kid with Sudirman in Kami (1982).

Watch out for:

Lana Nordin's monster tits. When I first heard about her bein cast in Chow Kit, I tweeted about how they should put them to good cinematic use. How odd to watch this movie a few years later, and to see the filmmakers obligin, with a full downblouse close-up on beads of sweat drippin down the sweet, swollen breasts of the endowed Kuching-born actress often dubbed Malaysia's Pamela Anderson. For the record, she actually acted well. Her most compellin, self-affirmin line was: "Kau ingat kita tinggal di mana? Taman Melawati? Taman Tun? Kalau dia tak tengok tetek saya, dia tengok tetek betina lain." Real classy. Catch her next in Ponti V Omi and Lagenda Budak Setan 2.

Mers Sia & Beto Qusyairy

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Like thatmoviebloggerfella, I too commend Chow Kit (2012) for havin its "heart in the right place", despite an abundance of bum notes that contributed to the ignominy of it postin less than half a million ringgit across 71 screens. How can a movie with two rape scenes be so underhit? I'm certainly not among the kindly few who call it better than Anak Halal (2008), let alone Malaysia's own City Of God (2002). A definitive Malaysian streets movie remains unmade.★★
Bonus material:

Yasmin Hani pretends she doesn't use bedroom boosters in Chow Kit (2012).

Jalang (2009)

"Hi. I'm a slut. I fuck Datuks to close business deals."

At a glance:
What a disaster! Are there nostalgic apologists out there among our Malaysian filmmakers who thought this movie would be a good idea to reinstate the word that was dropped more than 15 years ago in U-Wei's Perempuan, Isteri Dan... ? If you bravely open a movie with a Koranic verse as part of the title card i.e. Surah Al-Isra Verse 32 ("And come not near to the unlawful sexual intercourse. Verily, it is a great sin and an evil way"), then you really ought to make that movie somethin really substantial and far-reachin. Unfortunately, not only is the final product lackin in any academic credentials, it's also a hollow attempt at didactic values. Its original fierce title Taubat Jalang: Neraca Dunia sounds like an epic moral struggle but the movie ain't much more than a Langkawi adventure about a young corporate woman who likes fuckin Datuks to close business deals.
Bad news on the doorstep:

Yasmin Khanif badly miscast.

What's truly shockin about Jalang is that the 21-year-old lead actress entrusted with this titular burden is neither proverbially nor physically capable at executin it. Yasmin Khanif's Arabic-Malay-Pakistani pedigree gives her somethin towards gettin the looks down but this maiden role is heavily blighted by laughable over-actin, under-actin and well, basically actin - she's all to obvious as someone who just walked onto the set. We can be kinder to someone who's new to the industry. What we can't accept is how a substantial project like Jalang gets greenlit with an unrealistic theatre script that anybody who has ever been to a cinema can point out to be a bad TV movie? O the shame. Not only do we get an ineffective script, we waste a cast that can be formidable if given the right treatment. Hairie Othman's (Leftenan Adnan, 2000) return to the limelight surely disappoints anybody who knows his calibre. In Jalang, he plays Ben Adam, the whore's best friend who offers a way out. Too bad his effort ain't matched by Yasmin Khanif. Another old hand, Faizal Hussein (XX Ray, 1992) gets wasted in a five-minute fight as a drug pusher. However, the fact that he was so memorable in this five minutes ("Hei, kamu ingat saya jual baja taik ayam ke, hah?") goes to show how grossly uneven this movie is and that director Nazir Jamaluddin could've been more creative with his resources. Thankfully, some actors like Yank Kassim (woman-hatin PI with a score to settle) was brave enough to go OTT with a strangely entertainin performance as villain Ali Topan.
Watch out for:
Yasmin Khanif's horrible actin. The makers could've at least played up some sex. Then again, stretch marks on her breasts were visible, so what's there to sell, eh?

Most memorable line:
"Maria, kenapa ni? Kenapa malu-malu? After all, ini bukannya first time.."
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
This ain't the end of the road. New production house De Baron have many more projects to come, the most eye-catchin bein Datin Ghairah, a movie that follows Jalang at least in terms of shock value movie-titlin. Yasmin Khanif will also have a second chance to improve her act with Blues Untuk Aku, another upcomin title. As for Jalang, it deserves somethin for Ali Topan, I guess.★
Bonus material:

Close enough to where it belongs.