Cheeky (2000) @ Trasgredire

"I'm just like you!"

At a glance:

Yuliya Mayarchuk obliges.

One of the relatively more recent erotic comedies from softporn supremo Tinto Brass. In Cheeky (the Italian title card cleverly highlightin the tradire (to cheat) part in trasgredire (to transgress), we get a blonde with The Perfect Backside™ who leaves her boyfriend behind in Venice while she goes whorin herself all over London. By this, I mean she's a girl who has absolutely no demonstrable restraint towards every form of sexual contact. Worse, she also seems to suffer from an acute case of allergy towards textile. Ahhh... Tinto Brass. Truly he's a feminist because in all his films, female infidelity isn't only healthy but actually serves to strengthen the primary relationship! No wonder his films are important. Anti-misogyny in porno. What an idea. In this movie, the girl gets her boyfriend (Jarno Berardi) all jealous but he ends up bein turned on by it. They both love each other madly no matter who or how many they fuck. That's just great, guys.
Bad news on the doorstep:
Movies about free love (even dirty movies) are easy to watch but difficult to internalise. I mean, do you want your mum and dad to share such promiscuous notions?
Reminds me of:
Paprika - the first Tinto Brass movie I ever watched.
Watch out for:
Ukrainian beauty Yuliya Mayarchuk, now based in Italy. Deadringer for Julia Stiles, only shapelier. Here's her website, you pervos.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Three stars.

What a joy.

Hachiko: A Dog's Story (2009)

At a glance:
Shall we call this genre dog drama? I can think of plenty of similar titles of late. This one's an American reupdate on the Japanese movie Hachikô Monogatari (1987), based on real life events about an Akita whose owner died and the animal theatrically waited everyday for the next nine years at the train station for his master to return. Entrusted to the able hands of that Swede Lasse Hallström, the man behind offbeat, sensitive stuff like Chocolat (2000), The Cider House Rules (1999) and My Life As A Dog (1985), you get a winsome, heartfelt tale without too many forced soppy moments. That's where someone like Richard Gere is able to fit fine, with that unassumin face of his.
Bad news on the doorstep:
Still PG stuff for the family, in case you're lookin for somethin more directly depressin.
Perennial wonderment:
Why did Sony do a straight-to-DVD release for America? That probably made more people think it's really petty stuff meant for family viewin. It's not. I thankfully got to watch this at Filmgarde in Bugis, Singapore.
I can't remember if I cried:
I didn't cry, okay? I got street cred to maintain. What do you take me for?
Reminds me of:
Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey (1993), 10 Promises To My Dog (2008) and Muffin, the Shih Tzu we had who's now an ex-Shih Tzu. Poor Muffin.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
It's got heart and it's boosted by a great score by Jan Kaczmarek. You know I don't approve of soppy shyte so this one will hopefully surprise you. ★★★
Bonus material:

Status of Hachiko at Shibuya Station.

For further readin, see Hachiko.

Eugénie (1975, or is it 1970?)

At a glance:
There seems to be an awful lot of movies out there titled Eugénie and they all seem to be classic erotica. Even this title had two or three variants and all by that artsy sicko Jess Franco, whose oeuvre of sex movies makes him very important in world cinema (for the uninitiated). Wotta guy! The movie I'm tellin you about here is adapted from a dirty book by Marquis de Sade and it revolves around a pretty (and pretty fragile) girl who begins a sadistic, incestuous affair with her writer stepfather. Together they go on a series of graphic and elaborate thrill kills (one of the victims is future Franco starlet Alice Arno in her first role for him, I read). The conflict comes when Eugénie falls in love with the next intended victim, a musician bloke. Themes are sadomasochism, disenfranchisement and jealousy.
Bad news on the doorstep:
If you're lookin for Tinto Brass nudity, then obviously this isn't it. Franco's works often depress. I feel like I'm lost in a wonderful garden and it's gettin late. Love the colours in this film, though.
Watch out for:
Soledad Miranda (born Soledad Rendón Bueno in Seville to Portuguese parents of Roman ancestry), better known by her stage names Soledad Miranda, Susann Korda and credited here as Susan Korday, pic, brunette), often said to be Franco's greatest discovery. He put her in some cult classics such as Count Dracula and Vampyros Lesbos. In this movie, you can see her exquisite nymph of a body (if you're into that sort of thing) when she's not busy huggin her knees all the time. Fragile beauty, she. A DVD box describes her as The beguiling beauty Soledad Miranda. Phwoar. Died in car accident with her husband at the wheel 1970, aged 27. In three more weeks I'm goin to outlive her. That is if zombies don't kill me in my sleep.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
I prefer somethin more immediate. ★★1/2
The day the music died:

Soledad Rendón Bueno a.k.a. Soledad Miranda
(9 July 1943 – 18 August 1970)

Deadly Delicious (2008) @ 女人有毒 @ 双食记

The way to a man's heart is through his stomach.

At a glance:
Directorial debut of screenwriter Zhao Tian Yu, about two women, a man and how food can be an instrument of evil. Themes of infidelity and revenge. Reminds me of films like Thinner (1996), Perfume (2006) and Chocolat (2000). Decent premise, adequate suspense.
Bad news on the doorstep:
The ladies - Yu Nan (left) from Tuya's Marriage (2006) and Jiang Yi Yan, (right, Zhang Zi Yi lookalike) aren't too pretty and they sometimes look like each other. Other complaints I read concern the distant characters and inconsequential dialogue. Francis Ng did his best, I guess. But the movie really needed somethin sicker or at least some token sex scenes.
Watch out for:
Terrapin beheadin on wooden choppin board with Chinese cleaver. Always nice to see. People need to be more unflinchin. Reminds me of the poor turtle in Cannibal Holocaust (1980).
Most memorable line:
Ah I'll get back to you on this. Francis Ng orders a long list of funky gourmet shyte to impress his air-stewardess girlfriend.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Doesn't really hit the pyschological thriller high notes I'd like, though it's rather dark and sombre. At times, unanappetisingly cold, like some of the various dishes featured in the film. Better than what I'd expect from a commercial Mainland movie though.★★1/2

Weather Girl (2009)

At a glance:
Here's a synopsis: Sylvia is a Seattle morning show weather girl who learns that her boyfriend (who is the anchor of the show) has cheated on her. She freaks out on-air and is fired. Forced to move in with her little brother and to cope with being 35, single and unemployed, she begins an unlikely romance with a younger man - her brother's best friend.
Bad news on the doorstep:
It's really just an offbeat and borin comedy that doesn't work, starrin TV's Tricia O'Kelley (far right). She also produced it. Musta been a vanity project. She's not exceptionally beautiful and her role is more forgettable than last week's briyani. No sex. Nothin. Just look at the pic. Mediocrity comes in pearly white. Ugh.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Avoid this American bore. I could only do 30 minutes of it. One star.

Heiran (2009) @ فیلم حیران

Baran Kosari and Mehrdad Sedighian star in Heiran.

Wotta scene.

At a glance:
If you go out with a guy your parents don't like, you might get grounded or have your iPod taken away. In some parts of the world, you might get gunned down with a Kalashnikov. Okay, I exaggerate. Like watchin Ingmar Bergman's Summer With Monika, the throes of young love aren't for the faint hearted, not in 1953 when that movie was made and certainly not in the present day either, especially if you follow the road director-scriptwriter Shalizeh Arefpour wants to takes you. Heiran (also Heiraan) is an indie gem that got its greatest exposure yet at the 2009 Toronto International Film Festival recently, chroniclin the difficult romance between one Afghani and one Irani from different worlds.
Bad news on the doorstep:
The version playin at GSC International Screens currently is not 35mm but some DV tape. Blur and difficult to enjoy.
Perennial wonderment:

Accept me, please?

Can Iranians make a more upbeat picture? Well to be fair, unlike some of the more geocentric films that had washed up on these shores recently (namely those 10 titles that ran at the 2008 Iranian Film Fest), Heiran has the advantage of a very universal theme in teenage romance but obviously this isn't your usual Hollywood boy-meets-girl. Thrown in with an immigration angle, we have a 17-year-old village girl Mahi (Baran Kosari) meetin, romancin and then chasin after Heiran (Mehrdad Sedighian) across checkpoints all over the desert. A press release explains: "During the rule of the Taliban in Afghanistan, about three million Afghans, who were mostly illegal immigrants, entered Iran; causing numerous problems for the Iranian society to accept them."
Reminds me of:

Shalizeh Arefpour

Café Setareh, Baran and Summer With Monika.
Most memorable line:
"That's an Afghan for you - always on the run!"
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Half-useful look at a specific administrative problem in world affairs today, with some emotional hooks to keep the pace goin. Could've been an arduous movie like A Very Long Engagement if the director were French, but the "search" part of this movie isn't as long as some would want it to be. That's probably the director wantin to give more focus on the emigrant issue rather than a specific human story. Anyway, here's what Shalizeh Arefpour wanted you to know (in a statement from her): "The thing which can turn an emigrant to a resident, a resident to a dweller and a dweller to an owner is love. I tried to depict the issue of Afghan immigrants whose rights are being trampled along with the rights of my countrywomen."★★★
Bonus material:
I have plenty of hi-res movie stills for you.

Baran Kosari and Farhad Aslani.

The Imaginarium Of Doctor Parnassus (2009)

"I am to die and Johnny Depp, Colin Firth and Jude Law are to take my place.
Haha. Must be a joke."

At a glance:
What a mouthful. The unquiet mind of Monty Python's Terry Gilliam has done it again. While Imaginarium is definitely more accessible than his Piano Tuner Of Earthquakes in 2005 (an impossible movie for most to understand, though it is rather beautiful), the project lacks the energy of his other works like Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas (1998) and will go down in the books mostly for being Heath Ledger's last appearance on the big screen. Not that it's not worth a watch. If anythin, the unfortunate death of Aussie star Heath Ledger (pic) this time last year has improved the movie, as the good director has been tellin the press that "the movie made itself" when initially he thought it was good as dead. Recruitin only friends of Ledger (Johnny Depp, Colin Firth and Jude Law, as adjudicated by Gilliam) to shoot the bits that he didn't get to complete, you know this movie wasn't easy to make, especially when you read that Depp had to cram all his scenes into just one day due to his attachment to Public Enemies (2009) at the time.

Verne Troyer

Perennial wonderment:
There are reports that Ledger was monkeyin about in a scene and the director said to him: "I know what you're doin... you're doin Johnny Depp!" How strange it must have felt for Depp when he learned this. The two do have similar qualities, don't they?
I can't remember if I cried:
When Ledger's character changes face for the first time, to Depp's. The character is Tony, a mysterious drifter who joins a nomadic theatre troupe led by the titular doctor (octogenarian Christopher Plummer, still recognisable as the captain in Sound Of Music). The old man is like an immortal eastern mystic and we learn he has made a deal with the devil (singer-songwriter Tom Waits) so together with dwarf assistant (Verne Troyer, who else?), illusionist Anton (Andrew Garfield, Boy A) and beautiful daughter Valentina (busty model Lily Cole), they must work to reverse a certain arrangement.

God knows what's goin on here.

Most memorable line:
Maybe this was the problem. I don't remember any lines. Just a lot of talkin.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Like all of Gilliam's works, The Imaginarium Of Doctor Parnassus is impressive with a chance of engrossin, but operates at a wavelength beyond those whose appreciation for fantasy don't fall too far from, say Lord Of The Rings. Watchin Gilliam is like watchin Lynch and Burton at the same time. Well, at least we can respect old hand Gilliam for stickin to his integrity. After all, he did reportedly snub Tom Cruise when approached for one of the three replacement roles.★★ 1/2

The Treasure Hunter (2009) @ 刺陵

At a glance:
Kevin Chu's Treasure Hunter is basically how The Mummy gets an Asian treatment as Taiwanese tomb raiders go to Mainland China and frolic about in the deep desert to cook up some Indiana Jones adventure. To drive the picture, the Kung Fu Dunk director re-teams with regional pop prince Jay Chou and ropes in supermodel-turned-actress Lin Chi Ling, who finds time among boutique launches to star in another big picture after debutin in John Woo's Red Cliff.
Bad news on the doorstep:
I fell asleep watchin this. At least two abang photographer were snorin loudly at the Malaysian press preview. Can't decide if Storm Warriors is worse.
Perennial wonderment:
Poor Jay Chou. Fans mother him and keep him protected; his crossover pet project as a big screen actor has not been easy, considerin most older audiences won't give him the time of day. Since his relatively successful turn in Secret, the talented musician can't get any respect for starrin in Kung Fu Dunk and nobody likes the fact that he's Kato in the upcomin Green Hornet either instead of Stephen Chow. Media spotlight is heavy on a such a marketable star and many say the man (with a facial expressions range that is notoriously limited) ought to stick to what he knows best. Perhaps it's then a case of low expectations because Mr. Chou does manage to do better this time around. He has at least added one more broodin angle to his repertoire of looks as a devil-may-care, bike-ridin cowboy drifter who's also the guardian of an ancient city. Sadly, this movie is simply too derivative to be interestin.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?Perhaps in territories like China where the influx of Hollywood movies are capped and governed by law, everyone will think that Jay Chou crackin a whip is the birth of a new hero icon. The rest are probably just happy that he didn't spot a fedora. One and a half stars.

Deadly Blessing (1981)

Maren Jensen, Sharon Stone and Susan Buckner in Deadly Blessing (1981).

At a glance:
First film in which Sharon Stone (pic, centre) spoke. Deadly Blessing is Wes Craven's third title that contains many of the elements that would've made it a great 80s horror flick if not for a mind-bogglin endin that many didn't like. Also contains the only nude scene Battlestar Galactica siren Maren Jensen (pic, left) ever made, apparently. The other historically significant thing about this movie is that Ernest Borgnine (old guy with a 50-year career) won Worst Supporting Actor at the 1982 Razzies. What's it about? Three chicks facin the Amish-like, ancient Anatolian community called the Hittites (who didn't get good tourism cred in this movie, that's for sure).
Bad news on the doorstep:
Couldda had more substance about the Hittites, instead of the usual "no technology allowed" refrain. Story is very ordinary although it has the right feel.
Reminds me of:

Ernest Borgnine

The Children Of The Corn (1984)
Watch out for:
Snake in bath tub scene with Maren Jensen.
Most memorable line:
Vicky Anderson: "So who are these Hittites anyway, Amish, or what?"
Lana Marcus: "No connection. According to Martha, the Hittites make the Amish look like swingers."
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
A curio with a place in horror collections. Good James Horner score, too.★★ 

Santau (2009)

At a glance:
David Teo wanted RM 10 mil but a crowded release schedule won't have it. I think collection's close to 4 now. However the main point is that after 33 previous films, looks like local prolific powerhouse Metrowealth Movies Production (more often credited as Metrowealth International Group, MIG) finally got it right. With the release of Santau, Malaysian cinema can finally boast of a projected box office shockbuster that is solid as it is sound, and one that can travel regionally as a credible and entertainin supernatural horror flick, immediately betterin those pocong and kuntilanak efforts that pour in all too easily to these shores. Like watchin a movie adapted from a Stephen King book, Santau combines Malay occult practice with a tight story, decent editin, convincin traditional FX and an able lineup to offer a complete movie experience that was frankly woefully missin in part or in whole from previous MIG movies e.g. Jangan Pandang Belakang and Congkak. This time around, sudden loud noises, constant shriekin and overdone look-behind-you shots take a backseat to proper character development and scene resolution as we follow a married couple and their daughter who are all hexed by an unknown enemy.

Bad news on the doorstep:
There's the possibility that I'm endorsin this only because I'm happy it exceeded my expectations. You might still find it generic shyte.
Perennial wonderment:
If Malaysia will ever see a nude possession scene in a local film. All these clothes are a real nuisance to the occult feel.
Watch out for:

Maggots for Putri Mardiana?
All in a day's work.

Putri Mardiana havin a Maggot & Rotten Egg happy meal! This newcomer may have a slightly limited range of emotions but her elaborate possession scenes make her an actress to look out for in upcomin projects. Her nervous housewife character Nina is the chief accursed and she's well supported by Esma Danial as the desperate husband Halim, while young Farisha Fatin gets an introduction as their confused child. At any point if the inconsistent performances by these actors threaten to show, all is well covered by a progressive story with complementin camerawork and some truly macabre makeup and special effects. Riezman Khuzaimi, Zul Handy Black and Bob Lokman also star in supportin roles. However, perhaps greenhorn director Azhari Zain and his immediate crew who are to be lauded for this wonderfully scripted effort.
Most memorable line:
Ustaz: "Apa agama engkau?"
Nina: "Majusi"
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?Complete with customary twist and an extended climax overkill in exorcism ritual (not to mention without the token romantic subplots and other useless cinegredients that plague local horrors), Santau is chillingly effective like a local Drag Me To Hell and isn't too far off from bein the best thing Malaysia can yet hold up to classics like Exorcist and Poltergeist. Intense hair-raiser that could be remade with more violent, bitter black glory. Four stars.