The Stranger Within (2013)

Estella Warren about to mount William Baldwin in The Stranger Within (2013).

The ghostly Katia Winter. Yeah I would.

At a glance:

Philosopher Erwin Neutzsky-Wulff's son Adam is a Danish TV series director makin his feature film debut with the R-rated Hollywood thriller The Stranger Within (2013). The earlier Sony title was The Stranger Inside but I think they're all too generic still. Anyway, it's completely Adam Neutzsky-Wulff's baby since he wrote, produced and directed it, and the biggest sellin point is that it sounds like an erotic thriller since William Baldwin and Estella Warren star in it. She's some kind of famous actress who survives a kidnap and rape, and he's the concerned psychiatrist husband who decides to take her to a holiday home on a remote island. Things get groovy when some bird appears on their doorstep (Sarah Butler, in various states of dress and undress again, just like she was in I Spit On Your Grave, 2010) with blood on her hands, seemingly havin just survived a hikin accident in which her boyfriend died. We're let in on a series of mindfucks but it does stop short of turnin into a home invasion thriller. Oh, there's a part too for Katia Winter -- I vaguely remember her naked body against Kellan Lutz in Arena a.k.a. Death Games (2011).

Bad news on the doorstep:

BDSM necrophilia? Nope. Oughtta be, though.

The billin is attractive and the performances are well above serviceable for an $800k flick but I didn't like bein whisked here and there so quickly in the early stages, while hardly connectin to the characters. The stock mystery thriller soundtrack compliments the rather predictable proceedings once they get to the house. It's not the most original of stories and if you watch a lot of thrillers, maybe the payoff twist won't really do it for you. To be honest, I only got this because I saw Kim Bodnia (that badass in the Pusher movies) in the cast listin but turns out he cameos as a masked kidnapper for just a few minutes! What a waste of a top actor -- didn't even get to see his face! Fuckin muppet.  

Perennial wonderment:

Estella Warren: Blushed and bemused.

Don't know modellin works but when I first saw Estella Warren in Planet of the Apes (2001), I thought she had an over-blushed kind of sex appeal that I don't particularly enjoy in an actress. Oh well, at least she finds work. Did you know she's a foodie and about to start some cookin shows and a culinary career of some sort?

Reminds me of:

The Hand That Rocks The Cradle (1992), Sleeping With The Enemy (1991), Fatal Attraction (1987), Basic Instinct (1992) and this movie here (don't click it if you still want to watch the movie proper because you'd make out the twist right away).

Did you know:
Estella Warren is a world-class synchronised swimmer from Canada?

Watch out for:
There's a nice little song somewhere in the middle of the movie which I later found out to be Joan Westgate's Nothing Is Real. I'm tempted to say this is the best thing about the movie but that would be slightly too harsh. Her fans on YouTube said it anyway. Ha.

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For a thriller that wants to be taken seriously, the groundwork is pretty dodgy and the characters make pretty strange decisions sometimes. Well this ain't Mulholland Dr. (2001), that's for sure.★★
Bonus material:

Sarah Butler asks Estella Warren if her boobs are too small.

The Tall Man (2012)

Jessica Biel can actually act a bit. Who wouldda thunk?

Samantha Ferris plays a mum
whose boyfriend beds her daughter too.

At a glance:

The Tall Man (2012) was written and directed by the same fella behind Martyrs (2008), so that made me put it on the watch list. This Pascal Laugier guy must be like the classier French version of M. Night Shyamalan, considerin how much he likes to do movies with one big central twist. Now unlike movies like The Village (2004) or The Sixth Sense (1999), the enjoyment of Laugier's films do not pivot on the incredulity of the twist. Dissociatin this story from Slender Man mythos, Laugier introduces us to several characters in a rundown white trash town blighted by missin children, firin up what appears to be a standard slasher horror, only for it to simmer down into some sort of philosophical parentin, socioeconomic dilemma. It's in no danger of goin down as ground-breakin material but it does feature Jessica Biel in what must be her most demandin dramatic role since the Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003) days when all she needed to do was walk around in a sweaty, see-through top.

Bad news on the doorstep:

Thankfully avoidin the alien invasion route (e.g. The Tommyknockers, 1993 or Dreamcatcher, 2003) which would've been very predictable and annoyin, this story is well-paced and crafted to play with your expectations. Variety's Geoff Berkshire summarised well: "Welcome echoes of the work of Stephen King and TV's The X-Files increase suspicion that something supernatural is afoot, and Laugier keeps teasing that possibility until the very end" but concludes that horror fans lookin for some old-fashioned scares are likely to feel cheated from the movie. The French - trust them to screw it up! Ha.

Perennial wonderment:

If you've decided you've read too much already and don't wanna bother with the movie, just click on this link to a Ben Affleck movie and the twist will dawn upon you...

Reminds me of:

The Village (2004) but that's not the twist, don't worry.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

All is not lost. This can make a good date movie and delightful conversation fodder later. You're likely to find this only on DVD or VOD now, since it only had a token theatrical release.★★

Bonus material:

William B. Davis, the Cancer Man on TV's X-Files, has a small role in The Tall Man (2012).

First Snow (2006)

"I saw... no more roads. No more tomorrows. Not much time left. "

At a glance:

Might as well smoke your heart out.

From the trio who wrote the script and screenplay of Children Of Men (2006), we get this very adequate thriller about just how far a man would go to change his fate. Suave salesman Jimmy Starks (Guy Pearce) is stranded in a small New Mexico town, waitin on the car repairman, so he humours himself with the services of bystandin soothsayer Vacaro (J.K. Simmons). Sure enough, the fortune teller's ominous readings start to come true before long and our disbelievin wheeler-dealer starts to panic. Movie title alludes to the time up until which Mr Starks has before he must die.

Bad news on the doorstep:

The reliable lead actor's character arc wins our attention and sympathy but the out-of-place antagonist Vincent (Shea Whigham) is either underwritten or overwritten because we don't really need him for this story. Piper Perabo is pretty pedestrian and she further shortchanges the pervos by not even takin off her bra in a mornin quickie as the girlfriend. Jeez girl, these guys have been waitin since Coyote Ugly (2000).

Perennial wonderment:

Guy Pearce

After decades of providin the star appeal that drives smaller but memorable films, Guy Pearce seems to have renewed his interest in mainstream Hollywood lately by takin on supportin roles in blockbusters e.g. Prometheus (2012) and the in-production Iron Man 3 (2013) . I saw the instantly forgettable Lockout (2012) last month and thought oh no, he's gone back to The Time Machine (2002) again. Perhaps his charmin rascal looks exclude him from classical leadin man opportunities, so he'll forever be remembered for his anti-hero or villainous turns in Memento (2000) and The Count Of Monte Cristo (2002). Someone should try castin him in an out-and-out good guy role and see what happens. By this I mean have him play alongside Brendan Fraser as a sensitive gay comedian.

"Nah, it's probably one of those Autodialers.
Lowest form of organic life, a Telemarketer."

Most memorable line:

“This road you’re on… you put yourself on this road… on this exact night. Who chose this? A man makes his destiny, right? Nothing makes the gods laugh harder."

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

I liked it. ★★★

Chloe (2010)

"What kind of pressure, for how long, when to stop. I can become your first kiss... or a torn out image from a Playboy magazine that you found when you were 9 years old."

At a glance:
A revisit of French erotic thriller Nathalie...(2003) with European cinema greats Emmanuelle Beart as the irresistible whore while Fanny Ardant and Gerard Depardieu play the embattled married couple, Chloe (2010) is a low-intensity Hollywood addition that will benefit from its array of A-listers and the intrigue of its decorated director Atom Egoyan (who has been shooting dark dramas since Sweet Hereafter in 1997) but ultimately falters because it cannot replicate the controlled explosiveness and the European sophistication in the original, leadin us to question its character arcs. Just like the Anne Fontaine source flick, we have a woman (Julianne Moore) who suspects her husband (Liam Neeson) of cheating, so she hires a mysterious escort (Amanda Seyfried in the titular role) to seduce him and report on her findings. It’s a twist-based plot, so we’ll spare you of further details but its safe to disclose that it’s a sexual deceit thing, the stuff that erotic thrillers are made of.

"Some men hate to hear certain terms. They can't stand specific moves and then they can't live without others. It's part of my job to know where to place my hand, my lips, my tongue, my leg and even my thoughts."

Liam Neeson taken.

Bad news on the doorstep:

A cinematic letdown despite the cast actually havin done their earnest best. We know Julianne Moore does “angry but fragile woman” effortlessly well. We know they wrote Liam Neeson out of some scenes when he left the set to attend to his dyin wife during the shoot but he returned in time despite the odds. We know that Amanda Seyfried does have the charisma to pull off an antagonist who needs to command great screen presence. However, this screenplay by Erin Cressida Wilson (Secretary 2002, Fur: An Imaginary Portrait Of Diane Arbus 2006) lacks the power and the polish to engage, leavin audiences little to look forward to, other than a particularly frontal encounter between the two lead women.

Perennial wonderment:

"I guess I've always been pretty good with words.
In my line of business. It's as important to be able to
describe what I'm doing as it is to do what I'm doing.
When to say what. What words to select."

Isn't Julianne Moore more desirable than Amanda Seyfried? She even made incest look hot in Savage Grace (2007). Gets my vote.

Reminds me of:

Derailed (2005) and of course The Hand That Rocks The Cradle (1992).

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Look away now if you don’t want to read a spoiler - Anne Fontaine (writer and director of the 2003 original) reportedly said she was interested in this take because Ardant and Beart objected to Fontaine's original intention for a lesbian relationship to develop between their characters. Well folks, Julianne Moore and Amanda Seyfried sure obliged! Anyway, let Chloe be a good movie to get you started on finding out more about the French original.★★★

Bonus material:

Tipping the velvet...

The Aggression Scale (2012)

Fabianne Therese: Booby traps in The Aggression Scale.

At a glance:

DVD Sleuth's Mike Long notes: "When you watched Home Alone (1990), did you think - instead of using paint cans on the bad guys, I wish that the kid would kill them? Well, that's the approach taken by this movie". The Aggression Scale (2012) can be described as a violent, R-rated version of Dennis The Menace, with no room for comedy. It contains shreds of originality, mixed on a good pace with two watchable teenage leads in Ryan Hartwig and Fabianne Therese, who play two kids forced to defend a home invasion when some bad guys come a-knockin.
Bad news on the doorstep:

Dana Ashbrook's horrible actin.

It didn't secure general release and they didn't even bother to finish puttin up the official website. Anyway, as a thriller, the sharp editin makes it suspenseful enough to mask what is in actuality, quite an ordinary siege. The booby traps aren't terribly original or genius either - you could write these too if you grew up watchin Rambo or McGyver. Cuttin corners wherever it can, the film has Hartwig and Therese to thank for a convicted performance that carried the movie to the end, without which this project would've sunk well below acceptable mediocrity. For example, in an interview, the lass said she hurt her hand for real and they just wrote it in and she carried on.

Reminds me of:

Ryan Hartwig

Ryan Hartwig as the wordless killer child rivals Daeg Faerch's presence as young Mike Myers in Rob Zombie's Halloween (2007). Meanwhile, the worst actor in the movie is Dana Ashbrook, playin the head henchman. Useless and dislikable. He reminds me of this one guy, the worst actor in Malaysian cinema ever.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Steven C. Miller is a filmmaker who knows how to cut his losses. I'd put it down for ★★★ if you watched it without payin.
Bonus material:

This is the movie's title card.
Find out more at its official website here.

Anatomy (2000) @ Anatomie

"Hi, stud. Do you know the strongest muscle in a woman's body?"

At a glance:

Anatomical obscenity, anyone? Stefan Ruzowitzky German slasher was apparently big bucks back home and did well enough to get an English-dubbed release Stateside. It's a decent premise at first really. A promisin medical student gets the chance of a lifetime to attend the prestigious Heidelberg Institute for physicians and surgeons. She befriends a fellow student and a terminally-ill drifter on the train on the way there and they get accustomed to life on campus. Horror of horrors, the two girls are shocked to find the drifter on the dissectin table in one lecture. As events unfold, we are shown the possibility that there might be a sinister conspiracy goin on in the institute.
Bad news on the doorstep:
Suspenseful but not the kind of terror that lasts years after you've seen the film. The story disintegrates into a shock-value number in the last act as we are shown some rather unimpressive twists, included no doubt to convince us that this isn't another thoughtless run-of-the-mill gore fest. I knew about this film only because of Franka Potente, the lead actress from Run Lola Run (1998).

Perennial wonderment:
Don't we all love traditional FX instead of CG crap? The special effects here are pretty good. You can read on IMDb that the models of preserved human bodies are so well-done it has been offered up for real life medical teachin.

"I knew it. I should've just studied Accounting."

Reminds me of:

I Know What You Did Last Summer (1997).

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Less blood than Saw (2004), more story than Scream (1996) and just about the same durability as The Skeleton Key (2005) or The Descent (2005). Two and a half stars. The DVD release I got is loaded with extras - deleted scenes, interviews, featurettes, storyboards, filmographies and even a very sexy Anna Loos music video of the track My Truth. Come to think of it, the soundtrack is quite alright and was released as an album, I found out. If you like it, you can consider movin on to its sequel - Anatomie 2 (2003.

Trailer for the curious:

Bonus material:

Japanese poster for Anatomie (2000). Neat, no?

Rabies (2010) @ Kalevet @ כלבת

At a glance:

Now when's the last time
you saw a movie poster in Hebrew, eh?

This is the Jewish middle finger to all genre conventions if I've ever seen one. Written and directed by Aharon Keshales and Navot Papushado, Rabies (2010) @ Kalevet @ כלבת is a curveball curio (in the Hebrew language) that is touted as the first slasher flick to come from Israel, havin gained some notoriety in the festival circuit. Hell I'm not sure if I've ever even watched an Israeli movie, let alone an Israeli horror movie. I'll provide a functional synopsis - it's about a sister and her brother who have run away from home and are now lost in a fox reserve with an unidentified killer hot on their heels. The proceedings involve a forest ranger and his dog, two very unfocused cops and four beautiful youngsters in their outrageously preppy tennis gear. There's a bear trap or two and some unexploded mines, too.

Bad news on the doorstep:

As many reviews will point out, there's surprisingly nothin here about the titular affliction at all. No animal nor man froths at the mouth so don't be thinkin you'll get some "infected" zombie action. Actually, with so many red herrings in the film, it may well be a rather fittin title that cleverly refers to the feral, diseased and infectious nature of the events. Killin people is like, rabid-like, right? Anyway, back to the movie proper. Just when you think this is Israel's answer to the American B-grade horrors we've been used to, the movie veers into unexpected and rather detailed subplots, one after another. It's definitely a movie that will leave you disorientated and you'll have to decide if you like that sorta feelin. 

Yael Grobglas doesn't get to be on the poster.

Perennial wonderment:
If you get to be in Israel for a week, what would you do?

Ania Bukstein

Reminds me of:
Certain angles of Yael Grobglas a.k.a. Yael Joelle Lise Grobglas reminds me of Asia Argento. Funny it's the other girl (busty Ania Bukstein) that gets to be on the movie poster, though. Another red herrin?
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

This is a movie that seasoned movie buffs and film critics will enjoy. Unexpected black humour, decent death scenes and sound performances all round (Lior Ashkenazi, Ania Bukstein, Danny Geva, Yael Grobglas, Ran Danker, Ofer Shecter and Efrat Boimold). Do stay for an extra scene after the end credits to find out what happens to the killer.★★★
Trailer for the curious:

Bonus material:

"Here in Korea, we're rabid with delight. Really."

Safe House (2012)

This brief exchange between Ryan Reynolds and the delectable but wasted Nora Arnezeder remains the most interestin bit from the whole film.

At a glance:

You saw the trailer and thought this was Training Day (2001) in a room, except with Denzel Washington standin over Ryan Reynolds instead of Ethan Hawke. You expected menacin charm from Denzel and you wanted boyish nervousness from Ryan, punctuated by high speed car chases and some government suits with fancy secret agent talk and cool weapons.

Bad news on the doorstep:

Barely two elements of originality to rub together (so that's probably why Ryan Reynolds and Nora Arnezeder had to rub on each other), in yet another overeager action-thriller retread. Not a surprise considerin it's written by a former US Weekly editor who obviously watches too many movies. David Guggenheim apparently managed to quit his job after successfully pitchin Safe House to Universal, says the official website. Let's hope for better stuff in his already sold projects - 364, Stolen, Narco Sub and Puzzle Palace. Meanwhile, two wasted token performances are turned in by the milfy Vera Farmiga (Up In The Air, 2009) and the adorable Nora Arnezeder (Paris 36 @ Faubourg 36, 2008). The story? Oh I don't know, it might as well have been The Viral Factor (2012) for all I care. Denzel and Ryan might have kicked, jumped and drove one another across Langa (Cape Town's oldest township) but they carried and limped with this movie to the finish line. Simply too frenzied and ultimately shortchanged us for investin in their characters.

Perennial wonderment:

"What kind of villain goes with the name Tobin Frost?"

[Spoiler ahead] Nobody dies like Denzel. He's got the best die in the business! All that mucous and choke. When it's our time, we should all go out like Denzel in the movies - bloodsoaked with grime (cigarette optional) and coughin over some badass line about somethin terribly inconsequential yet beautiful about life. He's so cool that we forgive him for playin a villain with such a silly name in this movie - Tobin Frost.

Reminds me of:

A thousand other action-thrillers before it.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Enormous presence from Washington and a more interestin turn from Reynolds for once but that's about it. Okay, some decent brawlin. Otherwise, skip it because the best parts are already in the trailer.★★1/2

Dirty Pretty Things (2002)

At a glance:

Not sure if it inspired the UK band of the same name but Stephen Frears' Dirty Pretty Things (2002) has got to be one of the most enjoyable and durable entertainers that England has ever produced for the international cinema tourist, although you don't read of many wantin cult classic status for it. Steven Knight's Oscar-nominated written work is about "the people you do not see, the ones who drive your cabs, clean your rooms and suck your cocks". Welcome to a London that seriously needs some cleanin up. Welcome to kidney-for-passport programmes, abusive sweatshop owners, oily budget hotel bosses, immigration tough guys and gum-chewin prostitutes with expensive manicures.
Bad news on the doorstep:

Like a foreigner's fable, some may be put off by its decidedly colourful cast - a drunken Russian doorman (Zlatko Burić), a strugglin Nigerian taxi driver-cum-doctor (Chiwetel Ejiofor), a kind-hearted whore of Caribbean descent (Sophie Okonedo), a quirky Chinaman who works at the hospital morgue (Benedict Wong) and a timid Turkish cleaner girl played by Audrey Tautou in her first English-speakin role. The film is necessarily dark because of its morbid theme (literally even, as it's mostly shot at night) and you wouldn't like this if you were expectin some glossy thriller starrin Tautou (pic).

Perennial wonderment:

Can anyone tell me if that herb or shrub that Okwe chews to stay awake and work two shifts?

Reminds me of:

My England days, a time when I could've easily been any one of these characters.
Watch out for:
Well I won't spoil it for you but there's one scene where Okwe's expertise in diagnosin STDs just got in demand. Wait for it!

Most memorable line:

The black whore was so surprised that Senay (Tautou) was still a virgin and exclaimed "Christ!" to which the girl, being Turkish and therefore Moslem, calmly said "No, Mohammed". What a laugh!

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Four stars for a subtle crime drama with a little bit of everythin. It's like watchin the Third World in London.

Birthday Girl (2001)

At a glance:

This is a quiet but memorable British item that may have had no relevance today if not for it bein on Nicole Kidman's CV. Ben Chaplin (pic) is unassumin bank clerk John who lived a rather mundane, loveless life in St Alban before decidin to get himself a Russian mail order bride one fine day. The gorgeous Nadia (Nicole Kidman, pic) arrives only for him to discover that she doesn't speak any English. While waitin for the agency to get back to him on the matter, things turn out quite alright as they both struggle to communicate with each other in a clumsily romantic way. Nadia is extremely obedient and docile and we see how hard she tries to make John happy, especially as she indulges him in his sexual fantasies. John is very pleased with her and begins to fall for her quiet charm. Just as the plot looks headed for fairytale fluff, enter Nadia's two friends Yuri and Alexei (played by Mathieu Kassovitz and the omnipresent Vincent Cassel) to unsettle the mood. Somethin is definitely amiss and we begin to suspect that Nadia is not all as she seems.

Bad news on the doorstep:

If you don't find Nicole Kidman one of the most compellin female actresses in the world, chances are you will find this one a bit predictable and cliched. Despite a solid script, the stars do have to drive it.

Watch out for:

The giraffe jokes and some kinky Kidman scenes.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Neat little three-star romantic thriller with generous touches of wry humour. Chaplin is convincin as the inhibited John and it's easy to sympathise with his character. Kidman's role is humanised in a realistic way without being overly sentimental. There's a beautifully strange chemistry between them and I should think the audience get coaxed into wantin their relationship to work. This is a movie that doesn't take itself too seriously, with no real profound messages to impart. The value lies in its fluid, unpretentious story-tellin and adorably lazy texture. My chief complaint about this movie would be its slightly overly-sweet closin but I take nothin away from a generally well-made film.
Trailer for the curious: