April Fool's Day (1986)

At a glance:

Before there were slashers like Scream (1996), there were already plenty of other movies where a beautiful teen cast would find themselves in a murder mystery, usually in a holiday cabin of some sort - but probably none took itself less seriously than April Fool's Day (1986) did. I should imagine this was a lot of fun in the cinema with friends in those days. There's Valley Girl Deborah Foreman as a prank-lovin hostess, surrounded by colourful white friends, like Thomas F. Wilson (Biff from the Back To The Future films) as a beefy jock and Deborah Goodrich (pic) as a titless but nonetheless commandin blonde. The lot of them go about crackin sex jokes and playin practical jokes on each other throughout the whole film, strangely displayin a presence that is stronger than, say, the pretty cast of any Final Destination flick.

Bad news on the doorstep:

Perhaps one twist too many, when each seemingly horrific deed turns out to be a practical joke. This movie is also known for a very big twist endin that didn't endear itself to too many.

Reminds me of:

Friday The 13th movies, the gold standard of 80s slasher flicks it seems.

Most memorable line:

Nikki: Something about myself? I wanna work with handicapped children. My parents are my best friends. I start convent school next semester and I fuck on the first date. April Fool's!

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Appeal is probably limited since it appears rather dated to anyone who can't identify with its 80s cast. Love Jerry Whitman singin 'Too Bad You're Crazy' at the end credits, though.★★

Penance (2009) @ The Devil's Dungeon

"I'm sexy and I know it."

At a glance:

Penance (retitled from The Devil's Dungeon) is a Saw-type "found footage" sexploitation flick, where mumsy loser Amelia (Marieh Delfino, Auto Focus) moonlights as a stripper to earn some extra cash, while recordin her efforts as an audition video for a reality TV show. As luck would have it, she accepts a last-minute job when her stripper friend falls sick (Eve Mauro, The Chaos Experiment) and lands herself in a Gestapo-type institution where nutjob ex-gynae (Graham McTavish, Rambo) has been God's sinners with his own special brand of purifyin punishment.

Bad news on the doorstep:

Eve Mauro & Marieh Delfino

How come everyone has a video camera? Various shots proved fatal to movie logic, ruinin all credibility and mood. That aside, take a pick - uninspired actin, lousy lines and predictable outcomes. Even the strippers could've been used better.

Perennial wonderment:

What's the ratio of "found footage" films that did work to those that didn't? One out of 10, maybe.

Reminds me of:

The WIP (women in prison) movies of Jess Franco - but at least those always featured a new level of explicitness.

Most memorable line:

"I'm goin to remove your fun bits." Yes, we do have a nice spot of FGM here but it wasn't memorable.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

A most unsatisfyin modern addition to the WIP genre. The DVD has loads of extras, though. ★ 1/2
Trailer for the curious:

Bonus material:
Here's a strippin sequence that works as a home tutorial for you bored housewives. Other random scenes from the movie follow.

"Are you mockin my Scottish accent?"

"Aha! Here's proof that you starred in this crap movie!"

"I said, NO WEDGIES!"

"I am a sinner... I must cut off my cock and my balls."

I like to preserve things.

Post-stripper blues?

Eve Mauro takes her kit off in every movie I've seen her in.

It's true.

Stripper audition

Cease Fire (2006) @ آتش بس

At a glance:

Please pardon my ignorant Hakka ass if you find this review culturally insensitive - but I do know a thing or two about movies and this is what I believe. When I read that the director for Cease Fire (2006) @ آتش بس is Tahmineh Milāni the foremost feminist face of Iran to the Western world, I knew that the film would be difficult to watch. Jailed for her socio-political activism, I foresaw 120-odd minutes of gender politickin, thinly veiled behind a rom-com settin of urban Iran.
Bad news on the doorstep:

"If you love me, I kill you."

Never would I expect that it was much was much worse – Milani did not even achieve her ideological projection through the film, at least to this reviewer. Her idea of pairin pretty faces Mohammad Reza Golzar and Mahnaz Afshar in a mainstream release is reported to have gone down, at one point, as the best sellin movie in Iranian history, although I wouldn’t be able to verify this. What is certain though is that Cease Fire is one of the most intolerable “good” movies that I have ever come across, in the sense that it is technically sound and yet conceptually difficult to watch. Not that we could complain of not bein able to understand Farsi – the subtitles seem competent enough (although a cat-and-mouse analogy involvin the Chinese Year Of The Cat is suspect). It’s simply the sheer tedium of havin to watch a couple play out the unbelievable premise that the two are together still despite hatin each other so very, very much. For a rom-com to sustain itself, we need to root for its characters or understand the motivation behind their actions. Here we are put through endless scenes of ridiculous domestic squabbles, so much so that it stretches film logic.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

If one could bear with such reckless story-tellin, challenge yourself further by learnin how this movie’s credits mention how it is based on an Italian self-help book, “Recovery Of Your Inner Child”, and goes on the extremely literal approach of expoundin it. Sayeh and Yousef goin about cuttin up each other’s clothes and sawin off their matrimonial bed in two isn’t only outrageously childish – it represents a diversion that discredits the story. Cease Fire should be consigned to Farsi-speakin audiences who want to watch some comedy for a change. For others who do not accept that things may be lost in translation, it may go so far as to be deemed irresponsible filmmakin. One and a half stars.

Trailer for the curious:

Let The Bullets Fly (2010) @ 让子弹飞

"I'm the director of this movie and this is what I get to do, okay Carina?"

At a glance:

Dubbed by the film's director as China's answer to Hollywood's Oceans Twelve (2004), Jiang Wen's Let The Bullets Fly 让子弹飞 is an immensely rich and successful genre-bender that will go down as one of the best movies in the past 10 years to all Mandarin-speakin territories. With even Feng Xiao Gang in a cameo appearance early in the film, Jiang Wen blends art house storytellin with commercial sensibilities to deliver an entertainin period caper about three men in 1920s warrin China - Bangde Ma (Ge You), Pocky Zhang (Jiang Wen himself in an inspired performance) and Huang (Chow Yun Fatt). It's black humour with lots of old school banditry seeped in a political battle of wits.
Bad news on the doorstep:
The cast turn in a five-star performance with each actor stealin the scenes of another; it's appropriately convoluted and sharply tackled. However, most reviewers note that some of the subtleties of language are perhaps lost to all but the native Chinese. The sequences are intelligent and weighted, although some CG work comes across very cartoonish.

Reminds me of:

The last time I had so much fun watchin a Mainland movie - One Foot Off The Ground (2006).

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Four stars. Any viewer who manages to catch Let The Bullets Fly will know that the 30 over script drafts the director went over before finally bein satisfied was likely no exaggeration. With its two versions (one in Mandarin and one in Sichuanese), the film broke several box office records in Mainland China and Hong Kong, and received critical acclaim when it was released. One source has it down for a 730 million yuan (US$111.1 million) in box office, becomin the highest-grossin domestic film in China's cinematic history when it was released. Movie opens Stateside this week, almost two years since the Chinese first saw it.
Trailer for the curious:

Bonus material:

DID YOU KNOW? Chow Yun Fatt hasn't been in a Cantonese movie for 17 long years, since God Of Gambler Returns (1994), I think.