Sayang Wayang

The Bodyguard (1992)

2012-02-11T20:21:00.000-08:00

I wanna dance with somebody. I wanna feel the heat with somebody.

At a glance:

One of the highest grossin films of all time in its day, The Bodyguard (1992) is a TV rerun staple that has come to serve as a grim reminder of how sweet Whitney Houston's voice once was, before all that coke, alcohol and Bobby Brown beatings took its toll. Despite gettin a Razzie nomination for her role here as popstar Rachel Marron, one should realise that the mezzo-soprano essentially played herself and this was a suitable, non-offensive part to play for what was to be her film debut. Movie is an R-rated adult thriller about a singer gettin stalked by an unknown person while Kevin Costner plays a bodyguard that closes in on the case.

Bad news on the doorstep:
The uncomfortable (and unconvincin) chemistry between the lead pair is actually part of the story line but I guess even that defence gets blown to bits when they put in all the anthems that mark a romance of the ages e.g. I Have Nothing, Run To You and of course, the definitive I Will Always Love You. The Bodyguard (1992) was never goin to be anywhere as good as the soundtrack CDs it would sell - but it was an iconic look into the campy 90s.

Perennial wonderment:

If Whitney would do it all over again.

Reminds me of:

The prospect of havin sex with a black woman.

I can't remember if I cried:

When we heard that Whitney has passed away at the Beverly Hilton Hotel on 11 February 2011. Cause of death unpublished at the time of writin.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Two and a half stars, for its strange endurance. Glitzy. Houston's last screen appearance will be alongside American Idol winner Jordin Sparks in Sony Pic's Sparkle (releasin Stateside August), a remake of the 1976 movie loosely based on the careers of The Supremes. Guess you can catch her in that.
Bonus material:

Jordin Sparks & Whitney Houston in Sparkle (2012).

The day the music died:

R.I.P. Whitney Houston (1963-2002)

Prowl (2010)

2012-02-10T11:49:00.000-08:00

"Hi. My friend over here would like the exfoliation package."

At a glance:

After Dark Films' horror project Prowl (2010) recalls contemporaries like 30 Days Of Night (2007) in terms of how the vampires all have black irises and have the ability to pounce from great distances. Courtney Hope (pic, right) plays a small town loser desperately tryin to move out to Chicago but stumbles upon some supernatural company together with her loser friends when they decide to travel with some unidentified goods at the back of a truck.

Bad news on the doorstep:

The movie gives us some semblance of a reason to invest in the protagonist through some backstory but otherwise offers nothin new other than a flimsy twist for a climax. Courtney Hope, despite lookin a little like now-retired pornstar Courtney Simpson, disappointingly keeps her kit on the entire show. She gives it her all but the movie collapses anyway.

Perennial wonderment:

If vampires can orgasm.

Reminds me of:

28 Days Later (2002) and 30 Days Of Night (2007).

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Two stars, thanks to a decent music score. Very little goin for it. Should've expanded on the vampire matriarch played by Saxon Trainor (pic).
Trailer for the curious:

Bonus material:

Prowl (2010) stars actors I've never heard of like Perdita Weeks, Courtney Hope, Ruta Gedmintas, Joshua Bowman and Jamie Blackley.

Safe House (2012)

2012-02-09T10:43:00.000-08:00

This brief exchange between Ryan Reynolds and the delectable but wasted Nora Arnezeder remains the most interestin bit from the whole film.

At a glance:

You saw the trailer and thought this was Training Day (2001) in a room, except with Denzel Washington standin over Ryan Reynolds instead of Ethan Hawke. You expected menacin charm from Denzel and you wanted boyish nervousness from Ryan, punctuated by high speed car chases and some government suits with fancy secret agent talk and cool weapons.

Bad news on the doorstep:

Barely two elements of originality to rub together (so that's probably why Ryan Reynolds and Nora Arnezeder had to rub on each other), in yet another overeager action-thriller retread. Not a surprise considerin it's written by a former US Weekly editor who obviously watches too many movies. David Guggenheim apparently managed to quit his job after successfully pitchin Safe House to Universal, says the official website. Let's hope for better stuff in his already sold projects - 364, Stolen, Narco Sub and Puzzle Palace. Meanwhile, two wasted token performances are turned in by the milfy Vera Farmiga (Up In The Air, 2009) and the adorable Nora Arnezeder (Paris 36 @ Faubourg 36, 2008). The story? Oh I don't know, it might as well have been The Viral Factor (2012) for all I care. Denzel and Ryan might have kicked, jumped and drove one another across Langa (Cape Town's oldest township) but they carried and limped with this movie to the finish line. Simply too frenzied and ultimately shortchanged us for investin in their characters.

Perennial wonderment:

[Spoiler ahead] Nobody dies like Denzel. He's got the best die in the business! All that mucous and choke. When it's our time, we should all go out like Denzel in the movies - bloodsoaked with grime (cigarette optional) and coughin over some badass line about somethin terribly inconsequential yet beautiful about life. He's so cool that we forgive him for playin a villain with such a silly name in this movie - Tobin Frost.

Reminds me of:

A thousand other action-thrillers before it.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Two stars. Enormous presence from Washington and a more interestin turn from Reynolds for once but that's about it. Okay, some decent brawlin. Otherwise, skip it because the best parts are already in the trailer.
Trailer for the curious:

Snowtown (2011)

2012-02-08T00:01:00.000-08:00

All faggots die cruel deaths because God doesn't like faggots, except maybe Freddie Mercury and Elton John.

At a glance:

Gays, suspected gays, paedophiles, suspected paedophiles and the difference between them all - John Justin Bunting, convicted serial killer with 11 poor souls under his belt (a twelfth couldn't be proved), now correspondingly servin 11 life sentences without the possibility for parole. There's a lot of drug addicts, cross-dressers, incestuous wastrels and morbidly obese foul-mouthed people, too. This powerful Australian movie is a dramatic account of what is referred to as the Snowtown murders, told through the eyes of James Vlassakis, a young man who was apparently slowly drawn into the killings but later turned witness for the prosecution. This movie was released only after a judge lifted the remainin suppression orders that kept the case details confidential. It's got some seriously nauseatin scenes of bizarre, extreme and unnecessary violence, which include choppin up dead kangaroos (unsimulated).

Bad news on the doorstep:

Two whole hours of mostly mood might be a big ask for some people. I actually went a full half hour thinkin this is a movie about the depressed Aussie underclass and what they have for breakfast. And why is there so much smokin in this movie? There seems to be an embarrassment of cigarette shots even. No wonder one of the characters died of cancer in real life.

Perennial wonderment:

How the hell did the main guy cry so well? That's some seriously committed mucous right there. This Lucas Pittaway bloke is really somethin and so is the debutin director, Justin Kurzel.

Reminds me of:

The white underclass I used to hang out with. Didn't meet any serial killers, though.

Most memorable line:

"Do you like bein' fucked? Do you like bein' fucked? So why not do somethin' about it? 'Cause all I ever see you do is sook, mate. No? What didjah do about Jeffrey? Fuckin' nothin'. You see me and Robert mopin' about? Hmm? No you don't because you do that they fuck you forever. You don't want that, do you? When are you gonna grow some balls, mate?"

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Three and a half stars for a painstakin watch whose methodology itself was a payoff. You gotta give it some time. Study the relationships and the landscape. O sweet terror.

Trailer for the curious:

Bonus material:

Here's a photo of the real John Bunting. When he was young, his favourite pastime was apparently burnin insects in acid.

Man On A Ledge (2012)

2012-02-07T03:06:00.001-08:00

"Hi. I'm Genesis Rodriguez. This movie is so rubbish, they're gonna market it by findin a suitable scene to display by pinkest bits to you."

At a glance:

Self-explanatory heist thriller that unconvincingly stretches its four-word premise into 102 minutes of celluloid, written by the ghostwriter behind O.J. Simpson's book. Sam Worthington is the uncomfortable male lead, playin the titular role with a really lousy accent.

Bad news on the doorstep:

You might wanna jump off that ledge havin sat through the movie. Dodgy character arcs, weak dialogue, uninspired miscast actors and a story riddled with preposterous plot-holes left, right, centre. The romantic subplot between Jamie Bell (Adventures Of Tintin, 2011) and Genesis Rodriguez (TV's Entourage) is annoyingly unhelpful and in the case of the latter, particularly distractin to the proceedings, as she prances about with the best angle of her cleavage in full view all the time. Anthony Mackie and Edward Burns are in the wrong movie. The movie starts collapsin as soon as the premise is set and surprisingly makes no apologies endin on an over-simplistic note, devoid of credible resolution and even token emotional payoff. Lazy storytellin!

Perennial wonderment:

How come Sam Worthlesston continues to be in big movies, one after another. He's very uneventful and doesn't have the charisma to do strong and silent like say, Jason Statham. The Aussie plays the same stoic fuck in every movie - Clash Of The Titans (2010), Avatar (2009) and Terminator Salvation (2009. The only time I saw him do slightly better was in Texas Killing Fields (2011) - a horrible mess of a movie, and an Australian movie called Somersault (2004).

Reminds me of:

Phone Booth (2002) and The Negotiator (1998) but those were good movies.

I can't remember if I cried:

When Ed Harris appears. He plays an unscrupulous businessman in the movie but really looks haggard. He actually looks worse than he did in character as a patient dyin from AIDS in The Hours (2002).

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Two stars, one each for Genesis Rodriguez' breasts - the most memorable aspect of this completely unnecessary movie. Avoid.
Trailer for the curious:

Bonus material:
Jamie Bell and Genesis Rodriguez bein interviewed. How insubstantial can these two get? Jeez.

The Butcher (1970) @ Le Boucher

2012-02-06T20:25:00.000-08:00

"Hi. Fancy a foot-long?"

At a glance:

This 1970 Claude Chabrol effort is quietly delightful. I've only seen one other film of his - L'Enfer (1994) - and if these two are anythin to go by, this director to me dwells a lot on implied terror and personal relationships. It reminds me distinctly of Hitchcock in that sense because there is no straightforward throat-slashin nor heart-stoppin action sequences but more conceptual suspense. Like in Rope (1948), we wonder throughout the film if the corpse was even in the case while all the elaborate conversation surrounds it. The movie also reminds me of the original The Haunting (1963) in terms of texture and camerawork -it's always quiet and sometimes even sleepy but yet somehow chillin. Popaul (Jean Yanne), the titular character, works in a small French town by the countryside and meets local primary school headmistress Helene (Stéphane Audran) at a weddin. The pair become fast friends and their relationship begin to gather pace but always we see an air of uneasiness about them still. Casting further doubt on their progress are a series of murders taking place in the village with no identifiable suspects. Helene gets suspicious about Popaul but we are unsure of whether or not Popaul is indeed the wanted culprit.

Bad news on the doorstep:

As with all psychological thrillers, the ending may not always be satisfyin to the average thriller fan who expects some shockin twist or some profound message from it. To risk comparin Chabrol to Hitchcock again, I must say that there is no humour nor lightness to the film other that the sublime rural imagery. It is very much a film about two people, their interaction and the events surrounding them which might or might not change their relationship. The suspense lies not so much in what happens but rather how it happens.

Perennial wonderment:

If I wouldda made a better butcher than a writer.

Most memorable line:

If you never make love, you go crazy.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Three and half stars. I recommend this little flick to viewers who would enjoy psychological thrillers made in the same vein as The Lady Vanishes (1938), Les Diaboliques (1955) and Rosemary's Baby (1968). Good music, too.

King Of The Ants (2003)

2012-02-05T22:47:00.000-08:00

At a glance:
Charlie Higson takes his own 1992 novel of the same name and writes a screenplay for Stuart Gordon (Re-Animator, 1985) to direct. It's a grim crime fable that has its moments but I'll be the first to admit that I watched it just because it was listed under Kari Wührer's CV. She plays the sultry widow of a businessman murdered by a clumsy drifter (Chris McKenna, pic) but things go from bad to worse in a strange case of unattainable redemption.
Bad news on the doorstep:
It's not very happenin. Like a telemovie.
Perennial wonderment:
This was one of Kari Wührer's first few movies after havin her breast implants removed due to her body rejectin the silicones (I think they call it encapsulation).Why do women go under the knife with such real odds of fuckup is beyond me.
Reminds me of:
The time I first laid eyes on Kari Wührer in Poison: Thy Neighbor's Wife (2001). Also, this Daniel Baldwin really looks too much like his brother Alec in The Cooler (2003). Same voice, same mole, same sadistic character, even.
I can't remember if I cried:
When our drifter gets tortured by a gold club for days in a bid to turn him into a vegetable. Thugs cut up some carpet and wrap his head with it to cushion the blows so as not to kill him.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
I'll give it a solid three stars due to the grotesque humour to the proceedings.
Trailer for the curious:

Bonus material:

This is how Kari looks like after she had her monster tits removed.
[click to enlarge] This is a dream sequence from the movie.

X: Night Of Vengeance (2011)

2012-02-05T01:16:00.000-08:00

Hanna Mangan-Lawrence plays Shay, a teen runaway whore who looks pretty nice in a denim skirt while givin out handjobs on the highway.

At a glance:

Aussie erotic thriller about two whores - Holly (Viva Bianca), the retirin high-class escort who fucks for exhibitions in front of dirty old ladies - and Shay (Hanna Mangan-Lawrence, pic), a pokai teen runaway on her first night who's just gettin the hang of givin handjobs to dirty old men for a McDonald's Value Meal. As usual, a strange twist of fate bla bla bla one fateful night bla bla bla that may change their lives forever.

Bad news on the doorstep:

For a movie that went as far as to shoot on the very mottled mattresses where actual King's Cross whores have fucked (video interviews on its blog and official site), John Hevitt's X: Night Of Vengeance is a pretty borin DVD movie despite all the projected sex and allure. If X is supposed to depict the notoriety of Sydney's infamous red light district, then I guess we're all better off wankin at home to weight-loss infomercials.

Perennial wonderment:

Leather, latex or lace? I could never decide.

Reminds me of:

Kristin Kreuk. The rookie whore played by Hanna Mangan-Lawrence reminds me of Kristin Kreuk. The other actress, Viva Bianca, is quite the milf as well. Both put in a committed effort but get drowned in the meanderin narrative. Desperately could do with more sex and more guns - and less talk. Nobody likes a whore who talks too much. Come on, everyone knows that.

Watch out for:

Billie Rose Prichard and Rowan Witt in a junkie scene involvin intravenous drugs. Yeah.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Determined but pointless and forgettable. One and a half stars. The half is for the excellent poster visual.

Trailer for the curious:

Bonus material:

X: Night Of Vengeance (2011) sure has a great poster.

Long Arm Of The Law (1984) @ 省港旗兵

2012-02-04T08:47:00.000-08:00

At a glance:

An obviously dated but important Chinese film that predates all the John Woo gun movies from Hong Kong that we celebrate. Director Johnny Mak Tong Hung gets some cold-blooded actin out of exploitation flick staple Lam Wai (pic) in a movie where everyone's a bad guy. It's about how a bunch of Mainland ex-soldiers travel to Hong Kong hopin to pull off some heists and make the kind of money that they can never make in 100 years workin in China (referenced in the film). Hooray for Capitalism. Hooray for exploitation cinema.

Bad news on the doorstep:

Might be difficult to find this film in its entirety (not those episodic YouTube uploads). Might be more difficult to find out why it's good cinema if you're just a regular movie buff. This was one of the earliest films for villainous actors like Chan Ging and Shum Wai.

Watch out for:

A climactic gunfight through the mazy, squalid squatters in lawless Kowloon Walled City. Fuicho. Some really OTT executions, too.

Most memorable line:

I am a Mainland boy. I don't know my ABCDs. I do things without any love or interest. Don't try to be funny with me. What are you, whore? You're a rotten tomato. You're a chicken biscuit. Now, strip!

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Three stars for an eye-openin crime flick about how it used to be durin the days of givin your brother a Dupont lighter to show him how you've made it big. Long Arm Of The Law (1984) was ranked #6 on the list of Best 100 Chinese Motion Pictures durin the 24th Hong Kong Film Awards ceremony on 27 March 2005.
Trailer for the curious:

Seconds Apart (2011)

2012-02-03T00:00:00.000-08:00

At a glance:

Entin brothers Gary and Edmund star as the criminally telekinetic Trimble twins, Seth and Jonah. They go about killin people, often with videocam backup. As usual, a horny prepubescent transfer student (Samantha Droke) enters the equation and the brothers are bein torn apart, while a nosy cop (Orlando Jones) closes in on them.
Bad news on the doorstep:
This After Dark product has its moments but lacks real macabre and originality after a good setup. Despite a strong start featurin teenagers playin Russian roulette, it regrettably loses the audience midway with too many borrowed ideas and unnecessary backstory.

Perennial wonderment:

Do twins really have super powers?

Reminds me of:

Critics compare this to Cronenberg's Dead Ringers (1988) but I ain't seen that one.

Most memorable line:

There was some indication of unexpected humour and depth in the writin but ultimately the movie let itself sink into oblivion by the third act, when you start to get hungry and think of instant noodles instead.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

One and a half. Strong visuals and a great poster do not a good movie make. Sigh.
Trailer for the curious:

Sympathy For Delicious (2010)

2012-02-02T22:36:00.000-08:00

"Just because I can't get up doesn't mean I can't get it up."

At a glance:

Every bit as uneasy and awkward as its ridiculously unmarketable title, Sympathy For Delicious stars Christopher Thornton (pic), a real-life paraplegic and friend of actor Mark Ruffalo, who is on his directorial debut here. This Thornton guy plays a bitter and invalid turntablist named DJ Delicious D who discovers he has the intermittent power to heal the sick and infirmed - a power that is somehow useless against his own affliction. People who try to turn him into a cash cow include a conflicted Catholic priest (Mark Ruffalo), an underground English rock star (Orlando Bloom) and an opportunistic band manager (Laura Linney), while Delicious D's junkie friend (Juliette Lewis) tries to help him make sense of things. Sounds quite watchable, doesn't it?

Bad news on the doorstep:

Like an urban fable gone wrong, I believe Sympathy For Delicious is a deeply personal project that deserves respect and acknowledgement but was probably made into the wrong kind of movie. It has a great cast and a strong start but is chiefly too incoherent, protracted and bizarre an indie to make heads and tails of. Despite winnin an award or two at Sundance, there are some pretty nasty reviews out there.

Perennial wonderment:

Has Laura Linney ever played an exceedingly sexual role? I'd really like to see more of her.

Reminds me of:

Evangelicals. Ugh.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

I like the production design and the camerawork but I think Christopher Thornton's actin tends to alienate the audience and frankly there's no real incentive to root for him. Two stars. Visit official site for more info.
Trailer for the curious:

The Grey (2012)

2012-02-01T23:37:00.000-08:00

At a glance:

We all thought it was Taken (2008) with wolves, didn't we? Based on the short story Ghost Walker by Ian Mackenzie Jeffers, The Grey (2012) is Joe Carnahan's supposed January lame duck which turned out victorious at the North American box office, deliverin its upstart distributor Open Road Films a first No.1, while in Malaysia our friends at Rainfilm (formerly Platinum Pictures) can only hope to emulate its success. We can at least be surprised at the cool alternative poster they put up at GSC Tropicana City, though other distributors should complain about how they managed some extended shows despite only sneakin, especially a Wednesday 9pm show on the eve of its general release. The film is pretty straightforward - veteran badass Liam Neeson (pic) leads a team of stranded oil rig men against some unseen wolves (animatronic puppets, live trained animals & CGI cover-ups) when their plane crashes into the middle of the cold nowhere.

Bad news on the doorstep:

It's not really an action movie but rather an adventure thriller and survival drama like The Edge (1997), though not as satisfyin. Also, it was quite the mindfuck because [spoiler to follow] the audience is on trial - if you left before the coda after the end credits, you see a different endin - and it's almost as if the film's intention is to match you with the kind of endin you deserve to see!

Reminds me of:

Alive (1993), that movie about the Uruguayan rugby team that were stranded in the Andes and had to eat each other's butts to survive. Also, the recurrent flashbacks of a woman in the film reminds me of the real life demise of Natasha Richardson, the actress wife Neeson lost to a skiiin accident.

I can't remember if I cried:

When I read about how an overzealous fan tattooed the poem from the movie onto his arm and sent it to the movie's Facebook fan page here.

Most memorable line:

The poem, of course. It reads: Once more into the fray. Into the last good fight I'll ever know. Live and die on this day. Live and die on this day.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Three stars for not resortin to Twilight-type wolves and keepin the animals comfortably hidden. On a side note, there is a level of artistry in its despondent narrative. Still, I bet audiences think this movie talks too much. Can't decide how much was censored because of its choppy editin.

Trailer for the curious:

Bonus:

Here's a pic of the Malaysian poster visual bein displayed at Cathay Damansara in Malaysia, courtesy of me mate Adam. My wife thought it was gonna be a werewolf movie like Twilight.

The Help (2011)

2012-01-30T04:02:00.000-08:00

At a glance:

You is kind, you is smart and you is the fool who watched this craptacular con job on the back of its Oscars hype. If you're the type of tosser who thinks Slumdog Millionaire (2008) and Precious: Based On The Novel Push By Sapphire (2009) are wonderful eye-openin films, chances are you'll have heaps of praises for The Help (2011), yet another glossy melodrama that White America Hollywood endorses to feel better about itself, just like The Blind Side (2009). Do not be part of this cocksuckin collective. Give "magical negro" a Google today. This movie is about helpless black people who are empowered by white people - that's why they're tellin you it's the dog's bollocks.

Bad news on the doorstep:

Film director Tate Taylor's The Help (2011) isn't based on a true story and the neither is the eponymous 2009 Kathryn Stockett novel it's based on, although some maid tried to sue her for it. Both Taylor and Stockett are actually childhood friends - coprophiliacs, if bizarre plot elements are anythin to go by. Both book and movie are objectionable materials with outrageous or extraneous characters that trivialise race relations and human dignity. Make no mistake, it is fiction. Story is about a well-meanin white journo (Emma Stone) who published tell-all stories from maligned African-American home servants (hence the title) in 60s Jackson, Mississippi. It's the kind of prepackaged socio-political content that drags you through deplorable aspects of the human condition and then leave you with absolutely no room to draw your own conclusions. If not because of the admittedly all-round solid performances (especially Octavia Spencer, pic, from TV's Ugly Betty, playin a motor-mouthed maid), this movie wouldn't get half the attention it's been gettin.
Perennial wonderment:
Jessica Chastain (pic) reportedly put on 15 pounds for her role as ditzy, alabaster housewife Celia Foote, thanks to soymilk and ice-cream. How did it all go to just her boobs? It was apparently upped two cup sizes if you saw her in that red dress, unrecognisable from the girl we saw in The Debt (2010).

Reminds me of:

Stephen King horror movie Thinner (1996), the last time so much fuss is kicked up over a piece of pie.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Overrated, overlong, overdone. If it were more like Forrest Gump (1994) and didn't take itself so seriously, then perhaps not many would've opposed it so badly. Reverse racism is so borin. Go and fry yourself some chicken instead to feel better about life.

The Loved Ones (2009)

2012-01-29T21:49:00.000-08:00

At a glance:

A memorably graphic Aussie flick shot entirely in Victoria, Melbourne, about the horrors of turnin down the wrong girl for a prom date. Underpinned by strong themes of guilt and loss, the film title is significant but I won't ruin it for you. Do watch before meals. Hooray for depravity and brokenness. Hooray for FUBAR families.

Bad news on the doorstep:

Written and directed by a tryin filmmaker named Sean Bryne, the film does start slow and you iPhone punks might not have the patience to last out till the rewardin climax. You'll just have to take my word for it that it's not your average drill (lame pun intended).

Perennial wonderment:

Who is this Robin McLeavy? She plays Lola The Princess, the jilted prom date. Sure gave Kathy Bates a run for her money. Completely owned the movie and acted everyone out of sight. And who is this Jesse McNamee? What a body. She's in The Vow (2012) next, so let's see what she does in that.

Reminds me of:

Misery (1990) and Carrie (1976).

Most memorable line:

"You've got 10 seconds to go or Daddy's gonna nail it to the chair."

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Four stars. Compact, effective, old-fashioned violent goodness.You'll learn to have more respect for that Bosch power drill lyin in your toolbox from now on. P/S Do resist clickin on the trailer below if you want a more chillin first view.
Trailer for the curious:

The Viral Factor (2012) @ 逆战

2012-01-27T18:05:00.000-08:00

How come Liu Kai Chi always plays a crippled loser?

At a glance:

Dante Lam continues to make ambitious but underwhelmin movies while cuttin corners and keepin the Chinese action-junkies placated for the Dragon New Year. Hazmat hocus-pocus, RNA mumbo-jumbo, Nicholas Tse jumpin off KTM buildin, Jay Chou dodgin RPGs in Jordan, joke policemen runnin around KL Sentral speakin textbook full Malay with Chinese accents, CGI explosions whenever possible, emo downtime whenever possible, everyone speakin to each other in five different languages. Yeah, that sorta thing.

Bad news on the doorstep:

All of the above. And oh, Jay Chou's two-tone face of stone.

Perennial wonderment:

How many movies have you seen Liu Kai Chi play a crippled loser? And oh, how many of you know about Carl Ng, the Eurasian model-actor who has appeared in so many different kinds of Hollywood, European and Hong Kong films throughout his colourful career?

Reminds me of:

Jackie Chan and Michelle Yeoh doin that helicopter and bike scene in KL for Police Story 3: Supercop (1992).

I can't remember if I cried:

When I giggled too hard as me mate Bob asked me in the cinema, how does a curly long blonde Nicholas Tse sneak in and out of so many police stations in KL unnoticed, wearin a fluorescent Hawaiian shirt?

Most memorable line:

Chopper 1, please follow Chopper 2 and Chopper 3 because we have lost contact with Chopper 4. Or somethin like that. Hilarious. The height of Malaysian police tactical radio communication.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Two stars, one for each hour of toilin. US$ 17mil of Albert Yeung money flushed down the annals of meaningful cinema. Jackie Chan, please come back. Dante Lam, please revisit Beast Stalker (2008) and Stool Pigeon (2010).

Trailer for the curious:

Reykjavík-Rotterdam (2008)

2012-01-26T08:55:00.000-08:00

At a glance:

You'd probably never come across this one, unless you were seekin it out. Reykjavík-Rotterdam (2008) is the original movie that spawned that Hollywood remake starrin Mark Wahlberg, Contraband (2012). It's apparently the largest movie that was ever done in Iceland and stars a who's who of Iceland's finest, if only we bloody knew who those are. What we do know is that Baltasar Kormákur, the main actor in this movie, later returned as director for the Hollywood flick. The title basically refers to the plot - a smugglin run between two ports.

Bad news on the doorstep:
Dammit I ain't seen me an Icelandic film for more than 10 years since 101 Reykjavík (2000) and this turned out pretty forgettable. Cineastes who seek out Óskar Jónasson's original hopin to catch a superior film will end up fairly disappointed - it's simpler, shorter and not much more fun. Mark Wahlberg had to drag himself through psychotic criminals and killer high seas for more than two hours but Baltasar Kormákur wraps it all up under 88 minutes. Make no mistake, it's definitely a remake - but it is unclear if one was expanded from the other or if deleted elements from the original were simply restored in the remake. The main difference is that Reykjavík-Rotterdam is about smugglin alcohol and Contraband goes for funny money. However, everythin else is similar, down to Kate Beckinsale's anonymous blonde role bein copied from Lilja Nótt Þórarinsdóttir's uneventful turn.
Perennial wonderment:
If Contraband was gonna be rated R anyway, why not throw in some titties? This Icelandic flick has got some trademark dry Scandinavian humour but sorely needed some grunge and spunk.
Reminds me of:
Leadin man Baltasar Kormákur (pic) reminds me of Bollywood badboy Emraan Hashmi.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Two and half. They sent it as Iceland's Oscars 2010 submission for Best Foreign Language Pic anyway.

Trailer for the curious:

Auto Focus (2002)

2012-01-19T02:02:00.000-08:00

At a glance:

Memorable improvised biopic about sex addict TV actor Bob Crane, star of the American 60s hit comedy series Hogan's Heroes. Movie starts off cheerfully enough with Bob (played by Greg Kinnear) leadin a healthy, successful life then he met and made friends with a video technician (Willem Dafoe) who would form a sexploitative relationship with him as they became obsessed with filmin themselves boinkin women and keepin records of their conquests.

Bad news on the doorstep:

Some will say it's offbeat, uninspirin and trivial. It can be rather depressin due to the gloomy texture of the film in the last act or so and I wouldn't recommend it to viewers lookin for a feel-good film. This is a film about a man who destroyed himself and did not have the chance for redemption.

Perennial wonderment:

Why has Greg Kinnear never gone to the next level of Hollywood stardom? I've always felt that Greg Kinnear is an under-rated actor who really deserves more roles in Hollywood A-List movies. He has an amazin intensity to him which permeates and ebbs well with the flow of this film. His portrayal of Bob Crane here is impressive and there are many scenes where the bleakness of his life just spoke through his eyes, behind those 70s tinted glasses.

Watch out for:

Willem Defoe playin Crane's sex-crazed sidekick. He's always done well with twisted, destructive characters, hasn't he? However I must confess that the only reason why I first bought this film was to catch a glimpse of the adorably dirty Maria Bello (Coyote Ugly fame) as Crane's on-set lover and later wife.
I can't remember if I cried:
As this is not a thriller by any account I will tell you that Bob Crane met an unexpected end at the hands of a an unknown murderer in his room as he was sleepin and this remains one of Hollywood's most perseverin unsolved homicides. Did some readin and it appears that the events that are shown on the film are mostly improvisational and that Crane's second family had dismissed it altogether. In any case, Paul Schraeder (writer of Taxi Driver and director of Affliction and Raging Bull) has made a very interestin account on his life here.

Most memorable line:

A day without sex is a day wasted.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Three and a half for not overdoin it. Love the bits where we get a little history of video entertainment. Useful sleaze.
Trailer for the curious:

Uninhabited (2010)

2012-01-14T19:21:00.000-08:00

At a glance:

I'm now sat at the airport lounge waitin to board a flight to Phuket and I'd just like to share with you this - I've watched me a lot of annoyin island movies in my time e.g. A Perfect Getaway (2009) but this Aussie product has got to be the very worst, although we can concede it wasn't easy to film, especially on a shoestrin budget. Look away now if you don't want me to save you the grief - it's about the ghost of a girl who worked in a turtle cannin factory and died from steppin on a stonefish or somethin, as written on the official website.

Bad news on the doorstep:

Penned and directed by Bill Bennett (the guy was inspired by a ghost story told to him), it features two very uncharismatic leads in Geraldine Hakewill and Henry James (pic) who play holidayin young lovers in a seemingly deserted island. Already I insist no thriller or mystery movie has a right to go 15 minutes in without droppin a single hint on what's astir but worse, these two larks don't say or do anythin camera-worthy for the longest time! During one of the many meaningless lethargic conversations they were havin, I wondered if it would've been more entertainin if a huge fluorescent sea monster came and swallowed them whole. Fin. Total runtime 15 minutes.

Perennial wonderment:

What happens when sand enters the vagina durin sex on the beach?

Reminds me of:

Pulau Besar, Malacca.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

One star for Geraldine Hakewill's knockers. They kept my imagination goin as the movie dragged itself to the finish line.
Trailer for the curious:

Dirty Pretty Things (2002)

2012-01-13T22:11:00.000-08:00

At a glance:

Not sure if it inspired the UK band of the same name but Stephen Frears' Dirty Pretty Things (2002) has got to be one of the most enjoyable and durable entertainers that England has ever produced for the international cinema tourist, although you don't read of many wantin cult classic status for it. Steven Knight's Oscar-nominated written work is about "the people you do not see, the ones who drive your cabs, clean your rooms and suck your cocks". Welcome to a London that seriously needs some cleanin up. Welcome to kidney-for-passport programmes, abusive sweatshop owners, oily budget hotel bosses, immigration tough guys and gum-chewin prostitutes with expensive manicures.
Bad news on the doorstep:

Like a foreigner's fable, some may be put off by its decidedly colourful cast - a drunken Russian doorman (Zlatko Burić), a strugglin Nigerian taxi driver-cum-doctor (Chiwetel Ejiofor), a kind-hearted whore of Caribbean descent (Sophie Okonedo), a quirky Chinaman who works at the hospital morgue (Benedict Wong) and a timid Turkish cleaner girl played by Audrey Tautou in her first English-speakin role. The film is necessarily dark because of its morbid theme (literally even, as it's mostly shot at night) and you wouldn't like this if you were expectin some glossy thriller starrin Tautou (pic).

Perennial wonderment:

Can anyone tell me if that herb or shrub that Okwe chews to stay awake and work two shifts?

Reminds me of:

My England days, a time when I could've easily been any one of these characters.
Watch out for:
Well I won't spoil it for you but there's one scene where Okwe's expertise in diagnosin STDs just got in demand. Wait for it!

Most memorable line:

The black whore was so surprised that Senay (Tautou) was still a virgin and exclaimed "Christ!" to which the girl, being Turkish and therefore Moslem, calmly said "No, Mohammed". What a laugh!

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Four stars for a subtle crime drama with a little bit of everythin. It's like watchin the Third World in London.

Birthday Girl (2001)

2012-01-12T01:27:00.000-08:00

At a glance:

This is a quiet but memorable British item that may have had no relevance today if not for it bein on Nicole Kidman's CV. Ben Chaplin (pic) is unassumin bank clerk John who lived a rather mundane, loveless life in St Alban before decidin to get himself a Russian mail order bride one fine day. The gorgeous Nadia (Nicole Kidman, pic) arrives only for him to discover that she doesn't speak any English. While waitin for the agency to get back to him on the matter, things turn out quite alright as they both struggle to communicate with each other in a clumsily romantic way. Nadia is extremely obedient and docile and we see how hard she tries to make John happy, especially as she indulges him in his sexual fantasies. John is very pleased with her and begins to fall for her quiet charm. Just as the plot looks headed for fairytale fluff, enter Nadia's two friends Yuri and Alexei (played by Mathieu Kassovitz and the omnipresent Vincent Cassel) to unsettle the mood. Somethin is definitely amiss and we begin to suspect that Nadia is not all as she seems.

Bad news on the doorstep:

If you don't find Nicole Kidman one of the most compellin female actresses in the world, chances are you will find this one a bit predictable and cliched. Despite a solid script, the stars do have to drive it.

Watch out for:

The giraffe jokes and some kinky Kidman scenes.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Neat little three-star romantic thriller with generous touches of wry humour. Chaplin is convincin as the inhibited John and it's easy to sympathise with his character. Kidman's role is humanised in a realistic way without being overly sentimental. There's a beautifully strange chemistry between them and I should think the audience get coaxed into wantin their relationship to work. This is a movie that doesn't take itself too seriously, with no real profound messages to impart. The value lies in its fluid, unpretentious story-tellin and adorably lazy texture. My chief complaint about this movie would be its slightly overly-sweet closin but I take nothin away from a generally well-made film.
Trailer for the curious:

Contraband (2012)

2012-01-11T10:34:00.000-08:00

At a glance:

Okay, here's the first movie I've seen in 2012 and if you didn't know it, January is the month for the big studios to dump their rubbish. Baltasar Kormákur's direction isn't exactly Oceans Fourteen and if you've seen the trailer, you know there's no slick and suave in this here heist movie, despite two very sexy saleable mainstream leads in Mark Wahlberg and Kate Beckinsale. Contraband (2012) is apparently a Hollywood remake of an Icelandic film starrin the director himself, called Reykjavík-Rotterdam (2009). I'll confirm for you the extent to which this is true once I'm done watchin that.

Bad news on the doorstep:

Doubt UIP managed to flog this out too much across Malaysia - the two-minute trailer they cut feels like 20 and the title of the movie is regrettably inaccessible to most here, save maybe kretek smokers and the fat bastards down at Customs. There are no cool one-liners, no bazooka explosions, no caped superhero with own theme song. Marky Mark ain't dodgin bullets like in Max Payne (2008) and Beckinsale doesn't appear in a tight latex corset (though she will next week when Underworld: Awakening opens). The appeal is limited to heist movie fans - and by this I mean boys who might actually be takin notes on the A-Zs of smugglin funny money.

Perennial wonderment:

If the jobless man I watched this with will end up bein slightly too enamoured with this film and start developin grand illusions of the criminal kind. He enjoyed it very much and wanted to alert another mate about the film - a bloke who works in logistics. O my days, this sounds like another heist script already.

Reminds me of:

Gone In Sixty Seconds (2000) and The Town (2010).

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Three and a half for bein much better than you would expect from somethin as low-key as this. Solid supportin cast and a neat finish. You'll like the music too.
Trailer for the curious:

Slave (2009)

2012-01-10T02:22:00.000-08:00

At a glance:

There's no good reason nor real chance that you'll come across this regrettable British bore bonanza, unless you were lookin to see more of Natassia Malthe's CV. I watched Slave (2009) on the strength of just that.

Bad news on the doorstep:

Star of the upcomin Malaysian epic Vikingdom (2012) by KRU Films, I got myself on this movie because I've never actually seen much of the D.O.A. Dead Or Alive (2006) and BloodRayne beauty. I just know she's got some exotic looks (pic) and appears quite often as a sex object in B-grade horrors. The movie, as it turns out, is a badly-edited, poorly-scripted crime flick, directed by the fella behind the despicable Goal! The Dream Begins (2005). We're talkin about a contrived plot that involves a confused Russian pimp who pretends to be a Moslem Arab pimp bent on lecturin his victims on the holiness of Ramadhan while gettin blowjobs from skinny drugged birds on a yacht. There are other painfully predictable characters - mostly fat English expat gangsters in Spain with colourful ugly shirts.

Perennial wonderment:

How can anyone say anythin about Natassia Malthe bein Malaysian when all she's ever had to do with Malaysia (prior to Vikingdom) is a six-hour stopover to shoot a shampoo ad. Her mum was from Kota Kinabalu and that's it. She's Norwegian!

Reminds me of:

Sexy Beast (2000) but that was a good movie.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

One. Forget this crap.
Trailer for the curious:

If I Want To Whistle, I Whistle (2010) @ Eu Când Vreau Să Fluier, Fluier

2012-01-09T01:33:00.000-08:00

At a glance:

Originally a theatre play, this is a Romanian drama set in a borstal, starrin mostly non-pros and rookies to achieve that documentary feel. First time actor George Piştereanu (pic) plays Silviu, an incarcerated youth with a few days left to his sentence, who discovers that his estranged whore of a mother has returned and is now tryin to take his little brother away. He tries to figure out how to stop this, while befriendin a sympathetic female social worker (Ada Condeescu).

Bad news on the doorstep:

Overrated and lethargic, over 20 stagnant shades of hand-held grey. Florin Şerban sure got a lot of backin for this, didn't he? I mean, he had access to real cons and yet managed only several scenes of prison horseplay. Nothin insightful here. Wasted opportunity. One cannot feel the desperation of its characters. Even the premises were borin.

Perennial wonderment:

Can we get more upliftin stuff out of the old Communist bloc?

Reminds me of:

The greyness of Lilja 4-Ever (2002) but that was a good film.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

I watched this on the strength of its fierce title but I can't say this was very good at all. Plenty of potential here but the intensity and climax is compromised by its decidedly experimental execution. Simply not compellin enough.

Wake Wood (2011)

2012-01-01T18:42:00.000-08:00

At a glance:
This is a Swedish-Irish project filmed in Övreby and Donegal that will whet the appetite of any Pet Sematary (1989) fan who wanted The New Daughter (2009) done in the vein of The Wicker Man (1973) with a bit of the bovine horror from Isolation (2005). Yes, it's definitely worth a look, if not only because is it Hammer Films' first feature release in over 30 years - bringin life to the old English studio that gave us movies like The Curse Of Frankenstein (1957) and Dracula (1958). The classical bio-resurrection horror formula is revisited by producer Brendan McCarthy who wrote a rather uneven script and screenplay together with director David Keating - though this is amply made up by the excellent production values, includin the quiet star appeal of decidedly Irish leads Eva Birthistle (Ae Fond Kiss, 2004) and Aidan Gillen (Blitz, 2001) not to mention a very familiar face in Timothy Spall (Peter Pettigrew in the Harry Potter films).
Bad news on the doorstep:
The little girl (Ella Connoly) is somewhat miscast but her yellow raincoat is perhaps a nod to the red one worn by the little girl in the 1973 classic Don't Look Now so we'll just overlook that.
Perennial wonderment:
Why aren't there more supernatural horror like these? The best thing about Wake Wood is the texture and quaintness of the set, especially when you have a look at the grisly traditional FX employed to depict the supernatural elements of nature. Wake Wood does well in bein totally devoid of the sudden-loud-noise horror that we've come to expect these days and is one of the more memorable returns to chillin ritualistic paganism since Lord Summerislelast held a fire torch in 1973's The Wicker Man.
Watch out for:
Muddy scenes of human resurrection.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Three and a half. It has a strong finish that comes with a twist for post-movie conversation fodder and perhaps we can all agree with the director who wrote in the production notes that "everything that happens is their fault but as an audience we go along with all the mistakes they make because we know we would do the exact same thing in their place".

Broken Embraces (2009) @ Los Abrazos Rotos

2011-12-31T00:26:00.000-08:00

At a glance:

In Abrazos Rotos, blind Spanish scribe Mateo Blanco (Lluís Homar, older priest in La Mala Educación 2004) starts referrin to himself as Harry Caine after a tragic accident 14 years ago that changed his life forever. Through flashbacks, we learn that he wasn’t always blind, and that he was once in love with a beautifully arrestin woman he turned into an actress - Lena (Penélope Cruz) – but she was unfortunately involved with a powerful but jealous man named Ernesto Martel (José Luis Gómez).
Bad news on the doorstep:
Pedro Almodóvar's oeuvre reads like a catalogue of must-watch movies for any fan of modern European cinema, however it’s not surprisin that many critics who admire the Spanish maestro are now the same people who feel that he has not reinvented himself or offered anything refreshin in recent years. Los Abrazos Rotos is fuel to this fire of discontent. It’s surprising how Almodovar films still continue to warrant maximum attention (this one was in contention for the Palme d’Or at Cannes) when he once again cast his regulars (Penélope Cruz, Ángela Molina and Lola Dueñas among others) in yet another decidedly dark, rich, contextual drama with plenty of repressed emotions and various other unsavoury aspects of adult life related to damaged youth. Obviously it’s what he’s comfortable doin (and doin well at) but watchin an Almodovar film can turn into an exercise in tedium if this is all we’re gonna get.
Perennial wonderment:
It's a mazy exploration with themes of guilt, abandonment, envy and foiled ambition; and for once, the awkward English title Broken Embraces does mean somethin. However, while the movie largely works as a feature film, it is beset on all sides by a self-referential production that begs the question – are Almodóvar films really that great?

Reminds me of:

Volver (2006) and Talk To Her (2002).

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

The movie seems to ride off his magnificent presence and is held together by his powerful obsession with the technically gorgeous. There is rich detail and colour in every frame and the picture is backed by a suitably sombre music as well. As Cat Power’s Werewolf plays to underscore a scene about a doomed relationship (same song for Jessica Biel’s waxy strip sequence in Powder Blue, 2009), we can attest to Almodóvar’s absorbin brilliance in packagin his cast around neat little tales with wonderful layers. It’s just that a man so technically accomplished may need to do more than just being prolific and adequate if he were to really live up to what people expect from him as Spain’s best regarded filmmaker since Luis Buñuel.

Let Me In (2010)

2011-12-29T23:24:00.000-08:00

At a glance:

Great news for anyone who has ever seen the fabulously seductive revisionist vampire flick Let The Right One In a.k.a. Låt Den Rätte Komma In (2008) – this is ONE Hollywood remake that we CAN approve of! Let Me In is in many ways the thinkin man’s R-rated vampire movie, dealin with the more desperate and tragic aspects of the folklore. As one famous reviewer wrote: “It’s not all fun, games and Team Edward”. Here, there’s a winsome combination of romance, drama and horror. It is what many would who have seen the Swedish original would call a tender, appropriate and most acceptable remake.
Bad news on the doorstep:
Can't think of any.

Perennial wonderment:

Why is it so hard to come across acceptable Hollywood remakes? In what must be a labour of love for writer-director Matt Reeves, Let Me In follows the Swedish modern classic closely in terms of texture and direction. All the important scenes are skillfully retained and we have two very able child actors in Kodi Smit-McPhee (Viggo Mortensen’s kid in 2009’s The Road and Eric Bana’s kid in 2007’s Romulus, My Father) and Chloë Grace Moretz (the foul-mouthed Hit-Girl from 2010’s Kick-Ass). Smit-McPhee looks very comfortable playin the frail, bullied boy who finds an unlikely friend in Moretz’ completely conflicted vampire character. There are intentionally restrained roles by Richard Jenkins as the vampire girl’s guardian and also Elias Koteas as a stern cop with many murder cases to solve.

Reminds me of:

Near Dark (1987).

Most memorable line:

"I don't really get cold."

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Polished and wonderfully scored, Let Me In is much more than just a spookfest and you’ll find rich themes of friendship, sacrifice and redemption – even sexual frustration and family dysfunction. Avoid readin more details about the movie from anywhere else. This definitely cut it as one of the most rewardin watches from 2001.

Songlap (2011)

2011-12-28T00:25:00.000-08:00

At a glance:

At once, Songlap (corrupted Chinese-Malay origin, meanin to steal but more like sweet to wallop/go all out/take everythin) is a stubbornly non-commercial but wonderfully accessible urban yarn, brought to you by Kami The Movie (2008) husband-wife team of Effendee Mazlan and Fariza Azlina Isahak. Continuin in the vein of broken adolescence, this gritty crime drama doesn't go to the in-universe extremes of neo-realism like Budak Kelantan (2008) but what it does do is serve up a refreshin and thoughtful morality struggle between embattled characters who are involved in an aspect of flesh trade particularly endemic to Asia - the sale of human babies. I've been eyein its official website for almost two years now and I feel thoroughly satisfied with its release. As our friend Fadli says over at Tontonfilem, this is what Anak Halal (2008) really should have been. This is the crisp but subtle narrative our friend Ajami has been cravin for all these years in a Malay movie. This is, in fact, the first and only Malay movie in 30 years that has engaged me to the point of tears!

Bad news on the doorstep:

True to the wajib tayang paradox in Malaysia (a Malay movie granted this government-sanctioned status must be played at the largest hall of any cinema for two weeks with full shows every day, by law), I paid cash money and watched Songlap at GSC 1 Utama in a 326-seater hall with the total combined audience of only myself and two couples makin out behind me (possibly a pet dog too), as the rest of the cinemagoin population must be either busy buyin tickets to watch Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol for the third time (this sucks big balls, by the way) or at home waitin for some rempit to leak the download for KL Gangster 2. This is the price we pay for a society who knows only immediate gratification and no other depths of pleasure.

Perennial wonderment:

Everyone knows Shaheizy Sam (pic) can act - but what will he do next? He's the only Malaysian actor in recent memory who can reinvent himself adequately for new roles, even if they are for banana peel MIG titles. One wonders what can the industry do for actors of his calibre. In Songlap, he plays a dodgy wheeler dealer with a gamblin habit and is always on the run, although he feels very responsible for his younger brother. This movie features some fine turns from the other two leads - a suitably sweaty Syafie Naswip (Mukhsin, 2006) and a frightened Sara Ali (Klip 3GP, 2011). The rest of the cast include Berg Lee (boy this fella sure beefed up since appearin as that fishin village punk in The Elephant And The Sea!), Omar Abdullah, Rozie Rashid, Normah Damanhuri, Hasnul Rahmat, Fauzi Nawawi, Rashidi Ishak, Lisdawati, Eizlan Yusof, Eliza Wong and Nasir Jani.

Reminds me of:

My old workplace in Kelana Jaya, where a lot of the scenes were shot, since the production house Red Films is based there. There's even a scene in the now disused Saji mamak, a restaurant we used to haunt durin many a Friday long lunch.

I can't remember if I cried:

There's an emotional showdown between all three leads under the LRT tracks, a scene that the actors have themselves described as one of the biggest and most important. This scene, although not particularly powerhouse stuff by Shaheizy or Syafie, actually made my eyes tear. I don't think I've ever grown so attached to Malaysian characters within the frame of a film but one does end up rootin for them, wishin for their redemption, their escape at least. Geez I must have gone soft from rewatchin All About Ah Long (1989) the other day.

Most memorable line:

"Kalau menari boleh dapat 50 ribu, dah lama Dr. Rozmey belajar laa."

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Four stars for a grippin, highly entertainin narrative. Keep your eyes and ears open. Many hints are dropped and subplots are told obliquely. Do watch this now before it goes offscreen.

2 Alam (2010)

2011-12-27T07:30:00.000-08:00

At a glance:

Should anyone be thinkin of givin this a go, based on the incredible hype that surrounded its producer, Kedahan MLM con job entrepreneur Che Rozmey Che Din, the simplest recommendation this writer could offer would be to just buy the soundtrack. Why? It’s essentially an 86-minute music video of two songs by Amy Search and Ramli Sarip! The tracks are actually quite decent but the movie proper is such an outrageous insult to Malaysian cinema that the more we talk about it, the more embarrassin this review gets. Roundly rubbished by the Malaysian press at the 23rd Malaysian Film Festival at e@Curve where it first premiered, 2 Alam is a pointless attempt at didactic moral values in a pseudo-horror drama, plagued with poor production values together with a story and script that can be written (or commissioned to be written) only by that man Imran Ismail, the clown behind the ridiculous 2009 catastrophe Jalang.
Bad news on the doorstep:
It's ALL bad news.

Perennial wonderment:

2 Alam probably shot itself in the foot when its producer boasted a target gross of RM 40 million at the Malaysian box office through self-paid ads in the papers, and then engaged in a futile standoff with the unforgivin Malaysian pressmen. With such substandard content, it is truly a wonder how this movie about the mysterious problems in burying a transsexual could even attempt such a feat through proper means. Bad actin, intrusive music and very poor lines are the first things one would notice about the film 15 minutes in. Truly a black mark on the actin CVs of Faizal Hussein, Aaron Aziz and even veteran Kuswadinata, 2 Alam is a regrettable effort that fails to showcase a credible, entertainin story at every front.

I can't remember if I cried:

When the bloody soundtrack started to loop. Also, when I read about how lead actor Aaron Aziz actually tried defendin the movie to the local press.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Half a star. The less said about this movie, the better.

The New Daughter (2009)

2011-12-26T16:23:00.000-08:00

At a glance:

Remember the little girl who played Ofelia in Pan’s Labyrinth (2006)? Or the little boy who played Angelina Jolie’s missin son in Changeling (2008)? Well, these children, together with a depressed-lookin Kevin Costner, one of the most recognisable American leadin men of yesteryears, now star in a forgotten movie that sits permanently in DVD bargain bins worldwide after a limited release Stateside.
Bad news on the doorstep:
Mix mutilated cats and burial mounds with a moody pre-pubescent teen girl and you’ll get this supernatural thriller. Its best intentions you will unfortunately find yourself forgettin as it drags past the 100-minute mark. Despite some classy shots and an impressive, successful and interestin production design, The New Daughter is cumbersomely overlong and conceptually underhit, relegatin itself to horror movie fans’ download lists and DVD curio catalogues by the last act.

Perennial wonderment:

How Kevin Costner went from bein the most in-demand male lead in Hollywood after Dances With Wolves (1990) and Robin Hood: Prince Of Thieves (1991) to bein a bit-part actor and B-grade movie producer today.

Reminds me of:

Pet Sematary (1989), Pan’s Labyrinth (2006), The Orphanage (2007) and Shelter (2010).

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Rated PG-13 Stateside but NC-16 in Singapore, the flick does however have some savin grace and will do the trick if you’re lookin for a horror movie to pass the time. Its psychosexual subtext and sequel-suggestin finale will largely be lost on regular cinema-goin audiences but complaints about The New Daughter will not trump its ticket admission price if you actually saw this on the big screen. On the DVD, try it at your own peril and keep your expectations low.

Troll Hunter (2010) @ Trolljegeren

2011-12-25T22:21:00.000-08:00

At a glance:

Not quite your run-of-the-studio adaptation of Three Billy Goats Gruff, Troll Hunter (native: Trolljegeren) is filmmaker André Øvredal’s idea of punctuatin Norwegian folklore with Blair Witch Project box office sensibilities to deliver a winsome monster movie that doubles as a “found footage” moc-doc masterpiece deservin of all the distribution attention it gets.We follow three Volga college teens who are shooting an assignment - host Thomas (Glenn Erland Tosterud), female sound recordist Johanna (Johanna Morck) and scaredy-cat cameraman Kalle (Tomas Alf Larsen, mostly offscreen but given a memorable character arc) as they happen to land themselves the chance of a lifetime - filmin a supposed bear poacher (Otto Jespersen) who turns out to be a modern day Van Helsing-type reluctant hero who spends his days annihilatin trolls that are being kept secret by the government.
Bad news on the doorstep:
It's not very classically dramatic and you don't get silly romantic subplots or heroic climaxes, if that's your idea of a good monster movie.

Perennial wonderment:

Why can't they come up with somethin new in the monster movies genre like how this film has done? The great thing about Troll Hunter is what a delightfully technical horror movie it is. Adequately underpinned by a biological context on how these trolls can exist and subsist, its persuasive style is further helped by some useful dry Scandinavian horror (“Hey what about Muslims? Can they sniff out Muslim blood just like Christian blood? I don’t know, let’s find out") and keeps us glued in-universe throughout. The suspenseful narrative here never takes a backseat and the CGI decisions cleverly avoids overdoin things to the point of losin the audience. The monsters (they come in different subspecies even) are woolly creations that start getting iffy in scenes where they appear in their entirety – but fortunately the backstory and also the traditional FX work (boiled fur soup resin, used for applyin troll scent) is diligent and solid.

Reminds me of:

Cloverfield (2008), Blair Witch Project (1999), The Mist (2007) and [REC] (2007).

Most memorable line:

"Do you think Michael Moore gave up after the first try?"

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

The day this film opened in the U.S. a horror movie website announced that American director Chris Columbus and his company 1492, along with CJ Entertainment & Media, had acquired remake rights. Watch this now in its native Norwegian (or English-dubbed, in some territories) before Hollywood messes it up.

Grace (2009)

2011-12-25T06:41:00.000-08:00

At a glance:

Jordan Ladd (pic), the mildly sexy blonde you won't remember from movies like Cabin Fever (2002), Grindhouse (2007) and Hostel: Part II (2007) stars as an uneasy new mum in Grace (2009), a slick little horror flick produced by Hatchet (2006) director Adam Green. It's about this woman who gives birth to a stillborn but miraculously wills the baby back to life, unaware of the sick proceedings that follow. It really is quite classy I must say, and various themes of deviatin behaviour are explored, particularly those with maternal elements. Think jealous lesbians, overbearin post-menopausal mothers-in-law, lactatin fetishists and vegan apologist hypocrisy. This is wholesome R-rated stuff backed by some intense camerawork, even down to the filmin of food.

Bad news on the doorstep:

If you've been only exposed to the traditional mould of horror movies, then you wouldn't give a cow's backside that this is a psychological thriller that studies motherhood anxiety, conventional midwifery and the catastrophic effects of nosy in-laws. You'd be only wantin to ask me if the baby is actually a zombie, or if the baby is Satan, or if the baby looks like Najib (since its a bloodsucker) or if the baby is only a dream, et cetera.

Perennial wonderment:

Do cats really reject soymilk?

Reminds me of:

Teeth (2007).

Watch out for:

Birthin scene. I guess givin birth to a dead child must qualify as one of the richest experiences a man can never have.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Three stars for some rather original ideas here. Not for expectant mums, of course.

I Wish I Had A Wife (2001)

2011-12-24T21:41:00.000-08:00

At a glance:

Park Heung-sik's I Wish I Had A Wife is the worst Korean movie experience a man can get. Forget the wife, you’d sooner wish you had a life – instead of havin to spend time and money watchin this. While its advantages are few and far between, the problems abound shamelessly. Revolvin around a bank teller with serious personality issues, our man goes on a subdued panic attack after he realises the undeniable emptiness in his borin white-collar workin life gives him nobody to call when he is stuck on a subway train for an hour. Amazin then – he concludes that he needs a wife. Our hero-with-a-calculator Bong-soo (Sul Kyoung-gu) goes on a 100-minute meanderin moan about his solitude. His ponderings are so secular, self-indulgent and ridiculous that it becomes shockin to see somethin so uninterestin go up on screen for a feature-length movie. True to Korean cinema clichés (read: everythin is more important than it really is), there are hardly any movie messages to note when Mr. Need-A-Wife hunts his bride far and wide, illogically ignorin the cute school teacher who fancies him. This mouse of a woman, Won-Ju (Jeon Do-yeon), is so terribly cute, one is in danger of bleedin pumpkin pies from one’s ears whenever she graces the screen.

Bad news on the doorstep:
Peppered with Bong-soo’s random magic tricks (he can poke an invisible hole through a 1000-won note!) and other miscellaneous fillers like CCTV footage of what bored people do at the ATM booth, I Wish I Had A Wife has but one savin grace as defence - the awkward courtship between the lead pair is quirky enough to be screen-worthy at times because it is more realistic than the picture-perfect Hollywood plot devices we are used to. Is this enough for you to watch it?

Perennial wonderment:

One suspects that this is actually an ill-advised direct and unaltered adaptation from some writer’s own experience. This movie is too quiet without being poignant, too random without bein artsy, and perhaps too ‘real’ to make a movie out of. Even if you pardon the soppy music score, askin an audience to sit through a low-key drama about one man’s wife-hunt with so little reward is truly selfish on the filmmakers’ part.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

One and a half stars. I Wish I Had A Wife refuses to be a ‘good’ bad movie when it could – and worse, to end when it should. You couldn’t leave the cinema seat faster.

Inside (2007) @ À l'Intérieur

2011-12-23T15:58:00.000-08:00

At a glance:

Inside (2007) or its native French À l'Intérieur is definitely not the faint-hearted, especially those expectin a baby. It's like an all-out mother of all horrors, designed to resuscitate the numbest, most jaded fans of the genre. Without givin anythin away, it's a movie about a mysterious intruder (Béatrice Dalle, pic) who terrorises an expectant mum (Alysson Paradis) in her home, with some pretty graphic violence thrown in for good measure.

Bad news on the doorstep:

While the traditional FX are surprisingly top-notch (the blood oozes off from the screen with gratuitous confidence), I do feel it did go overboard towards the end, where it started to get a bit silly and comical. I'm not sure it's a rewardin watch either. I just know it's a horror movie that is shot with the express intention to make you squirm. I even believe they went through 50 different pairs of scissors just to decide on the instrument that will project the most fear by sheer sight.

Perennial wonderment:

What is the best formula to make blood for shootin movies? How come some movies have horribly laughable diluted sirap while other similarly budgeted movies have better stuff?

Reminds me of:

That other movie with Béatrice Dalle, Trouble Every Day (2001). I can't remember a damned thing about it now except that pervo Vincent Gallo is in it too. I also recall Darah (2009), that Indonesian bloodbath where the set is perpetually soaked in blood, pretty much like Inside.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

I'll say two stars because it did make me anticipate the next sick scene just as soon as one is over.

Gomorrah (2008)

2011-12-22T15:51:00.000-08:00

At a glance:

It's not every day you watch a movie that turned one author's exposé into an international blockbuster and got him permanent police escort by the Italian government, effectively walkin around with a fat price tag on his head. That's Roberto Saviano, the man who wrote the tell-all 2006 book with the same name, about the Naples-based criminal organisation most know as the Camorra. You can see why these mobsters want him shot - the book sold more than two million copies in Italy alone reportedly and got translated and published in more than 40 countries. That's not somethin you want the world to know if you're an organisation with a worse reputation than those other gun-totin folks in Sicily who got more Hollywood screen time. The frightenin details in Matteo Garrone's unglamourous direction and Maurizio Braucci's unflinchin screen treatment are already evident in an openin scene set in a tannin shop - you never know when they come at you, you just know that they will. This pretty much sets the tone for the documentary-like feature. We follow a few characters around and have a privileged inside look at how the Camorra affects their lives.
Bad news on the doorstep:
Stayin as far away as possible from the lionisation and glorification of gangsters, Gomorra (in Italian) isn't The Godfather (1972) or Scarface (1983) which is ironically referenced in a scene where two young wannabe mobsters mimic Al Pacino in the de Palma classic) but more like an even gritter Eastern Promises (2007) without the stylish dialogue and A-list stars. Gomorrah distinguishes itself by focusin on gang activity instead of gangsters. Highlights include the illegal toxic waste industry (Carmine Paternoster as a young grad who unassumingly works for a ruthless contractor played by Toni Servillo) and the illegal immigrant issue (Salvatore Cantalupo as a skilled tailor who accepts a job trainin Chinese workers). The best developed story is that of Don Ciro (Gianfelice Imparato) a reluctant go-between who visits families of jailed or dead gangsters to distribute cash. This one exceptionally brings forward themes of desperation but generally all the stories convey the inescapability of normal people from the long arms of the Camorra and their criminal network.

Perennial wonderment:

If my Neapolitan friend Marina will ever quit her pharmaceutical career and enter into an international cocaine-in-mozzarella drug ring with me.

Reminds me of:

Marina's cousin, who told me that they love Chinese people in Napoli because we're easy target for anythin.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Four stars. Gomorrah is Italy's submission to the 2008 Oscars for Best Foreign Language Pic and was a Palme d'Or nominee at Cannes. It's dead serious and ought to be appreciated as such, especially when you know the man who brought this story out into the open is unlikely to ever lead a normal life. A true thinkin man's gangster flick, it will end as suddenly as it started and get you wishin there was more to see, despite already clockin in two hours and 17 minutes.

A Horrible Way To Die (2010)

2011-12-21T21:46:00.000-08:00

At a glance:

Without givin anythin away, in case you actually want to torture yourself with this rubbish, the synopsis reads: An escaped murderer is in pursuit of his ex-girlfriend, who has fled to start a new life in a small town.

Bad news on the doorstep:

This was a horrible way to watch a movie - endurin 80 minutes of intentionally shaky and out-of-focus moody mystery fare just to get to the last five minutes, where the twist is served. It's the kind of movie appeal that pivots on that one single twist but unlike, say The Usual Suspects (1995) where the rest of the movie is pretty interestin as well, A Horrible Way To Die is far from. The cast, especially the decent female lead Amy Seimetz, tries her hardest but this screenplay just can't hack it.

Perennial wonderment:

Surely a movie with such a title can give us at least a *new* way of dyin, like the Final Destination films? Borin stuff.

Reminds me of:

The paint on my uncle's garage wall and how it dried.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

One and a half star. Do avoid this, fellas.

Daughters Of Darkness (1971) @ Les Lèvres Rouges

2011-12-21T01:47:00.000-08:00

At a glance:

Before there were horror-comedies like Lesbian Vampire Killers (2009), there were classy European vampire erotica like Harry Kumel's Daughters of Darkness (1971). What's there to say - it's a vampire movie in English, it's got three gorgeous female leads and it's shot with laborious ambition, as if to say "we're goin to make this shot as difficult as possible so that you know how bleedin good we are". Legendary sex icon Delphine Seyrig (pic, foreground) is particularly engrossin as the Hungarian killer Countess Elizabeth Báthory, a sort of decadent high society milf with the most hypnotic and disarmin voice I've ever heard on film. The elegant murderess manipulates newlywed couple Stefan (John Karlen) and Valerie (Danielle Ouimet) with the help of her lesbo pet Ilona (Andrea Rau) with some interestin underpinnin feminist themes throughout. It's not very obvious but it's the sort of movie that illustrates the need for blowjobs to be given when due, lest we suffer the wrath of murderous sexual frustration.

Bad news on the doorstep:

It gets better as it wears on but you might want the first half to go a little faster.

Perennial wonderment:

Why have they not made a movie in which the vampire suddenly dies from accidentally eatin bak kut teh with garlic.

Reminds me of:

Jess Franco's Vampyros Lesbos (1971).
Watch out for:
A rather unexpected crash 'n burn death sequence at the end, brought about by daylight exposure. I guess this is how they did it before they could use special effects like in Interview With The Vampire (1994).

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Three stars for its three leads. You'll like it if you like moody stuff.

Murder 2 (2011)

2011-12-20T18:43:00.000-08:00

At a glance:
Sequel only in name, Bhatt family product Murder 2 has little to do with the Emraan Hashmi and Mallika Sherawat starrer sevens years ago in 2004. While that one was said to be lifted off Hollywood’s Unfaithful (2002), this one is said to be loosely-based on South Korea’s The Chaser (2008) and there is truth in this, comin from a reviewer who has now coincidentally seen both movies. Dabblin with some Christian elements just like the Seoul thriller, Murder 2 is an unabashed showcase of Emraan Hashmi’s (pic) broodin good looks and the bodily delight of the Ceylonese beauty queen that is Jacqueline Fernandez (pic), packaged within a story that will remind you of gory thrillers like Seven (1995) and Hannibal (2001). She is more of a looker than Bipasha Basu (whom she replaced as the lead) but she’ll have to improve her dancin as she accepts more roles. Both leads do quietly well and carry the movie along its charged, superficial eroticism.

Bad news on the doorstep:

While admittedly dark and entirely humourless, Murder 2 is lackin in any real depth and reflection – but as a Bollywood entertainer in the thriller genre, it does what it says on the tin, thanks to the deranged villain character played by Prashant Narayanan. This performance, though and not particularly original, is mildly compellin, and provides some semblance of substance to the otherwise MTV proceedings in Goa.

Perennial wonderment:

Are Bollywood sex sirens shaven?

Reminds me of:

The grindhouse feel of watchin the midnight show alone at TGV Capsquare, Kuala Lumpur.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Two and a half for the effort. The soundtrack is solid fare that has more endurance than the movie proper and will win fans. Watch out for Yana Gupta in a special appearance in the openin track, Aa Zara, somethin so sexy that apparently they couldn't use it for TV promo.

Womb (2010)

2011-12-20T00:31:00.000-08:00

At a glance:
As the youngest actor ever to play the doctor on British TV's Doctor Who, the slightly unnatural-lookin Matt Smith finds himself suitably and disturbingly cast as Thomas, a genetic clone who is borne by a mother of whom was also his lover! Say whattt? Let's do this again. A woman (enigmatic dark Euro beauty Eva Green from The Dreamers in 2003 that you might remember chattin up Daniel Craig in Casino Royale) loses her boyfriend and in anguish decides to give birth to her dead beloved via clonin technology. Talk about a horror movie for couples!
Bad news on the doorstep:
You will never believe the paragraph you're about to read if you've seen the trailer but without givin too much away, Womb is probably more accessible than what you thought it was, if you were thinkin it were some mental masturbatory arthouse fare. Despite comin from a Hungarian filmmaker whose body of work seems largely despondent and experimental, Benedek Fliegauf's Womb is a thematically strong love story that discusses the ethics of clonin with frightenin coherence and stylish quaintness. In fact, it's so very stylish that you don't even need to get any of it to enjoy the movie. But will you believe me?
Perennial wonderment:
Eva Green (pic) is achingly gorgeous, isn't she? Her unconventional good looks are useful for this movie, considerin the aesthetical difficulties that accompany the movie's logic and progression.
Reminds me of:
Cold, cold English days. Cold, cold English nights.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Five stars. Those lookin for substance beyond the picturesque German island where this was shot will find Womb a technically accomplished and highly rewardin watch that is rich in cold nuance. This isn't a comedy like 1985's Creator where Peter O'Toole was trying to clone his dead wife but if you enjoyed the quiet dystopia in movies like Mark Romanek's recent Never Let Me Go, then there's a good chance you'll love this horror movie from a biosexual filmmaker. In many ways, it's devastatingly romantic.

Conan The Barbarian (2011)

2011-12-19T07:58:00.000-08:00

At a glance:
Featurin a relatively unknown cast of pro bodybuilders, the camp classic Conan The Barbarian was released in 1982 and launched the actin career of a certain Arnold Schwarzenegger into international superstardom. Today, Robert Howard's celebrated Cimmerian character lives again through TV's Baywatch Hawaii star Jason Momoa - though the result is Texas Chainsaw Massacre director Marcus Nispel's unfortunate mix of sword-and-sandals with obscene gore - all in the name of violent cinematic fun. They do look pretty damned good though. For those not fascinated by Momoa's carefully chiselled naked butt in the bedroom scenes, the eye candies are Rachel Nichols, pic (Amityville Horror, 2005) and Rose McGowan (Grindhouse, 2007) but they don't do too much. The whole movie has a 'drunken tavern' production design with muddy floorboards and topless barmaids aplenty - and somewhere in between those two you'll find the formidable French actor Saïd Taghmaoui (La Haine, 1995) starrin as an afterthought of a bandit - a testament to how unnecessary this movie really is and how hard it is to get cast in the decent role these days.
Bad news on the doorstep:
When it comes to blood, other barbarians are happy to spill but Conan splashes. Rated R Stateside and 18/M18 in Malaysia and Singapore respectively, Conan The Barbarian does more than what it says on the tin if you're lookin to catch some barbarous acts of violence in voluminous gratuity. The story, unrelated to earlier films, follows Conan as a child who grows up hell-bent on findin the evil warlord (Stephen Lang from Avatar) who killed his father (Ron Perlman, Hellboy) and annihilated his entire village in search of a mythical artefact. It is not difficult to agree with the online consensus that this 2011 reupdate lacks heart - as can be felt most jarringly in scenes of emotional downtime with grand music - all failin to resonate with the audience. In short, it's hard to care for the characters no matter how good they look.
Perennial wonderment:
Hard to tell Momoa from the Baywatch days of Jason Ioane and his pearly whites. He's very committed to the role and nothin like the hunky young lifeguard we remember - but at least he has found a suitable job since apparently receivin 140 stitches on his scarred face in a 2008 bar brawl involvin beer glass. There seems to be blood and violence at every turn when it comes to Conan, eh? Well, Cimmerian or not, check yourself for hepatitis after the show.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Dozed off at the Singaporean premiere plenty of times. Two stars.

Sleeping Beauty (2011)

2011-12-18T22:17:00.000-08:00

At a glance:

Remember that very watchable little girl in Lemony Snicket's A Series Of Unfortunate Events (2004)? Well Emily Browning (pic) grew up and became the pale beauty that is Babydoll in Sucker Punch (2011). Now she appears as the titular muse in Sleeping Beauty (2011), a polished but very confusin WTF debut from Aussie writer-director Julia Leigh, though it seems to be fiercely endorsed by The Piano (1993) veteran Jane Campion who calls it everythin from sensuous, complex and unafraid to a fascinating piece of contemporary existential cinema. The story is about uni student Lucy, who looks like she's twelve but spends half the film in her glorious, pinkest bits in full view despite workin five jobs, gettin sucked into a perverse world of dirty old men entertainment under the pretext of waitressin e.g. havin to match her lipstick colour to her labia. I know. WTF, right?

Bad news on the doorstep:

Yes, WTF must indeed be the commonest acronym to exclaim just a third into the film, wherever you may be watchin it. There's a lot of fairytale references planted about but seriously, it's a rather tiresome piece of static craphouse cinema if you asked me.

Perennial wonderment:

Does Emily Browning herself understand what the film is all about or is it all a load of bollocks printed on the production notes? Apparently she was made to study Charlotte Gainsbourg's performance in Lars von Trier's Antichrist (2009) for this performance, so I'm even more convinced that it's farthouse fare just like that one.

Reminds me of:

Gradiva (2006) and Eyes Wide Shut (1999)

I can't remember if I cried:

When the credits rolled and I realised I should've resisted lookin this up after a Disney employee rubbished it on Facebook.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

One star for high production values. Wannabe European schmaltz at its finest. Might I suggest you watch Tokyo Decadence (1992) instead, for a movie that has somethin to say.
Trailer for the curious:

Winter's Bone (2010)

2011-12-18T07:31:00.000-08:00

At a glance:
Sparse and muted but oddly compellin, R-rated indie gem Winter's Bone was up for four Oscar nods includin Best Pic; and deserved all the distributor attention it got, if only because it's the least watched and probably the cheapest of the 10 nominees to shoot. Who would have thought that a US$ 2 million movie could turn so many heads? Critics have likened this to another Sundance winner, 2008's Frozen River. Here, we follow Down To The Bone director Debra Granik through the Missouri Ozark backwoods of crime writer Daniel Woodrell's 2006 book, where 17-year-old Ree Dolly deals with a sick mother, starvin siblings and a missin father - while buyin time before her home is repossessed. It's a morality tale about the white underclass and the underground drug trade, underpinned by some remarkable performances from a completely committed cast. In the lead, a young, classically-untrained Jennifer Lawrence (The Burning Plain, 2008) puts in a turn so apt and convincin, she got nominated by the Academy for Best Actress. Her star-makin role as an almost dislikeable teenager is mature and smoothly underhit. Joinin the restrained brilliance is John Hawkes (Me And You And Everyone We Know, 2005) who was himself endorsed here under Best Supporting for his role as the menacin uncle Teardrop, a conflicted man with a superb character arc. Other turns include Garret Dillahunt as a stiff local sheriff and a feisty Dale Dickey as the town matriarch.
Bad news on the doorstep:
Findin an adult without the attention span of housefly to watch it with.
Perennial wonderment:
If Jennifer Lawrence will find work consistently. Since appearin in X-Men: First Class (2011) as Raven / Mystique, I can't see her bein listed in anythin big, except The Hunger Games (2012). We need to see more of her.
Reminds me of:
Terribly Happy (2008) and Shotgun Stories (2007)
Most memorable line:
Never ask for what oughtta be offered.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Perhaps the climax smacked too much of a fable and lacked a more memorable and dramatic reward for viewers but Winter's Bone definitely delivers - that is, if you didn't base your expectations on its completely inappropriate B-grade horror movie poster (at least in my region). It may well be the only film in recent times that is genuinely worth watchin because some people thought it was Oscar-worthy. You'll like the music, too.

Pusher III (2005)

2011-12-17T11:35:00.000-08:00

At a glance:
Pusher III is a somewhat muted culmination to the celebrated cult trilogy, focusin on a particularly menacin kingpin from the first two movies - baldin Serbian old-timer Milo, played by accomplished Croat actor Zlatko Burić, pic (doorman in Dirty Pretty Things and also went on to appear in that disaster movie 2012). We follow him through the course of just one day in his life, as he tries very hard to stay off dope while keepin ahead of some dodgy Albanians, Turks, Poles etc and bein the chef for his daughter's birthday party.
Bad news on the doorstep:
It's been more than five years and fans of the series are still waitin for more from writer-director Nicolas Winding Refn but all we've got is a 2010 Hindi rip-off with the same name. You would've thought that since he has had some successful British and Hollywood projects e.g. Bronson and Drive he would start work on Pusher IV as soon as he can. There's good DVD money here and too many characters left unexplored. Please make Pusher IV in my lifetime, Nicolas!
Reminds me of:
Milo's harrowin attempts to stay clean and do right throughout the story are so realistic that any person who has ever been addicted to anythin, can relate to them. There are little nuggets of humanity in him, a sort of criminal determinism that defines him, yet the very next moment he goes about doin the cruelest things with frightenin ease. Milo's character struggle is like any criminal's - the irremediable belief that they are all unfortunate victims of circumstance. Milo's allure however, is that because he doesn't apologise for or try to justify his actions one bit, we begin to see the beauty of believin him.
Watch out for:
The reappearance of Milo's trusty henchman Radovan (Slavko Labovic) in the last third of the film, where the most grisly acts of criminal dismemberment get committed to your memory for life.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Four stars for a truly satisfyin watch. You feel lucky to be a middle class wanker readin blogs like this one in your free time instead of bein mixed up with the characters in Pusher III.

Pusher II (2004)

2011-12-16T00:31:00.000-08:00

At a glance:
A standalone sequel but best watched with the '96 original, Pusher II and Pusher III are nevertheless projects that were done because director Nicolas Winding Refn reportedly needed to bail his foreclosin production company back out into the black after runnin into debt. Thank goodness the man went back on his word not to touch the cult classic because the product is definitely top notch, expandin on the characters shown in the first film. Pusher II focuses on Tonny (Mads Mikkelsen, left) the seasonal loser so desperately eager to impress his disappointed dad (Leif Sylvester) and overturn his catalogue of lifelong fuckups that he ends up spirallin further down the abyss of self-destruction instead. It's not as intense as the first film but by golly it is a magnificently depressin one with wonderfully built themes of family dysfunction, drugs, responsibility and friendship.
Bad news on the doorstep:
I'm a big fan. I can't think of bad things to say about this very studied trilogy, except maybe I think not every female in this movie needed to be a prostitute.
Watch out for:
A particularly heart-warmin and suitably underhit scene in which Tonny discovers how his mother is doin.
Most memorable line:
Dude, I just got this new girl in the house, right? A really nice, little cunt. Then last night, I was doing her doggy-style in the bathtub, right? Then suddenly, she slipped in the foam and smacked her teeth on the edge - four teeth out her mouth. Must have hurt like shit, dude. But don't worry, it's only her baby teeth.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Four stars. Mads Mikkelsen is a very good actor and you can go swimmin in the depth of his actin. Just like the first film, you know it's a great movie when you start carin for people as irredeemable as these.

Pusher (1996)

2011-12-15T02:10:00.000-08:00

At a glance:
If you ever knew a drug dealer, then Pusher is an exercise in déjà vu of great nihilistic pleasure. All grit and grain with no glamour, embattled filmmaker Nicolas Winding Refn (writer and director of films like Valhalla Rising and Bronson) made this outstandingly powerful film about a week in life of a drug dealer that went on to spawn two sequels. It's a pressure cooker of a movie that delivers some remarkable resonance, as we follow Copenhagen crime through the eyes of Kim Bodnia's character Frank (foreground), a disenchanted pusher who has to deal with his best mate Tonny (Mads Mikkelsen, background) and prostitute girlfriend Vic (Laura Drasbæk), not to mention the Serb kingpin Milo played by Zlatko Buric and his burly henchman Radovan (Slavko Labovic). It's the smilin gangsters that get you shivering; and that's where Pusher hits all the right notes, despite bein hand-held and unintentionally underlit presumably due to budget constraints.
Bad news on the doorstep:
Somehow didn't go down the annals of cult cinema like how La Haine (1995) did. Sure launched some Danish careers though.
Perennial wonderment:
Can Mads Mikkelsen fight as good as he looks?
Watch out for:
Scary scenes involving Serbian sociopaths and Danish dealers who seriously don't like being a few kroner short.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Four stars. It's moment after moment of dog-eat-dog and how a form of friendship actually does exist in the most perverse of situations. If you were ever in financial desperation, watch this movie as your glimmer of hope.

The Disappearance Of Alice Creed (2009)

2011-12-14T04:11:00.000-08:00

At a glance:
Bond girl and Persian princess Gemma Arterton (pic) stars as the titular kidnappee for this mildly intriguin British thriller in which only three people appear - the other two bein her balaclava bandit captors (Martin Compston and Eddie Marsan). Yes, we finally see Gemma's gems after Daniel Craig and Jake Gyllenhaal got to. The trio play out to a surprisin stand-off as we discover that the ransom won't come as easy as expected. Elements include guns, panties, handcuffs and soundproofed rooms.
Bad news on the doorstep:
Startin strong but finishin very weakly indeed, debutant director J Blakeson (he wrote the 2009 sequel for The Descent) served up one twist too many and didn't keep it tight enough, with some character decisions lettin it all disintegrate into credibility tedium. Don't wanna give away any spoilers here but as the movie wears on, I got less excited.
Perennial wonderment:
Why do I find myself drawn to movies with titles like The Haunting Of Molly Hartley (2008), The Possession Of Emma Evans (2010) etc. ?
Reminds me of:
Buried (2010) and Hard Candy (2005).
Watch out for:
Some reasonably unexpected WTF scenes along the way.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Two and a half for a valid but problematic effort. To see more of Arterton, she's in the upcomin Hansel And Gretel: Witch Hunters (2012) playin opposite Jeremy Renner as the fairytale siblings.

Highlander (1986)

2011-12-13T04:54:00.000-08:00

At a glance:
There can be only one, indeed, as this was the 1986 Russell Mulcahy camp classic that spawned four further Highlander movies, two TV series, an animated series, an animated movie, an animated flash-movie series, 10 original novels and 17 comic book issues - all of which doesn't hold a candle to it. Many decisions in the franchise disappoint but this only goes to show how attractive the original Connor MacLeod idea is - a Scottish clansman who cannot die, as he lives on to discover others like him.
Bad news on the doorstep:
It's been a quarter of a century but there is still talk of efforts for a new movie, namely Summit Entertainment's 2008 announcement about Highlander: The Reckoning but Fast And Furious director Justin Lin seemed to have been dropped out of it now with no further word on a replacement helmer.
Perennial wonderment:
How is Christopher Lambert (pic) the boyfriend of Sophie Marceau?
I can't remember if I cried:
Every time I hear Queen's Who Wants To Live Forever, a song reportedly and believably tailor-written by Brian May to match scenes from the movie, especially those depictin the immortal protagonist's doomed romance for a lover who will eventually outlive him. Of course, this song is now a staple at funeral parlours.
Most memorable line:
There can be only one.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
I don't think this movie has aged one bit. Three stars. Hope they get the fifth movie out sometime before the end of this century.

Daughter Of Darkness (1993) @ 滅門慘案之孽殺

2011-12-10T10:24:00.000-08:00

At a glance:
Memorable CAT III fare by Ivan Lai Kai Ming with that girl Lily Chung Suk Wai (Red To Kill 1994, Sexy And Dangerous 1996) where the vulnerable protagonist is an stepdaughter who gets blamed for everythin under the sun, eventually crackin under the slow-cook abuse and goin berserk Terminator-style on the whole family, especially the father, played by a positively pervy William Ho Ka Kui.
Bad news on the doorstep:
Anthony Wong's maverick China cop antiques render it too playful and the comic detracts from the flavour of the film to the point of nausea.
Perennial wonderment:
What are all these former soft porn actresses doin in Hong Kong now?
I can't remember if I cried:
When Anthony Wong fondles a female corpse and correctly ascertains the time of death based purely on the sogginess of her breasts, passin it off as brilliant police work as a colleague gapes in admiration.
Reminds me of:
Red To Kill (1994) and all the other films in which Lily Chung (pic) gets raped.
Watch out for:
Violent end sequence that teaches you how to stab someone to death with a deity figurine.
Most memorable line:
Who needs lines with a DVD cover like that?
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Two and a half.

I Saw The Devil (2010) @ 악마를 보았다

2011-09-09T12:35:00.000-07:00

Honestly guys, I have never met Cho Seung-hui.

At a glance:

"We wanted make it look cruel rather than grotesque," reads the notes from special make-up artist Kwak Tae-yung - but I Saw The Devil 악마를 보았다 is so unrelentingly brutal that there will be little separatin the two by the time you're through all 144 minutes of its R21-rated (Singapore) violence porno. Alright, that's an exaggeration. What is plain to see however, is that director Kim Jee Woon "wanted to watch the primitive energy that arises out of the clash of mad rage like an active volcano and icy-cold lunacy", which is why this movie doesn't even attempt to explain it characters or their motivations. It's a cold, cold thriller about how the wrong and the wronged go at one another in such relentless fashion that you simply cannot look away from the screen - and despite arrivin at these shores more than a full year after its South Korean release, I Saw The Devil, now apparently available in its uncensored entirety, is definitely hot stuff, and one for the filmmakin canon.

Bad news on the doorstep:

Some people want more character motivation explained, I guess. Also, the bit involvin extra friends don't seem to gel with the rest of the story.

Perennial wonderment:

How hard is it to dispose of a dead body?

Reminds me of:

We have Old Boy Choi Min-sik to thank for his menacin screen presence, despite not havin appeared in anything for five years. He plays a seemingly pathological psychopath who kills young women for pleasure and on a freezin, snowy night, his latest victim just so happens to be the beautiful daughter of a retired police chief and pregnant fiancee of elite special agent Soo-hyun, played by international Korean icon Lee Byung-hun (Storm Shadow in the G.I. Joe movies). Lee's performance here is nothin short of extraordinary. It's a story that goes beyond cat-and-mouse to cover even catch-and-release. Perhaps the beauty in this peculiar film is that it is so fatalistically resigned from the outset and yet due to its stylish direction we are so drawn to follow the warring pair to the bitter end.

Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

I Saw The Devil is an aptly named film and I can definitely admire to the director's aspirations that "through the two characters who mercilessly attack each other for revenge, [I] hope the audience will question why some people lead normal lives while others live like the devil - also, wonder where did everything start to go wrong or where are we headed". Like Choi Min-sik's cult classic Old Boy (2003), it's a movie that forces us to examine the monsters we may not know we're keepin.

The Band (2009)

2010-02-19T20:20:00.000-08:00

At a glance:
Australian rock n roll soft porn. Here's one that won't make the Australian Film Festival lineup at GSC next month. You can expect dirty toilet sex, semen on speakers, lesbo lovin and the sinkin feelin of havin wasted 90mins of your life when the credits roll.
Bad news on the doorstep:
Women ain't beautiful nor compellin, mostly pierced and tattooed white trash. Almost had enough to tell a story but nope, it was decidedly sex and more sex. Don't remember the music. Distinct lack of humour. There also seems to be some misandry goin on, what with the number of lesbo scenes and how all the men are complete muppets.
Reminds me of:
You know that movie where they keep cuttin between a concert and a lovers' tryst, Nine?
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?Watch on fast forward. Who is this Anna Brownfield writer director anyway?

The Book Of Eli (2010)

2010-02-18T10:49:00.000-08:00

"Are you sure you're 18?"

At a glance:
The end may be nigh but not for post-apocalyptic movies. Denzel Washington's survivor feature is a well-contained, half-engagin, action drama best commended for not resortin to the all-too-easy wasteland CGI we've been seein too much lately in movies like 2012 and I Am Legend. Directin it are the Hughes twins (From Hell, Menace II Society) who give the picture an ashen sepia feel all throughout Eli's decimated dystopia, an illiterate world populated with rummagin cannibals and Mad Max characters. While the picture isn't particularly rich nor does it have too many cultural references, Book Of Eli is steady and focused, just like the titular journeyman who has been walkin West for 30 years carryin the last bible on Earth (which happens to be a KJV, gimme a break!) and villainous town elder Carnegie (Gary Oldman) has set his eyes on it. Joinin the story are loyal concubine Claudia (Jessica Beals, Flashdance) and her bratty-but-seekin daughter Solara (Mila Kunis, That '70s Show). Other notable appearances include Tom Waits (Imaginarium Of Doctor Parnassus) and Malcolm McDowell (A Clockwork Orange).
Bad news on the doorstep:
Strange co-producer Washington has to play a restrained, charmless hero here, when the story could have benefited with an anti-hero or villain who trash-talks, somethin he's more adept at doin in movies like Training Day and American Gangster; or an outright, desperate good guy in movies like John Q and Fallen. The direction doesn't allow for his powerhouse actin and nobody watchin this film for him would be pleased with the experience because the movie doesn't really need him at all. Despite a solid premise, the correspondin lack of engaging dialogue between all characters is apparent.
Reminds me of:
Haneke's Time Of The Wolf and a bit of that entertainin flop Waterworld.
Watch out for:
Details!
Most memorable line:
One of the few rare moments of humour in the film when Eli is asked about whether he's quotin the bible and answers: "No, it's Johnny Cash. Live at Folsom Prison."
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Three stars. A missed opportunity but studio suits won't bein a hurry to shout remake or sequel, which would be a good progression. The last shot with Mila Kunis does make her look like a leaner Angelina Jolie playin Terminator's Sarah Connor.

Barbi3 (2008)

2010-02-16T03:11:00.000-08:00

At a glance:
Ngapain sih lu? Nggak ngapa-ngapain kok. Just watchin a stupid movie every now and then to keep it real. Didn't know I'd really hit it though. This is Monty Tiwa's idea of an Indon answer to Mean Girls, where Titi Kamal (centre), Poppy Sovia (left) and Francine Roosenda (right) play the most irritatin wannabe American highschool girls ever.
Bad news on the doorstep:
Titi O Titi, you ain't got much time left. Wonder how her restaurant's doin. Borin, overdone teen plot. Fluff.
Watch out for:
Cathy Sharon as Helen. Like Liv Tyler took Teri Hatcher's lips and turned Indon.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Some decent music, the Melly Goeslaw title track sang by Rossa especially. Unexpected depth in dialogue every now and then. If you buy the VCD, there's a 15-minute featurette at the end to console you.

Up In The Air (2009)

2010-02-15T08:42:00.000-08:00

At a glance:
Commitment-phobia never looked sexier than when skirt-chasin extraordinaire George Clooney plays Ryan Bingham, the cocksure, jet-setting elitist who spends all his time flyin, as the movie title suggests. For a drama with many depressive elements, Up In The Air is surprisingly as upliftin as it sounds, as Thank You For Not Smoking and Juno director Jason Reitman predictably followed up those two thematically similar films with this one. No surprise then that it's in the runnin for Best Picture at the 82nd Oscars. Adapted off the 2001 Walter Kirn novel of the same name, we follow the globe-trottin Mr Bingham as he travels from city to city to fire people as a specialist consultant hired by bosses too gutless to drop the axe face-to-face when downsizin companies. He may call it 'career transition counsellin' but make no mistake, it's a dirty job of having to tell people they've lost their jobs. The story is enriched by his chance meet with an equally self-centred traveller who becomes his romantic interest (Alex Goran played by a delectable Vera Farmiga, The Departed) and also the introduction of a young, overly-idealistic, go-gettin colleague (Natalie Keener played by Anna Kendrick, Jessica in the Twilight movies) who has persuaded the boss (Jason Bateman, TV's Arrested Development) to try out a new semi-confrontational video conferencin method of firin people.
Most memorable line:
Some animals were meant to carry each other to live symbiotically over a lifetime. Star crossed lovers, monogamous swans... We are not swans. We are sharks.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?Four stars. A refreshin, cynical take on our name brand society. It's only natural that Americans in particular warm up to this picture all too easily. While it isn't a morally punishin film, it is one with clear and sharp ideas on lifestyle choices and their correspondin consequences, with some very interestin scenes that play on a more sociological wide angle rather than a private behavioural breakdown. Followin the character arc of the very dislikeable Ryan Bingham is an engrossin prospect, as his values are tested and he even has the option of redemption. The film finishes strong and leaves you as a rather intimate, though wordy movie that entertains and rewards nevertheless. Very strong performances by the main cast will go some way to make this a worthy Best Picture contender.

72 Tenants Of Prosperity (2010) @ 72 家租客

2010-02-13T07:38:00.000-08:00

At a glance:
Referencing the Shaw Bros 1973 classic The House Of 72 Tenants, the decidedly crowded 72 Tenants Of Prosperity is a colourful (though not necessarily nutritious) addition to the Chinese New Year movie calendar which will invariably draw laughs among all followers of Hong Kong TV and cinema, especially those with a history of TVB fandom. There's like 180 known actors in it! In this 2010 reupdate, the paedophile politicians and brothel owners are missin and they've been replaced by fish ball noodle hawkers and manga sellers. We get intermittent flashbacks to 70s HK where the events of Sai Yeung Choi Street originally took place: 72 tenants who battled greedy landlords, with a love triangle that gave rise to a family feud. In the present day, the feud continues with the same triangle still festering but now it's a full-on Romeo and Juliet adventure as the next generation start to commit inter-family relationships of their own.
I can't remember if I cried:
When I read this cast list: Jacky Cheung, Eric Tsang, Anita Yuen, Lam Ka Tung, Charmaine Sheh, Fala Chen, Michael Tse, Bosco Wong, Linda Chung, Stephy Tang, Wong Cho Lam, Joyce Cheng, Lawrence Ng, Ron Ng, Kevin Cheng, Kenneth Ma, Kate Tsui. Kelly Chen, Sunny Chan, Joe Ma, Ben Wong, Natalie Tong, Leung Ka Ki, Timmy Hung, Joel Chan, Carina Lau, Alan Tam, Natalis Chan, Chin Siu Ho, Wayne Lai, Nancy Sit, Tony Leung Ka Fai, Sammy Leung, Dicky Cheung, Andy Hui, Tin Kai Man, Sam Lee, Ella Koon, Bernice Liu, Kayi Cheung, William So, Wu Fung, Louis Yuen, Raymond Lam, Justin Lo and Myolie Wu.
Watch out for:
Unlike similar projects with jarrin cameos, this one goes at it casual with a most light-hearted and non-committal approach. Story is funny in a giggly way and a truly inspired highlight is when Jacky Cheung and Wong Cho Lam do a play of Jackie's hit number.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Decent family fun. The film must also be credited with one of the most original and inoffensive way to execute the obligatory product placements. They un-apologetically sang our all the sponsor names to the tune of a traditional New Year tune while holding out title cards and liftin household appliances! Do tell the kids not to copy all the swearin.

Cheeky (2000) @ Trasgredire

2010-01-25T19:38:00.000-08:00

At a glance:
One of the relatively more recent erotic comedies from softporn supremo Tinto Brass. In Cheeky (the Italian title card cleverly highlightin the tradire (to cheat) part in trasgredire (to transgress), we get a blonde with The Perfect Backside™ who leaves her boyfriend behind in Venice while she goes whorin herself all over London. By this, I mean she's a girl who has absolutely no demonstrable restraint towards every form of sexual contact. Worse, she also seems to suffer from an acute case of allergy towards textile. Ahhh... Tinto Brass. Truly he's a feminist because in all his films, female infidelity isn't only healthy but actually serves to strengthen the primary relationship! No wonder his films are important. Anti-misogyny in porno. What an idea. In this movie, the girl gets her boyfriend (Jarno Berardi) all jealous but he ends up bein turned on by it. They both love each other madly no matter who or how many they fuck. That's just great, guys.
Bad news on the doorstep:
Movies about free love (even dirty movies) are easy to watch but difficult to internalise. I mean, do you want your mum and dad to share such promiscuous notions?
Reminds me of:
Paprika - the first Tinto Brass movie I ever watched.
Watch out for:
Ukrainian beauty Yuliya Mayarchuk, now based in Italy. Deadringer for Julia Stiles, only shapelier. Here's her website, you pervos.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

Hachiko: A Dog's Story (2009)

2010-01-23T07:35:00.000-08:00

At a glance:
Shall we call this genre dog drama? I can think of plenty of similar titles of late. This one's an American reupdate on the Japanese movie Hachikô Monogatari (1987), based on real life events about an Akita whose owner died and the animal theatrically waited everyday for the next nine years at the train station for his master to return. Entrusted to the able hands of that Swede Lasse Hallström, the man behind offbeat, sensitive stuff like Chocolat (2000), The Cider House Rules (1999) and My Life As A Dog (1985), you get a winsome, heartfelt tale without too many forced soppy moments. That's where someone like Richard Gere is able to fit fine, with that unassumin face of his.
Bad news on the doorstep:
Still PG stuff for the family, in case you're lookin for somethin more directly depressin.
Perennial wonderment:
Why did Sony do a straight-to-DVD release for America? That probably made more people think it's really petty stuff meant for family viewin. It's not. I thankfully got to watch this at Filmgarde in Bugis, Singapore.
I can't remember if I cried:
I didn't cry, okay? I got street cred to maintain. What do you take me for?
Reminds me of:
Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey (1993), 10 Promises To My Dog (2008) and Muffin, the Shih Tzu we had who's now an ex-Shih Tzu. Poor Muffin.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
It's got heart and it's boosted by a great score by Jan Kaczmarek. You know I don't approve of soppy shyte so this one will hopefully surprise you.

Eugénie (1975, or is it 1970?)

2010-01-19T00:45:00.000-08:00

At a glance:
There seems to be an awful lot of movies out there titled Eugénie and they all seem to be classic erotica. Even this title had two or three variants and all by that artsy sicko Jess Franco, whose oeuvre of sex movies makes him very important in world cinema (for the uninitiated). Wotta guy! The movie I'm tellin you about here is adapted from a dirty book by Marquis de Sade and it revolves around a pretty (and pretty fragile) girl who begins a sadistic, incestuous affair with her writer stepfather. Together they go on a series of graphic and elaborate thrill kills (one of the victims is future Franco starlet Alice Arno in her first role for him, I read). The conflict comes when Eugénie falls in love with the next intended victim, a musician bloke. Themes are sadomasochism, disenfranchisement and jealousy.
Bad news on the doorstep:
If you're lookin for Tinto Brass nudity, then obviously this isn't it. Franco's works often depress. I feel like I'm lost in a wonderful garden and it's gettin late. Love the colours in this film, though.
Watch out for:
Soledad Miranda (born Soledad Rendón Bueno in Seville to Portuguese parents of Roman ancestry), better known by her stage names Soledad Miranda, Susann Korda and credited here as Susan Korday, pic, brunette), often said to be Franco's greatest discovery. He put her in some cult classics such as Count Dracula and Vampyros Lesbos. In this movie, you can see her exquisite nymph of a body (if you're into that sort of thing) when she's not busy huggin her knees all the time. Fragile beauty, she. A DVD box describes her as The beguiling beauty Soledad Miranda. Phwoar. Died in car accident with her husband at the wheel 1970, aged 27. In three more weeks I'm goin to outlive her. That is if zombies don't kill me in my sleep.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
I prefer somethin more immediate.

Deadly Delicious (2008) @ 女人有毒 @ 双食记

2010-01-18T23:43:00.000-08:00

At a glance:
Directorial debut of screenwriter Zhao Tian Yu, about two women, a man and how food can be an instrument of evil. Themes of infidelity and revenge. Reminds me of films like Thinner, Perfume and Chocolat. Decent premise, okay suspense.
Bad news on the doorstep:
The ladies - Yu Nan (left), Tuya's Marriage and Jiang Yi Yan, (right, Zhang Zi Yi lookalike) aren't too pretty and they sometimes look like each other. Other complaints I read concern distant characters and inconsequential dialogue. Francis Ng did his best, I guess. But the movie really needed somethin sicker or at least some token sex scenes.
Watch out for:
Terrapin beheadin on wooden choppin board with Chinese cleaver. Always nice to see. People need to be more unflinchin. Reminds me of the poor turtle in Cannibal Holocaust.
Most memorable line:
Ah I'll get back to you on this. Francis Ng orders a long list of funky gourmet shyte to impress his air-stewardess girlfriend.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Doesn't really hit the pyschological thriller high notes I'd like, though it is rather dark and sombre. At times, unanappetisingly cold, like some of the various dishes featured in the film. Better than what I'd expect from a commercial Mainland movie though.

Weather Girl (2009)

2010-01-10T22:14:00.000-08:00

At a glance:
Here's a synopsis: Sylvia is a Seattle morning show weather girl who learns that her boyfriend (who is the anchor of the show) has cheated on her. She freaks out on-air and is fired. Forced to move in with her little brother and to cope with being 35, single and unemployed, she begins an unlikely romance with a younger man - her brother's best friend.
Bad news on the doorstep:
It's really just an offbeat and borin comedy that doesn't work, starrin TV's Tricia O'Kelley (far right). She also produced it. Musta been a vanity project. She's not exceptionally beautiful and her role is more forgettable than last week's briyani. No sex. Nothin. Just look at the pic. Mediocrity comes in pearly white. Ugh.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Avoid this American bore. I could only do 30 minutes of it.

Heiran (2009) @ فیلم حیران

2010-01-09T08:35:00.000-08:00

At a glance:
If you go out with a guy your parents don't like, you might get grounded or have your iPod taken away. In some parts of the world, you might get gunned down with a Kalashnikov. Okay, I exaggerate. Like watchin Ingmar Bergman's Summer With Monika, the throes of young love aren't for the faint hearted, not in 1953 when that movie was made and certainly not in the present day either, especially if you follow the road director-scriptwriter Shalizeh Arefpour wants to takes you. Heiran (also Heiraan) is an indie gem that got its greatest exposure yet at the 2009 Toronto International Film Festival recently, chroniclin the difficult romance between one Afghani and one Irani from different worlds.
Bad news on the doorstep:
The version playin at GSC International Screens currently is not 35mm but some DV tape. Blur and difficult to enjoy.
Perennial wonderment:
Can Iranians make a more upbeat picture? Well to be fair, unlike some of the more geocentric films that had washed up on these shores recently (namely those 10 titles that ran at the 2008 Iranian Film Fest), Heiran has the advantage of a very universal theme in teenage romance but obviously this isn't your usual Hollywood boy-meets-girl. Thrown in with an immigration angle, we have a 17-year-old village girl Mahi (Baran Kosari) meetin, romancin and then chasin after Heiran (Mehrdad Sedighian) across checkpoints all over the desert. A press release explains: "During the rule of the Taliban in Afghanistan, about three million Afghans, who were mostly illegal immigrants, entered Iran; causing numerous problems for the Iranian society to accept them."
Reminds me of:
Café Setareh, Baran and Summer With Monika
Most memorable line:
"That's an Afghan for you - always on the run!"
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Half-useful look at a specific administrative problem in world affairs today, with some emotional hooks to keep the pace goin. Could've been an arduous movie like A Very Long Engagement if the director were French, but the "search" part of this movie isn't as long as some would want it to be. That's probably the director wantin to give more focus on the emigrant issue rather than a specific human story. Anyway, here's what Shalizeh Arefpour wanted you to know (in a statement from her): "The thing which can turn an emigrant to a resident, a resident to a dweller and a dweller to an owner is love. I tried to depict the issue of Afghan immigrants whose rights are being trampled along with the rights of my countrywomen."

Imaginarium Of Doctor Parnassus, The (2009)

2010-01-07T03:28:00.000-08:00

At a glance:
What a mouthful. The unquiet mind of Monty Python's Terry Gilliam has done it again. While Imaginarium is definitely more accessible than his Piano Tuner Of Earthquakes in 2005 (an impossible movie for most to understand, though it is rather beautiful), the project lacks the energy of his other works like Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas (1998) and will go down in the books mostly for being Heath Ledger's last appearance on the big screen. Not that it's not worth a watch. If anythin, the unfortunate death of Aussie star Heath Ledger (pic) this time last year has improved the movie, as the good director has been tellin the press that "the movie made itself" when initially he thought it was good as dead. Recruitin only friends of Ledger (Johnny Depp, Colin Firth and Jude Law, as adjudicated by Gilliam) to shoot the bits that he didn't get to complete, you know this movie wasn't easy to make, especially when you read that Depp had to cram all his scenes into just one day due to his attachment to Public Enemies at the time
Perennial wonderment:
There are reports that Ledger was monkeyin about in a scene and the director said to him "I know what you're doin... you're doin Johnny Depp!" How strange it must have felt for Depp when he learned this. The two do have similar qualities, don't they?
I can't remember if I cried:
When Ledger's character changes face for the first time, to Depp's. The character is Tony, a mysterious drifter who joins a nomadic theatre troupe led by the titular doctor (octogenarian Christopher Plummer, still recognisable as the captain in Sound Of Music). The old man is like an immortal eastern mystic and we learn he has made a deal with the devil (singer-songwriter Tom Waits) so together with dwarf assistant (Verne Troyer, who else?), illusionist Anton (Andrew Garfield, Boy A) and beautiful daughter Valentina (busty model Lily Cole), they must work to reverse a certain arrangement.
Most memorable line:
Maybe this was the problem. I don't remember any lines. Just a lot of talkin.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Like all of Gilliam's works, The Imaginarium Of Doctor Parnassus is impressive with a chance of engrossin, but operates at a wavelength beyond those whose appreciation for fantasy don't fall too far from, say Lord Of The Rings. Watchin Gilliam is like watchin Lynch and Burton at the same time. Well, at least we can respect old hand Gilliam for stickin to his integrity. After all, he did reportedly snub Tom Cruise when approached for one of the three replacement roles.

The Treasure Hunter (2009) @ 刺陵

2010-01-03T10:39:00.000-08:00

At a glance:
Kevin Chu's Treasure Hunter is basically how The Mummy gets an Asian treatment as Taiwanese tomb raiders go to Mainland China and frolic about in the deep desert to cook up some Indiana Jones adventure. To drive the picture, the Kung Fu Dunk director re-teams with regional pop prince Jay Chou and ropes in supermodel-turned-actress Lin Chi Ling, who finds time among boutique launches to star in another big picture after debutin in John Woo's Red Cliff.
Bad news on the doorstep:
I fell asleep watchin this. At least two abang photographer were snorin loudly at the Malaysian press preview. Can't decide if Storm Warriors is worse.
Perennial wonderment:
Poor Jay Chou. Fans mother him and keep him protected; his crossover pet project as a big screen actor has not been easy, considerin most older audiences won't give him the time of day. Since his relatively successful turn in Secret, the talented musician can't get any respect for starrin in Kung Fu Dunk and nobody likes the fact that he's Kato in the upcomin Green Hornet either instead of Stephen Chow. Media spotlight is heavy on a such a marketable star and many say the man (with a facial expressions range that is notoriously limited) ought to stick to what he knows best. Perhaps it's then a case of low expectations because Mr. Chou does manage to do better this time around. He has at least added one more broodin angle to his repertoire of looks as a devil-may-care, bike-ridin cowboy drifter who's also the guardian of an ancient city. Sadly, this movie is simply too derivative to be interestin.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?Perhaps in territories like China where the influx of Hollywood movies are capped and governed by law, everyone will think that Jay Chou crackin a whip is the birth of a new hero icon. The rest are probably just happy that he didn't spot a fedora. One and a half stars.

Deadly Blessing (1981)

2010-01-02T02:49:00.000-08:00

At a glance:
First film in which Sharon Stone (pic, centre) spoke. Deadly Blessing is Wes Craven's third title that contains many of the elements that would've made it a great 80s horror flick if not for a mind-bogglin endin that many didn't like. Also contains the only nude scene Battlestar Galactica siren Maren Jensen (pic, left) ever made, apparently. The other historically significant thing about this movie is that Ernest Borgnine (old guy with a 50-year career) won Worst Supporting Actor at the 1982 Razzies. What's it about? Three chicks facin the Amish-like, ancient Anatolian community called the Hittites (who didn't get good tourism cred in this movie, that's for sure).
Bad news on the doorstep:
Couldda had more substance about the Hittites, instead of the usual "no technology allowed" refrain. Story is very ordinary although it has the right feel.
Reminds me of:
The Children Of The Corn (1984)
Watch out for:
Snake in bath tub scene with Maren Jensen.
Most memorable line:
Vicky Anderson: "So who are these Hittites anyway, Amish, or what?"
Lana Marcus: "No connection. According to Martha, the Hittites make the Amish look like swingers."
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
A curio that has its place in horror collections. Like the James Horner score too.

Santau (2009)

2010-01-01T00:59:00.000-08:00

At a glance:
David Teo wanted RM 10 mil but a crowded release schedule won't have it. I think collection's close to 4 now. However the main point is that after 33 previous films, looks like local prolific powerhouse Metrowealth Movies Production (more often credited as Metrowealth International Group, MIG) finally got it right. With the release of Santau, Malaysian cinema can finally boast of a projected box office shockbuster that is solid as it is sound, and one that can travel regionally as a credible and entertainin supernatural horror flick, immediately betterin those pocong and kuntilanak efforts that pour in all too easily to these shores. Like watchin a movie adapted from a Stephen King book, Santau combines Malay occult practice with a tight story, decent editin, convincin traditional FX and an able lineup to offer a complete movie experience that was frankly woefully missin in part or in whole from previous MIG movies e.g. Jangan Pandang Belakang and Congkak. This time around, sudden loud noises, constant shriekin and overdone look-behind-you shots take a backseat to proper character development and scene resolution as we follow a married couple and their daughter who are all hexed by an unknown enemy.
Bad news on the doorstep:
There's the possibility that I'm endorsin this only because I'm happy it exceeded my expectations. You might still find it generic shyte.
Perennial wonderment:
If Malaysia will ever see a nude possession scene in a local film. All these clothes are a real nuisance to the occult feel.
Watch out for:
Putri Mardiana havin a Maggot & Rotten Egg happy meal! This newcomer may have a slightly limited range of emotions but her elaborate possession scenes make her an actress to look out for in upcomin projects. Her nervous housewife character Nina is the chief accursed and she's well supported by Esma Danial as the desperate husband Halim, while young Farisha Fatin gets an introduction as their confused child. At any point if the inconsistent performances by these actors threaten to show, all is well covered by a progressive story with complementin camerawork and some truly macabre makeup and special effects. Riezman Khuzaimi, Zul Handy Black and Bob Lokman also star in supportin roles. However, perhaps greenhorn director Azhari Zain and his immediate crew who are to be lauded for this wonderfully scripted effort.
Most memorable line:
Ustaz: "Apa agama engkau?"
Nina: "Majusi"
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Complete with customary twist and an extended climax overkill in exorcism ritual (not to mention without the token romantic subplots and other useless cinegredients that plague local horrors), Santau is chillingly effective like a local Drag Me To Hell and isn't too far off from bein the best thing Malaysia can yet hold up to classics like Exorcist and Poltergeist. Intense hair-raiser that could be remade with more violent, bitter black glory.

3 Idiots (2009)

2009-12-27T02:28:00.000-08:00

At a glance:
Finally, a movie that no reviewer can be faulted for pinnin five glowing stars to - Rajkumar Hirani's winsome 3 Idiots. Reunitin Rang De Basanti stars Aamir Khan (pic, centre), Sharman Joshi (pic, left) and Madhavan (pic, right), the Munnabhai maestro delivers an endearin crowd-pleaser that's substantial and more importantly, resoundingly entertainin. Backed by producer Vidhu Vinod Chopra and built on a refreshin source material in Cheetan Bhagat's 2004 novel Five Point Someone (a bestsellin English novel in India about three strugglin students at the Indian Institute of Technology in Delhi), looks like Bollywood saved the best for last in 2009's curtain frame. This is a triumphant picture in every sense of the word. Chroniclin varsity days never looked more fun than when a 44-year-old Aamir Khan plays Rancho, an avant-garde ME student at India's leadin university who knows the difference between gettin a degree and gettin an education. Told in flashbacks, we follow Raju (Sharman Joshi) and Farhan (Madhavan) as they track him down, years after he disappeared from uni mysteriously. Thrown in the mix are a colourful set of characters - the draconian, by-the-book Don King dean Viru Sahastrabudhhe (Boman Irani) they not-so-fondly dub Virus, his disillusioned daughter Pia (Kareena Kapoor) and also the unrelentin sore loser Chatur "Silencer" Ramalingam (Omi Vaidya) who insists that academic distinction is achieved solely by acin exams.
Reminds me of:
Uni days. The heart of the story is about missin out on fun and the true meanin of learnin, as most students in India (and obviously elsewhere) chase their parents dreams in pressure pots called universities. However, while this screen treatment can be preachy and overly simplistic at times, it's delightful narrative keeps the movie at a zoobi doobi pace, allowin the audience to overlook some of the more contrived and predictable sequences. There are only five music tracks (Aal Izz Well, Zoobi Doobi, Behti Hawa Sa Tha Woh, Give Me Some Sunshine and Jaane Nahin Denge) but they serve ever so well to keep the momentum of the adventure.
Most memorable line:
Rancho: "Chase excellence and success will follow you, pants-down."
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
It's truly a wonder how 3 Idiots can be successfully driven by three male leads with relatively little screen time for the only female lead played by Kareena Kapoor. End product is a memorable knockout picture that surely sits well with the handful of Hindi films in every 10 years or so that we concede as both commercially and critically acclaimed. Although the movie will be available for download on YouTube three months after its theatrical release (a move to fight piracy), this isn't a movie you would want to miss at the cinemas.

Men In White (2007) @ 鬼啊!鬼啊!

2009-12-26T11:10:00.000-08:00

At a glance:
Remember this crap? Men In White (note that two of the ghosts are actually women) mope about in an abandoned apartment, livin off mouldy oranges and grilled pork offerings. Our ghoulish misfits include, amongst others, the Hip-Kwan-Do (don't ask) gangsta-rappin twins played by Xavier Teo and Ben Yeung, a naggin old madam (Alice Lim), a young girl (Ling Lee, pic) and an obsessive badminton player (Shaun Chen). Stuck in a state of limbo and bored brainless, the lot of them go harassin the livin.
Bad news on the doorstep:
Told chapter by chapter (e.g. can ghosts fall in love?) in what must be an attempt to provide some semblance of structure, it first appears promisin. Soon, it just breezes by like a flurry of sketches, never havin somethin significant to say. If indeed insignificance is the very point, then I'd argue that even as light entertainment, it doesn't have that engagin quality which endears you to it. Contemporaries like Scary Movie 3 might have been infinitely shallower than this, but at least there are scenes we remember for a particular quality. The most arrestin this movie ever got was when the MTV clips came on because the songs were actually quite catchy.
Perennial wonderment:
Kelvin Tong (the only Singaporean director whom I can attest to be a nice guy), found early success with his horror hit The Maid but here he shot off in as many directions he could, all at once. Employin a young cast of pretty faces not mainly known for their actin, he's managed to create an image for this film which invites you to speculate on its content. Infused with a particular blend of Hokkien, English, Cantonese and Mandarin dialogue which is exclusive to people who live in conditions where they hear all four, one does feel that the target audience is restricted to only the two Chinese diaspora on either side of the causeway. It's a good thing Tong went on to shoot a decent horror in Rule #1 and we're now waitin for his Kidnapper, due 2010.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Men In White doesn't cut it as a rewardin social commentary. It isn't purely slapstick comedy either. What it does feel like is a well-financed, independent pilot episode of what could be a weekly half-an-hour sitcom series, reekin of esoteric Singaporeana and forever lost in translation to those who can't figure out why car accidents and 4D opportunities are so hilarious. With its overdone personalities and uneven execution, Men In White never took itself seriously. We shouldn't either.

Barbed Wire Dolls (1975) @ Frauengefängnis

2009-12-10T09:56:00.000-08:00

At a glance:
The less is said about these old exploitation films, the better. However as a Women In Prison (WIP) product, apparently there is a historical importance in movies like these. They're made because floggin and other types of torture were outlawed in commercial porno but people still had to get their S&M fix somehow, innit? In this Jess Franco flick, his real life playthin Lina Romay is a girl who accidentally kills her dad (Franco himself) as she was defendin herself from incestuous rape. In jail, she meets a loony dominatrix wardress (Monica Swinn in hotpants with a monocle) and various other oversexed lesbians or in-house psychos, as she learns about the corrupt, self-subsistin penitentiary.
Bad news on the doorstep:
Maybe this would be wonderful viewin in those days but the shock value here isn't really felt. I can't believe how many reviews they are out there discussin this movie's merits. Borin bollocks. Prefer those Pam Grier movies.
Reminds me of:
Thriller: A Cruel Picture but at least that was interestin.
Watch out for:
Ridiculous slo-mo rape chase scene. Wtf. Instead of shootin it in slo-mo, they actually did everythin slowly.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Schlockmeister supreme Jesus Franco is one man who can make nudity borin. In a movie with scenes of cigarette-aided masturbation and nude electrocution, I can't believe it's so difficult to finish watchin this movie.

Scary Movie 3 (2003)

2009-12-09T12:51:00.000-08:00

At a glance:
Spoofin horror movies never got a better billin than the Scary Movie franchise. Among the parodied are Signs, Gothika, 8 Mile, The Matrix and The Ring it seems.
Bad news on the doorstep:
Hate this mind-numbin bollocks. Watched the openin scene to ogle at Jenny McCarthy and Pammy Anderson in their see-through shirts - my fantasy blondes as a pimply teen. The rest of the show can go in the bin.
Perennial wonderment:
If the Movie movies will ever stop. By the way, there's a Scary Movie 5 bein reported on IMDb.
Reminds me of:
The VCD era in Malaysia. Ain't worth the polycarbonate its burned on.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?

The Storm Warriors (2009) @ 风云II

2009-12-07T02:00:00.000-08:00

At a glance:
Storm Warriors has a lot of fans. We have the type who read the 1989 source material and saw the first movie. Then we have the electronic type that are brought in by the producers in large numbers to blow at Aaron Kwok and Ekin Cheng's hair. More graphic novel movie than martial arts epic, this sequel to 1998's HK cinema milestone Storm Riders is the greatest incarnation of Ma Wing Shing's celebrated Fung Wan comic and nothin short of box office blitz is expected when entrusted in the able hands of directors Danny and Oxide Pang. However, when the brothers themselves tell you that no decent movie critic can avoid comparin this wuxia reupdate to that Spartan SFX feast 300 because it uses the same software (!) that's when you know you have a novelty movie in your hands. Indeed it's special effects before story as we're swirled and twirled into the windy world of Nip Fung (Ekin Cheng) and Bou Keng Wan (Aaron Kwok) as the two heroes (and their emo hair) return to the silver screen after so long to battle evil once more. The story starts off coherently with some reference to the first movie and we are soon made to understand that this will be a two-hour battle with Wind, Cloud and Nameless (Kenny Ho, pic) against evil Lord Godless (Simon Yam) and his equally evil son Heart (Nicholas Tse). Layabout Piggy King (Lam Suet) joins the story later on, together with Lord Wicked (Kenny Wong Tak Bun), Second Dream (Charlene Choi) and Chu Chu (Tang Yan).
Bad news on the doorstep:
However, this synopsis is too simple - or frankly, unnecessary. In a CGI-heavy project such as this, too much have gone into dazzle and the story predictably suffers. Borin, really. Aside from Aaron Kwok who sustained some over-reported injuries, the supportin cast have little to do. That's why you won't mind soft porn actor Kenny Wong as an armless sifu or cute newcomer Tang Yan, who replaces Shu Qi as Cloud's romantic interest Chu Chu to no useful effect.
Perennial wonderment:
Ekin Cheng and Aaron Kwok never age.
Watch out for:
Incredibly bad actin by Ekin Cheng before the movie ends. Poor.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
I slept through this movie TWICE. Let the next one be better, since we know Ekin and Aaron will still look young enough to do it.

Basil (1998)

2009-11-30T09:23:00.000-08:00

At a glance:
Apparently based on a decent 1852 novel by Victorian writer Wilkie Collins, The Count Of Monte Cristo meets The Man In The Iron Mask in this predictable period drama about a sheltered nobleman's son named Basil, played by prettyboy Jared Leto. Christian Slater's in there too, together with the exquisite Claire Forlani.
Bad news on the doorstep:
An IMDb user rightly jested: The reason why the two lead roles are played by Americans is because no self-respectin British actor would be caught dead in this movie. That's harsh but it's probably not too far from the truth. The whole flick is close to two hours but the elements in it are dry and derivative, despite the period detail.
Perennial wonderment:
Claire Forlani - do you think she's as slutty as she looks in real life?
Watch out for:
A visual of a woman lyin on the floor, post-abortion. This caused the movie to get the R-ratin, apparently.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
You can watch it for the performances.

Mulan (2009) @ 花木兰

2009-11-26T09:56:00.000-08:00

At a glance:
Disney days like these, it's hard to get a good adaptation that satisfies the senses and still educates the young. Good thing then that the oft-told legend of ancient woman warrior Fa Mu Lan is in many ways, a wonderful fairy tale. The subject matter (a girl who goes to war disguised as a man to keep her enlisted father safe at home) has produced some wonderful films; Shaw Brother's 1964 huangmei classic Lady General Hua Mulan and also the American animation treatment ten years ago, Mulan come to mind. For this Jingle Ma Hong Kong addition, we're very lucky to have the talented Vicki Zhao a.k.a. Zhao Wei (the Red Cliff movies) leadin the lineup in more ways than one. It was always goin to be a battle to tell a story as tough as Mu Lan's.
Bad news on the doorstep:
This one took the easy way out by focusin on the romantic aspects. Whole project seems like a rush job (note remarkably uneventful openin sequence) with uneven focus and excessive emo downtime (intrusive violin score). Mulan is epic only in costume and settin, but little else, especially if you're lookin for a memorable sword-and-sandal adventure. While Vicki (pic, R) may win over enough feminist sympathisers with this performance, the movie does her no justice by skippin past the powerful turns in the movie, investin in teary scenes when the audience have yet to be convincingly let in on the magnitude of her sacrifice, or war, or love for that matter. Her pairin with Chen Kun (pic, L, I think he was in Painted Skin) is flat because the romance between Mu Lan and fellow soldier Wen Tai is brief and underdeveloped. As for the rest of the cast, Jaycee Chan (Invisible Target) gets to play a blunderin footman in yet another likeable loser role, while Hu Jun (Everlasting Regret) is the one who ends up havin a meatier turn as the villainous general. The prominently announced part of CJ7 tomboy Xu Jiao as the young Mu Lan is only a brief, token show while the bizarre appearance of a Caucasian character (A Russian singer called Vitas) is also questionable.
Perennial wonderment:
If next year's Chow Yun Fatt biopic Confucius can return the great epics to Hong Kong cinema credentials. This one sure didn't do nothin for me.
Watch out for:
Vicki Zhao. The 33-year-old China-born actress knows how to put on a show. Blessed with big, bright eyes and a soft demeanour but ever-willin to do some bruisin ass-kickin in recent films, her rise to stardom is probably just as spectacular as her titular character if you go cross-century. However, her screen appeal is the singular drivin force behind this effort.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
2009's Mulan isn't an essential watch, though it does have a few Joan Of Arc moments. Best remembered as a good vehicle for Vicki Zhao's risin star. Watch out for her in the upcomin 14 Blades opposite Donnie Yen.

La Môme (2007) @ La Vie En Rose

2009-11-25T23:53:00.000-08:00

At a glance:
Some years ago I discovered a CD left lyin on top of a pile of garbage outside a charity shop in Crookes, Sheffield. I fell in love with the music ever since and today find myself reviewin this film, a grand biopic of the talent and the tragedy that was, and forever is, Édith Piaf - widely regarded as the greatest singer ever in French history and someone that nobody ought to be embarrassed for gushin over. But this review isn't about me. It's about Édith. Therein lies the dilemma - how do I proceed to tell you about a film that presumes knowledge on the part of the audience about her? Do I give you a history lesson (by most accounts, at least) on little Édith bein an abandoned child who was raised by whores in a brothel? Or do I tell you about the blindness, murders, lovers, circus shows and drugs that lent character to the peerless voice that delivered La Vie En Rose? The film brings you all this inside 140 minutes of sorrow and song, which will feel either too long or too short dependin on your attention span for somethin so vast such as the lifetime of a person, and not just any person, but a damaged soul who was also physically ill. We see Édith (Marion Cotillard) survive an impossibly difficult childhood to grow into the monumental talent that she was, from sidewalk shows and cabaret gigs to bein the headliner at the Paris Olympia concert hall. Among the people colourin her life were her father (Jean-Paul Rouve), her caretaker (Emmanuelle Seigner), her discoverer, (Gérard Depardieu), her manager, (Pascal Greggory), her lover Marcel (Jean-Pierre Martins) and her best friend (Sylvie Testud) - but the greatest hue here imbued lay within the indomitable Piaf herself, who defiantly asks "What’s the point of being Édith Piaf if I can't do what I want?"
Bad news on the doorstep:
Complaints for La Môme could be on points on length, but biopics are about someone’s lifetime after all. The better problem would be of rhythm because some may be quite unsettled by the jumpin back and forth between young Édith and old Édith.
Reminds me of:
Frida, Queen Margot, What’s Love Got To Do With It?
Watch out for:
In Marion Cotillard we see the best female lead performance since Nicole Kidman in The Hours. She embodied Piaf to a maddenin perfection, actin everyone out of sight, Depardieu included, and you wouldn’t recognise her from the perky-titted temptress in the Taxi film series. Her joltin mimes were exceedingly convincin but wouldn’t you be interested to know that Édith Piaf’s real voice was used whenever possible because it was simply so inimitable! For this performance, Cotillard took a BAFTA, a César Award and a Golden Globe, not to mention she became the first actress to win an Oscar for a French language performance.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Do I dare disclose that the endin took two teardrops out of me? La Môme stretches and in many scenes, even reaches, but is disadvantaged by havin too great a subject to truly capture, let alone cover. In that respect, strangely, you could even say the film is exactly like Édith, that it had a voice which will forever be greater than the body carryin it. However, it was always a film that needed to be made. Non, je ne regrette rien.

Jalang (2009)

2009-11-24T22:40:00.000-08:00

Hi. I'm a slut. I like to fuck Datuks to close business deals.

At a glance:
Hilarious drama gone wrong. Are there nostalgic apologists out there among our Malaysian filmmakers who thought this movie would be a good idea to reinstate the word that was dropped more than 15 years ago in U-Wei's Perempuan, Isteri Dan... ? If you bravely open a movie with a Koranic verse as part of the title card i.e. Surah Al-Isra Verse 32 ("And come not near to the unlawful sexual intercourse. Verily, it is a great sin and an evil way"), then you really ought to make that movie somethin really substantial and far-reachin. Unfortunately, not only is the final product lackin in any academic credentials, it's also a hollow attempt at didactic values. It's original fierce title Taubat Jalang: Neraca Dunia sounds like an epic moral struggle but the movie ain't much more than a Langkawi adventure about a young corporate woman who likes fuckin Datuks to close business deals.
Bad news on the doorstep:
What's truly shockin about Jalang is that the 21-year-old lead actress entrusted with this titular burden is neither proverbially nor physically capable at executin it. Her Arabic-Malay-Pakistani pedigree gives her somethin towards gettin the looks down but this maiden role is heavily blighted by laughable over-actin, under-actin and well, basically actin - she's all to obvious as someone who just walked onto the set. We can be kinder to someone who's new to the industry. What we can't accept is how a substantial project like Jalang gets greenlit with an unrealistic theatre script that anybody who has ever been to a cinema can point out to be a bad TV movie? O the shame. Not only do we get an ineffective script, we waste a cast that can be formidable if given the right treatment. Hairie Othman's (Leftenan Adnan, 2000) return to the limelight surely disappoints anybody who knows his calibre. In Jalang, he plays Ben Adam, the whore's best friend who offers a way out. Too bad his effort ain't matched by Yasmin Khanif. Another old hand, Faizal Hussein (XX Ray, 1992) gets wasted in a five-minute fight as a drug pusher. However, the fact that he was so memorable in this five minutes ("Hei, kamu ingat saya jual baja taik ayam ke, hah?") goes to show how grossly uneven this movie is and that director Nazir Jamaluddin could've been more creative with his resources. Thankfully, some actors like Yang Kassim (woman-hatin PI with a score to settle) was brave enough to go OTT with a strangely entertainin performance as villain Ali Topan.
Watch out for:
Yasmin Khanif's horrible actin. The makers could've at least played up some sex. Then again, stretch marks on her breasts were visible, so what's there to sell, eh?
Most memorable line:
"Maria, kenapa ni? Kenapa malu-malu? After all, ini bukannya first time.."
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
One star for Ali Topan. In any case, this ain't the end of the road. New production house De Baron have many more projects to come, the most eye-catchin bein Datin Ghairah, a movie that follows Jalang at least in terms of shock value movie-titlin. Yasmin Khanif will also have a second chance to improve her act with Blues Untuk Aku, another upcomin title.
Trailer for the curious:

Bonus material:

Close enough to where it belongs.

Astro Boy (2009)

2009-11-17T09:27:00.000-08:00

At a glance:
Let's not have a review meant for those who do follow Tezuka Osamu's 1952 manga or its derivatives. Let's have a review meant for anyone who buys a ticket to a cartoon movie in which a boy shoots bullets from his butt. On that level, Astro Boy (also available in Cantonese in some territories, with Nic Cage's part voiced by Aaron Kwok) is a moderately successful project that is by most counts, highly enjoyable. Although it borrows from various animated movies of late (notably the robot junk dystopia in Wall-E and the artwork in The Iron Giant), this Hollywood-style Astro Boy manages to keep it simple and short, going for time-tested emotional hooks and easy-flowing pacin.
Bad news on the doorstep:
While the Imagi Animation artwork won't dazzle like Disney's, the movie amply makes up for it by bankin on a solid, if ordinary, story about how bringin somethin to life against the order of nature may have its drawbacks. We're not lookin at Pet Sematary or Igor here. We're lookin at the seasonal, more-human-than-human arc that leans more towards the romanticism in Electric Dreams (computer), Pinocchio (doll) and Mannequin (doll).
Perennial wonderment:
How much thought goes into voice castin, I wonder? Sometimes they get it right, sometimes they don't. In terms of castin, Nicolas Cage's outrageously soulful persona emanates well when voicin the regretful father Dr. Tenma, a brilliant scientist who loses his son Toby and decides to bring him back to life as a cyborg. As Astro Boy (Freddie Highmore, Charlie in Charlie And The Chocolate Factory), the kid struggles to find his place in the world due to his uncomfortably identity. Bill Nighy (Love Actually) voices a wise professor and Nathan Lane (Timon in The Lion King is a fatherly inventor. They even got Samuel L Jackson to lend his voice for a giant robot named Zog.
Watch out for:
A trio of English robots with London accents. Hilarious.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Director David Bowers and screenwriter Timothy Harris gave this Japanese product a very marketable treatment. Although Astro Boy follows the same pattern as Dragonball Evolution and Speed Racer (other American-produced films based on Japanese sources which failed in their land of origin but sold well in China), it isn't a bad watch at all considerin the number of animated features out there who are tryin (and failin) so hard to rival Disney. Pin this one down as a memorable effort towards that cause.

Maria Larsson's Everlasting Moments (2008) @ Maria Larssons Eviga Ögonblick

2009-11-11T10:19:00.000-08:00

At a glance:
Sweden's proud submission for Best Foreign Language Pic at this year's Academy Awards, Maria Larsson's Everlasting Moments really do seem to last forever, clockin a 131-minute runtime filled with socialist sentiments, early photography techniques and a whole lot of 1900s alcoholism, infidelity and domestic violence. Not to be confused as the biopic of a current Swedish politician, the oft-reviewed period drama is a semi-rewardin foray into the true story of a laundry woman living in those times who won a camera in a lottery and pursued the art of masterin the curious contraption as a hobby, despite her surroundin poverty and matrimonial problems.
Bad news on the doorstep:
Perhaps due to it being an adaptation from research and interviews conducted between the director's wife and the daughter of the 19th century woman, a story as real as Maria Larsson's will give rise to uneven attention bein paid to a whole volume of events, especially without an expert touch. Director Jan Troell's product is a subtle drama without much darkness or humour, resultin in an insightful but ultimately mediocre experience in terms of full-epic impact.
Reminds me of:
Angela's Ashes with Robert Carlyle.
Watch out for:
The titular lead played by Maria Heiskanen is half the strength of the film, a character which other reviewers have described as bein afforded an Imelda Staunton-like portrayal with equal ease in carryin angst and tenderness. However a much more visually-arrestin character is her drunkard wife-beater of a husband Sigfried, played by a faultless Mikael Persbrandt (pic). You know a good actor when you fail to hate his character despite him doing some truly horrendous things. The other prominent part is photo shop enthusiast Sebastian Pedersen (Jesper Christensen), who plays a kind man fuellin Maria's love for the lens and ends up falling for her.
Most memorable line:
This is what I mean by the lack of epic strength. Can't think of one.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Perhaps this is an eye-opener to study his other works such as The Emigrants, Here's Your Life, Hamsun and The New Land. For now this is a effort.

Alone (2007) @ แฝด

2009-11-10T03:28:00.000-08:00

At a glance:
Reunitin the directin duo behind the phenomenal horror hit Shutter, I remember this 2007 picture best by my mother's screamin across GSC Mid Valley Hall 10 throughout the whole show. It premiered here in Kuala Lumpur with the directors and the lead actress in attendance. Well to be honest, they hung about for 10 minutes, gave some prizes away and left for Genting. The story? We follow Pim, a successful socialite in Korea who receives news about her ailin mum back in home country Thailand. She makes a dreaded return there, together with lovin husband Vee and soon the couple find themselves stayin at Pim's childhood home. It's here that we learn about Pim bein a Siamese twin who had a sister, Ploy, now dead to the world after failin to survive the operation to separate them. Before long, the pangs of fear over the phantom twin emerge as Pim wrestles to understand the mystery behind frightful sightings of Ploy around the old house. Guilt complex and hallucinatory psychosis, or evil undead and paranormal hauntin?
Bad news on the doorstep:
The terror in Alone is built mostly on sound effects and sudden 'ghost-in-the-mirror' shots. I wouldn't deny that they are quite scary, if only because they was very, very loud.
Reminds me of:
When Marsha taught me that a man should say sawatikap instead of sawatika. Actually I'm still not sure if I got that right.
Watch out for:
Chiselled German-Thai lead actress Marion Ursula Marsha Wattanapanich. Heard some ooo's in the crowd when a bathtub scene was snipped. Contemporary scream queens in the mould of Angelica Lee and Christina Ricci have never actually been lookers or supermodels, talented as they are. Marsha is, although she has this masculine aura to her.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Scream factor is high and although execution may not rival Shutter (I also feel we could've had better subtitlin), Alone gets my for 94 minutes of very decent horror, plotholes or not. Directors Parkpoom and Banjong said that the success or failure of the 2008 US remake for Shutter would only serve to draw attention to the original. Alone ought to have gotten the same treatment but I haven't heard news about it. All I know is that Phobia 2 has Marsha in it and she plays herself in Alone 2 for that last comedy vignette, mockin the imaginary sequel and also horror movie cliches. That was quite humourous.

Maut (2009) @ Malaikat Maut

2009-11-09T00:33:00.000-08:00

At a glance:
Earlier this year, a new Malay movie played. It wasn't about petty love triangles, haunted houses or MTV mermaids. Three hurrahs for hope! From past movies such as Gangster, Castello and KL Menjerit, we know director Bade Azmi is obsessed with dark elements of social disintegration. However works such as Syaitan and now Maut hint towards a fascination with the supernatural as well, a sort of ponderin on religious anxieties. Kudos to Bade for keepin up! A throwback to almost 50 years ago in the Jamil Sulong's black-and-white Isi Neraka, this Maut studies Man and the afterlife through a three-part story punctuated by months of the Moslem calendar. Chroniclin the twisted destinies of a stranger on a bus, a sinful air stewardess and an angry youth obsessed with gothic black metal, Maut plays judge, jury and executioner; deliverin a compellin story beyond today's industry norms. Well, that's how they sold it anyway.
Bad news on the doorstep:
In all three vignettes, the element of death is obvious but the strange character arcs leave the audience no chance to emphatise with them. Maybe the director intended to neglect this aspect to further stress the malang tidak berbau theme.
Perennial wonderment:
When we learned that the original title was the much more intriguin Malaikat Maut, one can't help but wonder just how far we've come in terms of creative license vis-à-vis the Lembaga Penapisan Filem, the vanguard of our Malaysian moral fidelity. It's almost as if the compromise instantly changed the texture of the original film. What's wrong with the title and which one better describes the movie's content? The director's wish to create a fiction that's meaningful and true to its concept met many marketin problems, leadin us to believe that this finished product isn't the masterpiece he had in mind.
I can't remember if I cried:
An invasive disclaimer appears in the middle of a scene to lecture us on faith when we're busy watchin Sabrina Hassan bein chased by a CGI cobra. Is this the compromise reached just to satisfy the 'U' classification?
Watch out for:
Que Haidar. Really startin to rise heaps and bounds above what we know as local standards of talent. Even his face brings to mind memories of the late Sudirman. We also learn that Fouziah Ghous can do natural. Meanwhile, newcomer Sabrina Hassan plays a lead role for the first time and is still findin maturity - she needs to be seen and not heard in this movie.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Bade Azmi may have hurled a Waja into the Sentul drain for action but Maut has lost some of the supernatural elements that we were promised as a drama. Then again, the plot structure and the religious elements are somethin you don't get to see every day. That oughtta knock some sense into those recent New Year sex party revellers who were arrested.

Raging Phoenix (2009) @ จีจ้า ดื้อสวยดุ

2009-11-08T01:04:00.000-08:00

At a glance:
Drunken Master (1978) meets Only The Strong (1993) in a female version of Ong Bak (2003) with a dollop of unnecessary Perfume: The Story Of A Murderer (2006) - that's what you get if you give martial arts wunderkind Jeeja Yanin another run at the cinemas after Chocolate a.k.a. Fury (2008). With a Siamese title that translates to "stubborn, beautiful and fierce" (or so I read), this joins the recent rich vein of Thai action movies that hold their own against the Hollywood stuff. Jeeja plays Deu, a pathetic, punk-rock drifter who joins a group of dancin drunken fighters on their vengeful mission of rescuin abducted women from a mysterious flesh trade gang. This vigilante trio (offensively named Pig Shit, Dog Shit and Bull Shit) is headed by another bitter bloke named Sanim (played by French-Vietnamese fighter Patrick "Kazu" Tang, pic, L). You can forget about Marc Dacascos and his capoeira once this lot starts kickin ass, especially in the flurry of fight scenes in the first quarter of the movie.
Bad news on the doorstep:
In spite of good lensin and breathtakin backdrop, all of the meticulously choreographed fight action is hampered by an uncomfortable packagin that tries to cover romance and some hocus-pocus mystical backstory as well, resultin in an overlong final product with an extended climax and an unnecessarily elaborate endin. This decision takes out a lot of energy out of the movie, leavin audiences with a martial arts flick that is enjoyable in patches only.
Perennial wonderment:
If Thai movies can ever stop it with the invasive background music. This one sounds slightly better. Plus it has a real score too I think.
Watch out for:
Star of the show Jeeja Yanin (pic, R). She's cute (though slightly annoyin) and she sure can put up a helluva fight. Utilisin a real-life Siamese discipline called meiraiyuth, her character convincingly embraces the art and gives us somethin awesome to marvel at in every frame. However the most interestin sequence is at an abandoned skate park where Kazu does some amazin work.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Let's hope Jeeja Yanin's next project is much better and will bring her into Hollywood circles because this Thai talent is more marketable than Tony Jaa.

Black Devil Doll (2007)

2009-11-07T08:00:00.000-08:00

At a glance:
Remember Child's Play (1988)? Blaxploitation lives but this really ought to have been better. Story? A negro version of Chucky fucks and kills busty sluts. Made by Lewis brothers Shawn and Jonathan, two cats who did manage to get the DVD some heavy online presence. Check out their website.
Bad news on the doorstep:
Intentionally bad. Incoherent. Degenerate. Lazy. Empty. It's artistic goal is to offend people and get all the publicity it can.
Reminds me of:
The best blaxploitation movie ever made - Superfly (1972).
Watch out for:
Mayonnaise sex, cheap fake blood, wet t-shirt car wash etc.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?One star. They couldda made it more fun but at least the muppets left us with a good list of evil doll movies on their MySpace. Dead Of Night (1945), (1962), The Twilight Zone: The DummyThe Twilight Zone: Living Doll (1963), The Twilight Zone: Caesar And Me (1964), Devil Doll (1964), Trilogy Of Terror (1975), Let My Puppets Come (1976), Magic (1978), Black Devil Doll From Hell (1984), Attack Of The Beast Creatures (1985), Dolls (1988), Puppet Master (1989), Meet The Feebles (1989), (1991), Demonic ToysDolly Dearest (1992), Dollman vs Demonic Toys (1993), Tales From The Hood (1995), Pinocchio’s Revenge (1996), Blood Dolls (1999), Rag Doll (1999), Team America (2004), Dead Silence (2007). You could watch this one on fast forward, I guess.
Trailer for the curious:

London Dreams (2009)

2009-11-06T00:38:00.000-08:00

At a glance:
Namastey London director Vipul Amrutlal Shah continues his fascination with the English capital and trades his favourite actor Akshay Kumar for two able leadin men in Salman Khan and Ajay Devgan with London Dreams, an aptly-titled musical caper that reunites the duo some ten years after Straight From The Heart. Pic opened head-to-head with another Deepavali release Aladin and if BO figures and critic reviews are anythin to go by, is the superior of the two. London Dreams are shared by Arjun (what's with this name and Vipul?) and Mannu, two childhood friends who find fame and fortune after a bit of Punjab village backstory. However, their bond is severely tested when the determined one is not the more talented one, while Chennai dancer Priya (Asin Thottumkal) introduces a love triangle.
Bad news on the doorstep:
Lead actress Asin is the sorest point of the movie. She ain't improved from Ghajini and delivers an unconvincin, stutterin performance when flanked by two established stars. Underutilised supportin characters include bandmates Zoheb (Rannvijay Singh) and Wasim (Aditya Roy Kapoor), while veteran Om Puri gets a cameo as a disapprovin uncle. Addin to the mediocrity is a lacklustre score by Shankar-Ehasan-Loy (would it have been a different movie if A.R. Rahman didn't fall out of the project?) which is found wantin especially in the buildup to the climaxin showdown at Wembley, itself an almost farcical drama overkill, complete with water bottle shower. Music lacks a certain energy to it; Barson Yaaron, Yaari Bina and Tapkey Masti just pass us by while Khanabadosh and Man Ko Ati Bhavey manages to be slightly more sprightly.
Watch out for:
Devgan (successfully breakin out from the action hero mould), who puts in a heartfelt performance of angst and aggression; and Khan, more than comfortable playin a lackadaisical but hilarious, simpleton womaniser who is blessed with talent but not the ambition to use it.
Most memorable line:
Mannu: "Every year, a Manjit or two get married here."
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
London Dreams is best remembered for a strong chemistry between the two leads and for providin a second revivalist injection to Salman Khan's star appeal after Wanted earlier this year. Asin can go back to Kerala.