Tuesday 2 July 2013

Atlantic Rim (2013)

JARED COHN ASYLUM ATLANTIC RIM
Mishmash mockbuster Atlantic Rim: A rim job to forget.


PACIFIC RIM
Jackie Moore
At a glance:
It's bad enough that Guillermo del Toro's Pacific Rim is this year's Battleship ... and now to be ripping that off? The very determined and unapologetic Atlantic Rim (2013) a.k.a. From The Sea a.k.a. 5,000 Fathoms Deep a.k.a. Attack From Beneath is yet another less-than-glorious product from mockbuster maestros Asylum and this time, they've culled and compiled and enough robot vs alien stock footage to release the suspicious scion before the movie proper even! If you complain that this is a cheap knockoff that rides on the buzz of another movie, then you're clearly missing the point. The plot, you ask? You shouldn't.
Bad news on the doorstep:
"So guys... what time is lunch around here?"
The movie does alright for the first third and then fizzles out. Token character exposition and sequence after sequence of frantic mayhem goes some way towards keeping up pretenses but really, it goes tits up once enough dialogue is overlapping for you to figure out that they're just going through the motions. A bizarre romantic subplot serves only to indicate how hard they were trying to stretch the idea. Several laughably poor performances here, Jackie Moore standing out. Graham Greene is almost laughing underneath that smugness!
"Awww come on girl... it ain't that bad."
Perennial wonderment:
I'd like to see a serious lawsuit one of these days but that would only give more recognition to the bastard nation of mockbusters, wouldn't it?
Reminds me of:
Armageddon (1998), minus Liv Tyler's panties on a golf club. Oh and seeing David Chokachi again reminds me of sneaking up to watch Baywatch on late night TV as a kid.
Watch out for:
Crash. Bang. Wallop. Zap. Whatever.
Cast member Treach a.k.a. Anthony Criss, formerly of rap group Naughty By Nature. Well, a brother's gotta eat.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Maybe if they had spent a bit more time on it, results would've been better. However I do applaud the business acumen. Folks only have themselves to blame if they paid a penny towards a download or a DVD. It's a shyte economy out there, what can you say.