Cold Prey 3 (2010) @ Fritt Vilt III

At a glance:

Not to risk further disbelief by resurrectin the killer a second time, Cold Prey 3 @ Fritt Vilt III is a prequel to movies one and two, naturally an origins movie. We switch directors again with Mikkel Brænne Sandemose but the biggest difference is that franchise staple Ingrid Bolsø Berdal does not return. Instead we get a new set of teens and they go about tryin to survive the monster they discovered. I should imagine we do a similarly crappy job in survivin the movie, as they do, the monster.

Bad news on the doorstep:

After only a token introduction to the birthmarked butcher in the first two movies, somethin more intimate is required for a third movie. Sadly we are not given much more than yet another token backstory on the antagonist; effectively a concession on the filmmakers part that we've come to the end of the road in this icy charade. Also, this latest bunch of people are the most beautiful yet - but they're just as clichéd and pedestrian as the original skiers in the first movie. The movie even feels lethargic in some parts.

Perennial wonderment:

How any third movie always gets the most flak.This one's got 'last paycheque' written all over it.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

A few chillin moments but ultimately a letdown. Forget it and go watch Troll Hunter (2010) instead.★★
Bonus material:

"I can't believe you're interestin enough to make three movies about."

Bronson (2008)

Tom Hardy goes full frontal as Charles Bronson.

At a glance:

When Tom Hardy isn't beatin Batman to a pulp in The Dark Knight Rises (2012) or beatin Channing Tatum to a pulp in Warrior (2011) or beatin mythical monsters to a pulp in Minotaur (2006), he's beatin prison guards to a pulp in Bronson (2008), a stylised, comical and surreal biopic of Charles Bronson. Not the similarly bemoustached American actor in Western flicks, mind you, but the incorrigible problem prisoner that has gained international attention as Britain's most violent detainee. Born Michael Gordon Peterson, the bane (sorry, couldn't resist) of all correctional facilities across England has a well-documented life behind bars (30 years in solitary confinement!), stretchin decades and formin a catalogue of wonderful ball-breakin material to work with. He's still in jail as far as I know and has Danish filmmaker Nicolas Winding Refn to thank for fuellin his narcissism. Fans of his Drive (2011) and his powerful Pusher films will attest to the director's precision in filmmakin.

Matt King in a standout supportin performance
as a mastermind poof.

Bad news on the doorstep:

It's a first person narrative play, you know. You might not like the drollery if you thought this was Un Prophète (2009) meets Chopper (2000). Bronson is portrayed as an inarticulate, attention-seekin slab of muscle with a penchant for theatrics. His excesses are crude, futile and disaffectin to watch. However, a resplendent Tom Hardy does give a very disturbin intensity to him - an underclass anti-hero who just doesn't seem to know any better. Your views on crime and punishment will come into play when relatin to such a crass character, which in turn may determine just how much you enjoy the film.

"You shouldn't mess with boys bigger than you."

Perennial wonderment:

Can someone like this be helped? I'd buy ol' Charlie some nasi kukus ayam berempah and maybe he'd lighten up a little, after so many years under Her Majesty's Pleasure.

Reminds me of:

I don't know. How many ex-cons do I know who's also a Moslem apostate (Charles Ali Ahmed), post office robber, exercise book author, bare-knuckle boxer, Tesco worker, painter and cartoonist? Is it any surprise that he's apparently also a friend of the Kray twins?

"Fancy a cup of British char?"

I can't remember if I cried:

Go visit the official website where they tell you Charles Bronson has been in jail since 1974 for stealin £26.18. He's only still inside because he keeps fightin back and not because that's the sentence for petty theft. Still it's agonisin to read such a summary. I also felt a strange despair watchin Bronson's zoned-out girlfriend Allison (Juliet Oldfield) dump him for havin no ambition. I guess that's Tom Hardy's talent, herein proven to be a commodity that's beyond the 100 pounds of muscle he put on for the role.

Most memorable line:

Nothin he says particularly stands out but the throwback soundtrack really hits all the right notes. It includes the Walker Brothers' The Electrician and Pet Shop Boys' It's A Sin - definitely worth a download.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

★★★ 1/2 for an innovative, unexpected approach. Variety's John Anderson notes that Bronson has cult hit written all over it and that gleeful brutality and intellectual mischief have become the bloodstained callin cards of Nicolas Winding Refn while Film Four's Jonathan Crocker says he has framed this anti-biopic of Britain’s most notorious prisoner as a 21st century Clockwork Orange (1971), damned near pullin it off. Well, here's one for the Sorry True Stories tab, eh. So, when's a Mike Tyson biopic gonna be made?
Bonus material:

"Why so serious?"

Cold Prey (2008) @ Fritt Vilt II

"I'm here to shoot all blondes scream queens."

Ingrid lookin like hot prey at the Amanda Awards
where she took Best Actress for this role.
That's the Norwegian Oscars, you philistine.

At a glance:

Easily the strongest in the successful Norwegian horror trilogy, Cold Prey 2 @ Fritt Vilt II trumps the 2006 original in every turn, providin more sympathetic characters and marginally more original scares. In a sequel approach similar to Halloween II (1981), we pick up the hypothermia right where we left off, followin Jannicke (returnin Ingrid Bolsø Berdal) to a local hospital after she has been rescued. Debutin helmer Mats Stenberg replaces director Roar Uthaug and is found stretchin with an iffy resurrection plot, but perhaps his vision (and no doubt, improved budget) is to be credited for makin those shadowy hospital corridors an interestin enough place to be taken to this time.

Bad news on the doorstep:

Marthe Snorresdotter Rovik

Funny this had a theatrical release in Malaysia in 2009 under the now-dormant Cathay-Keris distribution arm, when no Malaysian ever saw the original in the cinemas. However, as Syahida Kamarudin points out, you don't need prior knowledge of the birthmarked butcher to enjoy this one on its own, although she rues the cinema experience in that notoriously scissor-happy territory. Ostensibly a feminist reviewer, the writer notes that Ingrid Bolsø Berdal is not your typical Hollywood hot babe in distress and is believably great to watch. However, myself now with the privilege of havin seen the original, expected more from Ingrid. Due to the immediacy of the continuin events, a more compellin character arc wasn't possible, so we don't get to see more development from her character, despite admittedly bein even more badass with her weopon of choice, the pickaxe. Come to think of it, if both Part I and II were viewed back-to-back, it would've made a resoundingly satisfyin watch.
Perennial wonderment:
Where is Marthe Snorresdotter Rovik now, the actress who played the cute doctor?

Reminds me of:

The time I was trapped in an industrial-sized refrigerator. I ate all the ice-cream while I was in there.

"Bollocks. Why can't you clean his rectum for a change?"

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Three stars is possible if you watched this in a big cinema with lots of excitable women.
Bonus material:

"They're not goin to bring him back to life AGAIN in Part III, are they?"

The Samaritan (2012)

"So whaddya say, baby? Shall I put on some Marvin Gaye?"

At a glance:

All Samuel L. Jackson movies are at least half watchable and this offbeat pulp fiction drops ever so neatly into that category - it jolts, it teases and then at the end credits you're left decidin whether this movie axiom remains true. The veteran anti-hero relishes the tag of bein one of Hollywood's most charismatic actors, a son of a gun who gets paid to shout at people, picture after picture. So when he's not in an eye-patch assemblin mutants to fight aliens, he's in The Samaritan (2012) playin an embattled ex-con (convict AND conman) who had just done a 25-year stretch, only to come out to a strange world populated by characters like Ethan (Luke Kirby), the son of the partner he murdered, and Iris (Ruth Negga) the enigmatic addict nympho who's got the hots for him. The hoverin crime boss Xavier (Tom Wilkinson) provides further intrigue.

Bad news on the doorstep:

Err... how do I say this? The Samaritan changes genre midway and there's a twist in the middle that beggars belief. Worse, it's been done before, so if I tell you which famous movie it's from, it will utterly spoil it for you. This twist is so pivotal and monolithic that entire scripts can be built around it, so it doesn't quite sit in with the rest of the various noir elements in the movie. Perhaps a hint of this iffy approach could be seen in Samuel L Jackson himself, who appears rather bored most of the time, despite also co-producin the movie. He's the master of persuasion and always makes his characters count but in this heist flick gone wrong, we really have to wonder why this story needed to be told. The film is shot by director David Weaver entirely in Toronto and that ain't exactly one of the first cities that come to mind when you're sellin a noir or heist.

Ruth Negga

"You're old enough to be my father...
and that's how dirty I like it."

Perennial wonderment:

Why can't Ruth Negga get more roles outside of TV? She's the delectable Irish-Ethiopian beauty we saw in Breakfast On Pluto (2005) and that crazy cow horror Isolation (2005). Very Thandie Newton, perhaps with a more ethnic edge. Her looks here directly lent some credibility to movie logic and kept the movie from fallin apart. While we're talkin about looks, there's a small role here for Deborah Kara Unger. Don't know if her placid, botoxed look is part of the character but she sure don't look like the spring chicken she was back when she was gettin her kit off for Michael Douglas in The Game (1997).

Reminds me of:

You know I can't spoil it for you.

Watch out for:

When the big twist is given away. People were laughin out loud in my hall.

Most memorable line:

"If you keep on doing what you've always done, you keep on being what you've always been."

"You could always get a job at McDonald's or Walmart, honey."

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Two and a half, I'd say. Rushed endin drew disaffected faces at an advanced screenin I attended at AMC Yonge. On a partin note, the term "Samaritan" is a reference to a type of con, by which it succeeds when con artists get one person to pose as a helpful friend to the mark to gain his trust. Watch the video below for Samuel L Jackson's explanation.

Bonus material:

The Samuel L Jackson Venn Diagram.
[click to enlarge]
Kudos to the guy who thought of it.

In Samuel L Jackson's own words:
Why is it called the Samaritan?

Lovely Molly (2012)

This is a horsefuck of a horror movie, literally.

At a glance:

Back in 1999, Cuban-born filmmaker Eduardo Sánchez and film-school buddy Daniel Myrick shot The Blair Witch Project, a micro-budget movie that went on to gross US $248-million worldwide. Kurt Loder notes how Sánchez has since made a few more pictures, none of them especially successful, and we can imagine his dismay in watchin Oren Peli’s three Paranormal Activity films - obvious Blair Witch descendants - rake in more than half a billion dollars. Thus, perhaps, the director’s return to the arena of his early breakthrough. In Lovely Molly (limited release in 2012), we get a supernatural horror with faint psychosexual themes of guilt and abandonment. The titular character, ex-druggie Molly (Gretchen Lodge), moves into her childhood home with new husband Tim (Johnny Lewis) once both her parents pass away. Soon however, we're thrown into a haunted house exercise and left decidin whether there's really a minotaur-like demon in the house or is her psychosis due to the joint that her sister Hannah (Alexandra Holden) started her off on.

Hands up who'd rather see Alexandra Holden (R) in Gretchen Lodge's (L) lead role?

Bad news on the doorstep:
The good news is that it's not a full "found footage" affair, especially since the last big one we know, The Devil Inside (2012) really sucked. The bad news is that you seem to need to watch some videos on its official website to complete your understandin on the occult backstory.

"Why are you always naked and why do you always smell like horse?"

Otherwise, the strength of the movie depends on just how watchable you find newcomer Gretchen Lodge, who admittedly puts in a fearless, full frontal performance. She gets to do a spot of nasty as the unlovely Molly and obliges with aplomb, although I wouldn't put her in the same league as say, Cécile De France in Haute Tension a.k.a. Switchblade Romance (2003), despite her committed turnarounds between demure supermarket employee and deranged druggie on heat, which memorably include a hearty breakfast romp on the kitchen floor - the only one I care to remember since Eva Green in The Dreamers (2003). Nevertheless, Sophie Blum wrote how Lovely Molly is incoherent, sexist, and derivative; preferrin Béatrice Dalle's carnivorous kiss in Claire Denis' Trouble Every Day (2001) where the female protagonist doesn't get reduced to a ravin succubus (or at least made a sympathetic ravin succubus). Me, I just want more demon backstory.

The demon pin I didn't get.

Perennial wonderment:

What is up with that stone tablet with the horse head motif? It got sent out to the press as a promo item and got us googlin what the fuck is an Orobas.

Reminds me of:
Stephen King stories.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Solid sound design and music score but the average horror fan will find this borin, I'm sure. Ultimately, not a very scary movie at all. ★★

Alexandra Holden wouldda been poised for a sequel
considering how her character arc begs for it.
No chance since the movie sucked.

Was it as good for you as it was for me?

 Bonus material:

Twitchfilm's Todd Brown calls it the finest film of Sanchez' career and notes how there's virtually nothin he would change other than an unnecessary epilogue, choosin to tag the movie's appeal to just how much an audience would relate to the main character. He coincidentally also introduced the film and conducted a live Skype interview with director Eduardo Sánchez at a Bloor Cinema screenin I attended, thanks to Rue Morgue and M.O. Pictures. I managed to ask a question about the possibility of a sequel, to which Sánchez muddied into a question on whether it should follow the sister or the mother (read: Nope, no sequel). He also confirms that he's shootin a Bigfoot movie currently titled Exists (2012).

Earlybirds at a midnight screening I attended in Toronto.
Photo taken on 26 May 2012, The Bloor Cinema.

Director Eduardo Sánchez via Skype with Twitchfilm's Todd Brown.
Photo taken on 26 May 2012, The Bloor Cinema.

Technology is awesome indeed, even if the film wasn't so hot.
Photo taken on 26 May 2012, The Bloor Cinema.

Cast & Crew (L-R): Gretchen Lodge, Johnny Lewis, Eduardo Sánchez & Alexandra Holden

Cold Prey (2006) @ Fritt Vilt

Ingrid Bolsø Berdal plays Jannicke, a holidaymakin snowboarder turned badass ball-breaker.

At a glance:

In conjunction with the release of Oren Peli's Chernobyl Diaries (2012) in which features Fritt Vitt lead Ingrid Bolsø Berdal, let's revisit this successful Norwegian flick that proved enough to form the basis of a survivor horror trilogy. The official website is still up today! The story? Same old genre retread built around a bunch of attractive young people trapped in an abandoned hotel in the snowy mountains with an unknown killer on the loose.

Ingrid lookin like hot prey at the Amanda Awards
where she took Best Actress for this role.
That's the Norwegian Oscars, you philistine.

Bad news on the doorstep:

We've seen it all before. If you're a horror movie fan that has been numbed by the Hills Have Eyes series, the Halloween series, the Scream series, the I Know What You Did Last Summer series, the Texas Chainsaw Massacre series, the Wrong Turn series - then jog on because it's painfully predictable, with a slow buildup to boot. This movie got the attention it did perhaps only because it was a Norwegian product that was actually so similar to American slashers in that mould (read: that it was technically on par with them). There isn't much locational detail either, somethin that would've added curio value to it. Even the soundtrack, which was admittedly pretty decent, was in English.

Perennial wonderment:

Will we ever see better ice-set horror movies than The Thing (1982) and The Shining (1980)? Please drop me a comment for recommended viewin. Hmm that reminds me, I still ain't watched my copy of Bikini Girls On Ice (2009).

"Fuck me, there goes my new nails."

Reminds me of:

See long list above. By the way, the region is called Jotunheimen and that makes me think of a painted pussy.

Most memorable line:

None.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Committed performance by the cast but unfortunately nothin terribly compellin here. Watch the sequel - it bears the rare cinematic distinction of bein actually better than the first movie. Must be a Norwegian thing - it sure never happens in Hollywood.

Bonus material:

Director & scribe Roar Uthaug empowers Ingrid Bolsø Berdal.

Isolation (2005)

The traditional way of making beef jerky.

At a glance:

"Holy cow!" is the obvious, blasphemous and yet appropriate response to this very unrewardin movie. There are crowd-pleasin blockbusters and there are niche-market, art house indies. Then there are films like Isolation, ones that befuddle the human mind to no end.

Essie Davis gets to grace this poster.
Others I've seen feature Ruth Negga.

Bad news on the doorstep:

So befuddlin was it that it befuddled itself into the hearts of several film festival judges and won some mediocre horror movie awards even! How do we make heads and tails of this one? It's essentially a one-sentence movie - a full-length feature about a mutant cow foetus terrorisin an Irish farm. Oh wait – there's actually a few of them, but one was particularly difficult to capture. In any case, it's about Dan Reilly (John Lynch), an Irish farmer whom we are told is a little short on money. It soon transpires through Orla (Essie Davis), the vet, that together they have been workin for mad scientist John (Marcel Iures) in bizarre biological experiments involving cow-breedin. Meanwhile, a young couple (Sean Harris and Ruth Negga), runnin away from an unknown enemy, enters the fray when Dan experiences trouble with a calf and asks for help. Soon however, the fate of everyone on the farm becomes inextricably linked with a missin cow foetus.

Reminds me of:

The now-defunct Cathay-Keris distribution arm in Malaysia. When I watched this in 2007 under their limited release, this movie was showin at one solitary cinema nationwide, givin its film title the most fittin tribute ever.

I have no clue what's goin on here.

Or here.

I can't remember if I cried:

Havin such an unusual plot, this was bound to provide at least some shock entertainment, you'd think. So many things were out of place however, when shock turned to schlock within the first 30 minutes, the most frustratin being the characters which are so painfully disengagin. I couldn't be bothered if they died, lived, won the lottery or turned into lactatin mutant cows. With no real protagonists, coupled in with a claustrophobic settin, the appeal became very limited. The ecological arguments of genetic tamperin in this movie were already lost – not on merit, but attention – by the time the crawlin foeti stopped makin you go 'euww'.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Ruth Negga

There's one savin grace - the traditional FX. This would've been a straight-to-DVD feature if the cows were anywhere near digital. What we get to see is quite graphic – say, a vaginal checkup performed on a cow – and the details of the goo, gum, teeth and blood are a nice touch. Bein so stickily real, the movie however shot itself in the hoof (ha!) again when the screenplay didn't allow for a fuller view of the mutant cow in question. Well, it did teach me about how swingin a newborn calf around your head from its hind legs is supposed to accelerate blood flow to the heart. Moo-ving stuff, eh?★1/2
Bonus material:

Like this character, I was drowning in the movie.

The Tattooist (2007)

"So, can you really tattoo all the lyrics to Johnny Cash's Ring Of Fire around my anus?"

At a glance:

Remember this ambitious project that even had Singaporean premier Lee Hsien Loong at its Auckland launch with his then NZ counterpart Helen Clark? It was supposed to be the start of a sexy new Singapore-New Zealand deal for Eyeworks Touchdown and Mediacorp Raintree. Two pictures were announced, this Samoan-inspired yarn and next up was Altar, about an Asian child embryo ghost. I don't think it got that far.
Bad news on the doorstep:

Jason Behr & Mia Blake.

Local lad Peter Burger shot The Tattooist with only a few TV dramas to his directorial credit, while the boys who brought us Black Sheep (2006) wrote the story. I like tattoos, so one would think that fanboy enthusiasm would've added more spice to this story about an American guy who visits a tattoo expo in Singapore and steals a Samoan tattooin tool en route to New Zealand to learn more about the craft. Complete with possession, spirits, sex and Samoan rituals, the movie looks like a special interest winner on paper. However, onscreen it all goes pear-shaped. The audience cannot help but feel shortchanged when a horror movie is as half-hearted as this. The gore is substandard, the spooks are recycled and the sex isn’t even there. As far as special effects are concerned, there is nothing original about the movie. If anythin, the inked demon in The Tattooist looks inferior to the oiled demon in Orang Minyak (2007)!

Caroline Cheong doin her best impression of a CFM face.

Caroline Cheong appeared in this
movie and then slipped into oblivion.

Perennial wonderment:

Seems Jason Behr is incapable of appearin in a good movie. Malaysians who saw him last in B-grade vampire flick Skinwalkers (2006) would know what I mean. It was also a good thing that distributors put the plug on his D-War (2007) before the universally rubbished fantasy effort made its way to Malaysian screens. His two-tone face of stone has been stretched enough to feign the talent that he hasn’t got; and it's still lookin as bad as ever if you check out his CV on IMDb.

Reminds me of:

A New Zealand movie called The Ferryman (2007) but that was actually spooky.

"Err... Your twitching anus
is making it smudge."

Watch out for:

Caroline Cheong who used to play Lynette Khoo on Singaporean TV's popular Phua Chu Kang. What is she up to these days? Also, there's Mia Blake’s character, someone related to a gang of Samoans who hates any palagi (white man?) who wants to “get down with the brown”.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
The Tattooist has one advantage – it gives an insight into little-filmed New Zealand subculture. There seems to be a genuine attempt to get the details culturally correct and that lends a somewhat authentic feel to the movie. However, if you’re into hard-hittin stuff, you wouldn’t feel left out if you gave this a miss. Two and a half stars.

Trailer for the curious:

Mama's Guest (2004) @ مهمان مامان Mehmane Maman

"This cake, it is made from virgin juice. I marinated all night."

At a glance:

Iranian cinema vet Golab Abdineh plays the matriarch of a poor family. She's thrown into a tight spot - they have to welcome her policeman nephew and his bride but they haven't got a single morsel of food in the house! Like the old school Hitchcock movies, we're given a slow introduction to the characters, some of which include her cinema projectionist husband Yousef (Paras Pirouzfar), her naughty young son Amir, her daughter Bahareh (Melika Sharifinia), and neighbourin busybodies like a chemist (Amin Hayayee) and an old hag (Farideh Sepah Mansour). Simply to give the good colonel (he's just a sergeant, really) and his exquisite wife a feast, everybody puts their wits together and overcomes adversity in charmin ways. Not dissimilar to the Asian values of pride and "face" as incessantly repeated in the film, this tight-knit family is so enamoured with preparation and procedure that they become instantly likeable, although it may take longer than usual to relate to their culture of halvas and curious posters of bodybuilders on their walls.

Bad news on the doorstep:

Not for everyone, obviously.

Perennial wonderment:

When you watch a movie like Mama's Guest (2004) @ مهمان مامان Mehmane Maman, you'd realise why fast food culture in the 20th century completely destroyed the family as a unit of society. From the process of pickin out the freshest fish to peelin onions and boilin water, home cookin is one of the last bastions of family time that ensured everyone had somethin to do and somethin to talk to each other about. When you place a phone order for McDonald's Value Meals, that old time tradition becomes a bygone relic. That's why Mama's Guest is still a rewardin watch despite appearin very dated for a 2004 film.

Reminds me of:

Cookin pork feet in vinegar with me gran, God rest her soul. Of course, no pork was depicted in this movie about Moslem people.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Three stars. Mama's Guest is a New Year movie - fun and easy to watch. With quirky scenes like an operation on a goldfish to wife-beatin antics by a drug addict, one may find this movie to be just the sort of light entertainment that is interestin enough to stimulate Hollywood-hardened cinematic taste buds. For further readin, please see what this Mongoose guy wrote.

Trailer for the curious: