Day Of The Woman (1978) @ I Spit On Your Grave

At a glance:
A few versions out there but any is equally and completely FUBAR extreme cinema, if you asked me. Rape and revenge are the celebrated themes in this controversial movie about a female New York writer who gets gangbanged by some small town hicks and subsequently goes on a pretty graphic trail of vengeance (pic). Yet another one of those shock movies where you question the artistic merit over its seemingly exploitative content. What tipped the scale for me was the retard rapist character, whom I thought confirmed this as a legit story about the subject of rape.
Bad news on the doorstep:
Still banned in some form or another in many countries today. However the good news is that Variety has reported a remake last year. Wonder if it ever got made.
Reminds me of:
Thriller - A Cruel Picture, which was even more artistic and fuct.
Watch out for:
The scrawny white ass of one Camille Keaton (pic, related to Buster), who musta been pretty damn brave to agree to a movie like this, what with the extended scenes of sodomy and cryin.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?I can't decide.

Menace II Society (1993)

At a glance:
Perennially referenced textbook thug movie set in So-Cal LA, with the highest f-word-per-minute dialogue at the time apparently. Movie starts with the brother shootin dead a Korean shop owner and his wife. From there, we just get sucked into a hard knock life so to speak.
Reminds me of:
A coupla brothers I used to know.
Watch out for:
A young Jada Pinkett Smith, who plays Ronnie, the woman with a kid in hand and a man in prison with no parole.
Most memorable line:
Caine (on bein told the bitch he boinked was pregnant): "Stop lying, alright? Besides, I had the jimmy on extra tight."
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?Not often you get a look-in like this.★★★1/2

Anak Halal (2007)

Farid Kamil takes advantage of Fasha Sandha.

At a glance:
Brave expansion of early Osman Ali short, starrin Farid Kamil, Maya Karin, Fasha Sandha, Raja Farah, Bront Palarae, Adiputra and too many others. This, I thought, was a great all-in Malaysian package with crime, violence, action, romance and drama. Most notable is its realistic everyday dialogue, somethin many producers seem to neglect in Malay movies. Leaps and bounds better than most of the crap we're used to.

"Give me back my nasi kerabu!"

Bad news on the doorstep:
Anak Halal (2007) bombed at Malaysian box office, nowhere recoverin its RM 1.8 mil budget. Distributor Tayangan Unggul attributed the failure to its unusual title. I just thought the movie tried to do too much. Some of the character crowdin caused a few odd character decisions.
Perennial wonderment:
Where is Fasha Sandha now? She was frontrunner as a true screen queen replacement for Erra Fazira at one point before pissin off the local press, who now shun her at every event. Seems to have packed a coupla kilos now as well. In this movie, she plays a rich man's daughter who falls prey to psychotropic drugs. Nope, nothin too sexy from this role (though there is a Raja Farah rape scene) - except maybe her voice. It doesn't sound quite as annoyin as usual.

Because heroes don't catch colds.

Watch out for:
Adiputra, the best performance of the lot, as a swearin good man. Of course Maya Karin is always watchable on any level.
Most memorable line:
Oh I can't remember now.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Couldda been a solid four with better editin.★★★1/2
Bonus material:

Still sexy as fuck, no?

The Shawshank Redemption (1994)

At a glance:
Who hasn't seen Shawshank, so often misguidedly acclaimed by the cod philosophers as the greatest movie of all time? You can read that it does have some claim to bein the most rented movie in the world, although I'm not sure how anyone can account for that, just like, say, most downloaded pornstar on the web (whom by the way is often said to be Jenna Jameson). Well, many do rate it as their favourite movie and it's easy to see why - fluid, easy-to-understand and soaringly inspirin, Stephen King's short story gets Frank Darabont's best known direction in a nearly two-and-a-half-hour prison break drama that is simply so attractive and rewardin whatever section of the cinemagoin market you represent. It even makes bein a con look cool.
Perennial wonderment:
How three great Hollywood movies were all released in 1994 - Pulp Fiction, Forrest Gump and this.
Reminds me of:
In perhaps my fifth viewin yesterday, the other Darabont projects like The Green Mile or The Mist. All so soaked in their settings.
Watch out for:
Raquel Welch's secret, of course.
Most memorable line:
"That tall drink of water with the silver spoon up his ass" - this was my favourite expression from the film, although "what is your malfunction, you fat barrel of monkey spunk" has been more useful in my line of work.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Four stars. I'd have liked more memorable music and perhaps a more elaborate escape but I guess that would've made it another movie. Still, I remember bein so awed by this when I first watched it. Taught me the term institutionalised and also what shitty pipe dreams can mean, if you pardon the pun.

How To Lose Friends And Alienate People (2008)

At a glance:
Devastatingly average dramedy starrin Simon Pegg, Kirsten Dunst, Megan Fox & Jeff Bridges. Even Gillian Anderson is in this. How did they sign on so many decent stars to shoot such a mediocre movie? The story is about a strugglin English writer who gets a tryout at a major entertainment mag in New York and his subsequent adventures in debunkin celeb life while reconcilin it with his personal stands on journalism and other borin stuff.
Bad news on the doorstep:
There's a new fault in mainstream comedy production - I first caught a glimpse of it in Simon Pegg's Hot Fuzz. It's the very blatant dumbin down of English or British humour for worldwide audiences. Some might argue that it's merely removin culture-specific elements of characters of the the words they say - but I'll insist it's a much more menacin evil than that when you consider how Simon Pegg comes off so godawfully artificial in a few roles I've seen. Anyway this movie isn't guilty of that but it still brandishes a totally uninvolvin narrative with some really uneven turns. It doesn't help that Pegg's lead character is a sellout and a loser - we have no reason to like him.
Perennial wonderment:
Why the whole of Christendom thinks that Transformer girl Megan Fox is hot and this writer doesn't. In this movie she's plays a hot starlet who frolicks and prances about in every other scene but I didn't get no rise outta none.
Reminds me of:
The Devil Wears Prada, an infinitely better watch than this uneven movie.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Two and a half, the customary ratin for mediocrity. I confess I watched this only because of Kirsten Dunst.

I Am A Sex Addict (2005)

Caveh Zahedi is now a reformed sex addict.

At a glance:
Indulgent yet funny and effective autobiographical docudrama by one Caveh Zahedi, a creepy-lookin American of Iranian descent, who loves fuckin whores. Okay, loved fuckin whores. Maybe it's his shaky voice or his earnest eyes but the man can sure tell an interestin story about a tosser as unlikeable as himself. The narrative goes from funny to warm to heartbreakin, in an honest tale of convalescence and possibly even redemption.
Reminds me of:
Coupla chicken worms I know.
Watch out for:
Scenes of weird ass self-reflection. By this I don't mean checkin out your butthole in the mirror.
Most memorable line:
"At first I felt strangely euphoric, but then afterwards when I got home I felt lonely and empty."
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
It's a true story. Well-packaged. ★★★

The Horsemen (2009)

At a glance:
Disjointed biblical mumbo-jumbo reminiscent of Seven and Silence Of The Lambs. Starrin old hand Dennis Quaid and a peculiar role for Mainland star Zhang Zi Yi.
Perennial wonderment:
Perhaps anyone readin a Horsemen review is lookin to find out what Zhang Zi Yi does in this movie. Well, she plays the adopted daughter of a white American couple who knows more about the homicides than the police would like to believe. While her English is more passable these days, her role is largely an illogical one and nobody would think it outrageous if it were suggested she was written into the story within five minutes because they had a spare actor. Her theatrical arrogance and Oriental psyche also appear woefully out of place when she recites long lines in English, makin it seem that she's over-actin. You would've loved the same thing in Hero or Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, the producers whom which are also responsible for this flailin attempt at a mystery-thriller.
I can't remember if I cried:
The ridiculous and most inappropriate last 10mins - only a moral textbook could have endorsed that.
Watch out for:
Scenes of mutilated corpses. Suspension. Tatts. The works.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?Dua, cukup? Jarrin and unnecessary. Referencin Revelations has never been more embarrassin, except maybe in White Noise 2.

Street Fighter: The Legend Of Chun-Li (2009)

Kristin Kreuk as Chun-Li vs Josie Ho as Cantana... in the toilet.

At a glance:

Black Eyes Peas' Taboo as Vega

Smallville's small Kristin Kreuk (in blue, pic) jarringly stars as ladder-legged Oriental martial artist Chun-Li in one of the worst console-to-cinema projects ever, in terms of bastardisin source material. They call it Street Fighter: The Legend Of Chun-Li (2009).
Bad news on the doorstep:
It's fuckin horrible, yapyapyapyapyap. No press previews in America - they knew it sucked. Very convoluted useless plot built around titular heroine, so-so SFX, bad lines by underdeveloped characters and poor character decisions. The 1994 Van Damme version with Kylie Minogue as Tammy is better. Heck even Wong Jing's 1993 HK party piece with Andy Lau as Balrog and Jacky Cheung as Guile is better.
I can't remember if I cried:
When Vega (played by the freaky guy from Black Eyed Peas), one of the most agile and notorious characters in the game, died like a fly after a short token buildup. Bleugh.
Watch out for:

Somehow, all my sexy Moon Bloodgood pix went missing.

Robin Shou, who played Liu Kang in Mortal Kombat (1995). He plays Gen, a sifu who teaches Kreuk how to master her Qigong Palm super move while pretendin not to be starin at her crotch when she does them high kicks. Chun-Li does oblige with the Spinnin Bird Kick near the end. Also, there are many small roles for notable actors like Michael Duncan Clarke, Neal McDonough and wuxia veterean Cheng Pei-Pei. What a waste.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Let's put it down for ★1/2 - the bonus half is for Moon Bloodgood givin half ball. She plays a Thai cop who runs around the police department in sexy outfits. Read she's in the upcomin Terminator Salvation. Hope she gets more exposure in more than just one way.
Bonus material:
I have hundreds of hi-res production stills for you. Take a look at them and skip the movie!

Kristin Kreuk plays Chun-Li.

Chris Klein as Charlie Nash and Moon Bloodgood as Maya Sunee

I think Michael Clarke Duncan was Balrog.

The Reader (2008)

"Will you read to me?"

At a glance:
Easily the weakest of Daldry's three features, this muted, half-baked examination of German guilt does however come off as more accessible compared to the rest - well, maybe not Billy Elliot. Clockin in over two hours, we're taken on the psychosexual scandal-soaked sexcapades of one Michael Berg, who chances upon an older woman named Hanna Schmitz one summer and subsequently experiences an affair most 15-year-olds never get. The jammy bastard. Years later, he ends up an aspirin lawyer in court, listenin in to the case of his one-time lover, now bein tried for war crimes. A fleetin love story just as much as it is a study of shame and guilt.
Bad news on the doorstep:
Wanted this to win Oscar for Best Pic but it was the least watched nominee. Malaysian theatrical release was painfully cut up.
Reminds me of:
Illiterate whore I knew. Needed help with instructions on her meds.
Watch out for:
Oscar-winnin perf from Kate Winslet, one of the finest Brit actresses I've watched. Impossible to discuss this film without creditin her fragile yet angry, womanly countenance, a precision in actin that elevates the film to another level of cinematic delight. She has done better (Holy Smoke, Sense And Sensibility) but her intense, annoyed portrayal of an older lover is arrestin. The castin of young David Kross (who learned English for the movie and was afforded a special schedulin arrangement so that his sex scenes could be filmed when he turned 18) is creepy because he looks so much like Heath Ledger. However, together with soulful Ralph Fiennes as the old Berg and other peripherals like timeless siren Lena Olin, it was always a line-up that seemed to be built around Winslet's stellar performance, although it obviously wasn't meant to.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Disappointed with Daldry's inclination to understate things in his direction, despite the apparently successful partnership with screenwriter David Hare to adhere to Bernhard Schlink's source material. The greatest triumph of this movie is the humanisation of Hanna Schmitz as the SS guard. A wonderful and completely plausible explanation on how ordinary people could do horrendous things when we're outside lookin in. Had my hopes too high, though.★★★

The Burmese Harp (1956) @ ビルマの竪琴

At a glance:
Based on a novel, Kon Ichikawa's wife/production sidekick made a good adaptation usin the musical harp as a storytellin device for a war drama. However, this ain't no ordinary war drama. The Burmese Harp a.k.a. ビルマの竪琴 is an arduous post-WWII tale about redemption and resignation, summed up by the religious path taken by a desertin soldier. We are thrown into the mix when a company of Japanese soldiers are fightin in Burma, oblivious to the fact that their country has surrendered, followin the bombin of Nagasaki and Hiroshima. Captain Inoue (Rentaro Mikuni) has kept spirits high through song, and the group peacefully surrenders to the Allies. However, there is another company of soldiers who refuse to give in, promptin the British to seek the captain's help. He elects to send our protagonist, Mizushima (Shoji Yasui), a musical man who has some soft skills beyond military requirements. Little does he know that life would never be the same again for him when he fails the mission.
Bad news on the doorstep:
Can appear quite dated. Man next to me was snorin away, had to wake the bastard up. Watched this at last year's Japanese Film Fest at GSC.
Watch out for:
A particularly impressive scene involves the soldiers pretendin to be boisterous and a little drunk, while movin away some dynamites from the view of the watchful British. It's a well-composed scene of suspense and class; and it speaks well for Ichikawa's credits.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Not every day you see a movie where Jap and Brit soldiers are depicted with such gentleness and suspect valour. Avoidin sentiments on the Sino-Japanese conflict is imperative to enjoy the film; and thank goodness this is just a timeless piece of solid storytelling that can be viewed on its own cinematic merits. Nominated for Best Foreign Language Pic at the 1957 Oscars in the first year such a category was up.★★★1/2

Extreme Movie (2008)

"Next level?"

At a glance:
Degenerate and lazily incoherent 75mins of teen rubbish - but optimists like my friend Faisal insist it's a better and more tolerable watch than the other thoughtless crap out there like Scary Movie, Date Movie or Disaster Movie. I'm tempted to agree the more times I watch that "accidentally, incidentally, unintentionally makin porn" musical near the end. Still, it's a patchwork of sexual humiliation gags and overdone fart jokes. Notable brief appearances by Michael Cera (Juno) and the dude who isn't Jack Black from Tenacious D. Lotsa real-life porn stars in here too, I think. Sadly, no gratuitous Sex Drive nudity.
Perennial wonderment:

Bobbi Sue Luther

These "movie" movies have got to stop. It's a celebration of cinema and cultural decay. Havin said that, I'd pay good money to watch feature-length movies titled Fisting Movie, Boring Movie or This Is So Not A Movie if somebody made them.
Watch out for:
The sketch featurin the fat kid with the sex toy pussy for a girlfriend. The camerawork is too serious. Funny.
Reminds me of:
An equally frustratin movie that I watched some years ago on cable, aptly called A Dirty Shame. Selma Blair is fitted with huge fake tits in it. Pointless.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
★1/2
Bonus material: