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Buxom Glaswegian babe Natalia Celino moved to Spain after starring in Deranged (2012).
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| How can you give away the killer in the poster itself? |
At a glance:
Not to be confused with the
Korean ecological thriller of the same name and year of release, I believe
Neil Jones' rather disastrous
Deranged (2012) is a very fittin title for this little vanity project by the lead
Marcia Do Vales, a Brazillian actress who also produced and wrote it. If you can stand her distractin accent and classless demeanour, then you can try finishin this DVD. Other casts in this Spain-set slasher include
Craig Fairbrass (
Vikingdom, 2013),
Victoria Broom (
Zombie Women Of Satan, 2009) and the obligin Glaswegian talent
Natalia Celino (
Umbrage, 2009). It's about four chicks away on a bachelorette holiday at a remote country house.
Bad news on the doorstep:
Let's keep it short, lest it robs me of my time twice over. It's a low-budget genre piece with a several actors who keep things respectable but the effort is completely undone by a prologue and a poster that actually reveals who the killer is, right from the outset. This wouldn't have been a big problem if it had more goin for it but unfortunately, it doesn't.
UK video store owner Dave Wain wrote a great review about how none of the girls are particularly likeable, singlin out the OTT performance from
Marcia
Do Vales, for she goes into moments of heightened tension soundin
"like a Latino cookie
monster".
Perennial wonderment:
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| Victoria Broom & Tabitha Quitman wonder how they'll live this one down. |
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Where's the labret gone, Natalia?
Oh well, have fun wherever you are. |
Reminds me of:
Hmm... I didn't finish watchin
Donkey Punch (2008), that other movie about British sluts holidayin in Spain.
I can't remember if I cried:
Influx Magazine's Nav Qateel nails this one:
"The best performance came when Marcia Do Vales (Gabby) lay dead on the
floor, not speaking, or moving. Infinitely better than the scene right
before she drops dead, where she makes a poor attempt at looking like
she’s dying (shudder)."
Watch out for:
The very nice
Natalia Celino, a Scottish bird with monstrous tits. She gives us an eyeful in one sex scene to which she really should've have agreed, but it's definitely her (you can tell from her eye of horus tatt on her right shoulder and her pierced chin). I think she used to be a stripper or somethin like that, but she's recently had another baby and just moved to Spain last month, accordin to
her rather public Facebook page. Probably to escape from the shame of havin starred in this horrible movie!
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| "Dude, can you shine the light here a little?" |
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
I see other interestin titles associated with
Neil Jones -
The Reverend (2011) and
The Seasoning House (2012). As for this one, I'd say stay the fuck away.
★1/2
Bonus material:
Check out the
official website and
Facebook fan page while it's still up.
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| Hard to imagine people going to its website and downloading wallpapers, really. |
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This is bad angle for a chick as hot as Natalia Celino. Shame on you, DOP!
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| "Dear Lord, please save our careers..." |
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| "How are so many girls gonna share just one cock?" |
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| "But he was my first fuck!" |
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| Victoria Broom will try to sweep this one under her CV. |
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| David Cano |
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| This plot device did not work. |
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| Elisa Correa |
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| DERANGED! Natalia Celino eating cornflakes out of a cup on set. |
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| Marco Chanca |
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| Director Neil Jones. The man responsible for this disaster. |
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| Victor Lopes |
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| Victoria Broom |
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