Tuesday, 13 November 2012

Eldorado (2012)

Eldorado (2012)
Michael Madsen takes any job he can find.
Up next, Julian Cheah's Prince In The City. *Gulp*

Eldorado (2012)
Not the real Daryl Hannah but a pornstar
who assumed the moniker due to her likeness.
At a glance:
First ever British movie to be shot in 3D? David Carradine's last movie appearance? If you've read the heavyweight cast list, you'll never understand how such a paceless, plotless and meanderin dud ever came into existence, especially if you agree with me it's more like what Tenacious D would have shot with some over-aged fans for a film school project, after havin OD'ed on cheap skunk and bad pizza. In Eldorado (probably the very worst among every movie ever so titled), we follow a Blues Brothers tribute band called The Jews Brothers, whose manager mistakenly to a Neo-Nazi fundraiser instead of a stripper. Peter O'Toole sits on a chair and narrates intermittently, tongue-in-cheek. Daryl Hannah recites the titular Edgar Allen Poe poem to mislead us into a possibly related or coherent story. Everyone else also looks as if they can't wait for it to be over. Did someone call in every favour to get this done? It's a senseless parody and you're gonna recognise elements from Sweeney Todd, Little Shop of Horrors, The Blues Brothers, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Reservoir Dogs, Heaven Can Wait, Kung Fu, Blazing Saddles and even some O Brother, Where Art Thou - but even the song scenes are far from excitin and I find it hard to believe anyone can finish this two hour-movie without hittin the fast-forward.
"Are you okay to go topless for a Richard Driscoll movie?"
Bad news on the doorstep:
As we near the end of 2012, I'll be roundin out my own records e.g. Most Pretentious (Savages vs Cloud Atlas), Most Frustrating (The Devil Inside vs Lizzie), Worst Malaysian Movie (Gerimis Mengundang vs Momok Don't Find Trouble). I'm sure Richard Driscoll's Eldorado (2012) will come out tops in somethin. This guy, not to be confused with the other British actor on TV's Eastenders, is known to some as Britain's Ed Wood and many struggle to explain his amazin ability to keep producin awful films throughout the ages.
edgar allen poe
Daryl Hannah. Why?
Perennial wonderment:
David Carradine. Guess they buried it with him, huh? Bad way to go. R.I.P. Kwai Chang Caine. On the other hand, this guy Peter O'Toole seems to have been around forever. Is he immortal?
Reminds me of:
A bad dream, with songs.
Most memorable line:
Fat chance you'll find any.
No idea.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Do yourself a favour and stay far, far away from this. Apparently next, the makers have lined up the 3D Gothic tale Back2Hell, and other listed projects include two more 3D flicks, Wolfman 3D and Watchmen Of Hellgate. Let us pray those are better.

The day the music died:
David Carradine 8 December 1936 to 3 June 2009
R.I.P. David Carradine
8 December 1936 – 3 June 2009