Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen (2009)

At a glance:
rd 9"> Impossible to keep Michael at bay, robot count now increased from 14 to 46. Roboporno, its obscene CGI glory and all related cine-demons get a new lease of life in this earth-shakin sequel, as we celebrate the death of cinema. How can it be death, you ask, when the lucrative 2007 original grossed in excess of RM 18 million at the Malaysian box office, SG$ 7 million southside and a collective US$ 700 million across the globe? If anythin, cinema must be alive, drivin people from their homes to the halls to watch somethin to forget the sorry state of world affairs. Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen is poised for some box office records. However, if a movie that's 80% movin robots (some completely CG), 15% MTV pop talk and 5% Megan Fox slo-mo bra support visuals becomes a resoundin global favourite, what hope is there left for Man? Might as well surrender to the Decepticons out of shame!
Bad news on the doorstep:
In all fairness, critics who slam this for a lack of story don't really have a point. It's 144 minutes of a dust-and-metal space adventure, paced very well. Its appeal crosses genres. It's Pirates Of Cybertron with cooler villains, it's Lord Of The Shiny Robot Things with Leboeuf as Frodo. It's the most advanced movin picture you can put into a reel. Yet the hollow pleasure of inanimate objects doesn't inspire. You may take the Hasbro toy home, but you can't seem to take home a satisfyin story because it's simply not real enough. Just about the only thing that's real in this movie was the quirky retired agent Simmons, played by John Turturro.
Perennial wonderment:
The flummoxin Megan Fox - come on fellas, she looks like a man!
Reminds me of:
Aah... it feels like so long ago when I was watchin the original cartoon on Sunday telly. The skies were blue, standalone cinemas had ah beng touts and Cybertron didn't have humans, least of all an irritatin Disney kid called Shia.
Watch out for:
Jetfire, the party-hopper who transforms from an SR-71 Blackbird into a grumpy British Decepticon. Ha.
Most memorable line:
Agent Simmons: What you are about to see is top secret. Do not tell my mother.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
- Two and a half stars more than meets my arse.

State Of Play (2009)

At a glance:
Good example of an effective political thriller that doesn't try too hard, based on a BBC series some years ago. Fat fuck Russell Crowe (apparently no more fat roles for him after this, I remember readin) teams up with a cutesy Rachel McAdams as journalists who are on to a case of two seemingly unrelated deaths. Other players are Ben Affleck as a stiff Congressman, Robin Wright Penn as his resigned wife, Jason Bateman as an amazin PR prick and the ageless Helen Mirren as the brutal editor. Movie is entertainin. Clever, contained.
Perennial wonderment:
Russell Crowe. He has no right to act as well as he does in every role that he does.
Watch out for:
Some pretty suave humour from Russell Crowe's character.
Most memorable line:
When Russell Crowe's journo character complained about McAdams' online blogger: I've been here fifteen years, I've got a sixteen year old computer. She's been here fifteen minutes and she's got enough gear to launch a fuckin satellite.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Three and a half stars because the climax wasn't as satisfyin as it could've been. However, this is one of the most watchable films of its ilk in recent years. Never trust an editor, though.

The Hand The Rocks The Cradle (1992)

Rebecca De Mornay suckles in The Hand That Rocks The Cradle (1992).

At a glance:

Irresistibly Rebecca De Mornay

One of the most memorable and endurin Hollywood thrillers from those times, like Misery - except the psychobitch villain isn't a plus-sized Kathy Bates but a hot and lactatin Rebecca De Mornay (pic) who shot to international fame with this movie about a twisted nanny named Peyton who snakes herself into a family and their home to destroy them. It's definitely one of the best of all the movies with this theme of an ill-intentioned stranger who is welcomed into a home. Very suspenseful stuff.
Bad news on the doorstep:
Ain't seen this Rebecca De Mornay since. She still seems to be active but she doesn't get big roles.
Reminds me of:
Well it doesn't remind me of anythin but it sure made me fuckin anal paranoid about anyone whom you allow into your home.
Watch out for:
The satisfyin return of an unlikely hero to save the day. Also, this movie gave Julianne Moore one of her earliest roles.
Most memorable line:
Peyton Flanders: When your husband makes love to you, it's MY face he sees. When your baby's hungry, it's MY breast that feeds him. Look at you! When push comes to shove, you can't even breathe!
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Simple but effective.★★★★
Trailer for the curious:

Departures (2009) @ Okuribito おくりびと

"What kind of job is this?!?!"

At a glance:
Well I can sing this out to be a profound, pompous study about the livin and the dead (NOT life and death, I insist) or I could just tell you that it's an overlong piece of very ordinary but very precise Jap pleaser. It's about a bloke who lands himself the socially stigmatic profession of a nokanshi - the man who makes a livin prettyin up corpses before plonkin it into a coffin to be whisked away by the undertaker, who in turn makes another cut (seriously, the more I think about it, the more I think sudden, spontaneous combustion is the best, most economical way to die). Discussions on redemption and dignity imbue the film with its silent charm, as we follow the poor guy around for more than two hours while he comes to terms with a stinkin job and also deserters, in his father and his wife.

Bad news on the doorstep:
Havin not heard or seen any of the other nominees for Best Foreign Pic at the Oscars just gone, it's hard for me to gauge the worthiness of this win (and yes, it did) even after watchin it. That's because we all know the Yanks love mystical Asian or Oriental shyte like a fat boy loves cake. After all, that's why they gave eight Oscars to that populist bollocks of a film Slumdog Millionaire, innit?
Perennial wonderment:
Do they really have to make every scene so long and score it so unsubtly? Ingmar Bergman makes a point when he makes you look at someone's face so long. This director dude probably just wants you to admire the porelessness of Nippon skin. And yes, the score - it's annoyingly like the one in that Julianne Moore movie with Ralph Fiennes, The End Of The Affair.
Reminds me of:
Friend of mine who died in a hit-and-run in Penang. I remember the stench of her body when they lifted the lid because she wasn't embalmed well. Breaks my heart. Wished these folks worked on her.
Watch out for:
The job interview. Fuckin funny.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Lovely but too damned emo. Never did like films with understated conflicts that resolve 'satisfactorily' by the end credits. Good addition to the Japanese catalogue of travellin films though.
★★★1/2

Drag Me To Hell (2009)

Alison Lohman gives her all in one of the funnest horror movies in recent times.

At a glance:
This must be the most intense supernatural horror I've seen in a Malaysian cinema since that seat creepily fell on me at GSC 1Borneo's openin in KK last year. Forget Marsha Wathanapitch and her Thai tits in Alone (2007). The closest thing to this level of intensity in recent memory must be that Brit slasher Eden Lake (2008). Story centres on a bank loan officer who refuses an old Romanian gypsy hag an extension, then fallin prey to her choice demon, a goat-like apparition called the Lamia, who takes turns with the old lady to chase her around for the whole show. It's a straightforward story, tinged with peculiar humour. Well done Sam Raimi! This is gonna give me mum at least a week of sleepless nights!

Bad news on the doorstep:
Although Alison Lohman (pic) does alright for this role, I don't think she's matured into the actress I'd fancy since I last saw her prepubescent tits in Matchstick Men (2003). Still, they hardly come any whiter. Hmm... wonder what happened to Jodhi May.
Watch out for:
The brilliant catfight scene in the car park. The outrageous coffin sequence at the wake is also memorable. CGI can be funny in spurts but most of the time effective. By the way, does anyone know the hot actress who plays the old lady's granddaughter?
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Despite the lack of any R-rated delights (unless you count the wet t-shirt in the rainy grave), this is wholesome adult entertainment you can unabashedly enjoy. Put this in the hands of the folks who made Creep Show. Wouldda been a blast. ★★★★
Bonus material:

Lorna Raver in excellent form for Drag Me To Hell (2009).

Shadows In The Palace (2007) @ 궁녀

At a glance:
Palace politics may have been sexier and more fun in Curse Of The Golden Flower or The Banquet but Shadows holds its own because of the little-known subject matter of day-to-day life within an olden Korean monarchy. What's more surprisin is that it's an outright feminist film that operates so cleverly, despite being set durin a patriarchal period in Korea's past! Director Kim Mi-jeong (unmistakably female) weaves through a story about palace deceit usin only female characters. All the men in this film are reduced to womanisin simpletons who play second fiddle to ladies who rule the Courts. Who would've thought that Kings could be so utterly useless to the goings on in their own castle? The whole shebang begins when a maid finds another dead one mornin, hangin gruesomely from her room. The imperial medic concludes that the cause of death wasn't suicide because there was minimal rope dust on her neck! Proud of her groundbreakin CSI work, she pursues the matter even more when higher Court ladies attempt to silence her discovery. Ain't long before everyone is let in on the fun, from nail torture and throne heirs to menstrual cycles and schemin concubines.
Bad news on the doorstep:
Bombed big time in Malaysia. It was such a loss that the distributor (AOE) decided to give up movies as one of its businesses and went back to concentratin on recyclin tyres or somethin. It's also said that another nine Korean movies they bought from Pusan went unreleased due to this overwhelmin miscalculation in biz.
Perennial wonderment:
Why Korean movies still suck. For every good Korean flick, there are 300 unwatchable ones. Must be the insular culture. Maybe that's why only their horrors travel.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
. Solid piece of storytellin with complementary supernatural twist even.

The Dark Knight (2008)

"Here's my card..."

At a glance:
That which does not kill you will only make you stranger. Stranger still is how Christopher Nolan managed to better the already formidable Batman Begins (2005), what with how tricky the franchise is. In the past 10 years or so, blockbuster adaptations of comic book superheroes have rarely touched the greatness, nor captured the essence, of the character at hand, perhaps with the exception of Iron Man (2008). Between Bruce Wayne and the Batman however, there's already enough character struggle to perish all thoughts of any Catwomen cleavage needed for blockbuster appeal. Rarely does an overtly mainstream picture discuss power, justice, due process and the rule of law so accessibly for the regular moviegoer. Bruce Wayne is billionaire playboy and expert criminologist at the same time - yet story is filled with legal themes, almost academic even. I ain't even at The Joker yet.
Bad news on the doorstep:

Maggie Gyllenhaal.

The pre-release sudden death of Aussie star Heath Ledger - to which Warner played a good hand with - a marketin strategy that mustn't be insensitive to the late actor. Perhaps it's fittin then that he delivered his best ever performance as the maniacal Joker, the kind of precision in actin that occurs to an actor maybe once or twice in his or her entire lifetime. Don't think it's out of order to say that Joker drew from Ledger as much as Ledger from Joker. The Chelsea grin carved across the jester's face already goes some way towards tellin the tale of an entirely believable anarchist whose twisted appetite for destruction shines brighter than all the Batman beacons Commissioner Gordon could ever assemble on Gotham's rooftops.
Perennial wonderment:

Like a mad dog.

How Christian Bale is always upstaged in all his movies, to good result. You seen Terminator Salvation (2008)?
Watch out for:

Never start with the head. The victim gets all fuzzy.

The pencil-disappearin magic trick, courtesy of The Joker. Nice.
Most memorable line:
Alfred: "Some men can't be bought, bullied, reasoned or negotiated with - they just want to watch the world burn."
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
★★★★★ Can't wait for the next instalment. Surely Two Face will have more screen time?

You wanna know how I got these scars?
My father, was a drinker, and a fiend.
And one night, he goes off crazier than usual.
Mommy gets the kitchen knife to defend herself. He doesn't like that.
Not. One. Bit. So, me watching, he takes the knife to her, laughing while he does it.
He turns to me and says, "Why so serious?" Comes at me with the knife.
"WHY SO SERIOUS?"
He sticks the blade in my mouth... "Let's put a smile on that face."
Why so serious?