Saturday, 12 May 2012

Catacombs (2007)

Once you go black, you can even go pink.
Err... that doesn't really make sense, does it?
At a glance:
Another straight-to-DVD release that was pushed to many shores after it failed to make the big screen in the U.S. – pop singer Pink's movie calamity Catacombs (2007). Nobody's really bothered about her anyway (excuse the pun – but you're like Most Girls, You Make Me Sick and I can't Get The Party Started). The main attraction here is Shannyn Sossamon, the exquisite rich man's Angelina Jolie lookalike you might remember from A Knight's Tale (2001) opposite the late Heath Ledger, and more recently in frivolous fare like One Missed Call (2008) and The Heavy (2010). She's really got the looks, hasn't she? So why does she star in mediocre efforts like this Parisian caper?
"My career is in the death pits."
Bad news on the doorstep:
French foetus, anyone?
Oh it turns out the whole shebang is only about the Catacombs of Paris but filmed in Romania with replica sets. Never mind. The backdrop is creepy enough. It's mazy, it's dark and it's sexy. In fact, this movie has some of the best photography I've ever seen, what with its postcard-perfect, in-the-dark shots of Shannyn and Pink runnin about in the maze lookin for a way out. Hell it's like watchin an MTV music video! The soundtrack is pretty spot on. Why then is this movie so badly rated?
It's the story. Revolvin around a nervous American girl in Paris (Sossamon) who meets her crazy sister (Pink a.k.a. Alecia Moore) and her equally crazy friends, it could've been a popcorn movie with cheap, guaranteed thrills that would've put it on par with somethin like the latest Halloween rehash at least. Instead, its choice of climactic closure leaves much to be desired. After runnin about for a good hour, I'm not sure the audience would be satisfied with such an unconvincin end to the spooky chase. Don't expect too much skin either if you're watchin this in a scissor-happy territory.
Reminds me of:
Cave adventures in Malaysia. The guano stink is equal to this movie.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Maybe Shannyn Sossamon is trying to be the next Sheri Moon Zombie. Maybe she really hates her modellin and DJ past that much. Her screen potential is immense so someone in Hollywood ought do somethin about her quick before she turns into Amy Winehouse or someone like that! In any case, as far as this Euro pop punk chaser is concerned, slam this one in the C-grade DVD catalogue and then go buy it for some goth friend's Christmas present. A mutual friend is likely to receive the same DVD next year as long as you two keep quiet about it.
Trailer for the curious:
Bonus material: