Showing posts with label shower sex. Show all posts
Showing posts with label shower sex. Show all posts

Monday, 28 May 2012

The Samaritan (2012)

"So whaddya say, baby? Shall I put on some Marvin Gaye?"
At a glance:
All Samuel L. Jackson movies are at least half watchable and this offbeat pulp fiction drops ever so neatly into that category - it jolts, it teases and then at the end credits you're left decidin whether this movie axiom remains true. The veteran anti-hero relishes the tag of bein one of Hollywood's most charismatic actors, a son of a gun who gets paid to shout at people, picture after picture. So when he's not in an eye-patch assemblin mutants to fight aliens, he's in The Samaritan (2012) playin an embattled ex-con (convict AND conman) who had just done a 25-year stretch, only to come out to a strange world populated by characters like Ethan (Luke Kirby), the son of the partner he murdered, and Iris (Ruth Negga) the enigmatic addict nympho who's got the hots for him. The hoverin crime boss Xavier (Tom Wilkinson) provides further intrigue.
Bad news on the doorstep:
Err... how do I say this? The Samaritan changes genre midway and there's a twist in the middle that beggars belief. Worse, it's been done before, so if I tell you which famous movie it's from, it will utterly spoil it for you. This twist is so pivotal and monolithic that entire scripts can be built around it, so it doesn't quite sit in with the rest of the various noir elements in the movie. Perhaps a hint of this iffy approach could be seen in Samuel L Jackson himself, who appears rather bored most of the time, despite also co-producin the movie. He's the master of persuasion and always makes his characters count but in this heist flick gone wrong, we really have to wonder why this story needed to be told. The film is shot by director David Weaver entirely in Toronto and that ain't exactly one of the first cities that come to mind when you're sellin a noir or heist.

Ruth Negga
fuck interracial
"You're old enough to be my father...
and that's how dirty I like it."
Perennial wonderment:
Why can't Ruth Negga get more roles outside of TV? She's the delectable Irish-Ethiopian beauty we saw in Breakfast On Pluto (2005) and that crazy cow horror Isolation (2005). Very Thandie Newton, perhaps with a more ethnic edge. Her looks here directly lent some credibility to movie logic and kept the movie from fallin apart. While we're talkin about looks, there's a small role here for Deborah Kara Unger. Don't know if her placid, botoxed look is part of the character but she sure don't look like the spring chicken she was back when she was gettin her kit off for Michael Douglas in The Game (1997).
Reminds me of:
You know I can't spoil it for you.
Watch out for:
When the big twist is given away. People were laughin out loud in my hall.
Most memorable line:
"If you keep on doing what you've always done, you keep on being what you've always been."
"You could always get a job at McDonald's or Walmart, honey."
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Two and a half, I'd say. Rushed endin drew disaffected faces at an advanced screenin I attended at AMC Yonge. On a partin note, the term "Samaritan" is a reference to a type of con, by which it succeeds when con artists get one person to pose as a helpful friend to the mark to gain his trust. Watch the video below for Samuel L Jackson's explanation.

Bonus material:
The Samuel L Jackson Venn Diagram.
[click to enlarge]
Kudos to the guy who thought of it.
In Samuel L Jackson's own words:
Why is it called the Samaritan?

Saturday, 10 December 2011

Daughter Of Darkness (1993) @ 滅門慘案之孽殺




At a glance:
 
Memorable CAT III fare by Ivan Lai Kai Ming with that girl Lily Chung Suk Wai (Red To Kill 1994, Sexy And Dangerous 1996) where the vulnerable protagonist is an stepdaughter who gets blamed for everythin under the sun, eventually crackin under the slow-cook abuse and goin berserk Terminator-style on the whole family, especially the father, played by a positively pervy William Ho Ka Kui.
Bad news on the doorstep:

Anthony Wong's maverick China cop antiques render it too playful and the comic detracts from the flavour of the film to the point of nausea.
Perennial wonderment:

What are all these former soft porn actresses doin in Hong Kong now? 
I can't remember if I cried:
When Anthony Wong fondles a female corpse and correctly ascertains the time of death based purely on the sogginess of her breasts, passin it off as brilliant police work as a colleague gapes in admiration. 
Reminds me of: 
Red To Kill (1994) and all the other films in which Lily Chung (pic) gets raped.
Watch out for:
Violent end sequence that teaches you how to stab someone to death with a deity figurine.
Most memorable line:
Who needs lines with a DVD cover like that? 
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Two and a half.

Friday, 25 September 2009

(500) Days Of Summer (2009)

At a glance:
Offbeat, dreamy and soundtrack-charged while amazingly maintainin a healthy distance from the dreaded teen genre we've come to loathe, this movie is a success story of sorts. Firstly, it walloped the sixth Harry Potter movie on a per-theatre basis when it went on limited release in the U.S. back in July. Then, there's multi-talented Zooey Deschanel (pic) who recently tied the knot (somethin her character found very difficult to do in the movie). Seems like everythin surroundin this gem of a date movie simple oozes positivity, down to the blue-centric colour palette used in the movie to bring out Deschanel's eyes! Told out of order with title cards to denote which days out of the titular 500 did the lovers do what, (500) Days Of Summer takes us through a serendipitous romance that is not so much witty as it is silly - but the winsome pairin of Deschanel with Joseph Gordon-Levitt (pic) as a suitor is at once disarmin and completely engagin. The male character Tom goes through courtship hell with his crush Summer, as we watch them through 95 clumsy but meaningful minutes of shower sex, Ikea shoppin and Brit pop discussions. There's even a delightful Bollywood-style musical sequence like what Toby Maguire did in Spider-Man 3.
Bad news on the doorstep:
Some elements took some shine away from the experience - plenty of tame humour and extended periods of pointless inactivity that could've been omitted. The assurin narrator who started us off on the story doesn't return to send us off on a happy endin either.
Reminds me of:
Walkin around Ikea with a male friend of mine after watchin Serendipity at 1 Utama. Gay.
Watch out for:
If you're watchin this in Malaysia, the word "penis" is cut from the park rendezvous, in case you're wonderin what that whole scene was about.
Most memorable line:
Aha! To protect you, I can't say.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Four stars. A strong finish. Prevailin social sentiments on contemporary romance elevate the movie from inoffensive to memorable. Some may wish there were 500 more of them days.

Wednesday, 23 September 2009

The Chaos Experiment (2009)

Eve Mauro full frontal Megan Brown CHAOS EXPERIMENT STEAM shower sex tits Val Kilmer
FREE ONLINE FUCK
At a glance:
Uneventful scuffed project, starrin Val Kilmer (pic) and Eric Roberts among others. So scuffed was it that they didn't even dare release it in too many cinemas, despite a reported budget of US$ 7 million. Story? It's about a deranged scientist who locks six people in a Turkish steam bath and threatens to turn up the heat if the local paper doesn't publish his story about global warmin. Also known as The Steam Experiment. Whatever.
Chaos babes Cordelia Reynolds, Megan Brown & Eva Mauro.
Bad news on the doorstep:
To put it plainly, very unrewardin. Yep, there's a customary twist, of course. Avoid.
Perennial wonderment:
If I could ever learn to talk like Armand Assante, who plays a cop in this movie. You know, the Stallone-lip Italian mumble.
Reminds me of:
Cookin myself in the sauna as a pimply kid at Tropicana Golf Club.
Watch out for:
Eve Mauro (pic) takin off her top and walkin around the steam room askin to be raped like a whore on three weeks unpaid back rent. This is just about the only scene in the whole show that's worth any interest. I'm now curious to watch what I suspect to be her other nude roles in films such as Miss March (2009), The Grind (2009) and Wicked Lake (2008).
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
On account of Eve Mauro's tits - ★★
Trailer for the curious:

Bonus material:
Armand Assante Cordelia Reynolds Eric Roberts Eve Mauro full frontal Megan Brown CHAOS EXPERIMENT shower sex tits Val Kilmer

Sunday, 12 April 2009

Lost In Beijing (2007) @ 苹果

At a glance:
Accessible, coherent & somewhat commercial social commentary at its regional finest, thanks to risin (and rise-inducin) talent Fan Bing Bing (pic) & the uglier of the two Tony Leungs - the better actor! Ménage-a-quatre plot oddly hilarious & sheepishly amusin. Bannin this movie only heightens the glare of China's insecurity. I still can't forget that Olympics farce with the little girl singin. End credits wonderfully reinforces themes of greed, globalisation & societal decay. Time to migrate to Sweden, folks.
Watch out for:
All of Fan Bing Bing's sex scenes, especially the one where she gets 'accidentally' done by Tony Leung. Give it!
Reminds me of:
Lukas Moodysson's Lilya-4-Ever, though I can't think why.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
I'd say is about right. Plus I watched this on an original disc, given as a token by Teddy Robins to a speaker at the HK Filmart. Needless to say, the disc is now mine. Ngek ngek ngek.